Weird Action Figures (Part Five):

Umm... not exactly action-figures but I just couldn't resist! Speed Racer's got nothing on this amazing toy - Racing Grannies! 'Nuff said!!! :)

Weird Action Figures (Part Four):

The world is constantly changing. Look around you.... nothing is the same as it was ten years ago. Fashions change. Technology changes. Even social behavior changes.

Yes, everything changes...

Except Lunch Ladies.

Just stick your head into a school cafeteria and see for yourself. We don't care if you're twenty or eighty -- you'll swear you're looking at the same lunch lady who served you slop back when you were in grade school. It may be magic or perhaps genetics, but lunch ladies are simply stuck in a time warp.

And this Lunch Lady Action Figure celebrates the food service worker in all her glory.

The Lunch Lady Action Figure is more than a doll -- It's actually an entire kit. The main part is the Lunch Lady herself -- She stands 5-1/4" tall wearing her trademark apron. Her arms are fully posable, and she clutches a food scoop in one of her glove hands. (Whenever you get hot food served with a scoop, you know you're asking for trouble.) Naturally, her hair is covered with a tacky net in a futile attempt to keep her hair out of the food.

The kit also comes with a steam table and a set of 9 stickers for the steam table, depicting such cafeteria delicacies as stuffed turkey dogs, macaroni & cheese, and something really frightening called "Cook's Choice." You also get a yellow cafeteria tray so you can re-enact all your culinary nightmares.

Perhaps there's no such thing as a "free lunch," but bad lunches are immortalized forever in this really stupid toy.

Weird Action Figures (Part Three):

She's fierce... She's feisty... She's...
NUNZILLA!

Not only does this wind-up nun walk... she shoots sparks out of her mouth! Whoever designed this beauty must have been full of hostility, because Nunzilla is quite a holy terror.

Nunzilla is 2" tall and has a bible in one hand and a ruler in the other.

She costs only $5.99.
(and if you don't buy one,
we're sending her after you)

Weird Action Figures (Part Two):

After you're done playing with the Hitler Action Figure, try out the Marie Antoinette one. She comes with a removable dress to reveal the prisoner-gard underneath - for all you Kirsten Dunst fans/perverts out there as well as anyone (like me) who's into Female Prison Movies! But the best part is the Ejector Head feature. If (like me), you have a fetish for the French Guillotine, you'll find that this particular action figure satisfies you in every way! My only complaint is that this figure should've come with a recorded voice that says, "Let Them Eat Cake!" and then you press the button to eject her head! Imagine that! Anyway, if your child is required to give a presentation in school about famous historical figures, just let him/her take this Marie Antoinette to school as a visual prop... Fun and educational toy all in one!

Weird Action Figures (Part One):

Now, anyone who knows me knows that I have a weird fixation on action-figures. I collect all sorts of weird and rare action figures and display them on my bookshelves (or some Hasidic Jews might refer to them as my PVC-Idol Shrine). I'm starting a list of entries here to post up pics on some of the weirdest action-figures that I've ever seen. [Disclaimer: They are called Action Figures. Not dolls. Not toys. Can we agree on that before we proceed?]

What more appropriate figure can you think of to piss-off Hasidic Jews and robot radicals more than this one? The Adolf Hitler Action Figure. This one presents the mustached one in all his megalomaniacal glory. You can place it on an altar and sacrifice babies to it, you can put it in your toilet and piss on it and you can even check under his coat to see if he's really got only one testicle. Imagine the possibilities..... :)