hi blog.
recently just this week or shld i say just today, i started feeling very depressed. i think i'm going to lapse into depression soon. dont try to stop me from going into depression. it seems like the only thing that i can do these days. i finsih school so early. i go home. do my homework. n i do much much more than i m supposed to do. y? simply because i m too free.
i guess cecilia is right. ok. she's like always reading my mind and guessing what i'm thinking n she gets it right 80% of the time. i m just too addicted to getting busy. i need to do something besides studying. i have dropped so many things. now i'm left with nothing. so pls, do not take away any other responsibilities of mine. if not, i think i'll start breaking down n cry everyday again.
i'm strange, arent i? i'm simply weird. or should i say, i'm a workaholic. i think i'm really a weirdo. people are thanking gods that they can go home early n have nothing to do. but y m i complaining. i'm sorry. pls do not ask me to try to get used to it because its for myown good. u r not me. no one will understand. cecilia sometimes feel the way i do too. but at least she has bowling to fall back as an outlet to release her workaholism on. what about me? i have nothing. i feel like such a failure. i need to do something. i cannot just sit back n watch other people getting busy while i m just lazing around. this is not me at all.
can someone tell me wat to do? please don't tell me to relax? i cannot. i want to feel stressed. in fact, i think i cannot work without stress.

woah..! haha.. those observant enuf.. noe wat my dearie changed in my blog? haha.. so cute sia...
anyway, thanks so muchie!! muackx!anyway.. this song v nice.. i shall dedicate it to ya!!
....beautiful soul....

Chorus:I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I want to chase
You're the one I want to hold
I won't let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

I know that you are something special
To you I'd be always faithful
I want to be what you always needed
Then I hope you'll see the heart in me

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I want to chase
You're the one I want to hold
I won't let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

Your beautiful soul, yeah

You might need time to think it over
But I'm just fine moving forward
I'll ease your mind
If you give me the chance
I will never make you cry,
c'mon let's try

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I want to chase
You're the one I want to hold
I won't let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

Am I crazy for wanting you
Baby do you think you could want me too
I don't wanna waste your time
Do you see things the way
I doI just want to know that you feel it too
There is nothing left to hide

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I want to chase
You're the one I want to hold
I won't let another minute go to waste
I want you and your soul
I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soulhhhhhooooo

Your beautiful soul, yeah


damn nice song... woohoo.. just finsihed downloading the slides where bio teachers speak into the lecture ppt.. we're like supposed to endure their ugly voices (i noe mine is not tt nice either). so err.. i listen liao no interest in the topic anymore. furthermore, its like so damn monotone la! cant stand it. hahaha... hopefully the teachers dun c this. hahahaha!!

yo!
woah.. noe what time i was released from sch today? haha.. 1245pm! sei sei rite? hehe.. woah.. i seem to enjoy going home from sch these days. ahhaa.. i feel so free n everything. lessons have been shortened by like so damn much n everyday i go hm at abt 1 plus. only on thurs do i need to go back a bit later. note: a bit.
i ponned chinese lesson today. so sian. din wanna go for chinese lesson coz i know its gonna be the same old stupid thing again. i will be sitting there , either talking or looking ard the classroom or tryin hard not to luagh. i know., but the teacher looks very funny. i know it is very evil of me to say that. i pity him somehow. nobody takes his lessons seriously coz no one in the class seriously cares about chinese lessons. or shld i say mayb one or two from the other class coz we combined clases. haha.. heck la. chinese is my weakest subject.
anyway, had chem test today. i felt it was not bad. but i'm just afriad that when i feel gd abt it, it might turn out otherwise. so i think i better not think too much.
i'm still gp rep n we have a new gp tutor. at first when she stepped into our class, i did not have a really good impression ofher as she struck across as a really serious teacher. the dun-fool-with-me-or-u'll-die kinda teacher. but no. she wasnt. she's like real real real cool man! shes rather anti govt though. haha.. n the facts peppered with her tinted opinions of govt, politics, etc, make classes really interesting. i can just listen to her talk for like 2 periods. i love gp lessons!! the skeletons in the closet she talks about of prominent politcal characters really struck me as i have nv seen or viewed situations that way before. its really cool. u have to be in the lesson to know it. seldom do i get interested in such political stuff, power struggle, etc.(unless i need to.. for my a lvls.. *.*""")haha..
for most or mayb some of us, we've always trusted the press quite a lot. but have u ever questioned whether the reporyts they gave had another meaning to it? isnt this cool.. woah..
and anyeway, i think i m getting nerdy. or shld i say i have become nerdy in like just one week. i m gonna or i hope i can, continue this to like dunnu when. haha!!
i recently found back my momentum of studying. the kind where i can shut off most distractions and just concentrate. its really super duper cool. n nerdy.

i was talking to a fren of mine yest n we were talking about another " fren " of ours. i dunnu hopw to clasify her so yeah.. lets call her , A.
i used to think she was a super ncie perfect angel until last yr she revea;ed her devils tail. but yeah.. i m not really affected by her anymore as i m not that close to her. howvere, for my fren, its diff.. poor fren of mine. this A.. she's really irritating. i did not know she was so sly. now i thik she feels that she has all the power in the world. y? bcoz of some reasons la. but it becomes v obvious who it is if i disclosed the reason.well. what i can say about her is that she has put in a lot of "effort " in trying to rise up from a small little unknown person to a little more better known person. ie. i;m trying to say.. she's trying to b popular.. she has succeded in the small areas but unfortunately, i'm v sad to announce to her that she has still failed greatly on the general lvl. sorry wor. feel so sad for u. i think she is doing things for thwe wrong rerasons. but then again, its just my personal opiniojns. so the rest can say what they want about her.
as a saggitarian, i have always enjoyed being int he centre of attention. or shld i say.. i need to get attention., i want people to know me. ppl to appreciate me.i want people to be affected by everything i say, etc. but i know thats not possible. i m not aiming for that anynmore as i have learnt thast there are greater things in life than all of these. though.. i still need attn. loads.
i digressed. n so i was saying, this fren of mine probably wants more. fame. thats tyhe word. ok. i admit. i stil wan fame. i want to be well known. bt hey. who doesnt.
i dun blame thatfren A for that at all! its totally understandable. but i guess she is doing it the common way. one fast way to gain popularity would be to hang out with the most popular people. be their gsd frenx. join their clique. den go boast to your other frenx who did not have that " chance" n make sure u sound v nonchalant when u r saying all these. make sure u sound like they r begging to go out with u. bvegging to hang out with u. make yourself seem like the light of the wateva. (cany think of anything to go with it. haha) well.. gd. thats the common way. but i have 3 words to say about this. " what's the point?"
i have had some experiences in my short little life. so yeah.. i cant comment or mayb i can but i dun want to. i should say.. fame is about people remembering you. people knowing the rteal u. not just the nice side of u. but your flaws as well. this is what i call true fame. when many people emembver u.
note:remember u. NOT remember u as one of THOSE who hang out with THE PEOPLE. so yeah.. think about it. its something u can ponder over the weekend about. be true. stop being such a backstabber. making your frenx depressed coz they have given u care and attention but what u do is turn your backs on them when u get to hang out with ur so-called cool clique. n oh btw.. your clique is not very cool actually. i think they r like kinda diao that kind. i dun wish to comment more on what i mean by diao. its just that those people have power n authority thats all.but hey. so wat. when they leave sch.. their power n authority is gone. n btw.. its just the title. not the capability. i dun wish to comment further on this pt too. for those who are reading this. i thank u and i admire u. i bet u r proabably feeling very pek chek noiw because i have saying i do not wish to comment furthter. haha..
i think i want to cut my hair., or shld i say.. trim it so that when it grows longer it will grow better., but nvm. i will continue thinking about it until my hair gets longer.
ok. i need my cat nap. gd nites..

orientation

woah! i haven blogged for like so long. cant blog much today coz i hafyta start n quickly end my entire bio syllabus for 2004 crash course. haha. i.e study as much n as fast as possible.
yest was renaissance nite. it was simply great. the pageant nominees were great n i simply simply love them! i guess ice n me were right in choosing the right ppl for pageant.
all of them were so hardworking n they could come up with a damn sei performance for pageant!! n everything abt pageant was a huge success minus the scrapping of ourgame. but its ok. at least we din haf ta clean up! hehe
woah.. noe wat? i thnik the J1 guys are much better looking than the J2s.. haha.. n the gals.. haha..they r damn chio too. wil tok more abt pageant ifg i haf time. n in the meantime, i shall start choinging my stuydies!! bye bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

happy new yr part II

instead of talking about the past, let's talk about the future. i'm back again. this time with much more privacy to type. without any eyes staring at my screen while i type. its abt 130am now. i just finished doing the action plan. was watching the movie pleasantville. really gd movuie. i like the genre and storyline. how i wish i can be transported into the pleasantville too. i like that era. haha. i like everything about it. i still remember how i got to know the show pleasantville. it was in austrialia. i was bored in the hotel. n i accidentally went to press pay tv and found the movie. at that time i din noe i was watching pay tv. so i continued watching. i liked the show. so i replayed it several times. was quite amazed why the hotel was so gd. until the day when we checked out and my dad showed me the bill. haha!! wat a joke! ok ok..

now now. i have sidetracked again. haha. let me take about the new yr. i guess i shall start with my new yr resolutions. i used to make my resolutions every yr on a piece of paper and paste it onto my cabinet. but they kinda got tattered and torn after some weathering. so this time, i shall type it in my blog. and i can refer back anytme i want.

here goes.. haha.. though i might not be able to fulfil all.. but.. the more the better.

My New Year Resolutions 2005 :

1. Study very hard and do well in my JCTs, Prelims and A lvls
2. Prevent myself from getting demoted to JC1.
3. Prove to mrs lam i do not stone during lessons and i prioritise my studies.
4. balance studies and council well. tip more towards studies because A lvls is the most important thing in my academic life right now.
5. Aim high. do not be satisified with mediocrity (hw do u spell it?)
6. Read newspapers everyday and cut out important articles. highlight important points and make a point to remember.
7. Study in the library during free periods instead of slacking and listening to music in the library.
8. do not pon more than 3 lectures in a week.
9. go home straight after school. time is precious. do not hang out for the sake of hanging out.
10. focus and i will get what i want.
11. Be a responsible person by facing the musci when at fault.
12. To err is human, to forgive, divine. learn to be forgiving.
13. Be a filial daughter. (which i nv have been and always has been trying hard to be one.)
14. try to like kids. (i have to like them one day.no choice.)
15. try to shake off that inferiority complex in myself.
16. prove those ppl who look down on me wrong!
17. PROVE TO PEOPLE WHO THINK I M SLACKING ALL THE TIME WHEN I M NOT.
18. PROVE TO PEOPLE I M NOT BLUR OK! I M REALLY NOT BLUR! SO QUIT THAT THOUGHT THAT I M BLUR. U R THE FREAKIN BLUR ONE!
19. try not to stay up late to study.
20. do not go online unless necessary. (this means no going online just for the sake of msn, blog..etc.)
21. be disciplined.
22. try to remain cheerful no matter what happens.
23. stop slacking.
24. try to be a nicer person.
25. help friends who need my help.
26. try to stop irritating people.
27. reduce my smses to 20 per day.(i must persevere n use online sms service!)
28. watch tv only when very tired.
29. eat my medicine every morning.
30. exercise regularly.
31. lose weight.

okok.. those are v mundane rite? actually, they are really impt to me. now. this list is for family and friends. what i will try my best to help.

1. Mum: i will try to be nicer and prevent myself from quarelling with your every alternate sentecne we speak. i wil listen to you unless u are v unreasonable. i really love and appreciate you but i just don't know how to show it. i will try to stop flaring up.
2. Dad: i will try to communicate more with you.i will try to go msia whenever i can.
3. Sam: i will love you with all my heart. i will make u stop making me feel bad! i will be punctual for everything.(try my best..=0) i will learn to be less inferior towards myself.i will stand on my own and prove to everyone i m capable. i will try my best to get into a sg uni.
4. Yan pin: we'll still hang out together after u shift house k? we must!
5. anthony: come find me if u haf any problems or fan nao..
6. adrian: u can look for me when u're bored, sian, etc. u're really a great fren!!continue to be enthu abt everything but rmb, ur studies come first. do well!
7.Cecilia: i must learn from you,your courage, your strength,etc. i will be there to lend a listening ear. though i m not v gd at consoling, etc.
8. Ai Ting: kip dancing! u're simply great!
9.yee chien: dun kip watching gay animes. if not u one day wiol be like them.
10. janice: lets go swimming more often! doctor say i can swm in the morning!! must learn to wake up early. haha..love ya company!
11. seirra : we must kip in touch!
12. all the rest of my frenx whom i did not mention. nw already 2 plus. n i haf yet to slp. so i'm a littele braindead. hahaa.. pai seh!! i still love all of u guys!!
13.bastards who look down on me, , backstab me, bad mouth me.: i will show all of u one day. you will get back wat u deserve.
14. teachers that have confidence in me: i will try my best to prove all of u right!
15. teachers who hate me n look down on me: fuck off! haha.. opps!! (hope he dun c this!!)

haha.. i shldnt type more liao. hahaa.. the list just goes on. hahaha.. ok! when i have more i wil add,. i better go slp liao! bye bye!!

happy new yr!!

hello blog! a new yr has began! i wish everyone a very happy new yr! i had a very happy new yr countdown. i hope that everyone wi\ould be blessed with happiness. howvere, while all of us are bathing in happiness, we must rememeber the tsunami tidal waves victims. lets continue to pray hard for them n those with the finanacial ability to donate, pls do. i intend to dnate $50. haha. though its a small amount. but i hope it will help.=)

let me start talking abt 2004. 2004 is over. FINALLY. thats wat i must say. it has been one of the rockiest yr of my life. tragedies which shld not be mentioned but only to be rememebred n to learn from them. 2004 has indeed made me a much stronger, mature, weathered person. =) haha.. darker too. due to swimming in the hols. hahaha..!!

now for my new yr resolutions . haha.. i think now not fang bian to type? haha.. i will type later. got so muc more to say.. hahaha..