Analyzing Farmville Addiction...

I have never been a person who was too crazy about Atari, Nintendo, XBox or Wii. Well, I suppose that isn't totally true because I did love me a little pong, pac-man, and tetris all in different periods of time. I also have to admit to this crazy little addiction to Farmville on Facebook.

It's crazy. Sometimes I wake up early, before dawn early, and think "I have to go milk my cows", or "I have to harvest that corn before it goes bad". Why? This is a question that I ask myself almost immediately after. If I have an opportunity to sleep in, why am I concerned about a virtual farm?

Since I am an analytical person and speak often to the self in my head I was determined to figure this out. I do not have an addictive personality usually. Okay, all that know me know that I am addicted to my big blue jug, or maybe the diet coke inside, but other than that I am a pretty sane person. After having an internal conversation about the nature of this escape into Farmville I realized it is an escape from reality. But, not only that, it is having a sense of control over something.

Control. This is one small word that I think has a big impact in our life. Control can be defined not by Webster but by Leslie in two ways: 1) Having power over someone or something 2) having power over someone or something. I know that sounds the same, but it really is very different. #1 implies overpowering, using a forceful nature to make someone or something go your way. #2 means being empowered to change a perspective or situation for yourself.

Confused? Let me explain how I happened to be aware of the importance of control. I had a very good friend who got the HIV virus from a transfusion she was given when she had her sixth child. It became AIDS and she was terminal. She certainly didn't have control over this situation. There was nothing she could do to change this medical diagnosis at that particular time. But, we don't like to give up control of our life that easily so Carolyn called on our church congregation and the priesthood to help give her back control, or in this case her life. We all prayed, blessings were given, but we also asked that we all could have the strength to survive God's will, whatever it might be. Carolyn was so brave as she faced the rest of her life. But, if she couldn't control this major aspect of her life, she could control other aspects.

This is where I learned that a survivor doesn't just give up when life doesn't go their way they look for another place that they can have control. We went to help her with her children, help her clean her house. I know she appreciated it, but it probably made her feel even more out of control. When I went to her house one day to lend a hand I was surprised when she didn't want me to do those kind of "mundane" chores, she wanted to go into her garden and pull weeds. We must have been a funny sight her leaning on me to get to the garden because she was six feet tall and a little over, I am five feet tall and a little under. But when we made it into the garden she loved shoving her fingers into the soil....it gave her so much to have a little control over something. Before she was bedridden she had also gotten a space for our congregation to use as a community garden and she was very busy organizing it, and then making it ready for all of us to use. After she was bedridden she found some control by making sure the congregation had water for our food supply by locating water bottles.

So thanks to Carolyn I am aware that if life gives us things we have no control over...like death of someone we love, illness, loss of job, divorce or a plethora of life's challenges, we may have to give up our control in that part of our life, but we can empower ourselves in another way. We can give into depression, anger, and frustration or we can look forward by manning ourselves with tools that keep us going.

Am I saying then that I play Farmville because I can control that when I can't control how my body works, or my marital situation? Yes, I guess that's what I'm saying. Maybe I am not as altruistic as my friend Carolyn but I am finding ways to keep me from just feeling sorry for myself. Really there are other ways that I have used this theory to my own good other than just playing Farmville and I do encourage others to do the same. Right now, for instance, I have a bum knee. I haven't been able to do alot of things I would like to do. Generally I like to get my house clean before I do anything else, but since my leg is in pain after just a minute or two of being up it doesn't get cleaned, and the next day I just start over again. So I was finding myself sitting in front of the "boob tube" being lazy and feeling sorry for myself. At one point I had to do laundry, no choice, so as I was sitting on the couch folding my clothes I sensed a bit of control or empowerment. No kidding, I realized I could do that and it felt good to be able to do something. So I wrote down a bunch of things I could do sitting. Write thank-you's, sort filing, reorganize my filing system, clean drawers, write blogs, write in my journal, were just a few of the things I wrote down. This took me from the doldrums and being out of control, to empowerment. Oh, and I also can do Farmville! Gotta go harvest those olive trees now. Bye.

Attitude--The value of a change in perspective!

Attitude is one of my favorite words. I love quotes about Attitude, my favorite being "Attitude is a little thing that can make a BIG difference." The one I have on my phone right now is "We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails." A couple more "Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but, rather, a manner of traveling." "The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them."

I learned the art of changing my perspective, thus adjusting attitude, when I was in Jr. High. There was a new student who swooped into the school and in a short time became the most popular student. She was an "army brat" who was moved many times in her childhood. She had a choice: hate it, gripe about it, mope around or "go with the flow". She not only learned to make the best of it, she reveled in the challenge of moving into a new space and making new friends. I still remember that girls name even though I was only 11 or 12 years old, Diane Cook. She taught me a valuable lesson. I didn't become the most popular girl in the school, but I did learn how taking a different perspective could change the view.

As a newlywed I remember Bud and I being in a church group of other young marrieds. It was like being back in High School with the popular group at the center in their own little "click". All of the rest of us seemed to be in the outer circle jealous of that group. Me included. All of the sudden I did a perspective click.....when I did I had quite a different view. #1 That little group had no intention of excluding anyone. They were unaware that the rest of us were standing around them panting to be a part of their party. They were just having fun, innocent of any malice. #2 I looked to the right of me and to the left of me and found a large group of people who were visualizing being part of a group, failing to notice all the others in the same situation. So I turned to greet those people and gradually found some great friends, and eventually we became a very cohesive group.

Another story I remember about attitudes was one that Corrie ten Boom told in her book THE HIDING PLACE. Corrie and her sister were Christians who were put into a concentration camp by the Germans after it was discovered they hid many of their Jewish brothers and sisters. While imprisoned they had the opportunity to share the love of God with many inmates. Corrie was surprised when her sister Betsy thanked the Lord for the lice infestation. Betsy's view was that the lice kept the guards from coming into their room, thereby giving them freedom they wouldn't otherwise have. Now that takes a real attitude change to be grateful for lice!

I have worked for 25 years in the insurance industry. Steve Bjelland was Marque"s and Jim's scoutmaster and he called me after his wife suggested me as a possible employee. Scotty had just started first grade so he wondered if I was interested in doing a little part time work. I had always done childcare in my home so I could be a "stay at home" mom. It wasn't that I didn't work because at times I cared for as many as 14 children at a time, with 8 in diapers. I was worried about working taking away from my devotion to my first career as a wife and mother. After some bartering and negotiating....mostly Steve just gave me my way, I started work. I could get away for any "room mother" duties, field trips, or any other needs for my kids, and work was a side light. This is the way in continued for many years. I just worked enough to provide the "extras" for my kids like soccer, the nicer shoes, name brand jeans, McDonalds once in awhile.....you know the "extras". Bud and I had an agreement that I was a "wifey". We kind of both deceived ourselves into thinking that "my" money didn't count. When we moved to Virginia I worked full-time for the first time. I was Relief Society President so I really worked TWO full-time jobs. I didn't have to though, it was a choice.

When Bud was laid off and we moved back to California he got a job that would require a lot of travel, so when I got my job with a District Manager in Temecula my main concern was freedom to take alot of time off rather than the money it paid. Later as our financial needs became greater it became terribly obvious that the money I earned was no longer expendable, but necessary. Then Bud had to have surgery and was off work for about six months, and I was pretty much the "breadwinner". Now, I didn't lay blame at anyone's feet, and I recognized we had a partnership and it was "my turn", but I didn't have to like it, and I didn't!

Anyone who knows me knows me to be an optimistic person. I usually wake up ready to face the world with a song and a smile, but I was finding my first thoughts waking up were "I hate my job. I hate the stupid drive to work (55 miles one way). I hate my life." Not much had really changed. I had the same job, the same drive, and the same life I had been living for several years...the only difference is that now it wasn't a choice.....I HAD to work. It was bad. I grumbled all the way to work. When I got to work automatic gear kicked in, and I doubt that anyone noticed the problem. As a matter of fact it would get better, but on my way home I grumbled again. The next morning I repeated the same meloncholy mantra. It was really getting bad. I was aware nothing was going to change. The only way to make a change in the situation was to change myself....time for a major attitude adjustment!

My boss was reading A PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE and the title made me contemplate my purpose. He gave me a copy for Christmas that year. I have to admit that sometimes I don't read a whole book....sometimes I just carry it around and gain insight through close connection to it. Silly huh? Sometimes it works. I did read the beginning chapters just not the whole book. But I pondered my purpose. I decided that I was given a gift of empathy. It doesn't take much for me to understand the trials people go through. People want to be understood and cared about. Sometimes we don't feel like we are much more than numbers--social security numbers, credit card numbers, account numbers, loan numbers, policy numbers---we don't have identity. I decided my purpose was to give my clients (all those I come in contact with) an identity. The person handing me a salad from the McDonalds window is something more than "an arm attached to my food". They are a real live person with a story to tell. Each person who comes into my office has blessings and trials they have a need to share. Sometimes they don't need anything more than a business person to smile at them, or remember their name.

So my attitude adjustment came as my realization that I too have A PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE. My purpose was not to go to my job every day to bring home money. (That is a very good side purpose but not one that set well with me) I want each person who walks in the office door, or who is on the other end of the phone to feel better when they leave, or hang up. That is my focus.

What a change it made to my life to look at my job experience with this new perspective. Truly I wake up each morning anxious to get to work. I even enjoy the drive because I love to see the shocked looks on people's faces when I grin at them, leave space for them to change lanes, or give them a big wave when they give me space. (Have you noticed people don't do that anymore?)

No, I'm not a Pollyanna I still get down on occasion, but all it takes is a little tweak in my attitude, or a little change in my perspective to get back in the happy zone!