Ever since i stepped into this wretched place, i have not experienced much happiness or luck, besides the grades ive been getting (only 1 test n 2assignments though). However, i do not really attribute the grades to my "intelligence" if there is. because simply, the standard back at home is so much higher than over here. I do not really feel proud or a sense of achievement (with the exception of my business law - im stil very proud of it. however i constantly remind myself not to be complacent. )
So i was saying, i havent really experienced true happiness here except for my friends that i have made. friends that i can call "friends truly and friends whom i wish to stay in touch for life".
So other than that, everything has been going down, down, down, down and down. Nothing seem to go right. And on impulse, i just finished A BAR OF CHOCOLATE OF 3 BY 8 CUBES.if u know what i mean. a fucking bar of cadbury milk chocolate that i bought on impulse. simply because i was feel too depressed that i needed some happiness hormones or chemicals (i'm sorry i suddenly forgot what its called) to be produced in me.
And no, i dont go drinking and i dont go taking drugs when i'm so sad. in fact, all i do is just eat a lot. and get even more depressed because by then, i would have realised i just gained another 5kg from all that binge eating.
I cant help but wallow in my own sorrows because i really feel that my life so far at Bond has been pathetic and unlucky. And because u are reading my blog now, u shall be given the chance to step into my shoes and experience how life has been.
Then, judge for yourself whether my life has really been terrible or its just me over reacting. But dont tell me your judgement if u think im over reacting. because ure not me, u will never understand.
Lets start from the very beginning.
1. When my parents came with me, we rented a car. because we were not so familiar with the road directions, we drove a little slower. At a junction, there was a car that drove past us. in the car, there were many ang mos and they shouted through their window "Fucking Asians".
ok. so the first day i arrive, i have faced racism. How wonderful.
Of course, you may say that i have heard wrongly, but well... what can i say then? maybe i did not dig my ears properly eh?
After this incident, i cant recall anything that was bad that happened when my parents were with me. I guess maybe they all started to kick in after they left and when school officially started.
2. PR writing class. My first class of the semester.
Nobody wants to talk to Cathryn. =(
Why? because she looks like a nerd?
i dare say i dont think i look like a nerd. look at all my photos, do i appear like a nerd to you?
No. its because, she's the only ASIAN in class. Everyone's talking to everyone.
2a. No one wants to talk to Cathryn. She can cope with that. She doesnt care. But, she totally dreaded it when it came to group project. That is because she has to find group mates. Lucky for her, by that time, she made a nice friend in class, Danielle.
Only Danielle, the american, was willing to talk to her.
As a result, no one wanted to group with Danielle as well.
So, Cathryn and Danielle were the only ones without a group when the tutor asked us to form groups.
End of the day, the tutor has to force the only guy in the tutorial (who already was in a group with 4 other Caucasian females) to move to our group, citing the reason as "come on, be the man."
How does this feel?
Maybe cathryn was too sensitive again eh?
The other 4 oestrogen-filled ladies were scrowling at her. They were obviously unhappy. No more sperms and testosterone for them. =(
2b. In informal discussions where tutor simply put people into groups, no one wanted to exchange remarks with Cathryn. Everyone talked to everyone else again. Small talk, big talk, etc. but no one talked to Cathryn.
3. In yet another subject i took this semester at Bond, Cathryn had the bad luck of grouping with 2 guys who totally lacked either brains or hardwork.
One of them was smart, but lazy and had bad time management skills.
The other had terrible English and Cathryn had to correct all his work , machiam become like her own already.
Double work for 3 people.doesnt that equivalent to doing 5 people's work?
Cathryn just doesnt have luck in finding good project group mates here.
End up, Cathryn is left to do all the shit work.
3a. On a group meeting on Wednesday this week, the meeting time was supposed to be at 3.
Lazy turned up at 3 and said he had to leave by 3.15 becuase he had another group meeting.
Lousy went to hand in assignments, print stuff, etc. And only came back by 3.40pm.
So what was between 3.15 and 3.40?
Cathryn was sitting alone in the library waiting. Just like a connector between the two.
4. The people in the Brasserie doesnt like her too. Brasserie is a place where you get food, just like a cafeteria in the dorm.
Her friend asked for fried egg whites. So did she.
What did she get?
Cathryn got a flat piece of egg white. like egg whites of 2 eggs
What did her friend get?
A whole omelete of egg white. like egg whites of 5 eggs.
Why? Cathryn still cant figure out. The only thing she can do is to wait for her friend and say "same" after her friend asks for egg whites.
5. Accomodation people are mean.
Cathryn knows there was vacancy in one of the hostels on campus. She asked them if she could change room because she felt that her neighbours were really noisy.
They replied
"well, the vice chancellor has already sent out an EMAIL to all residents to keep quiet after 11."
*oh so u think thats effective?
My reply "but obviously these were not heeded so is there anything i can do about it?"
Their reply " well, thats too bad. they have already sent out the letter and im sure residents would have recieved it so it would be effective soon. "
Me "is it possible to switch rooms into another place within the campus?"
They (without checking at all) " nope! we';re all full."
Yeah rite.
6. it was only when i wrote a letter of complain to the vice chancellor that he had effected everything.
Is it true that only the people on the top management level were good?
Why did i write to the VC for no reason? Of course not.
My neighbours come back at 3am on thurs, fri and sat and sit outside my room (where the common room is) and scream and shout.
How do i sleep?
I went out to tell them nicely but was instead being told off rudely.
Was i still being too sensitive?
7. Because of the long distance and lack of physical touch, Cathryn keeps quarreling with her bf.
She doesnt understand him and he doesnt understand her. They are in different situations.
They just keep quarreling non stop and never end. Each quarrel always ends up with her bawling her eyes out every night to bed.
Its not his fault. Its just the stupid distance making all of us cranky.
Cathryn also needs to learn her lesson by not asking for too much of something and not saying of too much of something. Cathryn badly wants to close up the physical distance between them so that they can make up and stop quarreling.
8. Yesterday, the cleaning people came. They were new and nasty. They put weird stuff like shaver in Lisa's sink.
And guess what they did to Cathryn. They were clearing the mattress sheets and Bear Bear was gone.
GONE.
bear bear has never been brought out to see the world before. How can Cathryn lose it?
It was the cleaning people who accidentally cleared it away without checking the sheets.
Bear Bear was the one and only soft toy Derrick has given to her. She treasured it so much. but now its gone and she doesnt know how to face him.
She knows he is unhappy but she cant really apologise. For there is no other remedy.
9. Cathryn was devastated. She woke up early in the morning to look for bear bear in all the dirty linen laundry placed in the laundry room.
She took out piece by piece, linen by linen.
But some of them were too stinky and dirty.
But cathryn still couldnt find Bear Bear at all. Cathryn felt terrible and wanted to break down into tears in the laudnry room. But she knew she couldnt because she had to go for class which was starting soon.
Cathryn sustained more than 5 mosquito bites throughout the search because the laundry room was laden with mosquitoes. She feels just like the world was crashing down on her.
She just lost the one and only bear bear that derrick has given to her. He might probably never waste money to buy her anymore soft toys or anymore things.
He might just lose faith in cathryn's ability to treasure the things he gave her.
She doesnt know what is going through his head. She badly needs his warm hug right now. Badly.
10. Cathryn faced some racist remarks at the Fish Shop just because she couldnt open the door properly.
they asked her if she knew how to speak english.
The problem was " there was no sign to tell us to push or pull."
how is it possible even if you knew english?
11. Cathryn went to the library hoping to renew some books by returning and borrowing again becuase she exceeded the no. of times she could renew the books. The books were not on hold request by anyone else.
Her friend told her its possible because she did it before.
She went to the library counter and the librarian told her
"sorry. its not possible. We have to reshelf the books before you can borrow it again."
me " But my friend did it before and the books nt on hold request. so when will u be reshelfing it?"
lib "not now but u hav to wait until the books are back on the shelf again."
me "=.="
why other people can i cannot. this is not the first time this type of thigns happen alr.
12. Cathryn is too demoralised to type anymore.
she;s going to take a 15mins nap and continue with her powerpoint presentation which she has yet to do for her project meeting.
She needs the motivation, the love, and the drive.
Where is she ever going to find it ?
she really doesnt know and has lost all faith.
