So Peeved

So this may be offensive to some of you, so if you come here just to leave insults or anything, continue on your way. This is my blog and my thoughts, and you can leave how you feel or think, but don't insult me.

Okay, so we have a patient at the office who is visually impaired and actually had my mom as her teacher in high school..She has 3 stair step children..she has NEVER had a miscarriage or trouble conceiving. Her husband is pizza delivery man, she does not work. They live off the governments hand-outs and anything else free they can get. I don't judge them, it's just the facts. She believes in long term breastfeeding (child-led weaning) which she tells me she would have continued if it weren't for the back-to-back pregnancies. She believes in the "quiver-full" movement. Basically, in the Bible (the old testament) there is a scripture that talks about having a "quiver-full" of children. I think this is part of what the Duggars believe (the 19 kids and counting family). She and her husband believe that they will keep having children until God tells them to stop. Fine. Do that. But 1) don't look down on people who only want as many children as they can afford to give a good home too and 2) don't try to tell me how I need to "pray the infertility away."

She brought a book to me in the office last week called "Christ Centered Childbirth." Which I thought would be pretty awesome, like a daily affirmations type of thing. Uh, not so much. I am Christian. I will tell anyone who will listen. But, I am not going to tell you how to go about getting pregnant, adopting, or birthing your child. This book did. This book, that she gave me, knowing about our 5 miscarriages, and the heartache we have had getting pregnant, did that. The first part of the book talks about the miracle of life, getting pregnant. And it goes on to say that we should not go about trying to play God by looking at other ways to becoming parents. And that infertility or trouble getting pregnant is a "fault" issue. As in, we are at fault because I couldn't stay pregnant. And it said that I will have to "reconcile with God" at the end of days because we sought out "mans help" instead of just praying that the m/c would stop. You have no idea how much we prayed, screamed, cried, we're on our knees begging God for a baby. I begged God not to take one more baby from me, to not let me go through another miscarriage. I prayed to die after our last miscarriage because I didn't know if I could survive it. So don't tell me that because we finally found a doctor that can help us, that I will have to reconcile that with God. God knows. And God sent us Dr. J, and then sent us this beautiful, gorgeous creation, our daughter. And God put us through those 5 miscarriages for a reason (though I'm not entirely sure why yet). Also, if God didn't want us to find Dr. J, why did he put him right in front of us? Why did he make RE's and specialists? Hmm..doesn't say anything about that in the book. And since my parents sought out adoption as a way to become parents, will they also have to "reconcile" that with God? I'm pretty sure he sent me to them. How dare these people judge ANYONE who has trouble having babies. That was the end of the book for me..or so I thought. Until I opened it to the "birthing alternatives." Oh jeez. Now, again, this is my opinion..But I will be using medical interventions to control the pain. I have a low pain tolerance when it comes to things like, oh, stubbing my toe, let alone pushing a baby out of my lady-parts. Epidural? Yes please. But, that's me. I have many friends who have gone all natural, used hypnobirthing, etc. And I think that's awesome, and if I could do it, I completely would. BUT, it's not me. And I believe in using alternative techniques until I can't handle the pain. This book basically says that every intervention is wrong, including fetal monitors, sweeping the bag of waters, breaking the bag of waters, versions, epidurals, any kind of narcotic pain medication, anything except....prayer. Yep. Apparently you can pray the pain away just like we should have been able to pray away our infertility. Maybe some people do have this much self control. I am not one of them. There will be prayers. There are prayers already being said daily for this baby. For me. For my husband. But when I'm in labor, and in pain like I've never felt before, I will be using pain killers. The patient doesn't come back for another 2 weeks, and when I hand her the book back, I will be telling her that I was actually kind of insulted. And I'll ask her if she's ever read it. And tell her that I hope she never, EVER has to go through the pain we've had to endure. And I'll tell her that I cherish every symptom, every pain, every stretchmark, every worry, every tear of joy, every tear of fear, every smile on my husband's face when he looks and talks to my belly, every prayer said in our baby's name, every prayer I send to God thanking him for this miracle...and that I hope she can do the same.