My Top 10 Marriage Saving Ideas....

My pastor once told me ... okay maybe more than once - that no on wants a divorce... We don't go into a marriage planning or hoping for a divorce... We want the happily ever after... I know I did.... I do not claim to be an expert on marriage... I'm really the polar opposite of an expert.. But I am a student - still trying after 22 years of marriage to make it right... One fact - I have learned is this... I can change me.... but no matter how hard I try - I can NEVER change Him.... But I can say is this - When I act with kindness - understanding - and love... I have seen a mirror reflection back from him...

TOP 10 MARRIAGE SAVERS

10. Get rid of parasites (stay away from) - Parasites is anything that takes you away from loving your spouse - addictions, pornography, drugs, unhealthy "friends and/or family that hurt your relationship...

9. Hold your tongue - if you want to say something sarcastic,rude, or something that is not constructive - DON'T - There is a lot of anger on both sides - angry words do not show you care - It shows that you are selfish...

8. Give up an activity that would normally take you away from your spouse for the sole purpose of spending time with him... ie: skip a girls night out... a work out...

7. Lose a disagreement - let him have his way... Let him know that you are putting him first.. He is more important than what you want.. You want him... (whether you feel this way or not - act like you do - your heart and mind will follow)

6. Find a therapist a commit to go for minimum of two months (every week). - preferably one that is pro marriage...

5. Write a letter to him - tell him when you knew you were in love with him... Your letter is a love story - Not about what is happening now... Bring yourself back to the place where you had butterflies in your belly.. and You wanted to spend you entire life with him... Talk about your wedding day - your hopes... your dreams.. for both of you...

4. Refrain from fighting... But if you have to "fight" - fight fair... Don't bring up the past.. You are in the here and now -

3. Sit together and watch the movie Fireproof - Get past the so-so acting.. I guarantee you that you will see yourself and your spouse in both characters...

2. Buy the book The Love Dare and do it for 40 days... Whether you feel like it or not - do it for 40 days...

1. Tell yourself everyday - I will love my husband today - whether I feel like it or not... I will show him I love him by random acts of kindness - give him my eyes when he talks.....

You need to fight for your marriage.. Too many people give up without trying and that's such a shame...

* many of the ideas are based on what I learned from The Love Dare...

I Need To Love My Husband Today

A couple of years ago I made it a mission to fall in love with my husband... at the time - I did not like him very much.. To be honest, I believed I truly hated him... Hate is such a strong word isn't it? He would walk into the house from a week long business trip and I became like a cat when a dog came close.. - spitting - clawing - my back straight up.. you get the picture... What did he do? you may ask. Well the answer is nothing except that he walked into the house... He came into my territory and I was pissed...

I took the Love Dare challenge.. and after 40 days - I loved him... Not because he changed... It was because I learned how to love... I changed... I chose to love him.. and when I practiced love - a whole need world opened up to me.... I saw things in a better light... I found myself enjoying my spouse of 20 plus years... I found new joy in my teenagers... I also realized that I was more tolerant when they acted badly... The key was I had to lead my heart.. not follow it... I was feeling the love and wanted to spread it out...

One thing I have learned is this - loving unconditionally - takes work... It's not something that comes naturally to me.. and I'm guessing it is not something that is easy for many others... Loving my kids - super easy... Loving my husband - not so much.... Since I took the challenge of The Love Dare a few years back - I have hit some great peaks and some very low valleys... Valleys so low that I find it hard to believe that I would ever climb out.... I have to love regardless... I have to love whether someone deserves it or not... I know that I can be very unworthy of love and I am so thankful that despite of my numerous flaws... I am loved.... by a Great Father - the definition of Agape Love...

Today is one of those days - that I have to get into His Word... My tank has been empty for quite a while now and I have to fill it up... I need to step back - look in the mirror and ask myself... Have I been loving?? Have I been worthy of love myself?? I know the answer and it is 'No"...
I am really good at "To Do Lists" - without them I would be lost... so today... this week - my personal to do list is this...

1. I will pray for my husband and my kids.
2. I will give undeserved love to my husband because God has given me undeserved love
3. I will talk and not lecture today... tomorrow.. and the next day
4. I will honor my husband and give him my full attention when we speak to each other
5. I will greet my husband with a kiss...
6. I will cover my mouth - bite my tongue if needed to prevent myself from saying anything negative..
7. I will say and do only positive things today.. (one day at a time on this one)

So here it goes again... Why am I dead set on making my marriage work? Today - my answer is this... For my kids... They do not deserve to have parents that do not show love and respect to each other... My husband and I are the examples of the marriage that my girls will learn from and so far - I've been doing a pretty lousy job....

The Love Dare Day 34

Today I was to point out a recent example when Dusty had demonstrated Christian character. I have to be honest that Dusty's parents raised him right. Going to Church every Sunday was something you did...There was never an "if" we're going to Church it was a which service do we want to go too? I remember when we were dating and he would call me around 10 am on a Sunday morning. Sunday's were my "sleeping in" mornings. I was recovering from my night out with the girls the previous night.... He would always sound very chipper on these Sunday morning wake up calls and I would always ask why are you calling me soooo early? His reply each time was get out of bed, I've already been to Church. Let's go do something. Funny thing is that, one of the reasons I fell in love with Dusty was because he was a good boy who went to Church.... I was a Christian too but I chose not to walk the walk. I was young and my priorities were not where they should have been...Dusty helped me to straighten that out.
I have a woman's Bible study I attend on Sunday nights. This past Sunday, I just did not want to go...I wanted to lay down on the couch and be a potato... Dusty reminded me that I agreed to be a "table leader" and it was my responsibility to myself and to my group that I be there.. I am so glad I went. God just totally blessed me that night. The study was about taking the pain of others to glorify God...it was a powerful night.. When I came home that night, Dusty was in extreme pain with his gout - he had a sudden flare up. I prayed to help elevate the pain and it did not go away...he suffered for a few more days....But my attitude and prayer process was different.. I know I emotionally felt his pain and tried to find answers. When Dusty is in pain..he reminds me of a dog that snaps at his owner when he is hurt...Dusty tends to be very snappy when he hurts and for the first time...I did not take it personally... I understood.
Tonight when dinner is done and we are cuddling on the couch...I'm going tell him that he is a good man and that is a great example of what a good Christian husband should be and that I love him.....
Tomorrow's Love dare Find a marriage mentor.....and I know just who to call....