Christ, My Saviour
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to you, i am sorry
Wednesday, September 23, 2009 in Serenity
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest in your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."-Matthew 11:28-30
haha. Somehow the only time i come back to my blog is the time when i need to let everything out. holidays are finally here but staying at home is really turning me nuts. pretty happy with my results, all glory to God. but, now, i really literally have nothing to do at home and the thought of cleaning my room isnt very motivating.
I AM SO BORED DOES ANYONE WANTS TO GO CYCLING HAVE FUN OUTINGS MOVIES??
okays.ciaos.
after knowing some stuff, i really felt like i have been a really selfish person and i guess my feelings are right. taking things for granted, i seemed to drag others with me to suffer as well. I am really sorry, to you. perhaps my appearance really affect your life so much. It hurts me to see you frown, sad but yet i know i wont be able to put that smile on your face. Sorry for giving you the unnecessary burden and pressure, sorry for not being understanding, sorry for being selfish. perhaps your mum is right about me. I wont disturb you anymore... do take care and study hard for your oncoming olevels. i am sure you will do the school, your parents proud. i hope you will be happy.
agape, Pris
You were there, You were there always
Tuesday, August 18, 2009 in Serenity
For that moment, I thought you sent me to heaven. Never will I know the next moment you would drag me to hell.Your words in the messages were like darts, penetrating every walls of my heart, puncturing it. I thought I could be happy but you grabbed me by the collar and yelled out,"you cant!" I thought I have given my best in everything I did but your actions shot back at me saying,"that's the best you can do? It's the lousiest I have ever come across."
I felt the occupant in my heart packing up, ready to leave. He left nothing behind except for thorns and more thorns. Taking his belongings with him, he left my heart happily through the punctured holes and was never to be seen again.
I looked back, many times I thought I have won, I was victorious. His departure proved me wrong. I was defeated from the start. It was never meant to be a victory. Illusions of the "victorious" moments began to break away. I tried to grab it back frantically but they dissipated faster than my limbs could move. I can only see my world crumbling before me.
Feeling determined, I decided to start afresh, anew, on my own. I took one step forward alone and felt my whole body crumbling. My punctured heart was not strong enough to hold me up. Panicking, I clutched my chest tightly, putting in every ounce of my strength to take a step further. I cringed at every moment when the pain shot through my entire body. My body was in agony. Wild thoughts shrouded my mind. Why is this happening to me? Why, God? Why?
Struggling with the pain, I began to slow down. Every beat of my heart hurt me. I stared at the unwelcoming path in front of me and cried out,
"Lord, where are you?"
I sat down slowly, pulling my knees toward my chest. So lonely. So cold.
Just before I could heave a sigh of despair, I saw a pair of hands reaching out to me. Before I lifted my head up, I heard a voice, a soothing voice, calling out to me,
"My child, why are you so despondent?"
It was God. I burst into tears as I began to pour out everything to Him, asking why wasn't He there when I needed Him.
His palms lifted me up and said,
"My daughter, when you dropped from that high peak down to this bottomless pit, I was your cushion. When you thought you were taking painful steps forward alone, I was carrying you through, but because you were so focused on how many holes your heart had, you have forgotten I have mend the holes with my love. When you thought I wasn't there for you, I was just right beside you, but because you were so oblivious to your surroundings and only bothered about the "hurts" inflicted on you, you did not notice my presence. I tried giving you countless advices through your parents, but often you turned a deaf ear to it. Your earthly parents love you so much so that they gave up everything for you, how much more does your Heavenly Father, me, is willing to give? You are my child, I made you with my hands. I know your every needs and the right time to give to you. Why are you so impatient about it? My child my child, I love you so. I will never leave you nor forsake you."
Tears rolled down my eyes as I listened to His words. My heart slowly began to beat again. My eyes were open. I gazed at Him and whispered,
" Thank you, Father."
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boo. It's a story. lols. long time since i last compo-ed.
The title is: You were there, You were there always.
lols. ok i know there will definitely be loads and countless grammatical errors, just ignore them alright? lols. I was inspired by the song "You were there" by Avalon. Somehow, at times when we are misted by circumstances, we should slow down our pace and listen to God. If not, we will end up suffering the unnecessary. I need to learn that too. God is amazing(:
Ciaos~ back to mugging again T_T
You were there
Monday, August 10, 2009 in Serenity
"I wonder how it must have felt, when David stood to face Goliath on the hill. I imagine that he shook with all his might until You took his hands, and held on tight."-You were there, Avalon
I am back again after one month of not blogging(: oh well, have been busy all these while (minus the time i spent on playing) trying hard to study/mug/revise for the upcoming nightmare - mid years examination. (obviously i failed big time trying)
sometimes, i really wish i could have the gift of composing songs. Songs that can touch lives just like the composers for the band, Avalon. Seriously, their lyrics are really meaningful and impacted me so much. In addition, the music that comes with it can really bring the mood out of audiences who listen. oh well, sadly, it's a huge struggle for me. I can imagine how elated I will be if God inspire me to compose a song just for Him one day. I bet that would be the first most priority in my To-do list. haha!
Trainings are kind-of ceased already besides PTs because exams are coming. Selections will be held on either the first week or the second week of September. I have less than 3 weeks to prove myself wrong. How easy can it get? I pray that Jesus will be playing with me, playing for me. (:
So glad you have recovered from high fever. Thanks for the prayers from my friends. For that moment, I thought I might lose you when the thought of my mum who fell really sick many years ago came to my mind. For that moment, uselessness filled me especially when the most I could do was only to wait for your messages to ensure me you have recovered. For that moment, comfort left me. Despite three sleepless nights, I am really glad God heard my prayers. Yet, I felt something is missing. Til now, I am still wondering what went wrong...
Had a "study session" at Marcus's house just now. Obviously it didn't work well with the television on. BUT, two solid hours of revising/mugging was pretty good until the temptation of mahjong-ing set in. So, everyone ended up crowding over the mahjong table. xD I ended up playing games using Marcus's laptop. So much for a studying session. haha! Lesson learnt - Never try studying at home, it's useless. xD
Somehow I feel really detached. No common topics during outings. All I can do is to sit and listen. It kind-of suck. I wish that feeling will fade off soon. I miss them and yet there is nothing much that I can say.
I.NEED.TO.STUDY.NOW!
This phrase has been stuck in my head since July and seriously, I really need to put it into action. -pulls hair-
"So haven't I learned that my ways aren't as high as Yours are, and You alone keep the universe from crumbling into dust. You are God and though we would not have understood You.
There You were hanging blameless on a cross. You would rather die than leave us in the dark.
Every moment, every planned coincidence just all makes sense with Your last breath.
You were there, You were there, during history's darkest hour;
You were there, You were there always;
You were the Victor and the King; You were the power in David's swing; You were the calm in Abraham; You are the God who understands; You are the strength when we have none; You are the living, Holy one;You were, You are and You will always be the Risen Lamb of God"
-You were there, Avalon
Thank you Jesus for being there always.
Can you tell how much I love you? Can you?
FOOD!
Thursday, July 09, 2009 in Serenity
"Give ear to my words, O Lord, consider my sighing. Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray. In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation."-Psalms 5:1-3
i am still thinking of that delectable-looking drumstick i dreamed a few days ago. sigh! it looked so much better than any other i can find, even better than KFC or Popeye's! i should have just gobbled it down before waking up. ROAR! oh well. shall hunt for that awesome-looking drumstick :P
project is killing me. literally. its so easy brainstorming and coming out with so many ideas. putting them into technical terms, into a speech and power point slides can be so mundane and tiring. probably i got very distracted by it. but seriously, it sucks. i still prefer doing power point slides though. at least its so much more enjoyable than getting everything into a report. left a teeny-weeny bit left! must finish by today!
went for xiuzhen's and joelin's birthday celebration yesterday. had so much fun! wasnt feeling very happy over some stuff, in fact i was quite disappointed in it but the celebration really cheered me up(: went to shokudo to eat. its so damn nice! i love the beef ramen! :P :D :B took alot of photos with them(: went pool after dinner but sadly i cant go for the late night movie D: i miss them so much! somehow, they are still that bunch of people which can really put a smile on my face. i am always so glad i can meet them for outings and stuff. i hope we can have more outings soon! (:
and to my biggest horror, floorball is selecting/cutting team next week -.- not that i am nervous about it but next week might be a tough week. and and, i cant catch a single ball YET. so shuckadoodles. but oh well, shall just do my best and let God do the rest. if i get in, sounds fun. if not, i can still train at my own pace. sounds good too. ooh. i sound so optimistic. lawls.
haha. i shant mention about that THAT. oh well. i dont know and have no idea. its tiring me out. somehow, i wish everything hasnt happened. but the memories are unfogettable. i shall practise P.U.S.H - Pray until something happened. hais. well? i dont know. dont ask me, i will give you no answers.
i am feeling so random now. haha. Numb3rs is such a cool show! love it to the max. that charlie guy is so damn smart. although i am still wondering how they apply maths into solving crimes, i am beginning to respect maths. muaha! i bet i will take that sentence back after a maths lecture or tutorial next week. haha. but seriously, its so cool! people please watch. its highly recommended :D
should i reply to tags? i feel so lazy! D: haha. and there is like >10 tags to reply to... !!!
ok after much contemplation and deliberation, i shall GO AND EAT instead! :D
ciaos!~
hurts.
Thursday, July 02, 2009 in Serenity
“It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel.”- unknown author
eeyesh. i am back. i know i am pretty slow but i just finished watching the third EPISODE of heroes season ONE. goodness the bloody gory scene is freaking the shit out of me. :S BUT the storyline is so interesting. haha.
had floorball friendly with ITE West on tuesday. i was so nervous and let in 2 simple goals. i nearly wanted to bang my head onto the goal posts. managed to somehow made up for the loss by being a little bit more alert before i had a switchover with my senior. it's quite an eye opener match to me. the players were SO DAMN ROUGH. i realised most of the TPWolves were quite calm, i wonder why was i so jumpy for. but we won(: yay! good job girls(: i shall train harder to catch balls and be more alert :D haha. actually i was reminded of the video about the olympian which calmed me down and i started singing to God. it's amazing how God works when we decide to put our trust in him(:
felt so down and out these few days. but whatever it is, i still believe in what God's plan for me. it just kinda hurts to know about some stuff. maybe its a rash conclusion from what i see in msn. i seriously dont know. i just dont understand why is it always the wrong time to do the wrong things. it just hurt alot but i guess, time heals all wound? -huge sigh- I WILL BE BETTER!
there is PT tomorrow. somehow looking forward to it, but i wonder if i can survive the run. need to prove myself wrong and also to take a breather, take my mind off everything and enjoy the scenery God has created. haha.
and and, i really miss my clique now... i kept thinking of all the things we did for the past 4 years together. from the time we get together to the time we cried in each other's embrace during graduation night to the times where we really see that true friendship in each other. sometimes i really wish time would stop so that we can really enjoy each other's company. the laughter, the faces, the memories... they are priceless to me. CLIQUE! I MISS YOU!
yes. God is great. i love Him.
ciaos.
i will really reply tags SOON(:
Labels: sighs.
Sunday, June 28, 2009 in Serenity
"Praise to be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."-2 Corinthians 1: 3-4
ok i am back. yes i am a better pris now. not the emotional, depressed pris. i was thinking through everything these few days and somehow, i am really glad of my decisions now. i really am and i felt i should delete the previous post. I am sorry if i made anyone worried or pissed off.
I am really glad God still love me so much despite me being such a bad child to Him. i am so glad He let the people around me to pull me back, people He knew will definitely wake me up, people He knew will definitely make me understand. i felt so foolish. what have i been doing all these while? gee..
i really should not run away or just keep grumbling about my problems. it cant solve them, it will only worsen them.. anyway, its surprising that everything seems to just fall into place when i told God i will surrender that thing that is the closest to my heart. at first i wasnt happy or satisfied even till this morning. plus i begin to be very competitive which only lead me to more mental fatigue but God started talking me alot later just now in the evening.
wanted to post another verse but i saw this verse instead and i felt like crying. God of comfort. why havent i think of that before? and then ogawa showed me a video which really moved me alot. thanks!
i dont know how i am going to survive with it, but i know i have a great bunch of friends with me and i have God who never fails to be my one and only refuge. i pray that i wont be bogged down issues like this anymore because i am going to stay strong in God no matter what.
"I finally found the reason for living
It’s in giving every part of my heart to Him (every part to Him)
And all that I do every word that I say (you know I’ll be saying)
I’ll be giving my all just for Him, for Him (every thing for Him)“
-Avalon, We are the Reason
"I grew up in sunday school
I memorized the Golden rule
And how Jesus came to set the sinner free
I know the story inside out
I can tell you all about
The path that led Him up to Calvary
But ask me why He loves me
And I don't know what to say
But i'll never be the same
Because he changed my life when He became...
Everything to me
He's more than a story
more than words on a page of history
He's the air that I breath
The water I thirst for
And the ground beneath my feet
He's everything, everything to me
We're living in uncertain times
And more and more I find that i'm aware
Of just how fragile life can be
I want to tell the world I found
A love that turned my life around
They need to know that they can taste and see
Now everyday I'm praying
Just to give my heart away
I want live for Jesus
So that someone else might see that he is..."
-Avalon, Everything to me
these songs (with many more) are the reasons why i love Avalon so much. (: how i wish i can be such a good composer like them(:
once more, thanks ogawa for reminding me something i have lost in the midst of fighting for something useless.
oohyeah. i am so gonna run for God. (:
Thank you for this love, Lord. Thank you.
Thursday, June 18, 2009 in Serenity
'...The Lord replied," My presence will go with you and I will give you rest." '-Exodus 33:14
(time check - 10:33am)stupid student portal makes me wake up earlier and now it cant even log in for the past one hour PLUS PLUS PLUS. AHHH! fag! i should have just ignore my alarm clock. maybe i wouldn't start that conversation and end up feeling so screwed up.
woke up with a bad dream and i can't even tell him about it. probably i will only piss him off again and i will feel like a fool once more. felt like i am getting left out in his life. i can't even start a proper conversation. priscilla, you are such a hero. i guess i am not that good after all. inferiority will only set in every time we meet. but... sigh...
i still love him...
oh well. i should just set my mind straight and not think about all these anymore like previously. maybe it will help. (screwed portal is still not loading after an hour and a half-.-) ok why am i being so emotional? i was initially just feeling regretful for starting that conversation and now this. wondeefool! D: pris, stop thinking about all these shit.
oh well. a happier topic. i shall save enough money and migrate to new zealand or USA! my dream goal currently(which means it might change overnight one day or someone psycho me to change the thought) go to some rural countryside and spend my life there. haha! maybe i would be super happy there. enjoying life everyday. haha. such a tempting thought :D
i kept reminiscing the times when i am back to my childhood days. burdens and stress-free. some happy-go-lucky girl who was always getting into trouble for playing too much. HAHA! BUT, at least i was happy. haha.
this post can really show how bad my mood swings are now xD haha. oh my. i just need a channel to rant on. but i so gonna hate it when certain people comes in and read my blog and stir up unneccessary trouble for me. sigh. ok i am not helping myself. ahhh! whatever.
saw this not in maria's notes and i thought it makes sense...
"To my friends who are still holding on.
A sad thing about life is when you meet someone and fall in love, onlt to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and that you have wasted years on someone who wasn't worth it. If he isn't worth it now, he's not going to be worth it a year or 10 years from now on. Let go.
To my friends who are possessive.
It breaks your heart to see the one you love happy with someone else but its more painful to know that the one you love is unhappy with you.
To my friends who are not so single.
Love isnt about becoming somebody else's "perfect person". It's about finding someone who helps you become the best person you can be."
so true... sigh..
Lord, save me!
zzz..
student portal is still L.O.A.D.I.N.G!(time check - 11:57am)
ITS MORE THAN AN HOUR PLUS!
this is so random...
i don't want to go tonight...
D:
will reply tags SOON.
i am getting tired from all these...