I'm not talking about Teddy, who is still to this day one of the cutest animals that God or whoever is in charge of cute animals has deigned to allow on this Earth.
Did I tell you guys about how when I met Teddy and he was only a few weeks old that I fell to the floor and legit cried as he licked my face and peed on me?
That's not hyperbole. That's not exaggeration. I didn't make that up.
An actual REAL tear rolled down the side of my face and fell onto the ground.
I was smiling so hard that the next day I had to get reconstructive surgery in places on my body that I didn't even know existed. IN CHINA.
You can even ask Adam about the tear. He saw the whole thing. He slowly backed up to the door when it happened. Teddy and I have been pals ever since.
But more recently, Matt texted me a picture of another animal and said that someone needed to go rescue him so he could belong to the collective "us." I was at least slightly tempted but then I remembered that training a brand new puppy is absolute misery and I wasn't about to begin that process all over again now that I have finally sort of started to get my life back.
I realized the other day that 2017 is the year I stopped caring how I dress or what I look like. I'm not kidding about this. I got Duncan at the beginning of the year and for the next few months I was getting up with a not-yet-potty-trained puppy at all hours of the night, locking both of us in the kitchen during the day so he didn't have access to carpet, taking him on so many walks every day that there's a path worn on the concrete sidewalk in front of my house, and otherwise shutting myself away like a hermit because I felt bad leaving the house and seeing his big round sad eyes scream at me "I THOUGHT WE WERE A FAMILY."
And in all of that fatigue and dog pee and poop and guilt, I gained a bunch of weight and started dressing like a cat lady. As I thought about this the other day I realized that I totally get why they look the way they do. Why put on a nice dress if I know I'm just going to have to take the dog for a walk in the mud in 20 minutes? NOT THAT I WEAR DRESSES.
#muumuuforlife
The point is, there was no way in Hell NOT THAT WE KNOW WHAT HELL IS that I was about to start that process anew, considering that Duncan is now in a place where I can leave him out in the house while I'm away, he doesn't chew anything, and he has even started sleeping through the night praise all the Jesuses. ALL of them.
So I passed. But fortunately Adam heard the holy call, and probably partly because puppy training Teddy is just barely enough of a distant memory for him, he up and adopted Mr. Renley Rufferford.
Renley is a magical creature. Like, I actually think he may be the result of immaculate conception. Every time I see him he grants me three wishes. And I immediately use all of them to wish that he will never die.
I love him with a hot and fiery passion that I previously did not know was possible.
He is pure and utter joy, all the time. He has this look in his eyes that tells anyone who glances at him, "you're just fine the way you are. Now let me lick your face."
NOTHING can get this dog down. Recently Adam caught Renley and Teddy digging in the yard so he scolded them and then took a picture of their reactions.
Will you guys look at that dog? He is ridiculous!
Adam walked into a room one day and found him on this table!
RIDICULOUS.
There is no reason for any human in this world to be sad as long as that animal exists.
I mean, look how happy he is eating dirt!
DIRT!
NOW I WANT TO EAT DIRT!
And one time he fell asleep like this!
And do you remember this picture?!
YOU GUYS!!!
The point is, I went to Adam's house last week largely because of Renley.
When I went to leave, I insisted that all the dogs come with me and Adam agreed because he had to go to work. So I gathered Teddy and Renley with me in the car.
Adam had told me that Renley has a car-sickness problem and so needed to ride in the back in a cage unless I liked being covered in vomit.
"Renley has a car-sickness problem" is the greatest understatement I've heard since "your metabolism slows down in your 30s."
The second I put the car into drive it was vomit city. Vomit coming out of every hole on that puppy's body. Vomit from his ears. Vomit from his eyes. Vomit oozing from every pore.
There was so much vomit in the car that by the time I got home the vehicle was technically considered a crime scene.
I couldn't really do anything about it, partly because I was driving, but also because I was dealing with a bit of a territorial issue in the front seat.
One that the black dog refused to concede, even after the car ride was over and everyone else went inside.
I'm feeling a little guilty about how much I just talked about Renley so maybe hurry and look at my baby for just a quick second.
Ok. The point is, Mr. Renley Rufferford has an Achilles heel and it's kind of a relief to find out about it because it decreases the chances that he's an advanced alien creature who has come to Earth to find out how to destroy us.
Also, you should go follow him on Instagram. (BTW, we were told initially that he's a cavoodle, like Ollie and Duncan, but he has not grown at all and is still like negative eleventy pounds so we think he may actually be a maltipoo. Or a new breed of dog that did not previously exist.)
~It Just Gets Stranger
I literally have been obsessively checking your blog for the past two days just WAITING for a post and this was EVERYTHING I needed :D :D :D :D Thank you for your contribution to the good in the world!
ReplyDeleteI'm almost convinced that Renley is a stuffed animal toy instead of a real dog. He looks too much like perfection to be real.
ReplyDelete. . . I hope you listened to the the wise counsel and had Renley in a cage when that vomit fest occurred.
And your description of training a puppy is exactly why I tell my kids NO every time they ask for a dog. I have four kids, ages 2 to 8. I tell them that they are still way too much work for me to add a fifth child, which a dog is in many ways.
We did somehow end up with two kittens this past month, which I have mixed feelings about. (Their mother was hit by a car in front of our house, and the kittens were living under the bush in front of our house, and my kids wouldn't stop playing with them. One was sick, and I felt bad and I didn't want my children playing with a diseased kitten, so I took that one to the vet, and then into my house while I gave it medicine, then I felt guilty about the ones outside, etc. etc. etc. One was adopted by a friend, and we still have two in our house.) ANYWAY, I stare at this kittens who are now barely three months old, and they're perfectly potty trained. They just use the little box. Period. End of story. I'm in the midst of potty training my two and a half year old. We've been at it for a few months, and I know we still have MONTHS before he's autonomous, and man. Why are kittens born potty trained? And why couldn't humans and puppies come that way??
I had a friend who litter trained her dog. It was impressive.
You are an angel.
DeleteI've kind of litter trained our oldest dog...
Delete...if by "litter" we mean "the dining room rug" and by "trained" we mean "is full of sadness and failure of her humans".
I would shake the hand of the person who managed to litter train their dog. And I want them to write a book about it. I can't even fathom how that works! My dogs are all laughing at me even *reading* about it!
Faith, laughing and crying at your comment.
DeleteI tell you again, we follow all the Utah Eli Friends dogs on Instagram, and whenever someone in the family is feeling down or sad or whatever is Happening in real life they come to me and we look at all the pictures of The Dogs. My girls know them all by name. I should record their reactions as we look at pictures. They like to talk to Duncan as he can hear them. They learned this from me. It's cool.
ReplyDeletePlease send a video of that.
DeleteI do the same thing when I drive by dogs out for walks. I talk to them and even do their voice to respond to what I'm saying.
Me too!! We are like dog whispering twins.
DeleteIt's 10 AM my time and I'm stress eating a Blow Pop so yeah - I really needed a puppy post today
ReplyDeleteOnly a Blow Pop? I'm impressed. There are worse things you could stress eat!
DeleteNicole for self-control president.
DeleteI'm only making it to 9:36 this morning - My resolve is weakening
DeleteI often say I don't know what we did to deserve dogs, but I pray every night that we don't do anything to have our privileges revoked. :-)
ReplyDeletePretty sure I would fail at training Renley just because I wouldn't be able to say no to him! I mean LOOK at that smile and innocent face. The boy band picture is a classic precisely because the 4 original puppies are so stoic and Renley is the oddball happy puppy.
ReplyDeleteThank you for including the picture of Duncan picking his nose too. Every parent needs to have a picture of their child unabashedly picking their nose.
Y'all have the best names for your dogs. And obviously I don't even say "Y'all" (I don't think any of us actually do). I would have to say that the group shot of the dogs makes me think they need to have their own reality show. Maybe something like "Real HoseDogs of SLC"?
ReplyDeleteI'm very good at dog naming. If you ever get a puppy, send me a picture and I'll name it for you. This offer is open to everyone.
DeleteI totally love how the three of you are basically sister wives raising each others' puppy kids. All the Instagrams make my heart so happy.
ReplyDelete