My Destiny & Happiness...
For the past 7 1/2 yrs I have thought daily about why my birth father would fly here to Nanaimo spend the day with Kimme and I and then never speak to us again... :( I sent pics when Ty was born(he came while I was pregnant), and nothing... before this visit it had been 6 years since we had seen or spoke.
It saddens me, it breaks my heart and I am in a place in my life where I need to heal. I am not expecting answers or justifications, I just want to know if he loves me. I have never acted on trying to connect with him becasue I have a Father, a Dad, a man that loves me no matter what a man that was releived when he heard kidney stones came from my mums side of the familyand that his genetics had not contributed to mine! He has completely forgotten I didnt genetically come from him :)
I called my parents and expressed my need to connect with Jeff and my need for either closure or a new type of relationship. To my surprise they were happy:) I didn't want to hurt either of them by contacting Jeff.
Yesterday Ty turned 7! (blog post to come) and exactly 5 years ago yesterday I held Ty a Cars b-day party and moments later heard a knock on the door and was served with papers stamped with the date of Ty's birth stating I was crazy and moments later my kids were gone and it was a full 2 weeks before I saw my babies.... and that began the court custody heartache that all worked out in the end. But it was a chapter of my life that still causes me pain and heartache. With the emotions of Ty turning 7, what happened when he turned 2 and my desire to connect with Jeff, I googled until I found an auntie of mine whom I havent spoken to since I was 13! It was great to talk, she then gave me my uncles number and he gave me my birth dad's number. ...
I called and left a message that went something like this
Its Chelsea your daughter, theres not a day that goes by that I dont think of you, I dont know if you love me and I dont know why, why everything turned out the way it did. It's my sons birthday today and I am an emotional basket case and I hope you call and we can get together soon. Chelsea
......
and now I wait
But while I wait I can sip diet pepsi with my Dad and lounge in the sun! I can smile when he calls to check up on me, I can get as many hugs as I need. I know that regardless of what happens from my phone call that I have had a father since I was 7 who loves every part of me, the good, the bad and the really ugly:) I have a father who loves my children more than me :)
I am also blessed to have Todd a father to our children and the most amazing example to them and me:) Love you Todd
On a side note the reason for my 7 breakdown.....
1. My dad became my dad when I was 7.
2. My birth father has not contacted me in 7 yrs.
3. My oldest son turned 7 yesterday.
4. The painful memories of Ty's 2nd b-day still pull at my heart strings.
5. My exhusband is in town this week and although I am blessed and happy with my life, the negative memories come up and I cry.
6. 7 is my favourite number, it is also the amount of days after Rylie was born that my grandpa passed away :(
7. I am starting the journey of therapy to clear, calm and heal my soul from the inside out...
