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* Welcome *

... Angel In Devil's Paradise? ...

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Towards the Nature Trip~
08 October 2011

Today morning woke up very early... LOL.
Supposed to meet up with YY, Daniel and two new friends for a nature walk kind of trip to Henderson Wave and stuff. We agree to meet at Hougang Station at about 7.30am, then as I sleep only around 1am plus this morning I was so scare of not being able to wake up at 6:30am to prepare to go out.

So I guess with all the stress and worries plus excitement, I actually woke up without the clock around 5am plus. And the best thing is I cant fall back to sleep when I tries to. Anyway I managed to meet up with YY and friends.

So the two new friends I met today is YY's colleague, Shimin and Huiping. They're both AED in the same school where YY worked at before. After meeting up with Daniel, we had our breakfast and start our walking trip... all the way from Mt Faber Park to Telok Blangah Hill Park then to Henderson Wave... but one of the path was being block till further notice due to an incident of wild monkeys attacking humans (heard from a couple there).

So we took another path and end up like nowhere? LOL. Anyway we just continue to walk... haha, and we pass by Safra... took bus to different place... then went to Roma's Deli for our lunch and all of us go back home while YY goes for her GYM.

It was a long day, tiring and fun but worth it.
Enjoy the photos taken today~

P.S: Entire Photo Album on my Facebook =)

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I am Back Finally!!
01 October 2011

Hello Everyone,

I am back. I have just changed my blogskin to something nice, hope it suits me eh?
So what actually have I been up to?
Well, a lot of things have happened this year... like I broke my foot bone just at the start of Chinese New Year and it took me up to like July ~ August to fully recover.
But no matter how much it has recovered, it will not be the same like before already.

So well... for my that one and only relationship, it really ended... I am not able to 'cover' for him and say that he isn't selfish anymore... things he said really hurts a lot. Again and again, he stab knives into my heart. Back then after he decided to left me, he said things to me like he wanna let us both try to get back together again. All along we are like close friends and maintaining this special friendship even after breakup. But ever since he stated working officially in the company where he had his internship, he changed.

I notice he added new female friend on his msn profile and Facebook, well, I peek at that girl and start to suspect that she is the one he is aiming at or something like that. Soon he even sort of distanced himself away and I confronted him... then one day, he said everything is over, it's enough. First of all, he is not even able to give me the reason for deciding to leave me back then... then he told me that he opened the chance for both of us to get back together and closed it himself. So, what am I to him? I'm a human and I don't get the chance to 'choose'?

It's ok... I even put on my MSN personal message saying that I just hope people can be honest with me. Then he saw it and said there is no other third party or dishonesty, it was just that the (his) heart died. I asked for the reason and cause for the death of his heart, but he is not able to tell me. After the confrontation and stuff, soon, I was being deleted from his friend list on FB. It was a big blow to me, seriously. I don' think I did anything wrong to deserve all this. I asked him why, and he later on add me back and said he have no idea how did that happen. So, does it means that he indeed has a new gal already and even shared his FB account with her? So the gal knew about me (maybe?) and deleted me on his behalf w/o telling him? Nobody knows.

It really was not easy for me... to get him off my mind as he is my first boyfriend, first relationship. I've told myself to let go of everything... but last night before I slp, I suddenly though of him and wonder how is he doing. So I peeked at his Facebook. Then i saw this gal post on his wall about some kind of staff trip. This gal is the very same girl I long suspected as his new gf. And her profile photo, the background scene of the place where she took the photo is exactly very similar to the new profile photo of my Ex.

What does all this mean?
Very simple. My guess and what I had suspected was not wrong. He changed because he met this new girl at his work place, all those 'romantic' MSN personal messages are meant for her. And finally, they are together as an item.

I does felt even more heartbroken but what really upset me is that he choose not to be honest with me from the start... not even once. I am truly disappointed and dishearten... I wanted to still think of him as a good guy because he was once really an angel to me back then when we are still together. But now all these that's put right in front of me... how can I still lie to myself and how good can I still think of him? Words which he once said to me, those was never fulfilled and became beautiful lies. I won't say that he did not love me back then, but maybe he do not know how to truly love a person.

It's all too painful but because you can't kill and you can't bring yourself to forgive, you can now only choose to forget.

I was glad that I once met that 'Angel' of him back then even though the angel had fallen and vanished from this world. Human beings should not have a wicked heart even if someone else did bad things to them, so I will still give him my blessings.

I still remember what I promised to myself and announced on my FB, so I will keep my words and move forward to it. Welcome back FiOh Dadako.

Labels: Feelings, Thoughts

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