Episode 2: The World of Chaos

In episode 2 of Strangerville, we explore stories of chaos. What role does chaos play in our lives? Children remind us of the confusing process of learning to be a human. An online comment moderator responds to death threats from an Internet troll. Folks wander through recent devastation in Ukraine. And hostile desert monkey(s) teach a tomboy a lesson.

Pictures from my Phone & Weekly Distractions

We are putting the final touches on episode 2 of Strangerville, which will be ready for you early next week. Stay tuned. We are thrilled with how it turned out and I think you're going to love it like Tami loves being naked. Please subscribe to us at the iTunes if you haven't already.

Spoiler alert for episode 2: a five year old tells me I have bad hair in one segment.

And now, your Pictures & Distractions:

We looked away and when we looked back Mr. Pants and Mr. Scraps were doing this. And 50 angels got their wings.

East Jesus

Last weekend I wandered to southern California to visit my grandma and my Uncle Will. So, naturally, we spent a good portion of our Saturday hippie hunting in the hot desert. Because that's what one does in Death Valley. 

I've told you before about Salvation Mountain. 

1:00 On A Weekday

I worked late on Thursday night in an attempt to meet a few early Friday morning deadlines. By the time Friday morning hit, I was relatively burned out with work. It was a beautiful day in Salt Lake City and I've been antsy to get started on some yard work. Mostly just stuff I was supposed to do in the fall but didn't get around to because tv and eating.

So I decided to play hooky and take the afternoon. I got home around 1:00.

I need you to remember that this was a weekday. It was 1:00 on a weekday when I got home.

About five minutes after I walked through door, I heard the door open again. Matt and Ollie wandered in.

At 1:00. On a weekday.

Eli: Oh. Hi.

Matt: Hey. [Matt opens the fridge; retrieves some Diet Coke]

Pictures from my Phone & Weekly Distractions

Sometimes Stranger becomes something I never really imagined before. Like that time that I made a joke about genealogy and then we all did family history work and established that the Suzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz and I are 29th cousins twice removed cross my heart and a partridge in a pear tree. And for some time, this was all we talked about.

This week is no exception. You should be advised that my post on Fuller House from Monday has already had more traffic that almost anything I've written in the last two or three years. WHICH MEANS, I apparently write for people who are entertained BY FULL HOUSE.

FULL HOUSE! You guys! When I saw the scene in episode 12 of Fuller House where everyone at the party breaks into a perfectly choreographed Bollywood dance routine, all I could think was "Eli--you produce content that appeals to the same audience that likes this show."

Oh! NOT THAT I'M STILL WATCHING IT!

And now, your Pictures & Distractions:

Date night with Mr. Pants!

Nirvana

A couple of weeks ago my friend Kate told me that she found a free meditation class near our houses and she thought it would be a good idea for me to go to it. And I was like, "I DON'T NEED MEDITATION I'M PERFECTLY CALM WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!?!?!"

It's true that in the last couple of months I've been just slightly more on edge than usual. There was a 7-week period starting somewhere in January where my phone began telling me how long it would take me to get home from wherever I was, using my office address as the "home" location.

A couple of weeks ago Matt had a come-to-Jesus with me about my life choices, which means things were really serious because Matt doesn't like to talk about anything, ever. I'm not kidding you about this. I have at least four dozen inanimate objects in my home right now that talk about their feelings more than Matt does.

So when Kate mentioned that a meditation class might be a good idea for me, it wasn't much of a surprise.

She came with me, along with our friend Matt. Not Matt Pants. A different Matt. Matt Pants would never attend a meditation class. When I asked him if he wanted to come, he told me some variation of "hell no" and then said that while we were doing that nonsense he was going to be home pouring himself "a glass of dinner." (Hashtag wine).

Fuller House Came Out and It's Even Worse than You Imagined

Where to even begin.

When Netflix said they were producing a season of a Full House reboot, we all quit our jobs to make sure there would be no distractions in our lives when it was released. There has never been, at any time since that crocodile gave birth to the first human baby*, a more exciting announcement than the one that told us that Full House was coming back.

Yes, we all knew it was going to be terrible. Let's just get that out of the way right now. Nobody actually thought this was going to be a good show. We all saw Full House in the 90s. We see it on tv all day, every single day. There is basically a channel devoted to Full House syndication. Every one of us saw at least a flash of one of the show's scenes just today while we flipped back and forth between Love It Or List It and Naked and Afraid. Just how terrible Full House was and is has never drifted far enough into the recesses of our minds to allow nostalgia to fool us into an alternate reality wherein this show wasn't gag-inducing.

Pictures from my Phone & Weekly Distractions

Grocery Store Woman: Hmmm . . .

Eli: What?

Grocery Store Woman: Oh. I just noticed that you are buying another 10-pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eli: Are you keeping track now?

Grocery Store Woman: This is your second bag this week. If you eat two ten-pound bags of peanut M&Ms every week, all year long, that amounts to 104 ten-pound bags, which means that in one year, you will have eaten 1,040 pounds of peanut M&Ms. Can you even imagine what 1,040 pounds of peanut M&Ms looks like?!

Eli: I hate myself.

And now, your Pictures & Distractions:

Wandering a reggae concert atop a Park City Mountain with the ever lovely Kate. 

THIS IS WHY WHAT IF PAUL SIMON!

Yesterday "Gretchen in PA," that being of wonder and light, commented on Stranger that Paul Simon announced that he would be doing a concert in Salt Lake City on May 22 this year. And this was my face.

Snow Angels

This has been a snowy winter for us good folks of Salt Lake City. And I've actually been pretty happy about this even though snow is Satan's pollen. Or insecticide. Or feces. I'm not sure which analogy to draw here. The point is, Satan is responsible for snow and winter and cold and Glee and it is important to know this so we can recognize the signs of the times and get in our crowded bunkers when the moment is right.

I CALL MIDDLE!

The reason I've been happy about the snow is because last year it basically didn't snow at all and it just felt weird. Like that feeling you used to get when you knew you were supposed to be in really big trouble but your mom didn't even bother yelling at you and this actually made you feel even more uneasy.

And I didn't assume that God was protecting me by keeping the snow away because I had said "hell" and "damn" a lot more than usual earlier in the year so I don't think he was really on my side at that time. This left me with the overall sense that the lack of snow meant we finally polluted enough to destroy the planet, which means fewer puppies and that Paul Simon might be mad at me for not doing something to stop it.