good news

So I graduated from nursing school during my first trimester and after about a month took the NCLEX. I did try to prepare, but I was very distracted. The test was hard. About 1/2 the questions I was asked weren't even multiple choice, but "select all that apply" out of 5 options- even the subjects I knew well were hard to feel confident with all the options. I was asked the minimum of 75 questions, so I figured I must have passed, because there was no way I failed that bad...but I did. I went through the stages of grief and for about a month was convinced I would not attempt it again. I eventually realized that wouldn't be the best choice so I re-registered, but didn't want to think about it over the holidays etc. I finally decided to wait until 2 weeks before the twins are coming to try and take the test again.

My view the past couple weeks:

I studied a little more this time. I planned for a solid week to not cook, not do baby projects, or clean house. The funny thing is that this time I was 2 weeks out from having twins- my pregnancy brain barely allows me to recall the word for "vacume" when I want the thing that cleans the floor. On top of this I was in the midst of a terrible sinus infection- an infection that gave me throbbing pain in my head, teeth and jaw when moving from sitting to standing, spread to my eye making me look like I'd been slugged when I woke up, and also only allowed me a total of about 4 hrs sleep combined for the 2 nights before the test. Not a perfect situation, I tried to change the appointment date, but it was the last time I could take it before the babies come.
The test seemed way easier than the first time I took it, I probably only got 5 questions of "select all that apply". I thought I'd at least be borderline this time and would get the total 265 questions, but a little after an hour into it I was again kicked out at 75 questions. I was a little mad, there was no way I passed when the exam was so much easier. To heck with it I decided. I'm having babies now, I'm over this. Even though I know I've done harder things and know I'm not a stupid person, for some reason the NCLEX had eluded me.
Last night my sister called me to find out the "official" news. I'd forgotten to even check, so I skeptically got online and was shocked to find Katie Lewis Hagen as a registered nurse in Holladay, UT. I wasn't expecting it at all, but it was such a nice surprise and I feel like something heavy was lifted off my shoulders. Its so great to have out of the way before I enter this next stage of life, I feel pretty blessed. It was so fun to finally tell my family that good news after all their support through my nursing journey. Brad and I made it out to celebrate late last night with some delicious chocolate dessert:

Our girls will be here so soon, and I feel like there is so much I want to get done before they arrive- I'm so glad I can go back to focusing on more important things. 

NCLEX

Tomorrow I'm taking the dreaded NCLEX (nursing board exam). Please don't ask me how I did, I'm so worried I won't pass. If I do, I'll make sure to let you know. If I don't, assume I'm taking it again in a couple of months. It almost makes me nauseated just thinking about it. I've really tried to study hard this week. really. I'm already using the babies as an excuse though, how can I really focus on studying when its so much more fun to do the following:
write this post
do research on project nursery
plan quilt patterns
make lists of baby names
google "is _____ normal at 16 weeks pregnant?"
plan how I will make my own adorable baby books
periodically ensure I'm not missing out on any killer ksl deals
peek at the 6 different books I bought about raising twins
filter out pants I'm no longer wearing and put them in storage
read about how celebrities w/ twins still have all the "normal challenges" even w/ their live-in baby nurse
make a list of all the disney movies we should own

These are important things too, right?
I've been trying to do my best to prepare, even if my best doesn't seem that awesome right now. So all I can do is pray that this will be enough because I'm so sick of studying. I don't even know what on earth I'm doing. Who will hire me? How long will I be able to work anyways? Why nursing? I should have stuck w/ being a high school home economics teacher, I'd be organizing a cake decorating contest for teens right now...

Dear Lil' Wayne

Today was the first day of my last semester of nursing school, I'm on a children's psychiatric unit.  It's actually been a horrible day... I've been sick and felt crappy all day as rambunctious little kids threw themselves on me. I assumed since today was just an orientation we'd end early. Not the case, a full day with no breaks except a 15 min lunch on site. Since I didn't bring lunch that meant no food all day. I am so happy to finally be sitting at home eating cereal in my PJs. This note, transcribed for one of my little "patients", really brightened my day: (I changed her name just to be safe.)

I'm a cougar

Graduation: BYU vs. U of U
Last year I graduated from BYU, only to begin my second bachelors at the U. Here's a few comparisons:

graduating w/ boyfriend (not even fiance!)                       graduating w/ husband

I always have lots of family support :)

My mom got that decorative sash thingy that I actually bought last year, (I also wore an 09' tassel both years, thanks for your grad gear Lauren!) My mom should have got a degree from BYU with all the help she gave me. Shes the only person I know who remembers chemistry well enough to tutor a daughter.

Different friends and people come into your life.

I stick up my left foot, and I wear my pink grad shoes. 

I didn't really plan to attend either graduation, but always decide to follow the cerimonial ritual last minute. During my time at BYU I was probably a bit overly critical of the BYU stereotypes and didn't always appreciate the beautiful campus and exceptional teachers, but I must admit what didn't happen in 4 years at the Y happened in about 2 days at the U- I realized I bleed blue.

Graduating from the U is way better though, because I actually CAN'T WAIT to leave. I could make a big list why, but thats a whole other story. I'll just enjoy pretending like I'm done for a few more days.  I still have a little time left at the school where the greatest lesson I've learned is how awesome BYU really is.
Love me some cougs.

Baby Nurse

Just in case you didn’t know- I am so much happier this semester in Nursing. This may have to do with the fact that I don’t have a cruel instructor who despises me. Even if it does, I know that it also has to do with moving on from adult care. I love working with kids. Last week I got to practice my Spanish with an 8 year old girl who had an appendectomy, we had fun and I managed not to get lice from her.

Today my patient was an infant, not even a month old, who was born with HLHS (a congenital heart defect). I wanted to melt as soon as I saw her. She was so sweet, and still looked adorable even with oxygen tubing, an NJ tube, IVs, and scars from recent heart surgery. Her young parents were so positive and working hard to learn what they needed to before she can finally go home from the hospital with them. I think in the future it’s not going to be good for me know about all these things that can go wrong with babies, I feel like I’m in training to be the world’s most paranoid mom. Sometimes it can be so sad and hard to see little ones struggling with health problems. No one deserves it, but they especially deserve to have a happy, normal childhood. As I held that little infant in my arms and listened to her tiny heart and lungs I felt an overwhelming feeling of how much God loves each of his children. It felt so amazing to hold her; I can’t even imagine how that must feel when it’s your own baby. Those parents weren’t fretting over how their child had an abnormal heart, had to be fed by a tube, and would be lucky to make it into her teens. I could tell they just loved their baby, were grateful to have her, and wanted to do their best to make her happy.

I’m so confused now about what I want to do for my capstone this summer, I’ve been thinking labor and delivery, but I have to make a choice before I even get a chance to experience it and know if I like it. I loved working with that baby, and I’m sure it would be neat to be there when new babies are first coming into the world. I love what I’m doing right now though, and it might be safer to do something I know I’m enjoying. If I do pediatrics I don’t know if I should do surgery or oncology. Decisions, decisions. And ones I have to make soon.

(I don't get why the cap fell out of fashion, nurses dressed so much better back in the day.)

That one time I became the nerd I’d always made fun of

I was wondering the other day after some horrible experiences at clinical this week with my instructor why on earth I was trying to become a nurse. I decided to therapeutically start writing how this happened on my laptop while pretending to take notes during class:
After highschool I went to BYU and studied Family, and Consumer Science Education. Despite the fact that I could abbreviate my major to FACSed to sound more intriguing I sometimes wondered if there was something more I wanted to do. After all, most of my fun classes were things I would continue to do anyways (like cooking). After my mission, I decided it was too late to change. Last august I thought of applying to the U of U’s accelerated nursing program. I just had to take 5 of the 6 prerequisites fall semester in order to apply in January. I began signing up for the classes: Statistics, Anatomy, Physiology, Intro Chemisty, Bio-Organic Chemistry. They worked into a schedule, so I decided to give it a try even though each topic was completely new to me. I had to suffer the intimidation of sitting alongside pre-med smarties saying comments like “would you mind skipping these general things like the bicarbonate buffer system, it’s too easy and we’re bored.” Professors told me passing all those classes at once wouldn’t happen. Well it’s amazing what can happen when you actually open your textbooks and go to the library, which I’m pretty sure I managed never to do up until this point. Turns out I was able to pass all my classes and do well enough to be accepted into the program. (Thanks to my mom/tutor with amazing memory retention and my over willingness to put my social life on hold.) I loved learning about the human body and I sort of loved chemistry, I felt like I learned mysteries of the universe. (like how the molecules line up to form a bubble, or why on a molecular level the key to great cookies is proper emulsification of the fat and sugar by the eggs.) I began making incredibly nerdy puns using science jargon. I had changed, but besides just becoming slightly more nerdy, I felt like I had my first real academic challenge and was given a new sense of achievement and capability. Looking back, I think maybe I needed something like this before I got married and I try to remind myself of that when I’m doing something yucky at the hospital wondering why I ever switched from my care-free previous major. At this point I really don’t know if I’ll survive my semester w/ my viola swampish instructor, but there’s just got to be some reason this whole nursing thing ever intrigued me…