Why?

I'm currently working on the HDB flat cancellation right now and it feels like crap. I feel like shit because of all the stupid life decisions I have made. I'm really glad that I made this decision not to go on in the marriage because it would just suck the life out of me. I would not have been able to understand myself better and know what I want better. I would have to live in the shadows of others and have children and not be able to do thigns that I want to do. I know all the above sounds so immature and it sounds like I haven't had enough fun. Trust me. I have had. Even after breaking up, I've had. I kept it aside in my memories for so long because I just didn't want to deal with it. But some way or other, God just wants me to deal with them. And this is presented to me through other means and other people who are finally asking me to confront my biggest fears. You ask me, what is it that I want in a relationship. I don't know. I really don't know. Sure, I can tell you, I want three things in my partner: Wit, motivation and eloquence. The trouble is, as a friend has recently pointed out to me, God has presented you three people with three of these qualities. So why then, are you not satisfied? Are you only seeking perfection in your life? I don't know. I wouldn't know. All I know is that I;m very confused at the moment and badly in need of a guiding light. But there is no guiding light when it comes to relationships. This is unlike in a career where you have mentors to follow. This is unlike in academic pursuit where you have lecturers to ask. Who then should I turn to but myself? It has been about 7-8 months now and I still don't know what I want. I know that being alone has allowed me to discover a lot more about myself. But what happens after that? I've discovered myself but I still don't know what I want in a relationship. I know I cant just keep gallivanting around my whole life. I;m no longer young. I'm 26 years old my goodness. I've just began to see what a failure I am in this department. And I still can't figure it out.