i realised that hc never had much impact on me. or perhaps i should say that i don't have as much feelings for her as much as other institutions in mmy life. i didnt enjoy my time there as much as the times i spent in say nanyang, or even nus. in comparison to the impact hc seemed to have on many of her students.
maybe it was the expectations after nanyang that made hc seem less 'meaningful' in a way. or that the sense of achievement just wasnt there. nevertheless there were some good friends made. but ultimately, i have realised that girls are still more reliable at the end of the day.
being in the physics stream made me spend more time with the guys instead of the girls. but ultimately, you are still seen as different from them, in their eyes, in my opinion. to be in the class with lep girls is my luck and honour. and ultimately gave me some perspective into these frieends with an enthusiast for chinese, a language i enjoy but didn't like studying for.
but really, despite how i thought i was, i suppose they didn't really care and bother. after all, i dont' really start conversations.
now that i'm going into landscape, i've realised that i'm enjoying the lessons again, for now. and it's a pleasure to hang out with my studiomates. i suppose that's really why i look happier, despite all the late nights. the nonsensical talk and laughter i have always enjoyed is back. with you and all. but i suppose i don't really realise. i really like all the excursions. and our small size is really much more conducive, both in inter-personal relationships and academic effectiveness.
but still, there is always that angst when whatever i do is not recognised and appreciated. the stubborn-ness keeps wanting to fight.
i think i'm too used to the 'good life'.
ultimately, i need to work hard and do more. at the end of the day, i'm accountable to hdb, the institution i always had taken an interest to, but never expected to really get there, which is quite amazing. suddenly results have so much significance now that the papers are here.
Labels: reflections, school
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Day 1: 1st June 08, Sunday
Singgahsana lodge has a homelike atmosphere, carpets, lounge chairs and the no-shoes policy which I simply love. bed was the oh-so-familiar ikea silver metal-frame bunkbed. With a familiar set of blankets. The public corridors and lounge spaces would be home to all 40 students, where working and lying on the floor till wee-hours of the morning would be common over the next 2 weeks.
Dinner/supper at khatulistiwa café till early in the morning 1 or 2am. a long wait for the food. The first look at Sarawak river.
Day 2: 2nd June 08, Monday
The first feel of the shophouses around the area. The vibrancy of the life in kuching. Lectures about kuching and the shophouses. Trapdoors, timber frames, rafters, louvered windows and clay tile roofs. The modified, the new and the old. The government-institutions- and the people-shophouses. Appreciate: the beauty of the river, the mountains and the vegetation. Getting to know: the richness of the area.
煮炒Dinner @ taman kereta. Food for 50 people takes a long time to come. Starting to understand the pace of the place.
Day 3: 3rd June 08, Tuesday
Say hi to the market! The vibrancy of the place can never be forgotten. The start of the urban study that will teach us that nothing is messy, only vibrant. Getting to know almost a whole new group of people. Pandas and artists and technical specialists, people with their own take on things and the study. Understanding different cultures and the language barrier. First sight of the fish market left me captivated by its architecture and the everyday processes going on in and around the building.
Gambier street, india street, the South Indian mosque, lorong yang sempit (a narrow lane that cuts from gambier street to india street), lorong kaijoo and associated streets deeper from the river. To be inseparable for the next 4 weeks.
Day 4: 4th June 08, Wednesday
Falling for the friendliness of the people. Conversation became easy. Finally got to involve myself in 1st hand experiences with the locals, asking and sharing, in the course of architecture. Which is what I feel it should be about. Learning the stories of the area or the back streets overshadowed by the market and india street. An area that we could have touched on more in the urban study. Former coffin street and etc. appreciating the journey through these streets, the variety of experiences formed by the buildings and the ‘organic growth’ (to quote). Learning: that everything is there for a practical reason.
Day 5: 5th June 08, Thursday
Getting in touch with the market itself. Understanding the reluctance to move to Stutong market and their resignation to their fate. Learning and appreciating the layers of history marked and recorded in the building. Seeing everyday life played out. Appreciating every process that goes on in the market. Maybe it’s because I’m a kid from the city. Seeing the layers of activities and how they are all interconnected and dependent on each other.
Day 6: 6th June 08, Friday
Butter papers, notebooks full of interview information, laptops filled with pictures strewn all over the tables, floors, chairs of singgahsana lodge. Legs, arms everywhere. Maps, sketches. All rushing for the presentation.
Another presentation on Monday doesn’t sound appetizing.
Labels: architecture, kuching, reflections
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what is common about mothers is the fact that they 觜硬心软，appearing cold but in fact all they need is a little attention to make them happy. and some may even need any form of opposition to know that: yes, whatever they have said has been registered by you. the thing about stay-at-home mums is that they face an empty house most of the time and that makes them lonely beings who really need our love and concern. they have done a lot but they do not receive the attention they hope for and should get. it's like how you slog so hard for a project and yet do not get the effort recognised. or how you study so hard everyday, yet get terrible results. they would love to see you happy and well-rested, well-fed, as an indicator of good health. their love and concern is boundless. they need the little attention, every little attention you can give. even just going out to buy things with her, having a meal with her, helping her get little things, just being home matters a lot.
fathers are curious people. humorous and they try to lead the group, whether by initiating conversation, despite that what they observe and say may be rather different from what you (young people) would consider. they can be silent at the back or the front, but they give you reassurance and accept whatever you try to do or have done, believing that you have your reasons and it is well-considered. maybe some more extreme things would attract their greater attention. a little smile/laugh from them makes you reassured and comfortable. they just exude honesty.
elder sisters are great people. they would perhaps intuitively lead the conversations, try to make you comfortable, whether through humour or little things like asking you how you feel, or even little honest comments that tells you that they understand how you may be feeling and makes you relaxed. the immense amount of comfort you get from having an elder sister around you is just overwhelming. they say that they are just kaypo but that is definitely not the whole story. just by saying that, they are humble people and they connect very well to others by appearing more down-to-earth and the fact that they chide themselves tells you that you can say anything and they won't be offended so just relax. and that itself tells you that they really care a lot about you little siblings.
thank you very much for the experience.
Labels: reflections
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it's painful to see less happy history repeating itself. though i suppose u cant have happiness and satisfaction without pain and, yes, Contrast. i shall hope to see the rainbow at the end =)
was thinking in the bathroom. i think i have forgotten most of it -.- but it was motivation of some sort so as long as that feeling stays, i hope everything gets better =)
i think i need to stop chewing on my words so much.
加油!
thank you you.
i need banana milk. for reasons more than one.
Labels: design, reflections
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was flipping through my primary school journal.. below are the little things my teacher stapled onto the journal. not to be accepted in totality given the ideal nature of these little stories but still something one may learn from.
i still need to learn from them.
=====================================
Horror gripped the heart of the World War I soldier as he saw his lifelong friend fall in battle. Caught in a trench with continuous gunfire whizzing over his head, the soldier asked his lieutenant if he might go out into the “No Man’s Land” between the trenches to bring his fallen comrade back.
“If your enemy is hungry feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for by doing this you will burn him with shame.
Do not let evil defeat you, instead conquer evil with good.”
There was once an old man who lived in South Korea.
After the war, times were hard and life wasn’t easy.
His occupation was that of a metal collector
(the lowest job possible at that time).
looking for scraps of metal which he could sell to the government.
He earned $10 and spent only $5 to buy food.
He lived in a hut which he built on the mountain side
and was a very lonely person.
He lived a sad life for his face was severely scarred
from a fire which killed his family.
No one would look at him
because he was so grotesquely scarred
and because of this he kept very quiet
and avoided people when he could.
His main goal in life was to save enough money to fix his face
so that he could live a normal life.
His parents left him when he was only nine
and because of malnutrition the boy lost his sight.
Every day the boy begged for food
but the people beat him
and he couldn’t even run away because he was blind.
The old man saw the broken hearted boy
And felt sympathy for him and took him home.
There he fed him, clothed him, and treated him like his own beloved son.
The boy was joyful and was so grateful to this person who treated him like a loving father.
Years passed and one day he said,
“I’m sorry for being so useless.
I wish my eyes become better so I could help you work.
You must be so beautiful and wonderful because
You took care of someone like me.
Maybe one day I could see your wonderful face.”
The old man became silent being too moved to say anything.
The next day he went to the hospital with the boy
And asked the doctor privately how much it would cost
for the surgery to heal his face.
He asked again how much it would be
to heal the young boy’s sight.
The doctor said $1,500 would do.
He had saved up for 10 years
and had around a little more than $1,500.
He went up to the young boy and said,
“After you receive your sight I can’t be with you,
yet I shall always think of you.
I want you to be happy and live a good life.”
After these words he paid the doctor
and the tired man left
knowing he could never truly reveal himself to the one he loved so dearly.
After the surgery the boy could see again.
He was filled with joy
and wondered why he couldn’t see the one he loved so dearly.
He left and started looking for a job
and soon found one at a restaurant.
He became a waiter there
and worked fulltime earning a good amount.
The next day the old man came looking for metals to collect.
He started searching around the garbage can of the restaurant
when the manager came to tell him to leave
because he was scaring the customers.
The boy soon came to his side threatening the old man to leave also.
The metal collector looked at the boy
and he smiled a warm smile at the boy and left not wanting the boy to see him cry his happy tears.
Later at the restaurant, the manager said to the boy,
“What an ugly man!”
The boy’s reply was, “I know, I hope I’ll never see him again”.
How many of us can actually do the same as what the old man did?...
And how many of us actually did what the boy did…
------
One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon
To help drain the fluid from his lungs.
His bed was next to the room’s only window.
The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.
The men talked for hours on end.
They spoke of their wives and families,
Their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service,
Where they had been on vacation.
And every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up,
He would pass the time by describing
To his room-mate all the things he could see outside the window.
The man in the other bed began to live for those one-hour periods
Where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity
And the colour of the world outside.
The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake.
Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats.
Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every colour of the rainbow.
Grand old trees graced the landscape,
And a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail,
The man on the other side of the room would close his eyes
And imagine the picturesque scene.
One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by.
Although the other man couldn’t hear the band he could see it in his mind’s eye
As the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Then unexpectedly, a sinister thought entered his mind.
Why should the other man alone experience all the pleasures of seeing everything
While he himself never got to see anything?
It didn’t seem fair.
At first thought the man felt ashamed.
But as the days passed and he missed seeing more sights,
His envy eroded into resentment and soon turned him sour.
He began to brood and he found himself unable to sleep.
He should be by that window – that thought,
And only that thought now controlled his life.
Late one night as he lay staring at the ceiling,
The man by the window began to cough.
He was choking on the fluid in his lungs.
The other man watched in the dimly lit room as the struggling man by the window
Groped for the button to call for help.
Listening from across the room he never moved, never pushed his own button
Which would have brought the nurse running in.
In less than five minutes
The coughing and choking stopped, along with that the sound of breathing.
Now there was only silence-deathly silence.
The following morning the nurse arrived to bring water for their baths.
When she found the lifeless body of the man by the window,
She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take it away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate,
The other man asked if he could be moved next to the window.
The nurse was happy to make the switch,
And after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow
to take his first look out at the world outside.
Finally he would have the joy of seeing it all himself.
He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.
It faced a blank wall.
The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased room mate
To describe such wonderful things outside this window.
The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.
She said, “Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.”
Epilogue: You can interpret the story any way you like.
But one moral stands out:
There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite out own situations.
Shared grief is half the sorrow, but Happiness when shared, is doubled.
If you want to feel rich, just count all of the things you have that money can’t buy.
---
With a huge marble statue displayed in the middle of the lobby.
Many people came from all over the world just to admire this beautiful marble statue.
One night, the marble tiles started talking to the marble statue.
Marble tile: “Marble statue, it’s just not fair, it’s just not fair! Why does everybody from all over the world come all the way here just to step on me while admiring you? Not fair!”
Marble tile: “Yeah! That’s why I feel it is even more unfair. We were born from the same cave and yet we receive different treatment now. Not fair!”
Marble tile: “Yes, of course I remember. I hate that guy! How could he use those tools on me, it hurt so badly.”
Marble statue: “That’s right! He couldn’t work on you at all as you resisted being worked on.”
Marble tile: “So???”
Marble statue: “When he decided to give up on you and start working on me instead, I knew at once that I would be something different after his efforts. I did not resist his tools, instead I bore all the painful tools he used on me.”
Marble tile: “Mmmmmm…..”
Marble statue: “My friend, there is a price to everything in life. Since you decided to give up halfway, you can’t blame anybody who steps on you now.”
The Moral of the Story: The more hard knocks you go through in life, the more you’ll learn and put them to use in the future! Do not be discouraged by setbacks and failures.
Don’t Be Afraid to Fail
You’ve failed many times, although you may not remember.
You fell down the first time you tried to walk.
You almost drowned the first time you tried to swim, didn’t you?
Did you hit the ball the first time you swung a bat?
R.H. Macy failed seven times before his store in New York caught on.
English novelist John Creasey got 753 rejection slips before he published 564 books.
Babe Ruth struck out 1,330 times, but he also hit 714 home runs.
Don’t worry about failure.
Worry about the chances you miss when you don’t even try.
---
A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a %50 bill.
In the room of 200, he asked, “Who would like this $50 bill?”
There were giggles and hands were raised.
He said, “I am going to give this $50 to one of you but first, let me do this.”
He proceeded to crumple the dollar bill up.
He then asked, “Who still wants it?”
Still the hands were up in the air.
“Well, what if I do this?” And he dropped it on the ground and started to crush it with his shoe.
He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.
“Now who still wants it?”
Still the hands went into the air.
“My friends, you have learnt a valuable lesson.
No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because of its value.
Despite its appearance, it is still worth $50.”
Just like the bill,
There would be many times in our lives when we fall,
Get insulted and are crushed by others
Or by the circumstances that we go through.
During these times, we feel as though we are worthless.
But remember that no matter what happens,
You are not worth any less because of it.
---
A woman was sitting at an airport one night,
With several long hours before her flight.
She hunted for a book in the airport shop,
Bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop.
She was engrossed in her book, but happened to see,
That the man beside her, as bold as he could be,
Grabbed a cookie or two from the bag between,
Which she tried to ignore, to avoid a scene.
She read, munched cookies, and watched the clock,
As the gutsy “cookie thief” diminished her stock.
She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by,
Thinking, “If I wasn’t so nice, I’d blacken his eye!”
With each cookie she took, he took one too.
When only one was left, she wondered what he’d do.
He took the last cookie and broke it in half.
He offered her half, as he ate the other.
She snatched it from him and thought,
“Oh brother, this guy has some nerve, and he’s also rude,
Why, he didn’t even show any gratitude!”
She had never known when she had been so galled,
And sighed with relief when her flight was called.
She gathered her belongings and headed for the gate,
Refusing to look back at the “thieving ingrate”.
She boarded her plane and sank in her seat,
Then sought her book, which was almost complete.
As she reached in her baggage, she gasped with surprise.
“If mine are here,” she moaned with despair,
“Then the others were his and he tried to share!”
Too late to apologise, she realized with grief,
That she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief!
---
Some Principles in Life
I once told a man a lie.
He responded by telling me this.
All of the decisions that he made were based upon the words that I spoke.
I have long since told the truth.
I once became upset over a gift I received, because it wasn’t what I wanted.
The giver saw the disappointment in my eyes and told me this.
He chose this because he felt I should have it.
I am since very joyful over each gift that I receive.
A man once told me a secret which I quietly whispered in another friend’s ear.
The man told me this, after hearing his own secret repeated.
The reason he told me the secret was because he trusted me, not my friend.
I no longer take trust so lightly.
I once gave a gift to a friend and she cried.
I told her it was just a small gift I had found. Her response was that it was not the gift, it was that I had thought of her.
I now give gifts very often.
When it was discovered that I had stolen the coin, I was quietly taken aside.
The owner of the coin told me this.
Integrity is given with a choice.
I have since chosen to stand with integrity.
I wanted so much to merely be myself, going unnoticed and not draw attention.
And I was told this.
The fact that you do not conform makes you stand out all the more.
I’m still thinking about that one.
Labels: quote, reflections, trash
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going back just made me realise how old i am (remember the sec 1s' reaction: "wow! you are 21 years old!" to yileng), how far i actually am from the current nyco batch. it seemed only yesterday that i was working together with the rest of my batch for music excellence.
and seeing that so few from our batches went back is a further reminder that we are so far away now. i still remember everyone from my batch, and expected to see them. but that they did not appear reminds me that not everyone is as attached and not everyone feels to go back.
seeing how chewfei is now the mother of the herd after all the alumni has left reminds me yet again how old i am. all left there in m402 are all little children whom i had once looked after too. =)
can i just don't grow up?
but if you don't, you wouldn't truly appreciate the joy you once had.
lying in the quadrangle, looking at the cloudless sky, staring at the orionids. reminds me of someone else, and how i have never gone to lie in the quadrangle at night during these wonderful camps to stare at the brilliant night sky.
and the tyre swings! reminds me of the times waiting for dad to come pick us up after co, how my sis, chin gi and i would sit on the swings, laugh and talk rubbish =)
the swings are still as fun to play with, still as squeaky and still as shaky haha.
Labels: co, nanyang, nyco, reflections
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or was it about my attempts to convince them? they werent really convinced by some of the methods i have used, like the panorama... i didn't really try to convince even more. i could have though. maybe that could be a bit better. i don't know.
i'm like trying to avoid yet wanting to look at this crit in the face. i need to learn, yet at the same time there are so many uncertainties that would perhaps only be unravelled at the end of the day when you see results, or perhaps on monday when tsuto talks to us. okay i should wait before i speculate even more. no i shouldn't be speculating. the tutors have already said what is the problem. the problem is my choice of methodology and my inability to convince. i suppose my rationalisation has to be less instinctive and intuitive. yes this is the most important lesson from this.
yup. that is the lesson i have to learn. everything has to go back to the concept. does whatever i choose to do serve to realise the concept? i have to clear any doubt that is on my mind. NO POST-RATIONALISING!
Labels: architecture, design, reflections
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so what have i learnt from this semester of design? honestly i don't really have an idea if i died for crit or not. what was questioned was something very fundamental in my design: why have i broken up the process? i suppose my mind hopes that the crit wasn't as bad as it seems and hence it decides to look at the issue from a more positive light: the execution was okay so they decide to question something that is more fundamental, whether it was necessary or not in the first place to separate. however, my other voice tells me at the same time that it could also be because these fundamental questions were not answered that's why they did not move on to discuss something else. perhaps it's like what mr g said: the separation should be such that they would not question how and why u choose to separate, but instead on how u configure spaces and etc. i suppose i hadn't been able to do that.
however i would still have to say that the space hopes to add value to the activity and the act of doing instead of just display since the space (its atmosphere etc.) may affect the activity being conducted itself. okay this might be a bit forced, but if u have knives hanging over u while u work would that make things more stressful in a way? i'm not sure myself but i dunno. if i really want to influence the act of doing would i have to go into real detail detail? the individual objects would have to be affected? so then perhaps the question was if cooking is the correct medium to look at that. hmm.
i should be less stubborn in following what i want, listen more to the tutors, understand where they are coming from and what is the concern or what is wrong in this place. then work on that and answer those queries first before moving on to the next set of issues. do not be too impatient and think that there is no time. at the same time, focus and concentrate on one thing at a time.
time management: VERY VERY important. as well as PRESENTATION (panel layout and stuff). panels should convey the important points and i SHOULD NOT spend unnecessary time drawing unnecessary elevations which i didn't complete in time anyway -.- i seriously need to plan my panels better and i suppose earlier. and hello i totally had no title saying my site was at west coast park -.-
what was the lesson i took out from the unconventional site mapping? some seemingly less important things are value added/becomes more important through these methods of isolation/framing and memory attachment.
always move back to think about issues from a larger perspective when u get lost.
move ahead, remember the lessons and study hard for exams!
Labels: architecture, design, reflections
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i just discovered the site of my primary school friend which i had no idea what happened to her after entering secondary school... she's doing interactive media design now... i like her works, very appealing to people and easily accessible to many people without confusing layouts and procedures in the webpages she do... furthermore her graphics are really good, her drawing has grown refined using computer programs but her style is still the same (=) as cute) do drop by her site if you are interested or you have lobang for her!
and where am i now?
Labels: reflections
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