yes! finally! OTC is over! no more sundays gone.
we had our grad at legends at fort canning. u noe wat? thats the exact place tj is gonna haf fer prom. n the place is stupidly SMALL. yucks!i dun feel like going fer prom.
anyway, i think OTC was a great experiecne for me. there are so many happy memories n little sad memories. haha..yapx.. i'm glad that i was in sierra. if not, i dunnu wat would haf happened to me. haha.. sierra rox!! i love everything abt it. everyone there is super enthu n act cute.. haha.. we shared many happy memories together. ppl there r realli nice n fun luving.

the grad was cool. gina won the best nursing trainee. congrAts, ger!! love ya lots!!i think sherealli deserved it. howvere, i htink someof the results were not realli given the the right ppl. hahx... i would not say hu.. but.. think abt it. if u r in a committtee or a team, u r supposed to contribute.. right??? or m i wrong? if u kip running awae from responsoibilites, n leavfe ur fellow parnter to do everything.. haha.. i think injustice was done in allocating prizes. someone else deserves it more. u r not a all rounder at all.. anyway.. i m very proud of halim( zone 7)haha.. he rox! haha.. justin too!! congrats

ok.. shall not say more.. bye

i took a pink form today. yes yes. u must b wondering if i was lying that i was sick rite? actually, i was not. i was really feeling very tired, very sick n very nauseous. too bad if u dun believe. anyway, i think mr lim was very nice today. hahx. though he is not my CT, he still signed the pink form for me. yap.think mrs pang is also very nice. i was on my way outta sch when i saw her. we talked for a while regarding my studeis n stuff. i m now online researching on overseas edu. i have not seeked approval of my dad. but.. i m quite determined to go overseas if i dun do well..

i m try8ing to find out more abt the courses i can take.. hahx.. but m quite firm on hospitality n travel management. do u think its a gd idea?

this yr has so far been the worse yr from me. losta ups n downs.. n i realli mean LOTS.
i dunnu wat will happen to my family. i dun care ne more. i just do not want to get anyone hurt even more. but i dunnu what i can do to salvage the situation. i cant stop u guys from thinking wat u all want. break then break la. anyway, u, the idiot, says that it wun make a difference rite? den it wun make a fucking hell difference! fine fine! wateva!!!!!!!!!

i dunnu wat u guys feel. i dunnu what u guys want. wateva. itwun hurt me wateva way( as u fucking hell said so.) . so it wun. it wun.i will b oblivious to wateva u all do to me.i dun feel anything. i m cold. that is what u want right?

i'm sorry. i wun be able to fulfill your wish. so sorry. but .. ya.. just dun care about how i feel. dun let me obstruct the way.i realli hate life now. i have no family at all. i have no family at all. dun ask me if i have kins. i dun have. i m by myself.

just got back from pw. i hate pw.. it sux. waste of my time. haha.. my pw members all say they wanna celebrate after pw ends.. n i agree.. haha..
hahx.. i have a spiltting headache. dun noe why.
i tot about many tings yest. i msged u.u replied. but i tot, whats the pt anymore? i wun haf anynmore reason to tok to u ne more. i stopped replying u. i felt it was pointless to continue. whats the pt when its just me , me n me? i was realli selfish. i noe.perhaps i was just wasiting yr smses.
n to another someone. i dunnu what the hell is wrong with u. u just stopped communicating with me. wateva.anyway, i dun think u treat me as a fren at all so i shall not say too much n try not to think too much. since u dun care.
saw someone the other day at agi outside serangoon stadium. dun feel like saying mjuch. just that i no longer hate u.think u look beta now.

now watching the repeat of meteorgarden 1.it was playing the basketball match part. its like so damn touching. if oni tt could happen to me. i'm living in my fantasy world AGAIN.why m i thinking so much? why cant i just accept me stupid fate. i dun care abt myself anymore.i m just a mugging machine.ihateihateihateihateihate life.

i had the shortest day in school today.i had 2 free periods n ended sch at 1230pm. haha..! thats bcoz i dropped econs. it was a decision i made in a haste n i hope i would not refgret. anyway, i dunrealli like econs . n have always wanted to pursue something else which most would think that wat i lke would not b marketable. so.. ya.. i dun c the pt in mentioning.

i feel that my blog is so cold. no one reads or sign my guestbook. c. no one even bothers to go read it lor.its so stupid lor. ihate it.i hate all of u in the whole wide world.

hi.. i dropped in secretly here for a little quickie before i rush back to studying again.
whats up with every single person?even my family member does not care for me. i told someone i had injured my toe n now it is suffering from a contusion.but yet.. no one reali realli bothers. i nboe i noe.. sometimes or shld i say often.. i demand lots n lots of attention. i noe. but i cant help it. sometimes.. i just resort to doing things which i dunnu what i'm realli doing just to get the attention from ppl.. silly things, harmful things.. etc. i just hope to get your (no ref to anyone) attn. i noe sometimes i over exaggerate stuffs... but thats just because i want ppl to noe of my presence. i hate to be treated as though i m transparent. i hate to be treated as though i m just a spare tyre. when u r bored with nothing to do, u msg me or call mi. but sometimes, when i'm in need of some things.. u dont even bother to ask me what has happened, much less help mi think of a solution or even console me. just these small things that ppl do to me.. i will always remember. but i noe.. its hard to get such things. i noe i'm demanding things. these things, some ppl say, will come to u. but y dun they come to me? just take for eg.. some bad ppl will owaes haf ppl caring for them. i;m not saying i'm gd or watsoeva. i'm just trying to understand why i cant even get a pinch of your attn.

i noe i noe. i m such an idiot. i m irritating everyone these days. i like to irritate so that u will communicate with me. i know that irritating you will not benefit anyone of us in the long run. but what i'm asking now is just for someone to care for me. is it very hard?
i dont care if you wanna lie to me n stuff.. just give me a little bit of your time.i dun care. i wanna hear lies. i'm going berserk. i stay at home everyday. my mum does not permit me to go out bcoz she is afriad i will not study n will fail muy promos. i have a very big feeling tt i will fail. i noe i m not suppose to fail. if i fail everyting will fall down on me. again. i will disappoint every single person in the whole wide world. i m s0 sick so sick. can u just give me a break? evenm when u give me a break, can u shower some attn on me? i'm. so. tired.i'm. really. extremely. tired.
i know this sounds realli despo or wateva n stuff. but while everyoine is enjoying themselves i m all by myself. not a single person bothers to drop a hi! or gd night! or wateva to me, either by phone or by sms.

i try not to sound rather sad on the fone n stuff. n i m not sad if u were to call me on the fone . i will be really happy. i will be jumping asbout. i dun care how many times i will hurt my toes while prancing around my house. i dun care anymore. i just want to have wehat everyone has. i dun wanna act happy. y shld i when u dun even care. y sld i when no one wuill care abt whether i m happy or sad.
some ppl say they reach out to ppl whom they think need help. i.need.help. y arent these ppl reaching out to me? instead, they r making me feel worse.
things r getting really complicated each day. dun like it. i hate it.i have my chinese mt exam tml. i do not know how to study for it except to memorize the stuffs teacher gave. i m such a lousy student. i hate JC life. JC life= no life. i really want to go somewhere elsde to start anew. i hate tjc. i hate it. i hate my combi. i hate my cca in tj. i hate my teachers. i hate studying. i hate smiling fakly.i hate traitors. i hate myself.
y cant i be smarter so tt i can meet up to my mother's expectation of me? she says she wants to c me donning the graduation suit. i'm afriad i will let her down.i dont think i will even have that day.perhaps next yr, i may not even be in tj anymore.
a fren asked me recently. do i think my life will be better if i were to go poly? i was satying i want to go poly or somewhere else. i dun know. i oni know that i hate science n economics.i so regret that i was so stupid to have put tjc as my 1st chioce. it did not have the sub that i want. i wanted to take theatre studies so badly.i dont know if i would feel happier if i wasnt in a jc.i realli dun know. i know. now u must be thinking that i m escaping from my problems. i m not. i m willing to face it. i m more than prepared to be told i have to repeat a yr. but i m persistant ot to stay if i have to. i will not. i'm sorry, mum n dad, if i had let u down. all my life i have been studying the way u like. can i, for once, study something that i have interest in? i realli hate econs n chem.

can u let me go? just let me be free? i know i m still young., but i wish to be given a choice. i have made a mistake. i take extra precaution not to make it again. buti'll nv noe what will happen next. i will never.i cant helpit if somethings pops up again.i'm really sorry.


guardian angel,
where r u? i. need.u.badly.can.u.help.me.from.wherever.u.r.
i.realli.need.ur.help.
cat

Chicago - Glory Of Love
Tonight it's very clear
Cause we're both lying here
There's so many things I wanna say
I will always love you
I will never leave you alone
Sometimes I just forget
Say things I might regret
It breaks my heart to see you crying
I don't want to lose you
I could never make it alone
( Chorus ) I am a man who would fight for your honor
I'll be the hero you're dreaming of
We'll live forever, knowing together
That we did it all for the glory of love
You keep me standing tall
You help me through it all
I'm always strong when you're beside me
I have always needed you
I could never make it alone
( back to Chorus ) I
t's like a knight in shining armor
From a long time ago
Just in time I will save the day
Take you to my castle far away
( back to Chorus )
We live forever knowing together
That we did it all for the glory of love
We did it all for love
We did it all for love
We did it all for love
We did it all for love.


its a very nice song.. buti dun haf chance to sing it.. hahha

Are You a Secure Lover?
Why You Choose the Mates You Do
neo, you tend to gravitate toward romantic partners who have a Secure attachment style.

People with a secure attachment style are warm, open and trusting. They are typically comfortable with themselves and show high regard for others. Attachment style begins in infancy with the interactions we have with our parents or primary caregivers. Through these early relationships we begin to understand the dynamics and patterns of close relationships and we carry this perspective into our adult relationships.Psychologists call your attachment style Preoccupied. You tend to worry about being abandoned in your romantic relationships. You have a strong desire for closeness, but may feel that others seem unwilling to get as close as you would like. It's likely that your openness to relationships is one of the first things potential partners notice about you. 39% of those who have taken our test share this style of attachment. Your answers on our test show that when it comes to relationships you have grown beyond your earliest attachment issues. While you may not have every issue resolved, you're making substantial progress at establishing healthy relationship patterns.

hahx.. tts me..

hi blog..
i'm pissed off with the construction goin on below my block
i wanna go sumwhere else to study but no one is willing to go with mi... wateva... everytime like ttt... i;m so pathetic...
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... i m an idiot... no one cares abt tis idiot. no one is willing to help tis idiot out of her misery.. no one will shoe m,i the light in the darkness..
i somehow tried to communicate with u.. u were not willing to communicate .. i dunnu if i shld try again.. i m afraid of facing the same thing again. i realli hope to communicate more with u.. but it just seem that u arent willing. i dunnu what to do. i fear rejection.once bitter twice shy. i was hurt once n dun wish to b hurt again. i want to be givenm a second chance but i dun think u will give it to me.forget it.. everytime i try

i feel very strongly abt something n widsh to tok abt it..
wel.. u c.. i din noe tt my cousins(mum side) in sg are so CRUEL. to think that i haf been looking up on them sdince i was young. since young, my aunt had been taking great care of me n my cousins. my cousins even stayed with her when they were young till about a yr ago when they decided to move out for some reason i m unclear abt. do u noe how nice she was to them?? everytime they r hungry, she would go doewnstairs to buy food for them. she tok care of them.. brought them up... just like how a doting mother takes care of her children. now.. u noe wat they did to her?? they insisted on moving down to live with my granma(note: granma lives a floor below aunt.) coz her parents (who initally lived with my aunt) had some conflict with my aunt. i think her parents (i.e my other aunt and uncle) r such IDIOTS.. i'm so sorry.. but i realli cannot take it. they lived on my aunt. do u noe hu paid the electricity bill all that when they were living with my aunt??? it was my aunt. yet, she nv complained. when my aunt asked for help.. they did not care!! they were simply living off her..!! they have a small stall selling some food.. my aunt is not married.. look.. from an outsiders' pt of view, hu is earning more?? my aunt is a factory worker. her salary is so meagre it is oni suitable to feed herself.. when my cousins ask for branded stuff, she did not hestitate. she just gave them $$.. now wat did they do to her?

just today, my mum was meeting my aunt. but for abt 1/2h my aunt was late. my mum got impatient n wondered where my aunt was.my aunt did not on her hp.. so my mum called her home..no one answered.. so she decided to call my granma hse fone. guess which idiot answered?? a cousin whom i respected so much coz she USED to be so filial n is very clever.my mum ask her.. "is ya aunt in??" u noe wats her reply??
haha.. she said," why would she be here? no she is not la , of course!" in a very rude tone. MIND U she was toking to my mother!!!! my mum was so pissed she put down the fone immediately.
after a while, we saw my aunt walking down. she said her leg weas pain soshe copuld not walk properly. i really feel for her. i dun know how to help her. i wanmted tyo confront my cousins. SO WHAT if u r A MBA HOLDER?? THAT DOES NOT MEAN U CAN BULLY OTHER PPL.. ESOP YOUR OWN RELATIVE!! SHE TOOK CARE of u from young!! y r u doing this to her??? what if your children treat u tt way next time??? what did she do to deserve YOUR TREATMENT? i feel like slapping their faces. telling them to wake up. but i cant. i dun haf the power. seriously, i realli HATE U I HATE U I HATE I HATE I HATE U!!!!!!! HOW CAN U BULLY HER??!!!!! U SUCKER!! NO WONDER U HAVE NO BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!