Housebound (2014)

Today's film is Housebound.  It comes all the way from New Zealand.  This is one of those movies that I can watch over and over and still be entertained.  It is great!

One of the best aspects about this film is that is seamlessly mixes horror and comedy.  Are there ghosts in the house?  Or is it something even worse?  Our main character is trapped in the house due to being on house arrest.  She may be going stir crazy from being trapped in there, but she is definitely not alone in the house.

There are also many plot twists in this film.  Some you will never see coming!   Even after you watch the film the first time, and you know all the twists, the movie is still fun to watch.  As a horror movie, there are many scary elements, but as a comedy movie, we know it will have a good ending.  I highly recommend watching this film.  I will give it a 9/10.

The Revenant (2015)

Today's film is The Revenant.  We finally get to see a film that Leo gets his Oscar for.

Wow!  Let's talk about how beautiful Argentina is.  The real story of Hugh Glass takes place near South Dakota and Canada, but it was too hot during the time of filming.  So they moved it way down south to a similar climate.  Isn't it amazing that the further south you go, it turns into winter? That's crazy.  This film had the most beautiful scenery, and it was 90% natural lit.  They only used artificial lights during campfire scenes.  This makes me really want to go camping down there.  Just gorgeous.


This film is the mostly true story of Hugh Glass, a fur trapper up in the Dakotas.  He was attacked by a bear and left for dead by his group.  They even took several supplies and his gun so he was even worse off.  Through sheer determination, he somehow crawled 200 miles to the nearest fort and survived.  In real life, he was unable to do anything to the people who abandoned him, but in the film he gets his sweet revenge.

Leo really ramped up his acting skills in order to hopefully win an Oscar.  And it paid off.  Much of the time, he was alone in the woods, so he had no one to bounce off of. He couldn't even speak part of the time due to his throat injury.  And we still got to see the struggles he faced.  Amazing.

We don't know how historically accurate this is because, honestly, not much is written about Hugh Glass.  There is no record of any wife or children, but that doesn't mean there were none.  All we really know is what company he worked for, who was in his party, and that he survived a traumatic bear attack.  But his determination to survive against all odds is truly inspiring.  He is a true badass.  I will give this film an 8/10.

Finding Dory (2016)

I finally got to see Finding Dory in the theater!  I am excited.  I really liked the movie Finding Nemo, I thought it was colorful and full of heart.  Dory is my favorite character.

Finding Dory expects you to have already seen the first movie.  They don't bother to re-introduce the characters, it just launches straight into Dory's quest to find her parents.  Dory has short term memory loss, and after years of being away from her parents, starts to remember things about her past.

Her parents lived at the Marine Life Institute in California, which is a really long way from Australia. Dory, Marlin and Nemo all hitch a ride on the sea turtles on the EAC.  There's no plot at all between the two places, all the action takes place in California.  My husband thought the fact that the stupid sea lion was named Gerald was hilarious.  That's his half-brother's name.

I've never been to the Marine Life Institute in California, but I have been to the Georgia Aquarium which looked almost exactly the same.  So in terms of aquariums it did look realistic.  They introduced a new character, a grumpy octopus named Hank who wishes to return to the ocean. He's mainly a way for Dory to travel across the land without having to swim everywhere.

A lot of the movie is really far-fetched.  I mean, the first movie involved them rescuing a fish out of a dentist's office, so we can only go up from there.  There's an octopus driving a truck; it's chaos.  The movie is a lot crazier than the first one.  I will give this film a 7/10.

The Jungle Book (2016)

My husband really wanted to see this movie in the theatres, so he took me in the morning.  I was not looking forward to it, because I have already seen The Jungle Book, and its going to be the exact same movie.  The same story, same characters, and the same songs.

The difference is this film can be considered live action.  The animals are computer animated, but they look pretty real.  The main reason he wanted to see the movie is that Christopher Walken played King Louie and Bill Murray played Baloo the bear.  Mowgli is played by an actual human in a realistic jungle setting.  It is a lot different than the first live action Jungle Book film by Disney, the one from the 90s, because that one focuses more on Mowgli's adulthood.  This film is basically a shot for shot remake of the cartoon.

The film does have a more realistic feel to it.  There's nothing more realistic than a 30 foot monkey singing jazz.  There are actually a few scenes that more closely follow the book than the original movie.  They also gave the wolves a bigger part in the film, which makes sense because they raised him.  Also, the elephants are portrayed as wise stewards of the jungle, not a group of marching idiots.  That's because our knowledge of elephants has changed drastically since the 60s.  We now know how intelligent and caring elephants are, when before we thought of them as simply large and destructive.

If you're wondering if the animals sing, they really do.  They sing "The Bare Necessities" and "I wanna be like you".  I have never heard Christopher Walken sing and it is hilarious.  If I had to choose to watch a Jungle Book film again, I would choose this film over the animated one.  I will give this film an 8/10.

Deadpool (2016)

Today's film is Deadpool!  I have read many comics about him and have been looking forward to this movie for a long time.  The film is a lot like the comics - funny, very violent, and with many breaks of the fourth wall.

The film shows the origin story, of how Wade Wilson became Deadpool.  He has a girlfriend, who he thinks is hot, but honestly she looks like Michael Jackson to me.  When his powers of healing activate, it spreads his cancer and makes him look rather ugly.   He is ashamed of his looks and hids away from his girlfriend.

He tracks down the people who changed him in order for them to fix his ugliness.  He enlists the help of two X-Men.  "It's almost as if the studio couldn't afford any more", he whines.  He does end up finding the people and they have an epic violent battle, but he has to reveal himself to his girlfriend.  Will she accept him?  I don't see why not, Deadpool is epic.  It's not a serious action Marvel film, it' very funny.  Deadpool's constant breaking of the fourth wall to speak directly to the audience is hilarious.  He often comments about the film itself and the actors in it, as if he's completely aware he is just a character.

In Bloom (2013)

Today's film is In Bloom, which takes place in the country of Georgia during the early 1990s.  This was right after the collapse of the Soviet empire.  So, Georgia in the 1990s looked a lot different from America.

What do I remember from the 90s?  I remember there were a lot of grocery stores that were convenient, and a lot of tacky fast food restaurants.  There were no coffee shops like Starbucks back then, at least not in Florida.  There was one Dunkin Donuts, but their coffee is hella nasty.  There were no Walmarts to rape the small towns with their presence, but they would soon come.

  What is interesting is that Georgia had none of this!  All of these things are examples of capitalism, and there's nothing like that there.  It was definitely a no-frills country.  They had just been freed from the rule of the Soviets, but still were working out some issues.  There was widespread poverty and violence was the norm.  There were still daily breadlines and every parent somehow managed to be an alcoholic.

Dealing with all this are two fourteen-year-olds, Eka and Natia.  They just want to go to school and live a normal life.  A boy named Lado likes Natia and gives her a gun as a gift.  Well, he may be more Floridian than we thought! That is a totally normal gift here, but for most of America, a girl may appreciate roses or chocolates more as a romantic gift.  The gun plays a significant role in this film.  The gun is actually meant to protect her from a practice called "bride kidnapping" which is exactly what it sounds like.  However, Natia gets kidnapped and forced into marriage anyway!

At first, Natia doesn't mind because her new husband is nice and her in-laws are more cordial than her loud drunken family.  But soon, she learns that married life isn't as great as it appears to be.  She was only 14 and had to drop out of school.  Then, Lado returns and Natia's husband gets insanely jealous.  He kills Lado, and Natia becomes furious.  Naturally, she would want justice for him.  Eka is the only one who doesn't think violence is the answer to anything, as her father lives faraway in prison for murder.

It never shows what Natia decides to do with the gun, or what her husband's fate is.  We do see Eka throw the gun in a lake.  Was she trying to prevent more violence, as she did not want to see Natia suffer the same fate as her father?  Or was she hiding evidence?

It ends with Eka taking a trip to visit her father in prison, something she has never wanted to do before.  The films ends before we see him.

Jurassic World (2015)

Jurassic World is one of the most fun movies I have ever seen.  It has dinosaurs and Chris Pratt riding a motorcycle.  Really what more do you need from a movie?

I may be a bit biased because this is part of the Jurassic Park series.  My dad took me to the premier of Jurassic Park when I was eight years old.  Since then, I have watched the sequels and been to the Jurassic Park land at Universal Studios.  My dad also got me all of the books.  Now, my daughter is five years old and she gets to watch a new Jurassic Park movie with me.  This is so great.

So if you don't like dinosaurs this movie is not for you. But what about the first three movies?  We have learned that dinosaurs are very dangerous and will kill people.  But now we are sophisticated enough to stick them in a Seaworld type environment where the dinosaurs are more secure.  Since I work for a large entertainment company, I am very familiar with how theme parks work behind the scenes.  A lot of it is exaggerated and is way more high tech than real life, but that's to make it look cool.  In reality our computers are so old!  And they hardly ever get updated, and the wifi is spotty if it ever works at all.  But we do have a kickass monorail though.

Living in Florida I have the opportunity to visit Citywalk often.  It is a lot of fun, and if you've never been there, it's like a street full of shops and restaurants right before you enter Universal Studios.  It doesn't require a ticket to enter, so it's cheap fun.  The reason I tell you this is because the main street in Jurassic World is identical to Citywalk.  I almost thought they filmed it there, but it turns out they rebuilt a set to look like it.  So Jurassic Park isn't real, but hey Citywalk is.

My favorite part was the cameo of Jimmy Buffett as he runs away from the pterodactyls while carry his margaritas.  

Since we have learned from past experience that dinosaurs are dangerous, there's no more threat from them.  There's even a petting zoo at the park.  But you know us Americans!  We love Danger! Yeah, explosions fire awesome.  Why do you think people watch NASCAR?  It's for the crashes that's why.  So a corporation (of course) sponsors a new breed of dinosaur, specifically created in a lab to be the scariest dinosaur ever.  Not surprising to anyone in the audience, it escapes and destroys everything in its path.  The dinosaur was created by bits and pieces of living animals, so it has many helpful advantages in the wild, such as temperature control and camouflage.  Oh, they also manage a whole subplot about using raptors as weapons for the military so we now got both evil corporate greed mixed with evil government greed.

Here's my theory, which isn't in the movie at all.  Owen realizes that the scary dinosaur, named Indominus Rex, is part raptor which explains her hunting prowess.  She killed all the brontosauruses in the field for fun.  A raptor would have killed and eaten them.  A raptor's goal is to swarm an animal like a pack of wolves and devour it.  But think about this.  She figured out how to escape.  She enjoys solving puzzles and quickly finds answers to problems. She's far smarter than any other dinosaur and uses every adaptation she has to her advantage.  I believe she has human DNA in her.  This explains both her incredible intelligence as well as her viciousness.  I hope they will explore this further in the next movie.

This movie is fun and everything you can expect from a movie about killer dinosaurs.  I will give it a 9/10.

Hotel Transylvania (2012)

Today is the first day of October! I celebrated by eating the first pumpkin muffin of the season. Today we are watching Hotel Transylvania, which until the constant ads for Hotel Transylvania 2, I honestly didn't know existed. But we need to watch the first one in order to appreciate the second.

This film is very family friendly. It is especially good if you have already seen any classic horror films with your children. The monsters are all voiced by top billing comedians such as Adam Sandler, Andy Samberg, Kevin James, Molly Shannon and many others. There are so many stars in this film. The monsters are Dracula, Frankenstein's monster, Werewolf man, and The Mummy. There are many others in bit parts that add to the fun.

Dracula (voiced by Adam Sandler) builds a hotel as a monster's safe haven from scary humans. He does this by request of his late wife in order to protect their daughter, Mavis (voiced by Selena Gomez). Fast forward to her 118th birthday (which is 18 in monster years apparently) and Mavis is itching to see the world beyond the hotel. Dracula goes to great lengths to prevent this, until a human stumbles onto the hotel.

Obviously it's love at first sight for Mavis and the human, Johnathon, who Dracula quickly disguises as a monster.  Dracula is unable to hypnotize Johnathon into forgetting about the hotel and Mavis and leaving, because he is wearing contacts.  However, Dracula has no problem hypnotizing the airline pilots through a thick glass windshield.   Mavis is most intrigued by Johnathon's lifestyle as an adventurous backpacker, which is the polar opposite of her.  Dracula forces him to leave, but later teams up with the rest of the monsters to get him back.  

There are a lot of one-liners and lots of visual action, which is great for kids.  It may not be a princess movie, but with so much going on, they won't even care.  I will give this film a 7/10.

Inside Out (2015)

Today's film is Inside Out!  I actually watched this a while ago, but am posting it now.  Mainly because every time I hear the term Inside out, I think of the song by Diana Ross. "Upside down, boy you turn me, inside out, and round and round".  So I figured posting would get the song out of my head.  The movie is a look at what goes on inside people's heads and personifies everything.  We specifically are looking at the mind of 11-year-old Riley.

I really enjoyed this movie, because a lot of times I watch a Disney (or Pixar) film and I think, I really wish there was more Lewis Black in this.  And now I finally get my wish!  He plays Anger, and doesn't need to act because he's just himself and he's awesome.  The "leader" emotion is Joy, who is played by Amy Poehler.  There are so many celebrities voicing characters in this movie.  One of my favorites is Disgust! She's played by Mindy Kaling and her job is to protect Riley from disgusting things, like broccoli.

Riley is an only child growing up in Minnesota.  She has lots of friends, and is a natural at playing hockey.  Her parents start a new business venture and they all move to San Francisco.  This is a huge culture shock for Riley, and she tries to handle it the best she can.  The emotion Sadness starts to touch her core memories, making her sad.  Joy, the leader, does not ever want to upset Riley and tries her hardest to silence Sadness.  Through a series of events, Joy begins to realize that Riley needs Sadness.  She needs to be able to miss her friends and old way of life so she can grow and begin a new chapter in a new place.

There's a lot of gags and adult jokes that are fun to look for.  Also, they show other people's minds too, and that's pretty funny.  As the emotions learn to work better together, they see that Riley's thoughts and memories become more mature.  As she turns 12, they build new control panel to handle all these changes including a switch for "puberty".  Joy doesn't worry about this because she helped Riley get through the whole "moving to a new state" crisis; what could possibly happen to her in the next few years?  This is one of the best Pixar films in a long time.  I think it's an even better family film than The Incredibles.  I will give it a 9/10.

Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014)

Today we are going to watch a really fun movie and this one can be described by lots of exclamation points!   !!!!!!!!!!!

Today's film is Kingsman: The Secret Service. This movie only exists to be fun. It can also be described as gloriously self-aware. I will get to that in a minute.

So the story focuses on Eggsy, that's his name, I don't know why he's called that. His dad was in the Kingsman, they're like secret agents.  All the Kingsman are named after knights, like Galahad and Lancelot. Eggsy's dad is killed during a mission, and his dad's friend feels super guilty about it.  So guilty in fact, that later he recommends the adult Eggsy to replace a recently deceased agent.

Eggsy has to go do some competition/training type thing to become the new agent.  Does he make it? No, but he's going to become an agent anyway because he's the star!

Now, what did I mean by "gloriously self-aware"?  Well, there's a reason this movie was made, and in fact it is discussed in the movie itself.  Harry/Galahad and the villain (played by Samuel L Jackson) talk about spy movies.  Harry says that they are too serious and he misses the old Bond movies.  The new Bond movies really are too serious, and we are missing the fun and adventure of the old ones.  This film is meant to emulate the old movies and bring back the fun of watching spy movies.  The action is way over the top, there are tons of fight scenes, and lots and lots of gun violence.

It's also funny sometimes. Like his main weapon is a super umbrella that shoots things and is bulletproof.  What.  Also, their shoes have a knife in them, but they also used to have a phone as well. I do like that Harry mentions that they don't use the tablets because the technology of the real world caught up to them.  I thought it was cool how Bond had a cell phone in his movies in the 60's, but now everyone has one so it's not special. There's a lot more hidden nods to other spy movies and shows and I think it'll take more than one viewing to find them all.  I will give this film an 8/10.

Whiplash (2014)

Today's film is Whiplash, a film in which a man will do whatever it takes to be the greatest drummer of all time.  Which is impossible because John Bonham is the greatest drummer (Dave Grohl is good, but he doesn't focus on drums much anymore).

Andrew studies jazz music and drumming at a prestigious music conservatory.  He hopes to be in the music teacher Fletcher's class, but is warned that he is really intense.  Andrew is accepted into the class and finds out the hard way just how intense he is.  Can he keep up?

Andrew listens to a cd of Buddy Rich, who had a really short temper, which I think foreshadows his teacher's attitude!  Andrew's attitude changes and he becomes even more determined to become a great drummer no matter what.

The only part that lost me was when his car was hit head-on by a truck, flipped over, and he crawled out unharmed and ran to the show.  There's no way.

After he tries and fails the plays the drums immediately after his accident, he is forced to quit the school.  He is approached by a lawyer and the family of a student that killed himself who desire to pin the blame on Fletcher.  Fletcher is intense because he wants to push his students to become better, like a drill sergeant creates better soldiers.  He never had any intention of killing anyone.  Andrew, being upset about losing his dream, agrees to testify that Fletcher pushed him too hard as well.

Later, Fletcher is fired from the music conservatory and Andrew runs into him while he is playing jazz with a band.  They start chatting and it looks like everything is normal.  He invites Andrew to play drums for his band at an upcoming show.  Not just any show, but one with talent scouts that he could actually find a job as a musician.

Andrew comes to the show ready to play, but Fletcher has other plans.  He knew that he testified because who else but the expelled student with a grudge would do that?  Fletcher told him the wrong song!  But instead of being discouraged, Andrew starts playing the most kickass drum solo ever.  Fletcher marches over there and glares at him, but in that moment, they realize they have the exact same dream.  It took years of him pushing his students to the brink for him to find one to push back.  He lets Andrew finish his solo and he leads the band as well.  I will give this film a 9/10.

Frank (2014)

Today's movie is Frank, mainly because I heard good things about it, and wanted to know why Frank wears a giant fake head.  Turns out he's crazy. Could not see that coming.

Our main character is Jon, a keyboard player who dreams of being a big time artist.  By chance, he gets invited to play for a strange band led by Frank, who wears a giant fake head.  Strange doesn't even begin to properly describe this band, and Frank isn't even the worst person in the band. The worst person is the ill-tempered Clara who uses her rage and hatred to control Frank. Also in the band are two angry French people and Don, who invites Jon to travel with them.

After playing together, they travel to a small island near Ireland to record their album, which takes an extremely long time due to Frank's demand for everything to be perfect. After running out of money, Jon offers to use his inheriterance to keep staying on the island recording, but that does not speed anyone up. Meanwhile, Jon records everything on Twitter and youtube and gets the world involved in watching their antics.  They get invited to play SXSW (south by southwest, a huge festival in Austin) but it ends up being a disaster.

Even though the movie is funny, there are a lot of heartfelt moments, and we wish the best for Frank.  Jon thinks that separating him from Clara is in his best interest, but he can't cope without her.  He loses his fake head and runs back to his parent's home without telling anyone.  His parents explain to Jon why he wears a fake head, and that he never had any trauma in his life that leads him to great music.  He acts this way because he's mentally ill.  A lot of people are mentally ill without any trauma or reason, that's how they are. It's an illness. His parents accept him and want the best for him. Jon takes Frank back to Clara, who sings to her without his giant head.

This movie is very unpredictable and sweet. I will give it an 8/10.

  

Big Hero 6 (2014)

Ever since Disney bought Marvel, I have been waiting for a Disneyesque Marvel animated feature and here it is!  My family loved this film.  It has everything we love about Disney movies and everything we love about Marvel movies.  Today's film is Big Hero 6.

The animation has come a really long way in the past ten years.  The human characters in this film look ten times better and more realistic than in The Incredibles.  Also, it's set in the fictional city of San Fransokyo (a combo of San Francisco and Tokyo) so if you watch it more than once (like if you have kids that insist on watching the same movie 100 times) have fun looking for famous buildings from both cities.  I found quite a few.

The story centers around two brothers, both geniuses in the robotics/engineering world.  One, Tadashi, is a college student who builds Baymax, a white inflatable robot nurse.  The younger one is Hiro (the hero of the story, you get it?) a fourteen-year-old who participates in illegal battlebot games.  Tadashi convinces Hiro to apply to college by taking him to his lab (once, he's not a hard sell) and meeting his friends and all their neat inventions.

Go Go is a tough girl who tells people to "Woman Up!" and works on a frictionless bike, and Honey Lemon is a Rapunzel look-alike (seriously look at her face.  Azalea had a phase where she watched Tangled several times a day.  I'd recognize that face anywhere.) who works with chemical reactions.  Wasabi (who is called that because he spilled wasabi one time) is a neat freak who works with lasers, and then there's Fred, who doesn't attend school, but loves science.

Hiro invents mind-controlled microbots to impress the college enough to let him attend.  The masked villain steals the microbots and Hiro, along with Baymax and his friends, track him down.  Also, Disney has finally graduated from killing off parents during children's movies because they died before the story even starts.  Hiro turns Baymax from a sweet healthbot into a fighting machine.

My favorite character is Fred, whose dream is to become a fire-breathing murloc.  Follow your dreams.  Also, Baymax is the real star of the movie.  He was programmed to treat pyshical ailments, but when Hiro is depressed, he downloads an entire database of depression and grief help just for him.  He unquestioningly follows him on his quest to turn him into a armor clad superhero, and only stops to prevent killing someone else.

The movie is funny and self-aware at times. "This is our origin story!", Fred cries.  He is also the one to realize they are being chased by a supervillain.  And, we get to watch their training as well.  They are not as good as they could be.  Since it's a Marvel film, we know the villain is going to open some portal (this time a Stargate-like teleporter) and they have to fight him to stop it.  And they succeed.  The animation is wonderful and is one of the best parts of the film.  The city looks beautiful and the people look real.  This film won best animated picture this year.  I will give it a 9/10.

Bridesmaids (2011)

Today's film is Bridesmaids.  If this is supposed to be a great female comedy, that makes me ashamed to be female.  It was boring, unfunny, and I hated it.  I'm too lazy to read the CIA torture report, but I'm sure this has to be on it.

The film focuses on the maid of honor, Annie.  She's lost her boyfriend and business (a cake bakery) and is very bitter.  She spends her days working at a jewelry store. Not well, I might add, since she likes to convince people not to buy rings since their relationship must be doomed as well.

Annie's friend since childhood, Lillian, invites her to be her maid of honor.  Annie feels out of place since all of Lillian's friends are much wealthier than she is. Lillian's other friend and bridesmaid, Helen, throws her an engagement party, which Annie embarrasses herself at when she tries to upstage her at the speech.  See, this isn't humor.  I hate seeing people embarrassing themselves because I feel awkward.  I've seen Kristen Wiig on SNL and I know she can do better than this.

Annie takes the bridal party to a dive restaurant, which gives most of them food poisoning.  It doesn't hit them until they go to the bridal shop and try on expensive dresses.  Then, cue the puking and diarrhea.  My husband makes me watch Family Guy all the time and they use this humor as well.  I always think whenever I watch a wedding movie or romance film, Gee I wish there was more diarrhea in this.

Then, Annie starts going out with a cop, Rhodes, for no reason than we need to have some sort of romance in a woman's film.  After all, we're women, can't have a film without romance, right?  Annie once again embarrasses us by acting a fool on an airplane, and later cussing her own best friend, the bride, at her bridal shower.  She is so selfish and bitter and brings down everyone around her.  They were going to have the bachelorette party in Vegas, but didn't get to thanks to Annie.

Lillian kicks Annie from her position as maid of honor, and she responds by trying to talk a teenager out of buying a friendship bracelet at work.  Her attitude gets her fired, and is forced to move in with her mother.  Then, all is forgiven in the last few minutes so we can have a wedding and happy ending.  The worst part of this film is not just the plot, but the sheer length of the film. If it were shorter, they could have crammed more laughs in there.  If they were any, they're too far and few between to notice. In honestly this film was quite boring.  I'm giving it a 3/10.

Short Reviews of Short Films

Der Firmling (1934)

A father takes his son out to celebrate his confirmation and gets piss-ass drunk.  If you like drunken buffoons and Three Stooges-like antics, you'll like this one. 7/10

The Gunfighter (2014)

An unknown gunfighter enters a Western saloon while being narrated by Nick Offerman (Ron Swanson from Parks and Rec).  However, everyone in the saloon can hear the narrator.  As the narrator reveals everyone's inner thoughts and desires, they begin to turn on each other.

This short was filmed on the set of Deadwood so everything looks authentic. This short is absolutely worth watching. 9/10.

La jetée (The Pier) (1962)

A time travel short that is shown through  a series of photos rather than video.  A French prisoner uses a childhood memory to travel back in time (in order to save the present) but is unaware that he is the cause of the memory in the first place.  This film is the inspiration for Twelve Monkeys.  9/10

Méditerranée (1963)

A documentary featuring the beauty of the Mediterranean countries, but focuses more on the morbid aspects.of everything.  Too many bullfighting scenes.  Not a first date film.  6/10.

21 Jump Street (2012)

Today's film is 21 Jump Street.  No, I never watched the TV show, but the film was really funny.  It starts off in high school, where Jonah Hill plays a dorky nerd, Schmidt, and Channing Tatum is the hot yet dumb Jenko.  As we would expect them to.  Seven years later, they are both in the police academy and have become friends.  They would have never been friends in high school, because high school forces you to separate into your own interests, but as an adult, anyone can be friends.  My husband and I were complete opposites in high school, but as adults we get along.

After graduating, Jenko and Schmidt are given park watching duty.  They try to arrest some rough drug peddlers, but Schmidt freezes when trying to fire a gun.  Meanwhile, Jenko catches his perp but is too dumb to remember the Miranda rights he's supposed to say.  As a result, they are sent to 21 Jump Street, where they are told to go undercover at a high school and bust a drug ring.

It's very different going back to high school, and this time Schmidt is finding himself to be more popular.  It helps that they mixed up their schedules, which causes lots of comedy opportunities.  Also, there is plenty of drug related humor and explosions!  This movie is simply fun to watch.  No, it's not as good as Superbad, but it does have its moments.  It's silly at times and is overall fun.  I will give it a 7/10.

Django Unchained (2012)

Today's film is Django Unchained.  It's a typical Quentin Tarantino film, that ends in bloody, explosive violence.  I also learned that Tarantino is definitely not a historian.

The film is entirely too long and has barely any character growth or development.  The only exception is Jamie Foxx, who plays Django, a freed slave turned bounty hunter who is seeking to rescue his wife from a cruel plantation owner.

They go bounty hunting for awhile and all is good.  But I remember that this is a Tarantino film and am like, where's the blood bath?  Well it is coming.  Out of nowhere it comes! Followed by revenge! and explosions! Yeah!!

One important thing I try to remember when watching these films is that they are not supposed to be accurate.  Tarantino doesn't specialize in realistic historical fiction, his films stretch the boundaries of time, and shows that people are the same no matter what time period they live in.  For example, we know that Hitler was not gunned down in a theater by two Americans, but we accept it in the universe of Tarantino's films.  It's the same way with this film.  Would a Calvin Candie in this universe drink a tropical drink in a coconut through a plastic straw? No, because it didn't exist in the 1850's (the beginning of the film states it takes place two years before the Civil War).  There also were no cigarette holders until the 20th century. It works because he has the personality that calls for a fancy cigarette holder and exotic tropical drink, because it exemplifies his lavish lifestyle.  So, we accept it. Did Django wear sunglasses?  No, they didn't gain popularity in that style until the twentieth century, but he looks so cool wearing them, so it works.  Calvin compares one slave to a teddy bear, despite the fact they're named after Theodore Roosevelt, who was elected in 1904.

These films take place in a completely different universe than ours, one with lots of violence and one where the geography is apparently different.  Last time I went to Gatlinburg, there were mountains everywhere and wasn't good for growing cotton.  But in the film there are giant plantations there.

Finally, Django gets his revenge via bloodbath and an amazing explosion.  With dynamite.  Despite the fact that it wasn't patented until 1867.  But he looks really cool doing it.  Overall, the film is fun and has a interesting take on historical happenings, but is just way too long.  I will give this film a 7/10.

The Pirate Fairy (2014)

There's a new Tinker Bell movie out! Yay!

Today's animated feature is the newest installment in the Tinker Bell series: The Pirate Fairy.  We are introduced to Zarina, a dust-keeper fairy who is more interested in performing experiments on the dust rather than simply keeping it.  She is successful in her experiments, but is kicked out of Pixie Hollow for not following the rules of the dust-keeper fairies.

However, she finds some people who are far more appreciative of her talents.  Problem is, they're pirates- the enemy of the fairies.  Zarina uses her dust experimenting skills to claim a title of Captain of a pirate ship.  She returns to Pixie Hollow to steal their blue dust (we learned in Tinker Bell and the Lost Treasure how important blue dust is to them, as it regenerates the Pixie Dust Tree)

Tinker Bell and her friends chase after her to retrieve the blue dust, but Zarina has tricks for them.  She uses her dust to switch all their talents!  Vidia is especially angry that she is now a Tinker fairy.  How can Tinker Bell and her friends use their newfound talents to stop Zarina and get their dust back?

Oh, and bonus:  It also stars Tom Hiddleston as Captain Hook.  

So there's finally a movie that doesn't involve Tinker Bell screwing everything up and then having to fix it.  It's a different sort of pixie movie than we are used to.  So we are giving this film a 7/10.

The Lego Movie (2014)

We watched the Oscars last night, and Azalea stayed up late just to hear the Frozen song, "Let it Go", live.  However, it was cut to 2 minutes and felt rushed and she was very disappointed.  This was the first time I let her stay up to watch the whole show since she watches most films with me.  It appears that White Guilt won best picture this year.  So we decided today we would watch a fun movie.  Today's film is The Lego Movie.

"Everything is awesome" about The Lego Movie.  There are over 3 million unique Lego bricks used in this film.  I didn't how how Azalea would react to this movie since she doesn't know what Legos are.  Part of her sensory issue is that she mouths everything.  She knows not to swallow what she's mouthing but I can't take any risk.  So she's not allowed to play with them until she gets out of this stage. But she loved this movie.  It's funny and family friendly.  All of the pictures are actual set pieces from the film.

Emmet (Chris Pratt) is a generic construction worker who lives live by the rules.  He does this so well that he's almost a blank slate that has no personality at all.  He is identified as an extraordinary person and a master builder by the wizard Vitruvius (Morgan Freeman).  But he's no master builder, however, he does have some rather unique ideas.  Such as a bunk-couch.  Turns out his ideas aren't as pointless as everyone believes.

This movie was surprisingly good for one based on a toy brand.  Most of these are made only to sell toys, you know, look at the Transformers cartoons.  But this film celebrates what we love about Lego.  Some people like buying the sets and carefully putting the pieces together following the rules.  Some people are true master builders, like the people who built the giant Maleficient.  Most people are like Emmet.  We like to put random pieces together and see what unique pieces we can build.  There is no right or wrong with playing Lego.

This movie has lots of cameos, from superheroes like Batman and Wonder Woman, to the actors who voice them.  There's even Gandalf and Dumbledore, and some Star Wars characters, too.  The only problem is that the movie is almost too fast paced.  So much happens that some parts can be forgettable.  Other than that, this movie was well done.  We will give it a 9/10.

Monsters University (2013)

Today's animated feature is Monsters University.  It's the first prequel of a Pixar film, and it tells the story of Monsters, Inc. stars Mike Wazowski and James Sullivan in their first year of college. This is the first Disney/Pixar film that features characters living the college life.

I actually liked this better than the first movie.  Mike has always wanted to be a scarer ever since a field trip in grade school.  He has studied and prepared his entire life to be part of the Scare School at Monsters University.  Sully is from a family scarers and is running on his family's reputation, not studying or taking any lessons seriously.  The Scare School is run by Dean Hardscrabble, who looks, acts, and sounds exactly like the Grand Councilwoman from Lilo and Stitch.  Both Mike and Sully get kicked out of the Scare School and want desperately to get back in.

Mike joins the loser nerd fraternity, Lambda Lambda Lambda, I mean Oozma Kappa, so he can be part of the Scare Games, and rejoin the Scare School.  Since his team is a member short, Sully joins him as he also sees this as his chance to be part of the school again.  They complete their first challenge without getting eliminated by sheer luck, but study and work hard to get better and better at each game.  This part of the movie, where Oozma Kappa beats the cool jock fraternity, is almost exactly like Revenge of the Nerds.

Unfortunately, Mike discovers that Sully cheated because he knew Mike wasn't scary enough to win.  Angered, Mike goes through a door into the human world to prove he can scare.  Sully chases after him and together they manage to produce a scare so magnificent, it allows them to escape to the Monster world.  Still, they are both expelled from school, but that doesn't stop them from applying to Monsters, Inc. anyway.  They work their way up from the bottom and eventually make it as scarers.  It shows that there can be multiple paths to get where you want to be, and sometimes college isn't for everyone.  The whole movie was funny, especially the games, and it was surprisingly well done for a sequel.  Well, prequel.  I will give it a 7/10.