20/05/13 Inseminoid (1981)

Fucking hell! I had to check this wasn't Italian, it's that goodbad!

Seriously, it's a hilarious Alien rip-off, possibly budgeted using gravel rather than actual money. Filmed in Chislehurst, Kent, and scripted using some form of potato prints.

If films were sexual experiences, the original Alien would be a classy, fragrant union in a five star hotel. This film would be a drunken, blurry wank behind a disused skip.

Both great fun, but very different experiences. To stretch the comparison.

Well worth watching.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0084090/
10/10

"Press the alarm button and I kill Michael Stipe!"

You dirty space-tart!

...

"You'll only feel a small prick."

"He's not wrong there!"

"Shut-up, Miriam!"

"Hello, I'd like to order a space pizza"

"Got the wrong number, you space-twat."

Sadly this scene didn't go where I was hoping.

Mutant laser space-baby!

Perkin.

01/05/12 Jetsam (2007)

Mini budget Brit-thriller about a woman who washes up on the Kent coast then wakes up and can't remember who she is. She has a fight with a guy who's also washed up on the beach, then ambles off towards an abandoned church up a hill. During the walk to the church, she has a one hour double flashback that explains what the rogering flip is going on. Mostly.

Although the fractured narrative is wobbly, it all mostly makes sense by the end, and for a film that cost only £3000 it is compelling, well shot and finely acted.

This was filmed about forty miles from where I'm typing this, yet we had to buy a copy from the Thailand as it seems to be the only place in the world where it's been released on DVD.

7.5/10

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0830575/

                              Spain can kiss my balls. Visit Kent and marvel at the spectrum of grey.


                                                                             Perkin.