tell me how many times are we all given chances time and again?
if so, is it still alright to give multiple times of mercy?
we all are living in a world full of misleading possibilities.
maybe that will be the excuse you will plead for forgiveness?


i have many questions in my mind.
too many you feel too fed up to ask.
even for me, it is too much to be pondered over.


i have been wasting my life. every second of my life spent by wasting was purely due to laziness. or maybe i should just treat it as wasting it happily and fruitfully? i have no mood to study anything apart from foreign languages. weird huh? i can spend time writing korean essays, studying and practising hiragana charts; keeping myself occupied with things i love to do isin't that bad right?


however, time is not enough for me. time is never enough. life is too short for us to hate others. i think i just spent that useless amount of time, recently. enough said. if you know, you'll know. she should just not exist. oh great, i just spent that 2 seconds of time letting her image and words flow through my mind.


i hope i'll change. to a better person and stop wasting life like this. i hope school will be better for me. you know, friends just play part of important role in your studies. i don't wish that history will repeat itself. period

haha hurray! blogger is so sucky now again...............


okay anyway, just a quick one. I. AM. SO. DAMN. HAPPY! love TVXQ! a lot a lot a lot a lot. i mean, srsly. (eh read jiu read, don't come and kpkb, okay :))


i just finished watching the first dvd and all i was sitting on my comfy chair watching the 2 hours of stuffs they did during the Saipan trip. and it was omg gorgeous and it looked so fun! too bad its in the states and i guess i won't have any chances of going there?? from seeing them pairing up playing soccer to archery to wake boarding to rock climbing and badminton- i would like to play too! obviously not in singapore though. so freakin hot. z. and hurray! i've got 5 more dvds to continue watching! so i'm carrying on the 2nd dvd about the bunch of noisy and playful boys after i blog finish. so. excited!


exams are over now and no...wait. only for 2 weeks? or might be even less than that. that sounds so...stressful. i hope i'll be energised after this short break. hopefully. and all i'll do this break will be sleep, eat and watch shows. i'll try doing exercises! hopefully. and sketch a bit to improve. hopefully. aiya hopefully i'll do what i say.


and in less than 24hours, it'll be MAYDAY'S DNA concerttttt! kinda excited though. i mean, standing in front watching a band sing and dance and maybe you'll just get hyped up along with them during the fast tempo songs. hahaha. and wow, 4 hours straight of music. nothing but music and fun!


i guess i'm really starting to save for Korea! HOPEFULLY.

so... isin't it cool to see that blogger is resuming back to its oh-so-cute and picture uploadable usual? okay cut off with this. it's freaking raining NOW! i just heard a damn loud thunder right after the lightning striked. wait, i feel hungry all of a sudden. hmmm.

anyway, here's an update of what i did the whole freakin' day today. total slacking. i slept at going 5am last night(dawn already..) and woke up at 3pm this afternoon. so i bathed and stuffs and wanted to go back to sleep i guess? and realised that ch173 got happy together 3! gosh that show almost made me lol. after the show ended, i couldnt rmb what i did though. i studied a bit of korean text and then had dinner. then my cousin came. so, thats when i watched ice age3, TWICE.


okay anyway, end of my whole day. i spent it, like this. so not productive at all! and i feel like eating prata now, damn. with curry. double damnit!


forget it, cos it is raining. hopeless for prata. T.T (my first ever time using this icon. zz)

TVXQ! FIGHTING!

anyway i'm going to collect my TVXQ! dvd already! together with the additional photobook and POSTER! so, i'm gonna tear off Jay Chou off my back door. Annyong. haha. and there's 2pm ad suju albums! can't wait. oh wait a min. they don't belong to me anyway. hahas. I NEED MONEY FOR FOOD AND CLOTHES!

I spent one hour just to get this blogskin made slightly nicer. hmmm. idk how is this looking for you all. and i spent like half an hour to choose the songs. all are slow songs, suitable for reading blog and listening to it at the same time as well. i wanted to post up some photos but blogger, once again, moodswing. so i have to wait till next time. hmmm.


these days my mood arent as good as it used to be. i think maybe its due to the news i see from allkpop. it was horrendous anyway. 12th sept. make it a good day before my birthday please. i just want things to be settled amiacably and don't disband. i'll just break down if they do, i mean, all Cassies do.


I'll always keep the faith for you guys.
Peace, Love and TVXQ!

hello all.

gosh it just felt like holidays now after these 4 carefree days! i have no mood for any homework/projects/exams related stuffs. i didnt even know i have not started bpm proposal. like, its a whole load of crap. it's a correct choice for those who left pdi, isint it? 무엇이든지. i am still in it, so i shouldnt make it sound so worst.


anyway, i've been in blogger for at least an hour. i should just stop typing since i am so not interested in blogging by leaving it there dangling. 무슨..

wtf is happening to blogger. almost everytime i wanna blog, the blogger new post page always cock up one!!

but whatever, i am in a good mood today. in real good mood. my patience actually made me realised that there's actually another shop selling dbsk vol3 at 74! i am happy, very happy! and next up is regarding the disbandment of dbsk which made me feel really restless these days. but hey! they are not gonna do so!(according to allkpop) so yeah, DBSK MANSEH! hahahahhahaa goshgoshgosh! and this sat is my gonna be lovely day cos i'll be collecting my aatvxq book! i'l gonna find a bookstore which caters to books wrapping. i'm so gonna wrap it up like pri sch kids cos i heard that the cover won't be thick. hell yes, dbsk manseh!


back to my health topic. i am glad that i am able to eat as per normal already. (this morning, i had a pancake and soya bean milk) nomally you see, i am only able to eat one mouthful of food. taking for example yesterday night, my family had steamboat. and yes. i love steamboats and normally i can eat up to 2 bowls of white rice with vegetables and meat filled up in my bowl.... but sad to say, i only had one small bunch of pathetic golden mushroom and a few grain of rice. after chewing and swallowing, the feel came again. V-O-M-I-T. so, i stayed away from the kitchen. zz. the rest of my food was poured away.


i think i am totally wasting a lot of food these days. still countable though.
since wed my dinner was one mouthful of food.
thursday got worse. i skipped breakfast cos whenever i see food, i just feel like vomiting. lunch and dinner was countable. one mouthful each and then i threw everything away after that.
friday. supposed to have korean class! and that was the day where i went to different clinics, polyclinic and then to emerg unit. i didnt bring my phone along, so i couldnt contact my friend that i wont be able to make it.
at nuh canteen, i had 3 spoons of fish porridge. haha. slight increase in appetite.
sat. one spoonful each meals.
sunday. i thought my appetite will be well. so i told my mom i wanted to eat unagi. yes. after cooking, i took 3 small pieces( thought i could finish it) and i threw away after eating 2.
so yes, went to the doctor's at night again. same doctor which prescribed me the 'side effect' medicine. she was shocked after i told her that the side effects came to me! and well, she took note of it alr.


and guess what! I DROPPED A KILO!:)


and tadahhhh! this morning( i mean noon since its alr 1 plus) is too good for me! i can eat as per normal after eating the NORMAL med she gave. hahaha. so yea? clinics seem to be like a school to me eh? 6 days since i went to school.


i can't wait for tmr! *I MISS SCHOOL*! period.

yes, yes. hospital is really scary. the moment i was wheelchaired in and told to lie down on the single bed, i almost cried my lungs out. i saw many nurses in the emergency unit room and lying down all around are people who are (weird, totally weird) beaten up or bleeding profusely, or even very very old uncles and aunties.

apart from that, my head and eyes went crazy. so let me just start my story when my movement started to be immobilized.

i had this medication (pills) which i took it to prevent myself from vomiting. and yes. this is it. metoclopramide. this medicine made me to have my head and eyes uncontrolled. i felt like a stroke patient, or in another words, robot. my movements of head and eyes were controlled severely.

I went to the clinic down my house. while waiting for the queue, i could feel that my eyes are being squashed and gonna just drop out. it was so unbearable for me. i couldnt even close my eyes for 1 sec. i forced myhands to cover my eyes, but it just moved, and my eyes opened again.

my turn to get into the room. yes. the doctor asked me to relax cos it is actually the side effects of metoclopramide( which i was given in another clinic to prevent vomitting). how cool. i can't control anymore. i felt so scared. and the doctor told me she ran out of the medicinal jab. after talking so much to my mom, she ask us to go to another clinic nearby. and so, we did.

i walked with panic. i was so scared i step onto something because my head could only look UPWARDS. yes, mobilized in the upwards position. my neck almost broke. so we reached another clinic, and hurray!** the doctor don't have the jab as well.


so we cabbed to cck polyclinic. after waiting for half hour or more, we finally got it. the doctor say that they don't have this kinda medication as well. sooooooo, we cabbed to NUH. and yes, my head position changed. it was previously facing UPWARDS, but then it changed to RIGHTWARDS. my neck was twisted like siao. no matter how much i turn to the left, it will automatically turn back to right, i mean, real extreme right. even my eyes keep looking upwards. till then, i realised that i was a bit scary. mmmmm.

then i was to make a body checkup. after which, i was told to sit on the wheelchair and got into this really scary place called A&E. the nurses all looked professional and calm. i felt relieved. however, not so yet. my head turned right and right and right and only right! like wth! cos i was lying on the bed, i told the nurse who was nearby me that i was feeling very uncomfortable. (you will never be able to imagine this cos who the hell will push you head upwards or rightwards and feeling that your eyes are squashed and gonna drop out?)

one of the nurses came and told me to wait cos the doctor was attending to other patients. well then, she say i have to wait for 1 to 2 hours. meaning, my head will turn right until the doctor comes? i was so tired already. and i tried to just stay still since it turned to the right, but still, uncontrollable. my head will turn straight again, and the cycle continues.

finally the doctor came. i was in much pain cos my neck srsly almost broke. she gave me a jab into the veins of my hand. i couldn't care much abt the injection cos my neck was much more painful.

after a while, around less than half an hour, everything subsided. my head regained back to normal. and oh yes, did i mention that there is this uncle whom i think he is damn childish? yes he is. he had bruises (i can still rmb his face) all over him. the doctor asked him what happened. and he replied ' i fought with someone else'. so he think very cool la. i saw his ear bleeding profusely.


and yes, there came another bangala. the kpo uncle asked what happened to his finger, he said he broke his finger. hmmm. alright anyway, i was fine after settling there for more than 3 hours. ( waiting for doctor, waiting for medicine to process...)

dear mommy was waiting for me outside A&E. i tried to have fish porridge, but still, only a mouthful.


so on our way back, i was thinking to myself, why why why will the doctor prescribed me that kinda medicine in the first place? just take a look at the side effects it caused me:

tremors, or restless muscle movements in your eyes, tongue, jaw, or neck;
mask-like appearance of the face;
fever, stiff muscles, confusion, sweating, fast or uneven heartbeats, rapid breathing;
depressed mood, thoughts of suicide or hurting yourself;
hallucinations, anxiety, agitation, jittery feeling, trouble staying still;
swelling, fluid retention;
jaundice (yellowing of your skin or eyes); or
seizure (convulsions).

anyway, it's all over isin't it? but still, i am so traumatized of what happened to me previously.


whatever it is, my please me mine photobook will be here next saturday!!!! woohoo! still pondering if i should get that 88 bucks 6 sets of dvds of dbsk. hmmm. 88 leh!!

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