as promised, i m bback to edit my blog... ya...so i'm gonna type as fast as i can so as not to waste time precious for muggin.. yapx.. my luck is coming back, my studies, though still a bit behind, but i feel myself catching up.. tt day at conrad was my last day at spp.. the last day i could interact with u.. the last day i could find reasons to ask u stuffs.. to interact more with u ..now tt everything is gone.. there is no chance left, no reason left.. *hope u dun c thisblog..anyway, dun think u will..*

so conrad experience was realli one of the best things/ events out of my 2 mths of grieve upon recieving my jct results and what not. first, my luck starting changing on the bus to dearest conrad.. i cant say much but it was the 1st time i mustered up courage since long ago. den when all of us reacheed conrad and were in their conference room, i prayed hard so tat i could get to become a waitress.. wow.. in the end, i got the chance to become a waitress at Golden Peony.. the most exclusive chinese restaurant.. got to don a really beautiful cheong sam.. its in my phone gallery.,.. if wanna c.. can ask .. haha.. coz i'm rather proud of it. u din get wat u wante.d.. i felt sad for u.. but stillhope to share my happiness.. nv got the chance... being a waitress there.. we did not do much... which was quite sad case.. haha.. we folded napkins.. ya knoe.. those tt they use in chinese restaurants.. den idiotically, after we had done all of them, they asked us to redo all with another pattern because they preferrede another method.. wat t\do they treat us for man??? but nv mind.. i got to serve tea..n oso, clear platres n stuff... den min huey told us tt a waitress askred her abt the duration of our stay ( in term s of months). theyhad obviously tot we were trainees learning asbt hospitality management so they bullied us. so bad rite?? rather be in housekeeping... haha... coz more fun there.. for some reason or other.. though they wore only polo tees...
so after everytjhing, we had a short debiref at the staff canteen... n later at nightm, it was free n ez.. yap.. night was ok.. (shld not elabvorate here...) n that was the last time we interacted. yap..

so conrad was realli fun n stuff.. but now.. its spp no more..... no more..
but i was quitte happy yesterday.. cannot say y....

well, tts one of my worries.. now theres anot6her worry of mine.. i have another on n off fren of mine ( dun reaD in too much..) but its like we keep in contact via sms.. but in sch.. we dun even say hi... though i used to have some frenx like tt in xms.. but i dun wish to haf these frenx in tj.. yapx.. i feel especially close to this fren.. but sometimes... i even feel.....********************** ...... ( no need to count n guess wat * means coz i juz put as many as i like ) i dunnu how u feel.. u owaes say u will msg back.,. but u nv.. okok.. anyone readint u must be wondering what the hell.. this kinda ting oso read in until like tt... i dunnu.. yes yes.. i read in too much.. anyway.. whoever reading this.. i forbid u from asking mi hu are the 2 p[pl i mentioned in my blog... DUN GUESS.. i dont like.. i like to keep things like tt.. if anyone leaked them out... things will nv be the same again...
i wonder when this fren will reply mi.. coz this frenh say will reply me later.. i bet i wun recieve any msg later...

if anyone is asking mi if i m in luv or not after reading so much... i must say even if i m or i m not.. i wun find anyone to return my love.. not because i dun wan.. but i cant.. i dun haf the ability.. look at my stuypid face.. ppl will run away lor... or faint on the spot. my character sux... no one will like mi.. esp with my physique.. i m short n fat.,.. n worse more, i m stupid, lousy.. i dun even have any special talents..
i also dun have the time.... ya.. anyeway, y say this.. not like anyone will bother to read.. hahx.. kk.. ran outta wat to say le..
last msg: everyone out there.. go dwld this song!! *turn me on* by kevin lyttle... it ROX...!! heres the lyrics...:

[Intro] Oh Yeaah... ah ah ah... Is ah big dancehall song in know Madzart alongside Kevin Lyttle You know how it is, you know how we go You know

[Verse 1]For the longest while we jamming in the Party And you're wining on me Pushing everything Right back on top of me (Yea - hey- ai) But if you think you're gonna get away from me You better change your mind You're going home...You're going home with me tonight

[Chorus]Let me hold you Girl caress my body You got me going crazy - You Turn me on Turn me on...Let me jam you Girl wine all around me You got me going crazy - You Turn me on Turn me on...

[Madzart Rap] The girl ya nah go get way tonite If she think madd man nah go fight Me done feed she with popcaorn and sprite Now she whar come fly way like kite Ooh Yea Yea Ooh Yea Yea Ooh Yea Yea Yeah Ooh Yea Yea Yea Yea Yea Yea Yea Yea...

[Verse 2]One hand on the ground & Bumper cock sky high Wining hard on me Got the Python Hollerin' for mercy - Yea hey - ai Then I whisper in her ear So wine harder And then she said to me Boy just push that thing Push it harder back on me
[Chorus]
[Bridge x2] Girl Just Hug Me, Hug Me, Kiss Me, Squeeze Me Hug Me, Hug Me, Kiss & Caress Me [Madzart Rap] The girl ya nah go get way tonite If she think madd man nah go fight Me done feed she with popcaorn and sprite Now she whar come fly way like kite Ooh Yea Yea Ooh Yea Yea Ooh Yea Yea Yeah Ooh Yea Yea Yea Yea Yea Yea Yea Yea...

[Verse 3]For the longest while we jamming in the Party And you're wining on me Pushing everything Right back on top of me (Yea - hey- ai) But if you think you're gonna get away from me You better change your mind You're going home...You're going home with me tonight
[Chorus]

[Bridge] Hug Me, Hug Me, Kiss Me, Kiss MeHug Me, Hug Me, Kiss & Caress MeHug Me, Hug Me, Squeeze Me, Squeeze Me Hug Me, Hug Me, Kiss & Caress Me

dearest

hello dearest bloggie ... hmmx.. it seems that my life is getting a pinch better this week. thught it is still not very good la.. but i m in sorta a better mood today.. hmm.. some stuff has been bothering me for quite a long time but i dont know how to put it here n i also do not know how to explain and dont wish to write these stuffs here.. coz ppl will c.. n ppl will say.. so anyway anyway.. i've been thinkin about lotsa stuff for a long time.. mayb it was a blessing in disguise that i had to drop spp..( n mayb if i do well i can go back.. Yeah.. hope so..) but i dun realli wish to leave there.. some ppl who read mayguess why.. but seriously, thats not the only reason.. as in like.. i have made losta frenx in spp.. n i realli enjoyed my stay at conrad.. ( will elaborate further abot that later.. ) dun worry.. i noe on my blog some entries i wrote i will elaborate.. but i din rite???haha.. duin worry.. i confirm will elaborate de.. coz i want to.. so much.. tok to bloggie again k??? must go for spa le.. buaix buaix

oh. forgot

oh yes... forgot to mention some things.. anyway.. TJ is a very beautiful place.. however, evry place has its dark corners. for Tj, i shall not say where.. but i can only say it is a place where ppl get together . these ppl are not normal ppl.. in fact, they are cunning, sly and scheming ppl who try to plan to put u into a bad ugly fate.anyway.. a lotta ppl also oso dun like the place n the ppl there... so where could it be??

i...m... hopeless

hi there blog.. hai.. i think i m really a hopeless stupid fool...
i cant do well in my studies.. now , even my napfa i fail too..!!

i have never failed my napfa before.. in fact.. i had always achieved gold award all the time except for once where i had just recovered from a huge sickness.. wat is happening to me? i failed my standing broad jump, shuttle run and inclined flex arm hang.. these few stations used to be one of my best stations.. my standing broad jump was 110.. can u imagine that? never had i ever had that koind of results.. to think i used to jump 196cm. i tried again n again.. but to no avail... i lost all hopes, not even the faintest tinge of happiness to push me to greater heights.i cant.. my friends say that my jumping style is sorta forced. i feel so too.. i did not feel this way before. i feel so strange, so awkward, so unfamiliar with my own physical condition and body.
i have no idea why this is happening.. when i jump, there is a barrier right in front of me. i m scared to go forwrad, much less jump. all i could do was to close my eyes, bring my feet up and land it on the ground.i dont know what to do anymore. i feel so lousy. to think i m a sj officer? i dont think i m even fit to be one. i m so losuy...

no ones caring about me too.. i try telling one fren about my prob.. but this fren of mine just say a while about my problem and talk about his after that. i dont understand why. i think he is daoing me too.. i tot he could be another best fren of mine.. mayb i was wrong? we used to msg each other like everyday.. now its lkike..... none??? i dunnu..

anyway, i think thomas ong looks good. i think kns looks like him but my frenx say he doesnt. anyway, i dun hve the mood yto think about that too...

i cant cope anymore...i really cant i cant.... i need.. sos..

happy or sad

hi.. a lot of ppl have been saying that i have not updated my blog for a long time. i dont know whter i should be feeling happy or sad now. i know that i've been saying this in my previous entries. ok let me talk about the happy thing first.
hmm.. this is how it goes.. yeah.. he msged mi on thur night n on fri morning.. hee.. so ahppy.. coz din expect a sms from him.. yapx.. so happy.. okok.. cannot elaborate so much in case soneone else reads it. anyway, we continued msging for a while on thurs night which i totally did not expect. i tot our msges might just only go from 1-3 msges... but we msged abt 7 tt night.. hee..den on fri mornin .. we msged too.. coz we were both bored.. we toked a little cock but overall i enjoyed it. itseemed tht everytime i c him i start to tremble. i have no idea why
i just go all nervous n blank when he appears near.i dunnu why.. this is not usually the case with my ex-es last time..oh my.. i finally got to tok to him a few lines on sat.. hee... den after tt .. could not c much of him le.. okok.. is this getting too obvious? i really hope not..but this reaLLy brightened up my day.. i just hope he does not think i ma freaking idiot... haha... but i tink he is realli a nice guy... n he has a realli great smile..too bad.. he is just so near.. yet.. so far...

now about the bad things so many things goin on n i need to manage my time
i might have to tell mrs than on mon tt i might need counselling as i feel that i really need someone to confide in.. someone who can lend mi a shoulder to cry on.. i cry every single night.. thinking.. wat m i doing here? y m i existing? y should i exist? i realli realli dunnu how to get back up on my feet. 3Fs & 1E for my JCT results. mrs low says," it is impossible for u to continue four A level subs n continue in council..it's totally impossible." see.. even a teacher has lost hope in me... many tutors feel tt i haven been listening attentively during lessons.. they say i have not been doing my tutorials.. but i did do them.... y do they look down on me so much? oh no.. now i'm crying again...
i need to be up on my feet quickly. my promos is coming soon.. if i dun do well.. i have to go to a poly which i dun wish to.. in school.. i'm surrounded by intelligent ppl.. n wat m i? i m below average there.. a lotta ppl thinks lowly of me,.. they feel that i cannot do my projects properly
when i write stuff for them for my subjects they dun take me seriously.. oh god.. i dunnu how i should proceed on from here.. i'm very serious about my studies now already and a l;otta tewachers are still thinking that i did not listen to class attentively.when i listen intentively they feel that i m stoning. when i ask questions they treat me as if i did not do my work as they feel my question is stupid.sometimes even the class laughs at it coz they think the questions or answers or comments i make is funny. bt whenit comes to studies i realli m serious. when ppl laugh at my question, ui have to laugh with them because i need to pretend tt i was asking the question on purpose for comical purposes. sometimes, my friends call mi a slow coach as in not literally but they say i m slow in packing my things and stuff.. i noe i m.. but sometimes i m thinking of all my problems after the lesson n i cant help to drift off into my thoughts. they think i m very lucky. in fact i m not.. i reach hm to a place of cold n unhappiness of noise of what not. they all think that because i was once a six pointer it would mean that i m very smart n intelligent n i dun need to study. the truth is.. i m a very slow learner. i need constant gidance n support.. but who is going to give me that? i have no idea.. n no one who would be so patient n nice. i dun wish top disturb my friends. everyone had their own problems n stuff...
i realli cannot.. i realli cannot.. i wan to just end my whole life story here. end it at this age. this time. this yr.. so that i wun haf the feel the pain anymore.