Poodle Bear

Picture this:

Sunday Night.  A bar in downtown Manhattan with an upper level cabaret space.  A checkered stage.  A dimly lit room. The amazing Parodivas. Several of my best friends. Knight in a leopard corset dress with microphone in hand.

Didn’t anybody take a picture? No? WTF?

Well anyway, The Parodivas premiered their brand new monthly Show and invited ME to headline.

Look how hot they are despite being cold and homeless.

I did a dead diva tribute by singing some Amy Winehouse and Etta James. I don’t think they would mind. I also did the Jessica Rabbit version of Why don’t you do right and used it as an excuse to molest the audience. 

Up until I actually got on the stage I was having some serious anxiety issues. Singing with tracks instead of a live instrument is really f’ing scary. The Parodivas do it with ease but I was fairly sure I was about to humiliate myself by forgetting the lyrics and not being able to bullshit my way back out. Luckily it appears my bullshitting skills are fully intact and everything went well. 

After my set I could calm down and enjoy the last ten minutes of the show as the Parodivas performed one of their ever popular audience participation MadLib Parodies. Before I left the stage they asked me for a pet name. Not the kind you would give a pet but something disturbing a lover might say to you. I gave them the most embarrassing pet name I could recall being called. We then listened to My Poodle Bear sung to the tune of My Endless Love. *VOMITS ON SELF*

It was a pretty fantastic night. I was incredibly surprised and flattered by the friends that showed up to support us.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention that Oprah was somehow haunting the show. Don’t mention or mock her onstage unless you want some serious sound issues to start up. We are sorry Oprah! Please don’t send Tom Cruise to eat us.

SEX and CANDY

You know what you should do this Halloween? Come see me perform!

It's a great line up and if that doesn't do it for ya, I'll hardly be wearing a thing. Come see for yourself.

Also, The Parodivas wrote my bio for me and it is really hot.

"Carly Knight is the hottest new jazz chanteuse to hit the New York stage in the past 30 minutes. Her sensual renditions of the hits of the bygone days of croony standards not only melt butter, but also margarine and straight mens' hearts. Look out here she comes."

Mmmmargarine. That was nice. So... I figure yall will soon get bored of me trying to sell myself. I expect to be vlogging very soon. Until then, Ta'

Shows and Whatnot

This month is kicking off fast. I had a busy weekend of Celebrating Jason's B-day after his Parodivas show Thursday night and Karaoke for his birthday Friday night (they kept trying to find our hidden liquor but they failed!). Saturday night I cooked a tasty lasagna with my lover boy Casey. We then ate the meal while watching Spinal Tap with his roommate Billy. Billy had never seen the movie. If you have never seen Spinal Tap you are really missing out so make sure you put it at the top of your to do list. Then on Sunday I went to Jason's B-day brunch. Unlimited drinks with Mexican food is the proper way to celebrate a birthday.

The show the Parodivas performed in on Thursday night was On The Rocks with Danny Leary. He did a little raffle and Jason's boytoy friend won two tickets to Iridium Jazz Club. He gave them to me!!! Well, after the Parodivas told him to. So Parodiva Darla went with me to the 10pm show on Monday night to see LES PAUL perform. It was amazing! I had a huge smile through the whole show and I even developed a little crush on Les. If you don't know anything about him, here is a little blurb taken from the Iridium website.

"Les Paul , Rock and Roll Hall of Famer, five-time Grammy Award winner, pioneer of the electric guitar and inventor of numerous recording tech-niques, such as reverb and multi-track recording was born June 9, 1915 in Waukesha Wisconsin."

That's right. I spent Monday night watching a hell of a show performed by a 93 year old man in a turtleneck. He flirted with his hot young bass player and jammed with a couple surprise guests. It was fantastic. If you get the chance to see this man I recommend you take it.

Yesterday I read what was possibly the best blog post ever written. Matt-Man at Bagwine Ruminations proposed to the lovely Schmoop via blog and we all waited anxiously in the comments for her to go on lunch break at work and respond. Luckily for Matt-Man she said yes (even if it ruins her credit score.) Congratulations Bagwine Lovers!

Tonight I'm going to some sort of 80's wrestling party. I have no idea what that means but at least I will have a story for later.

Are you busy on Halloween? You should come hear me sing at Don't Tell Mama 9pm Halloween night. The Parodivas are hosting a show and asked me to perform. It will be an amazing time, I promise you.

Go ahead, write it into your datebook. ;)

Missed Connections

An odd thing happened on my way to work. I was running a little late, mostly because I dread coming here so much and I wanted to stay with Casey. But alas, I had to leave. As I sat on the train I noticed a guy that looked somewhat familiar so I scanned my brain trying to figure out how I would know him. School? No. Some show? No. Then it came to me.... I met him here. The guy I was trying not to stare at was someone I met on this very train and spoke to for all of one minute in 2004! You might be wondering how I could possibly remember that. Well, the story gets weirder. When we briefly met in 2004 we only spoke because we got in the same train car and he hit his head on the roof. I laughed at him openly because I am rude. Then he spoke to himself for a awhile. That was about it. Insanely tall and crazy is easy to remember and tends to catch ones attention. I found the event funny and kept it in mind for later.

Moving on to later. In 2004 I spent way too much time on Craigslist. Through that site I found two of my apartments and so many jobs I can't even count. I didn't have blogging and Myspace to eat up all my time. I used to make fake dating profiles to read the funny responses. I found endless amusement. At some point I wrote my first Missed Connection. I think I was trying to be amusing and used the situation on the train with the tall guy that hit his head. To my complete shock, he saw it! The guy is a comedian and he was going through Craigslist looking for material and found my post. I never, ever thought in a million that if I wrote something the person would find it.

So this guy responds with more details of the incident. We both had a laugh at finding each other. He gave me a link to his website and mentioned he was doing something on Comedy Central. I think I might have sent him a clip of it or something. I'm not sure. I don't remember. Anyway, I should mention that this was simply an amusing situation that happened. We never spoke of actually meeting. There was not any interest in knowing each other and I assumed I would never see or hear of this person again. He would forever remain the missed connection that caught me acting like an ass on Craigslist.

Then a year or two later I got a strange e-mail. Some girl was writing to ask what my relationship was with a name that I didn't recognize. She had found my e-mail address in her boyfriend's mail and wanted to know who I was. After doing a mail search I finally figured it out and assured her I didn't really know him. He wasn't trying to pick people up. Not to worry. She wrote back something very sad about being in some bad relationships and having trust issues. I felt bad for her because we have all known some jaded girl at some point in time who just can't trust in a good thing. Then after thinking about it I started feeling bad for the guy because his girlfriend is paranoid and going through his mail. For the record, that is never okay. Boundaries are a very important part of relationships. I digress.

That was my last run in with the missed connection guy. Until today. When it finally dawned on me who he was after several stops I thought, should I go up and ask him? That seemed very creepy and pointless. Plus, I don't want anybody to think I'm hitting on them. Instead I told the odd story to a co-worker and sang "It's a small world." in my head for an hour. Then unable to let it go I decided to blog. That means I have to research. So I looked the guy up on myspace and found that in his top friends he links another NY comedian that I watched perform in Damn Yankees last weekend and recently performed in a Parodivas show! The Parodivas are my real friends. Feel free to blog stalk Jason and Darla.

So the moral of the story is, don't post stupid shit on Craigslist because it will haunt you for life. Or maybe the moral is, don't cross me because I will find you! Most likely the moral is, this planet of ours is much smaller than we realize.

Happy All-hallows Eve Darlings!

Lets celebrate like the Druids did. We can build bonfires and wear dead animals! Or, we could go to a burlesque show and watch the Parodivas light candles and wear fur! Either one sounds perfect for the holiday. I'm currently at work in my costume that wasn't supposed to be a costume. I wore red and black to work and it just happened to look a little evil so drawing red devil horns and taping them to my headband seemed only natural.

I wish someone would tell me a good ghost story right now. That is what I need. Something haunting. Anything to make me forget I'm at the office. It would be amazing if I could turn on a scary movie while I filled out spreadsheets. One of my co-workers decorated his office so it looks like blood is dripping down the walls. Is it odd that I'm jealous?



Robert Goulet died yesterday. He needed a lung transplant but couldn't get one in time. I don't think enough people are donors. Goulet, if I died within the past couple weeks I would love nothing more than to give you my lungs. They work okay but might be a little small and girly for you. Goulet! Go to you tube and watch some of his stuff. In his younger days he was a really gorgeous man. Not that he wasn't yesterday but in his youth... *wiping away drool* oh yeah.

Back to the Holiday. I want to have a late night picnic in the park with candles and wine but I'm afraid the rats will give me diseases. Ghosts are funny. Rodents are not.

Well, have a good day kids. Try not to get poisoned.
Stabs and Bites!