Kathryn, Bev & Jean-Luc

Guest Poster: Kathryn Janeway 

Well, it's great to be back on Earth at last after seven long years away on Voyager. Next time I'll take one of those navigation devices that fit in cars. Tom Paris could never find his way around anywhere!

Would you believe it, the ship lands on Earth, just outside Starfleet Headquarters. Some bigwig comes on and makes me an Admiral!  All this for getting their ship lost for seven years. The logic of some people. I know B'Elanna wouldn't have been happy about it, but she had just delivered her daughter and was in no mood to complain.

Finally I get off board and go to my apartment. The mail that I have. Despite the regular items, seven years of junk mail is a lot, I can tell you that.

Eventually I have a hot bath and change. The door bell goes. I answer it and find it is Jean-Luc Picard and Beverly Crusher.

"Hello erm...Admiral Janeway." Crusher begins, "Captain Picard and I would like to welcome you back to Earth and congratulate you on your new appointment."

Kowtowing to the new Admiral! Before I left, seven years ago, Beverly was very much the friendly sort. We would hold each other up in the bars and come back drunk at night!

"Yes." Picard adds, "We thought we'd lost you when the Voyager vanished." It's so good that an invaluable member of Starfleet is back with us."

Oh puh-leeze! Pass the sickbag, someone!



"Call me Kate like you used to!" I yell out at last, "All this formality is driving me crazy! For seven years I've had to maintain top rank as Captain on a tin can at the other end of the galaxy. It's about time you let the Starfleet collar off!"

"Err...yes, Admiral...I mean Kate." Jean-Luc answers, still rather reluctant to address a superior officer in that way, even off duty.

Beverly is different. She stands up and hugs me tightly.

"Welcome back, Kate!" she says warmly. "I've missed you SO much!"

"That's more like it!" I answer, "Now remember, Jean-Luc, the next time you visit here, leave your starchy collar behind."

"Err..yes."

"Now, Bev, I haven't been to the Starfleet Mall in seven years, nor have we been able to go to the bar and have enough drinks that we get thrown out.."

"That's something we are going to have to do." Bev answers, "But be sure that you don't end up in jail. It won't look good on your Admiral's resume."

"Well it was already on yours and mine the last time we did it." I guess one more won't harm!"

Jean-Luc rolls his eyes. He always was the party pooper.

He won't be invited!

TWQ: Film Prequels

This week, TWQ (the Weekend  Question) invites you to submit some supposed prequels to famous movies. Time to get your sense of humour going!

List some supposed prequels to famous movies. Name as many as you wish.

My answers are:

 * Tomorrow  (the Day After Tomorrow)
* W Men (X Men)
* Men in Beige (Men in Black)
* Let's Not Bother About Kevin, He's Just Going Through A Phase (We Need To Talk About Kevin)
* Alice Lives Here (Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore)
* Hello Baby Jane (Whatever Happened To Baby Jane?)
* The Puppy of The Baskervilles (The Hound of The Baskervilles)

Now it's over to you....

TWQ: Time's Not On Our Side

TWQ (the Weekend Question) this week asks what jobs do you find you have too little time to do.

What jobs to you find very hard to do because there are not enough hours in the day? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

* Computer work

* Shopping

*Household work

*Job hunting

Now it's over to you...

Getting Old

Guest Poster: Worf

 "The indignity of it!" I angrily say as I storm back into the quarters that my wife Jadzia Dax and I share.

"Whatever has happened, Worfie?" she asks me, and gently rubs the bruises that I have.

"For the first time, I have been defeated by a WOMAN in a skilled competition. The Enterprise martial arts tournament was taking place and I was drawn against Jennifer Baxter."

"Oh dear..." Jadzia says quietly.

"Yes, well I thought she might be slightly tougher than the average woman, but still an easy victory." I tell her, "Anyway, before I know it, I was on the floor and Jennifer was victorious.."

"Oh dear..."she repeats,  "Well, Jenny is a trained fighter, and works out every day. She is toned, muscular and has taken on many in the past."


"Granted." I answer, "But she still should have been defeated by me!"

"Maybe err..." Jadzia hesitantly suggests, "Maybe you're getting a little old for that sort of thing? Jenny is young and fit, while you have been doing it for a while."

I am livid.

"Jadzia!" I exclaim, "I am a Klingon warrior, trained to fight the hardest of opponents right until old age. Klingons do NOT get old for fighting!"

"Sorry, Worfie." she answers, "Do you think you are hurt because you underestimated Jenny, and planned to gently defeat her? It sounds like she went for the quick flourish, hoping the surprise would defeat you."

"You may be right, Jadzia." I say, thinking carefully "Had we fought normally, I would have defeated Jenny easily. It is not an honourable way to win. Klingons have a Code of Honour which they abide by. Jenny does not."

I walk out again, satisfied that it was not a fair match I lost in, but think I can still hear the sound of my wife giggling as I do.

TWQ: Suspicions

Apologies for the inactivity here lately. Things are still going on in the real world that is cramping everything up that I could well do without. Anyway, today, TWQ (the Weekend Question) will be looking at what makes you suspicious.

What actions by others makes you suspicious of them. List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

* A book or TV programme at proclaims 'everybody in the country loves it'. Such a statement is never true.

* A building contractor who, when asked why he doersn't have any recognised badges of authority says, "Oh anyone can buy those."

Now it's over to you...

TWQ: Personal Superstitions

This week, TWQ (the Weekend Question) asks about the personal superstitions you have,

What little superstitions do you have? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

* When I was at the office, I didn't like to fill out a holiday form until I got back, in case something happened while I was on vacation.

* I never play Enya's 'Marble Halls' now as I consider it a 'death song'. I have only played it after a tragic event.

Now it's over to you....

TWQ: Summer Days

Now that summer is with us (in the northern hemisphere), it's time for TWQ (the Weekend Question) to see what you are doing.

What do you do when it gets very warm in the summer? List as many answers as you like.

My answers are:

*Though it's good to see blue skies for a change, excessive heat takes all energy out of me. A trip to the city had to be cancelled as it would be too tiring to walk around.

* I tend to stay pale and be in the coolest room in the house. A pleasant day with a good breeze would be far more welcome.

* Something I DON'T do in the heat is sleep very well!

Now it's over to you...

Shopping With Annika & Deanna

 Guest Poster: Annika Hansen














Going shopping with Deanna Troi can be a lot of fun. She knows every inch of the Starfleet Mall due to her frequent visits here. A lot of the owners give her a discount as they know she will come back in the near future.

"Is Seven going to make an appearance?" Deanna subtly asks of my other consciousness. I have to share my mind with the Borg version of myself. Sometimes she can intrude I don't want her to. For example, the other week, I went on a date, and it was just getting to the interesting part when she shouted "Resistance is futile!!" at my date. I must say, it was handy on that occasion, although I never saw him again.

"No, I don't think she'll appear today." I answer, "Shopping bores Seven, and she considers it irrelevent."

 "Good." she smiles,"It looks like it'll be just you, me and our money, then."

We go in quite a few dress shops and try on the outfits there.




 "Do you think Will will like me in this outfit, Annie?" Deanna asks as she steps from the changing room.

"So will all the other men on the Enterprise....and a few women as well., "I say,  "It's a little... opaque."

After some heavy duty shopping, we go past the Future Mechanics shop. Something there catches my eye.

"Oh, that looks adorable!" I exclaim, "I must have that!"

"You can't be serious, Annie!" Deanna gapes, "Where will it go?"

"Oh, I'll find somewhere." I answer, "I'll keep him charged up in my old Borg alcove."

Deanna sighs and says, "Very well, let's get it."

  "I wonder what the Captain will say?" Deanna muses.