Data & Jennifer On Vacation (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Jennifer Baxter

My boyfriend Data and I are on the planet Solaris. We had a slightly odd look from Raymond the receptionist when he found out that Data was an android, and scurried off.

Now, a few hours later, Data and I have been having fun in the pool when three people, obviosly hotel managers confront us and ask me to follow them.

--------------



"I wonder what it is they want?" Data says to me as he hands me the towel to dry off.

"Dry your emotion chip out, sweetie!" I say in exasperation, "It's obvious. They are objecting to me, a human woman being in the same suite as an android and having a relationship with him."

"Do you think so, Jenny?" he asks, "I thought that the Federation had evolved from that."

"Yeah, so did I." I say, agressively, "Leave this to me. Let me talk to them.

We both stride off to the hotel office, my hands in fists, ready to use them!

When we get there, the three managers are facing us. They all have placid looks, as if emotion has been drained from them at the Hotel Training Course.



"Hello, Miss Baxter." says the woman, ignoring Data, "I'm Mariana, the Manager of the Solara Hotel, and these are my associates, Jeff and John. A matter of some delicacy has arisen concerning you and err...your android friend."

"Oh yes?" I comment, urging Data to keep quiet at the moment.

"May I ask." continues Mariana, "What sort of relationship you have with your android friend?"

This gets me very annoyed, but I stay in sarcastic mode.

"Perfectly normal, Mariana." I erespind, "The sort any normal boyfriend and girlfriend might have, just like you probably have with Jeff....or John....or both."

Mariana blushes bright red, and Jeff and John look at each other.

"Miss Baxter!" she exclaims, "But I'm sorry. The Solara cannot allow relations between and android and a human to go on. You must both leave now!"

I'm just about to go into a fist fight with Mariana when Data holds me back and steps forward.



"That is not permissable." he says flatly, "This is a Federation planet, and one of the main rules if you study the Articles of Association is that citizens must respect ALL lifeforms. Since I was declared to be a lifeform some years ago, you must respect my wishes."

Mariana stops in her tracks and urges Jeff to check the Articles of Association on the computer. He comes back a few moments later to confirm everything Data said.

"We could issue a formal complaint." I say to Mariana, "But I have a better idea how you can pay for your actions."

-----------------

Some hours later, Data and I are lounging by the pool.

"Would you like another drink, Jenny?" he asks me.

"Sure I would." I reply, "Ring the bell."

He rings the bell, and Mariana runs up.

"Is there something you need, sir, madam?"

We order our drinks, and she scurries off.

Data & Jennifer On Vacation (Part One)

Guest Poster: Jennifer Baxter

Data and I are arriving on the beach planet of Solara. I have decided that I want my tan topping up. He did say that I could be doing this on a program in the holodeck, but I've replied to him saying it's not the same thing.

"Now have you packed your emotion chip, Data?" I ask him, "We are on vacation, and I don't want to suddenly find you've left it in our quarters on the Enterprise. We need that this week; it's not like forgetting an alarm clock."

"I have in in my skull, Jenny." he answers, "I just need to flick the switch and it will be fun time."

"That's my Data!" I reply, laughing.

Data picks up all the many suitcases he and I have, and lists them all up on to the cart and carries it into the hotel. That's the advantage of having an android boyfriend with super-strength. No tipping for bellboys who are holding their hands out, waiting for a tip!

We apprtoach ther reception to see an overgrinning hotel clerk.

"Hello, I'm Raymond." he says, "Welcome to the Hotel Solaris."



Why is it that desk clerks always seem to look the same? It makes one think they came off a production line. Who knows? Maybe they do.

"Data and Miss Jennifer Baxter." Data answers, "Booked for the Penthouse Suite."

Raymond looks a little puzzled at Data. "Are you an android?" he asks.

"Affirmative." replies Data.

"And you are human?" he asks me, as if I didn't know where this is leading.

"Of course." I answer.

"Err.....have a good time." he says hurriedly and lets us go, as if he intends to tell his staff about the odd couple who have checked in."

--------------

A few hours later, I have my bikini on, and am swimming in the hotel pool.



"Come on in the water, Data!" I yell to him, as he sits in his deckchair reading the latest issue of Popular Robotics, "Come and enjoy yourself in the water."

Data walks up to the edge.

"If I do, Jenny." he tells me, "I always have to do a Level One Diagnostic on myself afterwards."

"I'll give you that Level One Diagnostic myself!" I reply seductively, and grab his leg so Data plunges in the water. He surfaces and kisses me. That emotion chip is in!

Suddenly, we see a group of figures on the side of the pool. They are all hotel staff, including Raymond the receptionist.

"Mr Data, Miss Baxter." the manager says coldly, "We need you to both come with us. Some facts about you two have been given to me from our receptionist."

To be continued...

TWQ: Best DVD Box Sets

This week, TWQ looks at your favourite DVD/BluRay box sets

Which DVD/BluRay box sets are your favourites are well put togetrt. List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
The Complete Battlestar Galactica
The Complete Prison Break
24 (seasons 1, 5 and soon 8)
Lost
The Complete Star Trek Voyager

Note: I haven't included the Complete SG1 because ot was poorly done, with the first season not remade to include subtitles)

Now it's over to you...

The Photographer (Part Two)

Editors, Note:

Aaron Nace, ace photographer for Galactic Picture Magazine is aboard the Enterprise. He has said he is more interested in taking pictures of the female crew members as it sells more copies of the magazine, much to the annoyance of Captain Picard, who was preparing himself to be photographed before Nace came aboard.



Guest Poster: Ensign Britney

My soulsistah T'Pol and I are walking down the corridors of the Enterprise when we overhear voices.

"I've taken some great pictures, Captain." says an unfamiliar voice, "But the trouble is, most are in the same Starfleet uniform. We could do with some shots of others who wear something else. I know Seven of Nine wears that metal drone outfit, but we don't want to scare the readers."

T'Pol and I look at each other, laugh and step forward.

"Well we don't!" I say as we go forward to introduce ourselves. Captain Picard groans and tells this photographer, named Aaron Nace that we have dispensation to wear what we like as I'm from the planet Delta, and T'Pol is from the 22nd century.

"Now this is more like it!" exclaims Nace, "What a couple of babes! I'll have you both on the cover of our latest magazine and we'll have an all-time high circulation. All the male readers will adore you."

"Brit and I are only interested in each other, aren't we?" T'Pol tells him plainly.

"That's right, soilsistah." I confirm, "You're my girl."

"That's fabulous!" Nace tells us in realisation, "It'll send circulation sky-high."

Captain Picard decides to take a stress pill at this time.

-----------

A few hours later, T'Pol and I are ready for our picture session.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" the Captain asks us both, "It's not exactly the image of the Enterprise we wished to present."

"Don't worry, Captain" T'Pol tell him, "We'll keep our clothes on."

"Are we?" I ask her.



A few moments later, I'm there posing with my blonde wig on, and not much else.

"You look fab, Britney." Nace says as he snaps away, "You and T'Pol will be famous after the magazine is published."

After that, he turns to T'Pol.



"That's groovy, " he says, "A real chic outfit. What every 24th century girl should be wearing."

I cheer from behind and blow her kisses.

-------------

After the session, Nace packs up and is ready to go.

"Well, goodbye, Captain." he says, you've got a glamourous crew here. Britney and T'Pol will be the main stars in the magazine. When it's published, they'll be celebrities."

Deanna Troi suddenly runs in.



"Hey, what about me?" she says to Nace, "I'm Deanna Troi. I had to take a lecture, and couldn't come any earlier. You can take my picture now, Mr Nace."

"Err...I'm sorry, Miss Troi." Nace replies, "I've got all the pictures I need with the help of these two women here."

Deanna looks at us both in annoyance, then storms out of the room without saying a word.

"Oops!" I say, giggling at T'Pol.

"Brit!" she laughs.

"We're gonna be celebs!"

The Photographer (Part One)

"I'm surprised you let this photographer come on board, sir." Riker tells me as we go to meet our arrival, "You never usually like meeting with the media."

"That's true, Number One," I reply, "But I thought as Captain, I ought to allow myself to be seen in the pages of Galactic Picture Magazine. After all, it's circulation runs throughout the Federation."

"So that's why you've got your dress uniform on." Riker comments rather slyly. I ignore this, and we proceed to the Transporter Room, whwere a figure beams in.



"Hello." says the figure, "I'm Aaron Nace, and I've come to do a picture spread on the Enterprise and...."

"Greetings Mr Nace." I say rather hurriedly, "I'm Captain Jean-Luc Picard. now I haven't too much time, so we we go to the holodeck, you can take your various shots of me in any environment, so shall we go?"

"Err..." stutters Aaron, "Hasn't anyone told you?"

"Told me what Mr Nace?"

"That I'm not here to do a spread about you, but of the women on the Enterprise?"

"What!" I say, noticing that Riker has a slight grin.

"Well, you see, Captain Picard." Aaron explains, "Galactic Picture Magazine sells well with a pretty girl on the cover. We want more inside as well."

"And it would sell more than one with me on the cover, you are saying?"

"Err...yes, Captain." he tells me, "Sorry for any confusion."

Jennifer Baxter and Beverly come in. Aaron gets his cameras ready.



"Thanks, Doc." he calls out, "That was great."


"Jenny, you look super. The Enterprise women are real winners."

Both women giggle and leave the room.

"I don't know about you, Number One." I say irritatingly, "But this photographer is getting me very annoyed!"

TWQ: A Case Of The Mondays

Many of us feel depressed when it is Monday. TWQ (the Weekend Question) asks for things to help get over it.

What can you list to help you get over the Monday Morning Blues?

My answers are:

* Tuesday

* My bed

* A good breakfast

* A broken alarm clock

Now it's over to you....

Jadzia's Wedding Dress (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Jadzia Dax

I'm currently in the the Starfleet Mall shop Wedding Dresses by Alanis with my friend Ro Laren. We are trying to find a suitable dress that I can wear for my forthcoming marriage to Worf. So far, we've had little success, with the range varying from the boring to the downright outrageous.



"We're not going to get anything here, Jadzia." Ro gloomily tells me, "Let's look elsewhere."

"Just a moment, ladies." Alanis says desperately, "I've never had a customer leave here without one of my dresses, and you're not going to be the first. Stay a little while, as I'm sure we'll find you something suitable, Miss Dax."

We agree, and a model comes in, wearing another dress.



"This one isn't bad." muses Ro.

"I agree." I tell her, "It woild be fime if I were marrying a prince in his vastle, but it's Worf I'm getting hitched to, and we want everything to be in a Klingon design. I'm looking forward to Worf breaking my clavicle on our wedding night. It's a sign of good luck for the marriage,"

Ro looks at me oddly, and Alanis approaches.



"I'm sorry, Miss Dax." she says, "I couldn't help overhearing. Is it true that you are marrying a Klingon, and want rhe ceremony to be in the proper Klingon manner?"

"That's right."

"Ah, well I have the answer to your problems!" Alanis smiles, as she brings us a huge book with the Klingon symbol on it. The book says Klingon Wedding Dresses

I smile, and open the book.



"Now THIS is  more like it!" I exclaim to Ro as I leaf through the pages. Suddenly I stop.

"This is it!" I say, "I want to get married in this dress."

"It's a good one, Jadzia." Ro agrees.

"Excellent, Miss Dax." Alanis beams, somewhat relieved that I have at last found a dress that I like, "I'll measure you and have it made."

-------

Ro and I leave the shop, both happy that a major choice in my wedding has been decided.

Jadzia's Wedding Dress (Part One)

Guest Poster: Jadzia Dax

Ro Laren and I are in the Starfleet Mall, looking for a ship where I can choose a wedding dress from. Soon, I'll be getting married to Worf, and I want something that looks good. All right, the Dax symbiont I carry may well have been married before, but I'm Jadzia, and I want this to be a good one!



"Look!" exclaims Ro suddenly, which stops me reading my copy of Galactic Bride magazine, "That might be what we are looking for."

We see a shop that says Wedding Dresses by Alanis: We have dresses for all types of women in Starfleet.

"That does look promising." I say in agreement, "Let's take a look."

As we enter the shop, we are greeted by an overfriendly woman.



"Greetings, ladies." she beams, "I am Alanis, and have been employed by Starfleet to cater for all tastes in the Federation. Now which of you two women are getting married? Unless it's to each other?"

"No!" I reply firmly, "I'm the one getting married. I am Jadzia Dax. My friend Ro Laren is here to help me in my choice."

"Of course." Alanis replies, "I have some models in the back who will try on some ideas. Felicity will show you our Grecian dress."



"Very pretty." I say, "But rather samey. I want something different."

"Well, Jadzia." muses Alanis, "How about this?"



Ro tries not to laugh, and barely supresses her giggles.

"I'm not wearing that!" I exclaim angrily, "What do you think everyone would say?"

"Ensign Britney would probably like it." comments Ro, "And would choose it if she and T'Pol got married."

"You might be right, there, Ro." I say, "But it's not for me. Alanis, find something better than this!"

"Very well, Jadzia." she replies, and goes scurrying off into the dress room to find some more dresses.

"We could be here some time, Ro." I commrnt to my friend, "I had no idea that choosing a wedding dress would be this difficult."

To be continued...

TWQ: Five In A Bar Fight

This week, you're in a bar fight. TWQ (the Weekend Question) asks who you want on your side.

Which five people would you choose to be on your side if a bar fight took place?

My answers are:

Jack Bauer (from 24)
Sarah Connor (from Terminator)
John McLaine (from Die Hard)
The Predator
Stephen Seagal

Now it's over to you....

Sheena's Naming Day (Part Three)

Guest Poster: Beverly Crusher

With the help of some potent Elborian Brandy, I've managed to persuade the amazon Queen Diana to let her son-in-law Wesley and Captain Picard attend my granddaughter's Naming Day on the planet Wondawowman, an occasion which is usually an all-female event.

-----------------

The Ceremony is about to take place.

Queen Diana staggers up to me, holding her head.



"Beverly." she starts, "I agreed for Wesley and Captain Picard to come while under a state of err... severe inebriation. However, an amazon does not go back on her word. They may attend, but keep them out of the way."

That's the best we can hope for, I suppose.

Everyone looks at little Sheena. Even Karena's sister Nexa is playing aunt.



Sheena throws a little spear that manages to hit Wes.

"Isn't she clever!" Nexa coos, "She'll be a real amazon princess."

Eventually, we are all led up to a cave where hot bubbling springs are in a giant pool.

"Let the Ceremony begin." declares Queen Diana, who is now dressed in flowing white robes.

"What's going on, Bev?" whispers Jean-Luc.

"I have no idea." I answer quietly, "The Ceremony is very secret. We three are the only humans to see it."

Karena and her sister Nexa both step forward; they are each dressed in full amazon battle armour. Queen Diana holds Sheena.

Suddenly both sisters start to unbuckle their armour, gradually removing all their clothes. Wesley looks totally bemused and Jean-Luc has a mild cough, and starts to look around the cave..anywhere but what is right in front.

The naked sisters step into the bubbling pool, and look towards their mother.



Diana hands Sheena to Nexa.

"Do you declare yourself to be aunt of the Princess Sheena?" the Queen asks.

"I do." Nexa answers, and places the child lightly in the water, then hands Sheena to Karena.

"Do you declare yourself to be the mother of the Princess Sheena?" the Queen asks.

"I do." Karena answers, "I name her Princess Sheena, and will defend her to my utmost capabilities."

Karena takes her child, and they both briefly submerge. When she comes up, all of them emerge from the pool, still naked and dripping wet. Jean-Luc starts coughing again.

"Errr...very unusual." he remarks.

Nexa and Karena put their armour on.

"Did you enjoy the Ceremony, pumpkin?" Karena asks Wesley.

"Err...sure, honeybunch." he replies, "It had one or two things I wasn't expecting."

We all make our way out from the cave. Queen Diana catches up with me.

"Now you know why the Ceremony was an all-female event, Beverly." she says with a smile.

The Queen walks off, talking to Karena and cooing Sheena at the same time.

"What did you think of the whole thing, Jean-Luc? I ask.

"It was most interesting, Bev." he answers, "It is fascinating to see different events from other cultures, although I think I saw more than I anticipated!"

At this, the two of us laugh, and carry on walking.

Sheena's Naming Day (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Beverly Crusher

The things I do for an in-law!

My daughter-in-law Karena has asked me to char with her mother Queen Diana to see if I can persuade her to admit Wesley into the upcoming Naming Day Ceremony of his daughter Sheena. Apprently, it's an all-female occasion, and even the husband isn't allowed. Despite being an amazon, Karena thinks the father should be there.

As the grandmother of Sheena, I'd like Jean-Luc to be with me as well.

This is not going to be easy.

---------------

The two ships, the Enterprise and Rhode Island arrive at the planet and assume orbit. I tell Jean-Luc about what I intend to do.

"I can't see you being able to persuade a Queen, Bev." he tells me, "She's pretty set in her ways and likes traditional amazonian customs...in other words, no men."

"Though you may be right." I reply, "A little woman to woman chinwag might ease her hostility."

We beam down, and the Landing Party is greeted by Queen Diana. As always, she ignores Jean-Luc, and hugs me.



"Greetings, Beverly." Diana says warmly, "As ever, it's wonderful to see you again.. Karena has just landed with Sheena."

A figure behind her steps forward.



Karena holds her daughter while Wesley is behind her carrying some diapers.

"Hi, mom." he says, looking rather tired, as if he has been up all night tending to his daughter.

"Hello, Beverly." Karena says brightly, and winks at me slightly, to remind me what I have to do.

"Diana" I says, as if on a sudden impulse, "Why don't the two of us have a private chat together, mother to mother, while drinking some Elborian Brandy?"

"That sounds like a fabulous idea, Beverly." she remarks, and the two of go to her Palace rooms.

I hope I can hold my drink. Queen Diana is clearly unaware of the potency of Elborian Brandy.

---------------

Half an hour later, the two of us stagger outside, Diana and I holding each other up while singing some bawdy amazonian songs. Karena steps forward.

"Well, mother?" she asks, "Can Wesley come to the Naming Day Ceremony?"

"Oh, shure!!" the Queen says with a slur, then talks to me, "Invite that Captain Picard, will you, Bev, I'm shure he'll find it a lot of fun."

With that, the two of us fall flat on the ground.

I'm gonna have a massive hangover when the Ceremony takes place!

To be continued...

Sheena's Naming Day (Part One)

Guest Poster: Karena

The video screen in our quarters start to buzz. I rush out of bed, kicking a sleeping Wesley out at the same time.

"Go look after Sheena!" I tell him, "That noise will wake her up. Sing a few tunes, but not too loud, as it only makes her cry more."

While Wes runs off to the next room where the cradle is, and falling over in the process, I get the the video screen.



"Greetings, blessed daughter." says my mother Queen Diana, "Are you aware that it is Sheena's Naming Day shortly. The time when your daughter is officially named?"

"Of course, mother." I reply, "Captain Hernandez has agreed to take to to Wondawowman as it is on the path the Rhode Island is going. Beverly and the rest of the Enterprise crew will be coming."

"You know that no men can come to the Naming Day Ceremony, Karena?"

I pluck up my nerves.

"What about Wesley?" I ask, "Surely as the father he is..."

"NO!" my mother replies firmly, "Neither he nor Captain Picard can come. You know what happens in the ceremony..."

"Yes." I answer, "But surely..."

"Don't let the human males weaken you, Daughter." my mother rells me, "You are an Amazonian Warrior Princess, and stand head and shoulders above any man."

"Very well." I say glumly, as wse say our goodbyes and switch the viewer off.

"I heard most of that." says a voice behind me.



"Pumpkin..." I start.

"I know the Naming Day is coming up, honeybunch, but I thought I'd be part of it."

"I tried to get my mother to change her mind, Wes." I say, "Even though I'm an Amazon and you're my Life Servant, I wanted you to be part of it."

"So just what happens in the Ceremony?" Wes inquires.

"I can't say." I reply, "The event is a very closed one that we don't let outsiders see."

"Maybe my mom will be able to convince her, honeybunch?" he suggests.

"She's got a tough job on her hands." I comment.

To be continued....

TWQ: Favourite Musicians When A Teenager

TWQ (the Weekend Question) this week is asking you what your musical tastes were as a teenager.

What were some of your favoutite bands and singers when you were a teenager? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

Elton John
The Beatles
Wizzard
Joan Baez
Slade

Now it's over to you...

Q & Y (Part Three)

Guest Poster: Q

I musr admit, at this moment, I'd rather be in the cinema cuddling my girlfriend Q.

Instead, I find myself doing battle with a member of the Y Continuum. If I lose, the Q Continuum, plus those in the carbon universe, where Picard and the others come from will be obliterated.

So no pressure there, then.

-------------------

Y and I appear on the plain of a bare planet. We face each other.



"COMMENCE!" Y commands boldly.

Promptly I turn myself into a giant waterpipe and douse the flames emitting from Y. In a second, all the flames are restored.

"IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO?" Y laughs mockingly, "DISPOSING OF YOU WILL BE EVEN EASIER THAN I IMAGINED."

It looks like I've got to stop being Mr Charming. All these years with Jean-Luc and Kathryn must have softened me up.

"I can take anything you throw at me." I tell Y firmly, although inside my knees are quaking like coconut shells being put together. Y marces forward, waving his sword, about to split me in two.

I sidestep quickly and change shape.



"NOT VERY ORIGINAL." Y comments to me.

"Maybe not." I reply, "But it will put paid to you, "I learned how to swordfight when taking part in the All-Comers Gladiator competition in the days of the Roman Empire on Earth. The winner doesn't get fed to the lions."

I lunge forward with my sword, but Y sweeps it aside with his. I run over to grab it. Y towers over me, but I grab the sword andquickly lunge my blade into his body.

"ARRRGHHH!!!!" Y screams, as he totters around. I have to be careful he doesn't fall on top of me. That would do enough damage by itself.

Y continues to totter around, holding on to his wound, like a ham actor in a bad movie making sure his dying sequence will be remembered.

Eventually he slumps to the ground, dead, and the whole planet starts to shake.

--------------

I appear back on the Bridge of the Enterprise.



"Well done, Q." Picard says, "You've saved the universe, and your own Continuum. Thank you."

"Did my ears hear that correctly, Jean-Luc?" I say, "Did you actually thank me? This is indeed a red-letter day. As much as I'd like to stay around, I have a girlfriend to date in the back row of the Q Continuum cinema. Bye for now."

With that, I vanish, leaving the Bridge crew weating Mexican sombreros...and nothing else!