Words Cannot Express

Wow I don't even know where to begin. This last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of emotion and of trying not to get my hopes up. However that all came to an end tonight as Steve, Allison, Christie (Ali's mom) Cameron(her step dad) and I fasted to make a decision about Ali coming to California to live with us for a year. We started the fast last night and to tell the truth I wasn't sure what exactly I should be fasting for. I wanted with all my heart to just tell my Father in Heaven to tell Christie YES no doubts about it she should come here. Then in the same breath I wanted to do what was best for Ali so I prayed that if the answer were no that Steve and I as well as Ali would get a clear NO. That would make it easy. Either she gets a yes or we get a no, what followed however was a heartfelt prayer that whatever the decision Ali would have her testimony of fasting and prayer strengthened, that we would be able to hear the Lords will and that all of us would be able to talk it out in an honest and kind manner. I was afraid to trust my own feelings today as I prayed and tried very hard to listen for the spirit and not my own heart. The time came to end our fast and Steve and I knelt together in prayer. When we were done I turned to him and asked what he was and had been feeling throughout the day, his answer mirrored mine... I felt peace that she would be fine in either location and that the decision was for Ali to make. Steve put it perfectly when he said "its kind of like one of our daughters coming to ask us if she should wear the red or blue shirt, and really either one would be fine. Of course this didn't help me as in my mind that meant that Ali's mother could still have received a definite answer and we would have to wait and see what that was.

Steve called and talked to Ali and she had felt the same as we had no real wow moment but peace that she would be happy. A few minutes after hanging up with Ali we got the "phone call" that showed Allison on the caller ID Steve answered the phone saying "hey cutie" to which he heard "wow you haven't called me that for awhile" in Christies voice followed by laughter as Cameron shot in.."I thought he was talking to me" That broke the ice and eased the tension as everyone laughed We began our first ever "family council" with both of her families. Everyone had had a similar experience and in the end it was decided that Ali would come to California for her 8th grade year after that she could go back to OK or if she wanted to stay here then we would re-evaluate at that time. I am extremely grateful that although Ali has two families both love her very much and want what is best for HER! I am grateful that both Steve and Christie can be polite and even kind to one another when they act for Ali's best interest.

I can honestly say that I never really felt this day would come. Steve and I long ago agreed that we would never ask Allison to come and live with us, we would welcome her with open arms and hoped that someday she would ask if she could. But we did not want to make her have to choose between her parents! No child should feel they have to choose one over the other and although there have been numerous times when she has made the comment that "she sometimes thought about what it would be like to live with us" We would always tell her she was welcome to do that but she would have to be old enough to know what she wanted and she needed to be sure enough of her decision to take it up with her mother. This way she always had full control and would never feel she was pressured by us to make a choice.

Well that day has finally arrived and we can say for sure that this was her choice. She has an amazing mother and I know that there are a lot of things that she does that I will never be able to compete with. But I hope and pray that there are also some things Ali can learn from me that will make her better as well. I know Steve and Cameron each have special gifts that they have given her as well and with any luck she will pick up the best in each of us and be a better young lady because she has had so many people who love her and want what is best for her! My heart is full to think that the Lord hears and answers our prayers, he comforts us when times are hard. But because of those hard times it makes the sweet moments that much sweeter.