Dear Diary - Difficult Words

"Why are we in Afghanistan?"

Recently I asked someone in comment whom I'll leave unnamed because I've not given them a chance to first comment on what I am saying here - "Why are we in Afghanistan?" and subsequently, "Is it worth the cost/price?"

My intent was to ask someone in a military family what our mission there was.

My thinking for doing so is admittedly muddled. I have grown cynical and mistrust the media hype and spin piled on top of the political babble [yes that is the nice word for what I really mean] that comes from the slimy spin artists and self-serving liars in Washington DC - So in part, my thinking was - go directly to the source - doing so was actually a sign of respect in that I trust and believe this person's response, if they were give me one.

I am without question, due to an upbringing in an Amish and Quaker environment of pacifism, anti-war. My ideal world would mean everyone leaving everyone else alone to live how they wish without interference. Our increasingly interconnected world today, however, makes this ideology ever more untenable and ever more difficult to put into practice.

I am not by any means spineless or anti-self defense. And with increased global mobility, the concept of self-defense and its limits have admittedly become a vague and difficult proposition in regards to where the line should be drawn.

However that said, I hold Veterans that have served honorably in the highest regard - many of them are in fact, my role models and heroes.

When I typed my comment I was thinking from with in my world view box. My mistake was to not consider the other person's world view.

They have suffered considerably as a family with a member in the military. They have experienced years of separation with its full spectrum hellish agony while he was on duty (for us and for ME). They also experienced being heckled by people here in the USA for being involved in a very unpopular war.

While I personally believe that particular war was an immoral war, mainly because it was fought under false pretext, fighting that war was not this person and their family's choice nor of course, was it any of their doing.

And as immoral or misguided as that war might be (and only the passing of years and history may eventually prove this contention right or wrong) - The other person's (and mine and ours) soldier's service or any other honorable soldier was and never will be called into question or be belittled in slightness way by me.

I personally cannot conceive of the American people not supporting American soldiers under ANY condition - those soldiers have a difficult duty to do what the our country's President in his role as Commander in Chief (C-in-C) orders them to do to their best of their abilities within the constraints of their own world views and morality all the while knowing they could be injured, maimed or killed.

If the public (which includes me) has a problem with that or any war - they need to take their opinions and questions to top of the chain of command. The onus and responsibility of addressing those opinions and answering those questions truthfully lies with the C-in-C and NO where else.

So with my comment with my ... unconsidered question... that I naively "spoke," I opened up all the hurts, deprivations, and even terrors that this person holds inside.

And for that I apologized. Profusely. I know not what more I can do - my desire to "un-speak" the comment and "un-ask" the question - and put back things I unwittingly opened up - can't be done.

My questioning did the very thing that runs contrary to beliefs I hold deeply within me. I hurt someone - someone sensitive, creative, and talented - and bearing the crushing load that comes with being a military spouse.

While the hurt person may or may not forgive me - I'm not the sort that easily lets himself "off the hook" - I need to better watch what I say and type - and to be more considerate of the other person's point of view.

That is after all, the fundamental basis of the ideal the Founding Fathers of our country had when spoke of "tolerance" and my own hometown's founding ideal of "Brotherly Love".

It is my hope - that this (one-sided) dialogue brings about a some understanding, tolerance and indeed, brotherly love.

And perhaps even more so, at an idealistic level, a furthering of those ideas that I believe in - while I struggle to better understand them myself.