i totally totally regret going for the perm at JeanYip yesterday.
I look so terrible, ugly and fat. i look just like miss piggy. just nice to usher in the pig year.

I HATE MY CURLS.. =(
i found this photo in grace's blog. i think i look not bad in it.
It was taken when we went clubbing at MOS.


not bad ritE? look at my nice long hair... now its reduced to fucking ugly curls...!!!! =(


I feel like crying!!!!!!!

haish. not becuase of that la. because of other things also. i mean.. what the hell did i do wrong? =( why like tt one ? =(

i suddenly feel like crying.

i dont know why.

missy piggy.
Thats what i look like right now. after spending 4 hours at jean yip bugis. hahx....... =(
N.. i m broke. i hope i dont regret.

Craps aside.

Went to visit my grandmother and my auntie today at Toa Payoh.
Then i heard something new from my mum. I'm not sure if anyone reads my blog anymore or anyone has read my previous very old entries where i talked about this stupid unfilial cousin of mine. The cousin that is so old and yet still lives on her parents and is rude to elderly etc. the one that i really hate.

Guess what? i've got more news of her! she recently got married. (C! married nv even tell anyone. just have a short ceremony with her parents. and guess what? she told them likedamn last min. ) When i mean recently, i mean this month.

Maybe its shot-gun marriage. (or is it called gun-shot?)

Well, and guess whats the most incredible thing?

The husband is a freakin 23 years old and she is freaking 30 years old! omg.... what a large age gap. somemore the guy is like younger than her!!!!!

the guy is at his prime age. normally people at this age would definitely not want to get married one. i mean.. i heard from my mum he just got out of ns only.. omg.. so fast settle down? he hasnt even settled in on his career.

hmm... what can someone be in this for?
money? cant be. she's not rich.
then what? true love? how can it be?

hahx... ok la. i admit maybe i'm cynical about all these lovey-dovey stuff. but.. this guy is not bad looking and can go for many many many more gals!

hahx.. i dont believe in true love anymore. i believe in.. trying to fall in love. haha..


no la. i tink i dont even believe in falling in love. falling in love hurts you. you cant gain anything in the end. you put in so much effort, in the end, all u get is a bucket of your own tears and all shit that comes along with it.

You waste money on gifts, you waste time on dating, you waste your youth away. how stupid.

love sucks .

i mean... how possible it is that you will find someone that is meant for you? impossible. people say.. there is always one person out there for you. i say bullshit! ya rite. you tink that one person will be able to see through all your bad points and everything also can tahan no matter what happens meh? its like.. so idealistic and stupid lor.

People fall in love because they have nothing better to do. so if you are a busy person , you dont need love except from your family and friends. who needs another partner!

*ok la.. i admit. i still want to get married one. haha*

but well, now that we know lvoe is hard to find, its time we get down to the realistic parts of it. which means, its time to look for a marriage partner instead! wahahaha.. omg. i'm crapping.
haha.. no la. what i mean is... since no one can ever find true love, then might as well be realistic and find the right one you want. as in.. the other aspects.

No wonder singaporeans are always so practical.
so this is what i gathered and think is the ultimate solution to our problems.
you must find:
-car : den can drive around. no need take public transport.
-money: can buy you anything in the whole wide world.
-looks: i rmb what my fren say,"i would rather bed a good looking person becuase at least in the morning wake up no need to c ugly face." hahahaha...
-character : must be like the nicest person to you. and mean to everyone else. wahahaha
-time: has all the time in the world for you and you and you and only you.
-career and status: of course la. no career, no money. no status, no money and face.

yah... that is the makings of a good future husband or wife! wahahahhaa......... work towards it everybody!!!

*shit. i'm really crapping. *

Just came back from sending yee chien off today! wahh.. so tiring. woke up at like 6am. it has been a long time since i woke up so early already. my eyes are already going to close.

i saw jasmine today and she slimmed down so much!! i'm so freaking envious of her! how did she do it?!jasmine! youre my idol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok.. now that i see her like that, i'm motivated to do the same too! yes! i will! i can! i will aim to exercise and not eat too much everyday !!! i can do it!

can save money also!

hello bloggie..

Today is the first day after Chinese Lunar New Year that i'm back in hostel. Was greeted by curious little kitty, a new kitten that was here since 2 weeks ago, when she rushed up the stairs with me and my parents. how cute. And before i could walk to my doorstep, she rushed before us to reach the door first, hoping somehow the door can open by itself and let her be the first one to step in.

Let's hope life willl get better from today onwards. Be it hall, uni studies,money, activities, love, family and friends. Let life be better and better as each day passes. Let life will lived to the fullest each passing day. Let my life improve as i try to cope with everything that is happening around me.

My mum's suffering from the guilt syndrome. She feels bad for leaving me alone at home today for lunch. My parents both purposely drove in to malaysia to eat "wonderful" seafood (as so they call it.) And poor me, because i have to complete all the silly assignments and speech, rejected the offer and stayed at home. So.. i think mum felt bad and kept thinking of ways she could settle my lunch for me. From proposing to fry noodles, to even buying MacDonald's. So cute. In the end, i rejected all offers and i ended up drinking campbell soup. Well, not a bad choice, considering that it can help me lose weight becasue i did not drink much of it.
In the end, she still had the guilt syndrome and my parents bought me "chilli crab" and fried rice for dinner. haha.. Chilli crab cost RM28. haha. what an expensive take-out dinner it was!

Well, tomorrow is a start of a new day.
Today is wednesday.
Thursday is the day that Yee Chien is leaving for Aussie. Wont get to see her until a long time later. Hmm.. Yee Chien, if you're reading this, just wanna say.. YMCA will really miss you a lot. And you know la.. i can get vey emotional one. so i might cry on thursday while sending you off. Hope you dont mind. hahaha..

And, as for what you said in your response to our letters (including C and A), well.. YMCA , though we drifted apart due to several circumstance, is still my closest clique of friends i ever had. for me, its just like you, the first clique i really ever had.
i'm so proud of it! =)

And, take care of yourself in Aussie. Dont worry, ure smart enough and will do well as a doctor~!

And for the rest of my friends..
I know you guys are somewhere out there in Singapore. But it seems, only the closest ones stay. The rest, tend to bother about their own lives and seldom keep in touch. its alright you know. but perhaps, once in a while, think about your friends and check out on them to see how they're doing. it'll help a lot! =)


*i dunnu why i m saying all these. perhaps its emo day*

if i let you choose, would you rather be naughty or nice?

naughty?

or

nice?

this year did not start well.

All stupid things keep happening to me. unlucky events, unlucky people, unlucky everything.

i hate all of you who ruined my life for me.

its only freakin second day of new year and all these things are coming to me again!

its ALL YOUR FAULT. I HATE THIS! WHY?! WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO WRONG?

I JUST RECIEVED MY MOBILE PHONE BILL AND ITS ALMOST A FUCKING TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS?!

how the hell am i going to pay up? u want me to use my ang bao money is it?!

this year already went so BAD for me ! why the hell all of you are doing this to me?!
i dunnu what the fuck is wrong! my bill is so damn fucking high.

i;m going to limit to 20 msges a day. over tt, unless its really impt, den i will reply!

hohoho! happy chinese new yr! (yah. i noe hohoho is used for xmas)

anyway... i'm so happy i'm back in Singapore! wee!!

This yr reunion dinner got verr little people..

Ang baos were not a lot but much more generous this year. With the minimun earnings of RM10. not bad alr. i remember there was once i receievd RM4!

haha.. three people tied to be the top 3 contributors of the year.

I think.. im going to change my hairstyle to mark my new beginnings.. n i'm going to use the ang bao money to do it. wahahahahaha!!!

i'm really very tired and stressed.

very very
i hate going malaysia

i really hate it.

its such a waste of time to go there and act like a flower vase.

YMCA Farewell for Yee chien. + Awfully Sinful dinner

We met up this evening to bid farewell to yee chien before she leaves for Aussie. So sad. she's leaving alr.

Went to Changing Attitudes to eat. Boy, the food there is like damn nice. the price is quite affordable too! must go back there and experiment to eat more new things!
Then went to shop around for a while, with me hoping to go and buy more new year clothes and do some last minute shopping. This is the only new year where i only got 2 tops and one skirt. All of which.. dont match each other. So that means that... i wont get to wear totally new clothes anymore.

We then went to Max Brenner's Chocolate bar at Esplanade to eat. Ordered Fondue and suckao. Damn shiok!

Then guess what?

On our way to the mrt station we met.........

KNS!!!! wah.. so long never see him he still look the same! i can still remember the times where me and yee chien were like gaga over him.

But then we went on debating whether he is the big one or the small one. hmmm.. i still think its the big one coz the one we saw looked b etter. haha


I'm so freaking tired yet i have to stay up all night tonight to complete my stupid 816 assignment. i'm really exhausted.

Hmm.. anyway. some random thoughts.
i really feel like curling my hair! or like changing a new hirstyle. i always tell my hairstylist to change the outlook. in the end, i still look the same leh. haish. should i go try somewhere else this time? if yes, then where?

oh yah people. Really. Do you like people to gossip behind your backs? its so fucking irritating you know. You want to know the answers to th questions that are about me, you jolly well ask me yourself rather than ask others.
An act where u go ask others about other people shows that you're nothing but a busybody. at least when you ask a person directly, it shows that you care. Rather than going around to speculate what the fuck has happened, just ask me la. as i have stated. my email is cat_hryn@hotmail.com.
So.. what are you waiting for? you seriously dont need to be so bo liao to go gossip without knowing whats happening. it might just happen to you one day and i can assure you you wont like that feeling yah.

Today is a mixture of happy and sad feelings.

*btw, i know some people do read my blog and has caused some terrible stuff to happen. well, whatever it is, next time, if you read and suspect something, pls do not go around asking people. if you want, you can ask me directly by sending me an email to cat_hryn@hotmail.com . i will try my best to answer all your enquiries. ok?
So, pls do not go n gossip gossip and spread spread becuase you could have caused a life. and i mean YOU! ok? thanks man. your help is greatly appreciated. but really... thanks a lot for reading my blog. at least i know still got people reading. *

I went clubbing at MOS yesterday. So naturally i should be feeling tired this morning what. but i was kind of alright. could still wake up and study all that. hahaha..

I had marketing presentation this afternoon. Siao rite? stil go clubbing the night before. hahaha..! but nvm la.. sadly, i wasnt drunk leh. i wanted to . but.. i dunnu why.. din have the ability.

Grace and i went off to clinic to drink after stepping into MOS as we do not want to pay money for drinks. Then, we damn sua ku. We nv step into Clinic before what.so we dont know where to get the 5 free drinks coupon from. So we just walk around the place looking for people to ask. Then, we saw alicia and alyssa. they told us to get the coupons from the door. so we went back an the bouncer did not want to give us coz he tot we faked him. like drink alr, den go back take more coupons. but the truth is.. we did not! so in the end he only gave us like 5 coupons to be shared between two people. haish.

I realised i like to drink tequila pop. but i dont know why that time at double o it wasnt as nice. hmm.. weird.

Anyway, back to my main topic. i had marketing presentation today.
For me, presentation went great! =) i was amazed actually because i was so scared i would forget what i wanted to say. but it went all gret though i felt a little nervous at first. after a while, i fel that the crowd was my friend! haha.. okok.. i'm just happy becuase Prof Seow gave very good comments to me! hehee.. i know you all will think i m hao lianing.. but then... hey! how often is it when people say your speech and presentation skills is good!!! hahaha..

He said: Cathryn speaks very well. I give her an A. I like her presentation. She is very cheerful, always smiling. She's also very fierce and aggressive. You'll make a good marketeer. but arh... must be careful. she wont make a good wife.

Ok ok... the initial comments all very zai rite? haha.. but wah lau.. whats with the make a good wife or bad wife gotta do with my presentation?!?!

haha.. but i still very happy. happy like bird. haha.. dunnu where i heard that from. =)

Ok.. for the sad part. haish. broke down halfway during danceprac today. too stressed with all these things happening around me. hope it will all go away soon. =)

i need to drink.

stress

destress

stress

destress

i m suffering from the "gouge-yourself-until-you-are-full" syndrome. depression causes people to stuff themselves with food. this sucks.

nvm. from thurs onwards til the competition, i'm going to start watching my diet carefully again.

Which is the way to go?

I keep asking myself. What am i supposed to do now? how am i supposed to act as though i'm unaffected and continue living life as though nothing is wrong?

How can all of you expect me to do what you all want me to do? to just ignore, stop contact and forget. its impossible after all these has happened.

Why are you so silly?

I just cancelled the order for the bouquet. thank you. you are the first person to ever present me with a bouquet of flowers. i really liked them last time. i really did. i know you did all these out of love for me. but yet, things did not go the way you and i wished.

valentine's day is on wednesday. i hope by that, you would have recovered. i hope by then you will be more stable. i pray for your well-being. i cant be there for you anymore. you need to know that. ure tired. i'm tired too. i'm totally exhausted by whats going around. i really want to rest but i cant help worrying more. i cant. all i can do is just sit here n think and think. i cant reach you. i cant.
I want to see you happy again. thats when i can really stop worrying and move on.

i believe after this , things would nv be the same again for both of us. our thinking, our mentality, our behaviour, we would have changed. and i hope, for you.. it would be for the better. i hope you will get back onto your feet again and be the strong person i once knew you to be. dont worry about me. i can handle whatever tt comes along i'm strong enough. its only you that i worry about.

i knnow i;m speaking in circles. i know. but i cant express with exact words how i exaclty feel. i can only keep silent becuase thats where i know exactly how i feel.

ITs the break between lectures and i suddenly have the urge to blog.
So many things happened yesterday.
I really dont know how to react towards whatever that has happened rite now.

You may find that i wont be contacting you from now on. I have no choice. My parents say, that the only way out now. However much i feel like msging or calling you to find out how you are, i would not be allowed to. I feel the urge to rush there and find out how you are now.

I cant stop thinking about what happened and my eyes are just filled with tears everytime i think about it. and i just seem to think about it everyminute, every second every hour.

You might be wondering why i did not rush down to find you. I wanted to but mum wont allow me. Maybe i might come n find you at the hospital on Wednesday. When i really cant take it anymore.
But then again, my parents say that by finding you, i would only be causing youmore grieve. MAking you fall into this trap all over again. Pls tell me what to do. I feel so terrible all over. I cant concentrate on anything.

This is totally no link but "everytime we touch" keeps playing in my head. and i feel like crying damn terribly.
People might all be thinking that i m mad because tears keep welling up in my eyes everytime i type this.

Can i go n meet you? can i go n c you. pls?












My parents dont allow.












I kept asking your sis-in-law about your situation as that is the only thing i can do. They say, its best i dont contact you.
Why? why are you so silly?

just finished megafest at hall 9 just now. it was kinda fun. i started setting up the stuff at 5pm and did all the way till 11plus in the nite. haha.. biz mag committee sold choco fondue. i think everyone's really nice coz they bother to come down and put in an effort. =)

one of the choco fondue was not working so we only had one in the end. Sales was not bad and people were actually willing to buy choco strawberry at one dollar per strawberry. I liked the yakitori sold by cultural subcom.

Other than that, i think i was very lucky tonight to have won lucky draw! haha... actually, i was the last person to put my lucky draw coupon into the bowl of position 10 to 20th prizes. And guess what? i was so lucky i won the 20th prize! its like just after i put in my lucky draw ticket, i got the prize immediately. so funny la. it was an ikea stool. haha.. well, better than nothin right?

*********************************************************************


i'm really very stressed by my commitments right now and all my projects and assignments. so friends, pls forgive me if i have been really bad-tempered recently becuase when i'm stressed i flare up easily at people. and worse, i break down ery easily too. i know i made rude remarks and stuff unknowingly so if i did, pls tell me straight in the face instead of keeping quiet.

i'm really very tired but yet i cannot slp tonight. i have to complete my interview transcribing as well as do 2 book for annotated bibliography. i really dont know how i'm going to complete that. why cant everyone be more understanding towards me? why does everyone demand a piece of me so much that i cannot break myself into anymore smaller pieces?

people, i beg of all of u. pls understand me as i m really very busy and i need to priortise. i'm really breaking down already.

i did badly for my first CS 105 assignment. i got a fucking C grade!
=(

this is the first time i've got a C since uni. this is freakin bad.

I'm not going to care about any other things already. i'm going to focus all my attention on school work and dance. anything else is secondary. forget abt my doubts and everything else previously. now, i;m going to channel all my attn to sch work n dance and thats all.

at the same time, lose the flabs for saturday performance. think i'm just going to have one meal a day and fruits for the rest. yup. i'm so going to focus on only these. i'm NOT GOING TO CARE about the rest. i wont even think about them.

You know, sometimes its quite insensitive to talk about your boyfriends and how youre going to celebrate your vday with them to someone who just broke up with hers.

pls learn to be more sensitive.
**************************************
is it just the lack of or the blankness that is making me feel this way?

should getting back be an option?

or should we just remain like this?

i dont know whats wrong with me again.
Why does it have to be so straightforward yet so contradicting. why does it happen to me all the time?

It was a terribly long draggy day today

I had literally NO REST at all. =(
at 7.30am in the morning, i woke up.
My schedule for the entire day was:

8.30 to 10am - CS 103 lecture
10am to 11.30am - CS 104 lecture
11.30am to 1.30pm - CS 104 project meeting
1.30pm to 2.30pm - CS 103 tutorial
2.30pm to 3.30pm - CS 104 tutorial
3.30pm to 4.30pm - CS 104 project meeting
4.30pm to 6.30pm - CS 106 tutorial
6.30pm to 8.30pm - MB103 project meeting
9pm to 10.30pm - megafest meeting

yah. i'm tired.

Let's start with the happy things first.

Went out on Friday nite for dinner with Sierra group of SJAB OTC'04. Haven met them for a long time and it was fun catching up. Although we just met after so long (esp for me), it was also going to be one of the last times we would see our friend, Zhen Wei because he would be going off to Aussie to study medicine.

We had dinner at Swensens. The lighting was terrible.. and thus, the photos turned out....


yellow.



Sierra gals..: Jie yee, me, wen xun and gina

Oh.. i forgot to say, gina lost lots of weight. Abt 8kg. She said its because of her ex-bf. she couldnt eat much etc and thus, lost lots of weight.

I aspire to be like her.




Above: Zhen Wei and Gina. Gina smiling damn happily. haha.. but someone would be jealous. oppss!!! =X


Above: Jie Yee and Zhen Wei


Above: Zhen Wei n me.


Above: us again. i think i look better here. but his eyes close.

Just as gina said, his eyes always close when taking photo. so irritating!

If ure wondering why there are so many photos of him, its bcoz he is the main character of the evening. yeah.. dun get the wrong idea if not someone will KILL me... =X hehe



Above: Wen Xun and me

Wenxun still the same. just that now got dress up and more zai lookng. Oh.. and she got new gf.. gf damn chio. haha.. she always noe how to choose the right ppl sia..



Sierra Guys tackling zhen wei for the last time. hahaha..
This above photo was also taken at Swensen's but i wonder why is the lighting like so much so much better,


Finally, outside Swensen's....


Above: Zhen wei n wen xun


Above: Gina and me..


Above: the usual two clowns - jeremy and calvin clowning around.
As you can see, jeremy's shirt writes: "i'm with stupid" with a hand pointing towards calvin.
This two stilll as funny as ever. haha..

Haven seen jeremy for a long time though he lives so near me. haha.. i just found out he had 4 gfs before and even had jie di lian before! omg.. cannot believe it!! jeremy really ren bu ke mao xiang!N i cant believe it all these while, i have been working with him for 4 freaking years in SJAB Secondary school til my JC1 years.. i DIN EVEN NOE HE HAD A GF?! omg.... i really couldnt believe it. he reallly din act like he had one. hahaha.. opps.. thats so bad of me...


Calvin leh... grow thinner alr.. so good la.. must be coz of NS! n.. he become more perverted liao. haha.. use all those NS terms.. haha.. then again, he wasnt that innocent in the beginning



Above: all of us at swensen's




Above: All of us outside swensens..

Of all of us, only 3 of them are still in SJAB. Not bad leh .. they already Officer Grade 5. haha.. promoted by one grade liao. haha.. i wonder how i would be if i was still inside. luckily i m not. haha.. if not... i dont think i can.... do a lot of stuff that i want to do. Its time to move on.

Then again, i really loved sjab.. the ppl there etc. haha.. well well, memories memories. in the end, they are just still memories.





*******************************************************
Disclaimer:
Whatever i say in here is just whatever i feel at this point in time. do not bother asking why.

Now about the sad things.

People normally experience the post-breakup trauma/syndrome,whatever you call it.
The sort of blankness in your life, the sudden space that you do not know how to feel up. Something that you have been so used to for so long, suddenly just disappeared from your life. I know, i m contradicting,but thats just the way i m. i dont make sense.

I m experiencing the lack of something which i have no idea what it is. it is making me feel depressed and making me feel weird and lonely. It is just a post break up syndrome that will go away soon enough..? or what is it?

For once i thought that my mind was clear, but now, its getting cloudy again and i m getting confused all over again.

What's wrong with me?

Or is it just the romantic season of love that is getting to me, eating me in and making me feel so ever lonely?

I need to get out of this quick before i start thinking too much again as this week is going to be terrible for me. Reallly terrible. =(

Is this the getting attached season or what?

Why m i always the opposite of others??

why?!!!!! last time also like tt.. now also like tt.

=(

hihi..

I went for my 2nd or 3rd out of 15 SJAB OTC Sierra group'04 outing cum farewell for Zhen Wei yesterday. haha. i cant believe it. i haven met them for at least a year!

These people still look the same, act the same, and are the same. It was pretty fun catching up with them. We took some pictures and some stupid shots as well.. haha.. will post them up soon.

Today, i will be going back to hostel to study becasue i did not bring home almost everything!!haish.. next week is going to be really harsh on me and i really hope it all goes fine.

Esp for saturday 10 feb. the MJ girls will be performing around harbourfront area, though i;m not very sure where exactly yet. It will be in the evening ard 5 plus to 7. Though i m also not sure of the specific time slot for us yet. It would like be a few mins of performance so.. pls come down n support if ure free k!!

n.. i must definitely NOT screw it up this time round again because it would be in front of a public audience.

n.. i need to get rid of my tummy before sat before the whole world sees the lumps of fats jiggling around on stage. haha

how??!!! i need uZap?!!!!!!

I screwed up yesterday's MJ performance at Canteen A really badly and embarrassed myself in front of the whole school.
It was some CEE week. luckily i dont have any friends in CEE (or so i think) and so, let's hope not many of my friends have seen it. if not, i will die of embarrassment.
haish.

Why wasnt i concentrating? i really dont know. All i hope is for the following days to get better. It sucks to have a blog where u cant vent out your frustrations anymore before people reading might complain about what ure writing about. Maybe i should learn from many of you and change my blog address.
But then again, i have been using friendlyrox since the time i started bloggin. Isnt it a little wasted to change my blog add after so long? After all, i already feel a sense of attachment towards it.

I sometimes feel very trapped. As though i m a captured animal whose fate is just to listen to its master. I feel as though i m struggling to get out but i cant, because the metal cage is too stable and strong for me to get out of. The cage just wont budge no matter what i do, what i say, etc.

Is it just my fAte to end up like one of the obedient animals who have given up on their own lives and decided to just listen to its master?

**********************************

Note to self.
Work due next week:-
1. CS 103 photoassignment on digital divide
2. CS 104 advertising and promotion research paper.
3. CS 105 Interviewing and transcribing assignment
4. CS 816 Annotated bibliography of 3 books

Tests next week:
1. Wed - CS 103
2. Fri - CS 105

Get ready.. to die.