Lots of Spills and Sunshine

Lots of Spills and Sunshine
Showing posts with label therapy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label therapy. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Times and Meanings




Why is Chelsea becoming all secretive and mysterious? Only because I feel I have to.




When Todd left 43 days ago without saying goodbye, without hugging the children, he vanished. POOF! Gone 100% not in our lives accept for the heaping pile of crap he left at the front door, which was a daily reminder of how I felt; wearing a snowsuit, toque and steel boots treading water in shark infested territory...


I will not let his manipulation of some of the people I used to hold dear, people I thought were friends and loved ones. I know the truth and I will keep treading, I know the truth will come out and when the universe, karma, Heavenly Father and the grand ole justice system hand it to him on a platter I will smile.


I am not the vindictive type, but one can only handle lies for so long, financial control to a whole new level and the ability to be one person behind closed doors. I don't have much time in all honesty to wallow in my own pity, I am too busy trying to console my children, listening to them cry, making worry boxes, using worry boxes with them and feeling awful for not having any answers.



Of all the awful things he has done in the past 40 odd days some blessings have come out of it... My children have been referred to art therapy, I have been referred to therapy at no cost, I am no longer in his control and living at his will. I feel like I am coming back and that feels good.



As for the privacy of my blog, he is very hurtful, passive aggressive and narcissistic (in my humble opinion) and I don't feel safe with him knowing any of my comings and goings.



As for the awesome pics Darcy was going to take, a few of the kids began to sob when they found out we were having family pics and he was no longer here, so I have postponed them until they are more healed. I do not have the capability to ignore the hurt and pain that he has caused my children, Ill get over what he has done and is doing to me, but my kids are not doing so well. It breaks my heart that they are going through this because I married him, I married someone who is not the man he presented as.





As for me and the kids we will keep smiling, making snow globes and laughing that our female cat is actually a male!



oh and I failed as the tooth fairy last night, however I recovered with 'she had to fly from China and was worried she would not get here till 6 am and didn't want you to see her, so she entrusted me to leave the toonies and....... I fell asleep and forgot.......'



Enter tears and mum how could you's? so after some alone time Ty decided my love based fib made sense and he would forgive both she and I if we rectified it while he was at school. Which means I need to retrieve a letter from the tooth fairy, candy and something dinosaurish.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

The Moon Controls The Tides and I Control....



My Destiny & Happiness...



For the past 7 1/2 yrs I have thought daily about why my birth father would fly here to Nanaimo spend the day with Kimme and I and then never speak to us again... :( I sent pics when Ty was born(he came while I was pregnant), and nothing... before this visit it had been 6 years since we had seen or spoke.



It saddens me, it breaks my heart and I am in a place in my life where I need to heal. I am not expecting answers or justifications, I just want to know if he loves me. I have never acted on trying to connect with him becasue I have a Father, a Dad, a man that loves me no matter what a man that was releived when he heard kidney stones came from my mums side of the familyand that his genetics had not contributed to mine! He has completely forgotten I didnt genetically come from him :)



I called my parents and expressed my need to connect with Jeff and my need for either closure or a new type of relationship. To my surprise they were happy:) I didn't want to hurt either of them by contacting Jeff.



Yesterday Ty turned 7! (blog post to come) and exactly 5 years ago yesterday I held Ty a Cars b-day party and moments later heard a knock on the door and was served with papers stamped with the date of Ty's birth stating I was crazy and moments later my kids were gone and it was a full 2 weeks before I saw my babies.... and that began the court custody heartache that all worked out in the end. But it was a chapter of my life that still causes me pain and heartache. With the emotions of Ty turning 7, what happened when he turned 2 and my desire to connect with Jeff, I googled until I found an auntie of mine whom I havent spoken to since I was 13! It was great to talk, she then gave me my uncles number and he gave me my birth dad's number. ...



I called and left a message that went something like this



Its Chelsea your daughter, theres not a day that goes by that I dont think of you, I dont know if you love me and I dont know why, why everything turned out the way it did. It's my sons birthday today and I am an emotional basket case and I hope you call and we can get together soon. Chelsea



......



and now I wait



But while I wait I can sip diet pepsi with my Dad and lounge in the sun! I can smile when he calls to check up on me, I can get as many hugs as I need. I know that regardless of what happens from my phone call that I have had a father since I was 7 who loves every part of me, the good, the bad and the really ugly:) I have a father who loves my children more than me :)





I am also blessed to have Todd a father to our children and the most amazing example to them and me:) Love you Todd






On a side note the reason for my 7 breakdown.....


1. My dad became my dad when I was 7.


2. My birth father has not contacted me in 7 yrs.


3. My oldest son turned 7 yesterday.


4. The painful memories of Ty's 2nd b-day still pull at my heart strings.


5. My exhusband is in town this week and although I am blessed and happy with my life, the negative memories come up and I cry.


6. 7 is my favourite number, it is also the amount of days after Rylie was born that my grandpa passed away :(


7. I am starting the journey of therapy to clear, calm and heal my soul from the inside out...