Yahoo! Answers XV

I've been collecting a new batch for you. Here are questions I've asked over the past few months, with some selected responses, before the Yahoo! gods deleted them. As always, names have been slightly altered or changed.

Happy quarantine!

Question 1: Why does the direction north keep changing? Walmart is north from my house but my sister says it's east at her house and we just want to meet there to have lunch at the food court our Walmart has a nice Domino's Pizzeria you know the kind where they put the hottt chile shakers on the table because they trust you not to steal them and Darlene keeps going to the wrong Walmart.

Yahoo! Answers XIV

I've been saving this for a while. Please cast your vote for your favorite answer. There are some WINNERS here.

Question 1: If the Titanic sinking really happened, why didn't the people who died ever say anything about it? I just think it's suspicious that not a single one of them ever talked about their experience.

Yahoo! Answers XIII

(Names of the answerers have been slightly changed)

Question 1: What are the best vocational schools for cats? My cat Trixy is interested in learning a trade in case I die or she moves out but she has a hard time in school like she can't talk and stuff. Are there any vocational schools that don't require you to read and write papers or support football?

1. Whatever you do don't send her to ITT Tech. They eat cats alive there. Trust me. I'm a cook in the campus cafeteria. ~Patrickster

2. Don't waste time and resources on vocational school for your cat. Homeschool her! She'll be rebuilding engines in no time! ~Cindygrape

3. Ever since Cats closed on Broadway feline unemployment has been through the roof. ~Jandice

Yahoo! Answers XII

Question 1: How long does Ambien take to wear off on cats? I like to take my cat Trixy to work but my boss is so prejudice and said she can't be there because of food and sanitation even though Trixy is actually really clean because she self bathes and stuff so I gave her 5 Ambien and put her in my shirt and went to work and now it's been a week and she still hasn't woken up and her birthday is coming up and I'm worried we'll have to postpone her party and I work at Arbys.

Yahoo! Answers XI

It's been a long time. And I know you guys have been dying to know the answers to the below questions. So I went to Yahoo! Answers. YOU'RE WELCOME.


Question 1: Is it infidelity if I'm married but I kiss my cat a lot? If it makes a difference, the cat is married, too.

1. No, it's ok. Love is love, even if the rest of the world doesn't recognize it. ~JenWales

2. I think you might be a crazy person. ~HotPeppers

3. It depends. Is your husband giving you the attention you need? What about the cat's spouse? Are you in open relationships? Do you use tongue when you kiss? Are the feelings mutual? It's basically impossible to answer this question without a LOT of detail. ~Trailman

Yahoo! Answers X

Dear Strangers: You look like you could use some Yahoo! Answer advice today. Twice up the barrel, once down the side.


Question 1: How much cat food should I leave out? I'll be working overseas for the next 10 to 12 months and will not be taking my cat Trixy with me (the break will be good for both of us). How much cat food should I leave out in the apartment? She will have no outdoor access. Is one bag enough? She's very overweight, if that helps.

1. Your cat will die! Bring her to someone's house to take care for her! ~Dianne

2. Don't leave her alone! Especially if you are gone for 10 to 12 months (in my opinion, that is a little long). Find a cat-sitter and give her lots of love when you come back because she will have missed you.  ~Happy Panda

3. Just leave her the number to a delivery pizza place and she'll be fine.  ~Tom

4. You dont even disorve to have cats if i left you out with bag of cat food for 1 year! ~TLC

Yahoo! Answers IX

It's been too long guys. So I went to Yahoo! Answers to get some feedback on more of life's most important questions. And as usual, the strangers of the world did not disappoint.

Special thanks to Lora. Bless you.

Question 1: Can Cats commit adultery? My cats Trixy and Mr. Biggles have been married for about one year and I recently discovered that Trixy has not been faithful and now I'm worried that she won't go to heaven with us because the Bible says you can't commit adultery. Does the Bible apply to cats too?

1.  Not really. ~Max

2. Seriously kid? Seriously? Even if the bible was real it doesn't apply to non-humans! ~Awesome Guy

3. Yes. Jerry Springer is the next step. Maybe Maury. ~Meow

4. Since cats don't get married, I don't see how adultery could apply to them. You might be interested to know that cats are not mentioned in the Bible at all (unless you count lions).  ~Gary C

5. Humans, frankly, are more intelligent in a way than other animals. Humans can think and know that adultery according to the Bible is wrong, so according to the Christian religion, anyone who has committed adultery and hasn't repented is punished. Cats, however don't realize that adultery is wrong. Like really, you can't read the Bible to your cat and teach them what's wrong and what's right. Therefore, I seriously doubt that the Bible applies to cats.  ~Corri

Yahoo! Answers VIII

Good morning, strangers. We're back today with another edition of Yahoo! Answers. People were not very helpful with my questions below. Sigh. Also, Yahoo! Answers deleted almost all of these questions already. Things are not going well for the Queen of Colors's's's Yahoo! Answers account. She is getting pretty twice up the barrel, once down the side about it, if you know what I mean.


Question 1: How do I do a wire transfer to Nigeria? So I just got this letter in the mail and I found out that I'm related to this prince in Nigeria that just died! I feel like I've just won the lottery! I thought all of my ancestors were from Ireland and Scotland. Goes to show how little you know about your roots sometimes! Anyway, they need me to "wire transfer" some money to Nigeria so they can send me my inheritance. Anyone know how to do this???

1. Congratulations on your luck! You will have to give them your banking info so they can cover the initial costs of transferring the money to you. I had a similar scenario happen to me not to long ago, so I know it takes a few months to get your loads of wealth. They will probably take out all the money in your account, this is normal so don't worry. I guess it just costs a lot to get everything worked out over there. Have fun with your new found wealth! ~Elli

Yahoo! Answers VII

Hi Strangers. Today I have a new set of Yahoo Answers for your reading pleasure. It seems like only yesterday I posted that first question about how to alter a Snuggie to make it more fashionable. Sometimes I can't believe how much time I spend on this crap.

Question 1: How can I dye my cat without making a huge mess? My cat is a natural ginger, so obviously I have to dye her a different color. The problem is, every time I do she freaks out and makes a mess all over the house. I don't want to have to give her away. Is there anything I can do?

1. Report yourself to the SPCA for animal cruelty! ~Elizabeth

2. DO NOT DYE YOUR CAT!!! Aside from the experience traumatizing her ("every time" you do "she FREAKS OUT"---does that not tell you that it UPSETS her?!) It is also toxic. Her skin not only absorbs the dye but she also ingests it from licking herself. This is animal cruelty & you ARE breaking the law. You should not have her or any pet at this time. This demonstrates great immaturity & insensitivity. You are causing her great mental stress & physical suffering. Please, please stop. Please find her a safe home where she won't be forced to endure this any more. ~T

Yahoo! Answers VI

You seemed bored, so I thought I would post some more Yahoo! Answers questions for you. But before I get to that, I thought I would share a couple of pictures from a Ragnar team who ran recently with some custom made zebra print Snuggies, embroidered with a classy "3+3=furrrever" (there were apparently 6 of them total). Thanks Kelly, Megan, and others.

 

 

 

 

Question 1: Are cat feces REALLY good for your skin? I've always been told all of those stories about how good cat feces are for your skin but I've been applying them twice a day for 2 months and have seen no difference. I'm starting to wonder why I even got these cats in the first place. Am I doing this wrong? PLEASE don't tell me I have to ingest them again like I did for that detox treatment.

Yahoo! Answers V

Guys, Yahoo! Answers is finally on to me. I have gotten several emails from them telling me that I have lost "points" for the questions I have asked. They have also started deleting some of them. Apparently someone has started reporting me. I'm sorry that I have some unique concerns about how to make my cats more comfortable at home. Geeze.

Anyway, here's today's batch. I may have to get a new yahoo! I.D. soon. Qofcolors@yahoo isn't going to hold up for much longer.


Question 1: How do you sew your cats together? I've always wanted Siamese cats but I've never had two that I thought would go well together until recently. I would like to attach them to each other but I don't know the first thing about how to do it. Can it be done at home? Is it expensive to have a vet do it?

Yahoo! Answers IV

I hope it's not too soon, but today I bring you Yahoo! Answers IV. I want to scoop all of these people up and take them home with me. I think my favorite part of this one is that people actually tried to give real answers for question 6. Also, I am officially awarding Ninjai from question 1 the "Tellin' It Like It Is" Award. Congratulations, Ninjai. Join the list of mind-speakers proudly.


Question 1: Am I too old to have children? My husband and I will both be celebrating our 90th birthdays next summer. We are thinking about adopting a baby because everyone needs a home. Is this crazy? My husband has a hard time remembering things, but I'm in pretty good shape and can usually drive a car and we both know how to play a mean game of canasta!

Yahoo! Answers III

I bring you now the third edition of Messing with People in Yahoo! Answers. What good is a Halloween week if nobody has asked the Internet about what to do about their various cat-related problems? I'm not sure whether I like the sarcastic or serious answers to my questions better. In any event, Rosemary wins the award this time for being the most upset about my ignorance of feline needs.

Question 1: How can I keep my cats in the stroller? I used to take one cat for a walk at a time by holding her in my arms but I started to feel guilty about leaving the others at home. I bought a baby stroller that can fit 8 or 9 at a time so I can at least take them in groups now. But I cannot for the life of me get them to stay in the stroller! Does anyone know of any seat belts or nets I could get to keep them in?

Yahoo! Answers II

Happy Easter. To kick off Good Friday, I sought my good friends on Yahoo! Answers to help me out with some problems I've been having with my cat. Answer 3 on question 2 may have been written by my soul mate. Enjoy!

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Question 1: Why has my cat stopped growing? After a while my cat stopped growing. I swear I'm feeding her every day. I've started giving her growth hormones but she isn't responding. She's only 4 or 5 years old. I grew until I was like 21. I just feel like I'm being a really crappy cat owner and I'm worried she's going to be taken away from me. Help!?!

Yahoo! Answers

Today I decided to create a couple of Yahoo! accounts (qofcolors and janesnuggies) to go onto Yahoo! Answers and ask ridiculous questions to irritate people (how did I become this person?). What happened was very entertaining, especially the cat related questions. Below is a sampling of my results. More to come:

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Question 1: How can I alter my Snuggie to make it more fashionable?  I really enjoy the Snuggie for comfort but there seems to be some social stigma about wearing it in public. I'm just wondering whether anyone has any ideas for making it a little more stylish. PLEASE HELP!