Make Lemonade! Sure fire lemonade recipe

OK, OK... I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking, in an Al Pacino voice:

"This guy, see, he says, he says to ME... What?  He's gonna make me thin?  He's gonna make me the envy of every goddamn hippo in fatsville and what happens?  HMM??  I'll tell ya.  Nothin.  I keep lookin', and where's the recipes, dammit? I'm getting outta control here, my goddamn pants is splittin down the ass .  And then finally, FINALLY he comes and tells me to drink some goddamn LEMONADE! The whole goddamn drink is sugar!  What does he take me for?"

Anyway, I think that's what you're thinking after my last article.  Either that, or you read the heading and thought "Milk, milk, lemonade, round the corner..." {that's quite enough - Ed.}

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Kit's "Surfin' Bird" French Chicken

“Ba na na na na na, now now
Ba na na na na na, now now
Ba na na na na na, now now
Ba na na!
Surfing bird!”

My great discovery this summer was, yet another, recipe from ‘Taming the Flame’ by Elizabeth Karmel, that officiando of all things American and slow cooked with the lid down on your Barbie™ (as opposed to your Ken™), which I tried with great success hosting a party using the Jamie Durie Patio™.

She came up with an adaptation of a recipe by Julia Childs she calls “French Chicken”, and it is simply delicioso. Julia Childs? Who’s she? Visit her in a time machine here. Hilarious and you can’t tell me not the inspiration for the Chef from the Muppets.

The original recipe by Liz features in Vanity Fair here, but my recipe is funnier and has some good tips.


Kit’s “Surfin’ Bird” French Chicken

Serves four to six
Two small chickens (NB small, the timing is all wrong with larger birds) – around the 1 to 1.25 kg mark, free range please!
Half a cup of Dijon mustard
Two tbsps dry white wine
Melted butter 60 g (or three tbsps)
Olive oil ¼ cup
Three spring onions
Teaspoon of dried tarragon.
A pinch of cayenne pepper
A cup of white bread crumbs
Salt and pepper
Two to three tomatoes

Prepare the chickens: Pat the chickens dry with paper towel. Using a pair of kitchen shears, cut down either side of the chicken spine and remove (you can keep the spines in the freezer and use them later for chicken stock). This bit is gruesome and will make you feel like the guy from 'Silence of the Lambs' making himself a new suit.

Turn the chickens breast side up and flatten, breaking the breast bone with a heavy blunt instrument. This is a surprisingly satisfying and primal thing to do, beating your prey into submission on a chopping board. I’ve used, variously, a heavy security guard torch and a knife sharpening steel, but you could just as easily use a candlestick in the library with Colonel Mustard.

You should now have two butterflied chickens (with the wings tucked underneath), if you haven’t gone too far and beaten the chicken into a pulp (in which case scrap this recipe and move to chicken burgers). Season with salt and pepper. Liz suggests grains of paradise, but I have no idea what this is unless it’s an American euphemism for cocaine.

Light the BBQ, heat to medium (180 °C), and put the birds in breast up off direct heat (i.e. middle two burners turned off). Roast for approximately 20 minutes.

While this is happening, make up your mustard mix. Mix mustard with white wine. Melt butter and slowly drizzle into mustard mix with oil, mixing as you go to combine evenly. Add spring onions, cayenne pepper and dried tarragon (Liz uses thyme, but tarragon is the “king of herbs” and makes chicken taste so good and Frenchie).

Return to BBQ, turn breast side down and spoon some of the mixture onto the inside of the chicken cavities. You’ll need some left at the end, so don’t use heaps here, maybe about a quarter of the mix. Allow to roast for another 10 minutes.

Turn chickens back breast side up. Top with more of the mustard mix, a good dollop (about a third at least – but reserve a bit) on the breast, roast for another 10 minutes.

Now, top the chicken breast with most of the bread crumbs (leave some aside for later) once the mustard has baked a bit. This is to make a crunchy bread top on the breast, and probably the hardest thing to master. I’ve found the bread doesn’t brown as much as I’d like without the chicken falling apart. I’d recommend turning up the BBQ here to around 210°C and perhaps lightly drizzling a little olive oil over the crumbs to make sure they crisp; around a further 10 to 15 minutes.

By now the chicken should be cooked and the crumbs crunchy. You can test the doneness of the meat by inserting a thermometer in the thigh, being careful not to touch the bone. It should be 180°C. Another way to test chicken is to see if the oil runs clear out of the join between the thighs and the body, or you could just use your brain and have a look. Pull the chooks out and allow to rest for ten minutes.

While the chickens rest, top the halved tomatoes with the remaining mustard mix and sprinkle bread crumbs over the top. Put on the warming shelf of the BBQ at 210°C and crisp up the bread crumbs (ten minutes).

Serve half chickens with tomatoes and a green salad. Bon apetite, oh la la and yum a gum. Lip smackingly good, though your doctor will, as usual, be doing 360’s in his grave.

As always, your friend

Kit ///

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Beer Can Chicken

I had cause for reflection about the phrase "season's greetings" and "compliments of the season" while I was on holidays. I would, of course, like to wish you a happy Christmas and merry New Year, but not only would it be redundant, it's also kind of cliched.

Maybe I could just say: "Salt, pepper, smoked paprika, tarragon": the majority of the flavourings in KFC incidentally (chuck in some MSG; normal paprika; have a couple of types of pepper - black, white, green; brown sugar, white sugar: onion salt; garlic powder; maybe some chilli powder - I once managed to beat the Colonel by five spices). So "Secret Herbs and Spices" to you.

Did I hear someone say "beer can chicken"? (Yes, it's in the title of this article, Kit). I thought so.

Well, a couple of years ago I was given an American BBQ book that has revolutionised the humble barbee as far as I'm concerned. It's called 'Taming the Flame' by Elizabeth Karmel and I can highly recommend it.

The US have, of course, a different concept of BBQ to us. Here, it's all about hot grills, searing flesh (yours and that of the dear departed), letting it rest and digging in. Which is actually pretty fantastic and low maintenance for catering.

But the Yanks actually call the food made "BBQ", as in "I'm going to eat some BBQ" (don't get me started - next stop I'll be complaining about them making up words like ironical, or de-plane/de-bus/de-boat/de-BBQ, or calling main courses "entrees", or tomato sauce "marinara sauce", etc - but that's a different article), and they're really into cooking outside with a lid on for HOURS...

Anywho, this book opened my eyes to the whole indirect heat cooking with the lid on, possibly with wood chips to smoke the meat. We've made ribs, beer can chicken, North Carolina pulled pork (drool), Greek lamb (I know what you're thinking - and don't be disgusting), fish and more and it really makes the good old barbs a much more flexible tool.

And one of the big secrets to American BBQ? The rubs. Make a spice rub using the spices above, rub it on the meat and slow roast it. Brown sugar (and possibly white sugar as well) is key, as is tarragon and smoked paprika, to get that authentic American taste. I recall an overinflated Oprah Winfrey years ago telling viewers how great chilli con carne was if you melted chocolate in the sauce. And you'd better believe it! Americans love sugar in everything, including pumpkin. (Is this coming out a bit nationist... as in racist against Americans? Not my intention, but if read that way, I deeply apologise).

So, recipes for beer can chicken? Why coitanly:

CLASSIC BBQ RUB
* 2 tablespoons smoked paprika
* 2 tablespoons salt flakes
* 3 tablespoons sugar
* 2 tablespoons brown sugar
* 1 tablespoon cumin
* 1 tablespoon chilli powder
* 1 tablespoon freshly ground black pepper
* 1/2 tablespoon cayenne pepper
* 1 tablespoon onion powder
* 1 tablespoon garlic powder
* 1 tablespoon celery salt
* 1 teaspoon tarragon

Phew! Pre-packaged I know, but that's the old US of A for you! I'm coming over a bit red, white and blue right now as I write this (particularly around the lips... how's my circulation looking?). You can use other herbs, like oregano instead or in conjunction with the tarragon - try playing with the levels to suit yourself. Can be stored in a container pre-mixed for a few months.


BEER CAN CHICKEN
Brush chicken with oil and season with 2 tablespoons dry rub.
Open beer can, pour out about 1/4 cup of the beer, and make an extra hole in top of the can. Sprinkle a remaining tablespoon of the dry rub inside beer can.
Slide the chicken over the can. The legs act as a tripod, steadying the chicken. Put the chicken on the beer can in the center of the grill's cooking grate.
Cook chicken for about an hour and a half over a moderate indirect heat (until the internal temperature registers 165°C in the breast area and 180°C in the thigh).
Let rest for 10 minutes before carving.

You can find out more about 'Taming the Flame' at:
tamingtheflame.com

God Bless Y'all!

Kit ///

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