IWSG for February 2020 - Art, Anyone?

Checkout IWSG Blog Here!

Purpose: To share and encourage. Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It’s a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds!

 February 5 question - Has a single photo or work of art ever inspired a story? What was it and did you finish it?

NOSEY: *puff, puff, puff* Greetings, cypernuts! *bursts into room and pants* This is - I.B. Nosey, your - *swallows* your official unofficial reporter! *slumps against wall* Whew! Being a Pukelitzer award winning journalist-celebrity keeps a guy athletic, uh huh. Fans are after me, Alex. Whoa, I barely got here in time to answer this month's question.

*Turns around to stare up at cinema-sized blog* Oh, yeah, there it is! A photo, huh? Hm, it maybe wasn't a work of art, but it sure inspired Miss Mae. Yep. Click link. See, in 1989 when Hurricane Hugo whacked the funny bones of folks in South Carolina, Miss Mae watched what was going on at her residence in Savannah. So she saw photos, news clips, bunches and bunches and bunches of stuff. Yeah!

*Shudders* That event left an impression, all right. Inspired her to write a mystery set in her own made-up island in South Carolina during a cat 4 hurricane. 

More information here

And the fantastic audio -complete with scary a-and real-like if you're there in the middle of it all...*gives wary glance around* produced by Roger Rittner -well, um- you guys can get a free listen to the first two chapters at SoundCloud. Ya know, it starts off with thunder and lightning and creepy music and--

*Loud bang sounds on door* Open up, Nosey, we know you're in there!

NOSEY: *shrieks* My fans! They won't leave me alone! I gotta - I gotta - *flees as door breaks down*

CROWD SHOUTS: Catch him if you can!

WOMAN: Yeah, he's my idol!

NOSEY: Aaiii, get away from me, lady! Alex, help! Save me 'cause love hurts!

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Feeling Nosey About Feeling Insecure? You're at the Right Place - ISWG October 2019

Meanwhile, over at the ISWG link...  

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Purpose: To share and encourage. Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It’s a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds!

October 2 question - It's been said that the benefits of becoming a writer who does not read is that all your ideas are new and original. Everything you do is an extension of yourself, instead of a mixture of you and another author. On the other hand, how can you expect other people to want your writing, if you don't enjoy reading? What are your thoughts?

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NOSEY: Greetings, cybernuts! This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter! It's my job, as the Pukelitzer Award winning journalist, to tell the news. And the news is that a whole month's gone by from our last Insecure Writers question groupey thing. Huh. Insecure writers only have one question each month. *scratches head* Hey, you! *points to insecure writer* Is that right?

INSECURE WRITER GUEST: We have questions. Lots of questions. Ya think we have only one? What are ya? Brain dead? Let me tell ya, we have lots of questions. Lots!

NOSEY: Er, uh. Sure. Sure. So... You think you can answer the Oct. 2nd question?

INSECURE WRITER GUEST: I could. If I wanted to. *sticks out tongue*

NOSEY: *back away* Allll right. Let me ask the next guest. What about you? *points*

WRITER GUEST 2: Me? *blushes* Gosh. Uh huh. I write. Yep. See my wittle sign? I wrote it. With me wittle finger. 

NOSEY: Let's see what it says. *squints* 'Pre-owned--' *jumps away* Hey, fella! Don't ya know that anything pre-owned is always free?

WRITER GUEST 2: But for just a dollah you can have your wery own twried and twrue Hollah Pop.

NOSEY: *turns away* Nuthin' doin'. Hm. *looks around* Who can be my next guest and answer Alex's question. Listen, you guys! *shouts into audience* Mr. Ninja Captain is waiting. He's got other blogs to travel to, you know. So, who can -- ?

WRITER GUEST 3: *waves hand* Oh, pick me! Pick me!

NOSEY: *frowns* So you're Smokey's replacement? Weird, 'cause unlike what your sign says I gotta tell ya, fella... *chuckles* you don't look anything like Brad Pitt.

WRITER GUEST 3: That's supposed to be Fad Britt. Licky wrote my sign with his fat wittle finger.

NOSEY: *rolls eyes* So, what's your answer?

FAD BRITT: Um, what was the question again?

NOSEY: *groans* Sheesh. It's 'Can you expect other people to want your writing if you don't enjoy reading?'

FAD BRITT: *brightens* Oh. That question. Well, sure, I enjoy reading. I want people to read my sign. Can you read my sign? It's a nice little sign. Isn't it nice? All the words have letters in 'em. 

NOSEY: That's not--

GUEST 1: *yells* Will you people shut up and let me concentrate? I'm trying to write up here!

FAD BRITT: *yells back* What d'ya think you're gonna write? In case you haven't noticed, your muse bulb is broken! 

LICKY: Uh huh. Bad bwroken bulbs are boo-boo's. Wanna a licky and feel better? *offers one*

BROKEN BULB GUEST: Don't talk to me about my bulb, Mr. Diddly Go-Wrong! Yeah, that's your real name. Wanna know how I know? *screams louder* 'Cause my bulb burns brighter than yours!

FAD BRITT (A.K.A. DIDDLY GO-WRONG) *gasps* Burns? You've got a fire up there? Quick! Quick! Grab a hose, grab a - grab a - Oh! Oh! Where's Smokey? Smokey, I need water, tears of a clown, anything wet! *runs in agitated circles*

LICKY: And for just a dollah--

NOSEY: .............

THEN:

*Snatches cell phone and punches in numbers with no fat wittle fingers, but with a couple of speedy thumbs*

NOSEY: *shouts into receiver* Miss Mae, what's going on with these insecure writers? Everything's out of control! You gotta--

MM: Hm. Yes, I see it on my screen. Don't worry, Nosey. Here's my response to Ninja Captain's question: 

In my humble opinion, writers must read. Not necessarily only books, but newspapers, scientific and medical journals - articles that are informative and contain facts that aid us in our own works. But also, for our own pleasure, we must read. Who doesn't enjoy Garfield, Dagwood, or The Lord of the Rings? Reading is a gift. We should treat it as such.

There, Nosey. Problem solved. *hangs up*

NOSEY: B - but -- What'd ya do? What'd ya do? *slowly glances around* Holy Salesman Look-a-like. Guess you just gotta mention an author's name and the whole room clears out.

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August 2019 IWSG

First Wednesday of the Month - Is It IWSG Time?

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Purpose: To share and encourage. Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It's a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds.

IWSG Question: August 7 question - Has your writing ever taken you by surprise? For example, a positive and belated response to a submission you'd forgotten about or an ending you never saw coming?

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NOSEY: Greetings, cybernuts! This is I.B.Nosey, your official unofficial reporter! And today is officially unofficially Insecure - uh, wait. It's probably officially IWSG day because...*checks calendar*...yeah, it's the first Wednesday of the month. *scratches head in confusion - mutters*...Does that matter?

NOSEY FANS: Whee, it's I.B. Nosey! Gladys...*pokes friend with elbow*...do you think he's insecure?

GLADYS: I dunno, Mabel. With a nose like that, how can he be secure?

*Both women hoot with shrieks of laughter* (yes, shriek and hoot. You read right, dear readers)

NOSEY: Wait a minute! What kind of fans are ya gals? I've got a job to do and you - hey, what're ya drinking there?

MABEL: Apple juice. *hiccups* With a dose of Gum Drop Island Choco-Hoffee. *bats lashes* You believe us, don't ya?

NOSEY: *frowns* Never knew Choco-Hoffee to give anyone a fit of the giggles.

GLADYS: Well, Miss Mae is giving away free drinks today to, uh  - um, er - entice folks to stop by and listen to your... *waves airy hand*...whatever it is you're doing.

NOSEY: I'm doing a Feeling Insecure blog. *slaps forehead* Sheesh, can't anyone read these days?

MABEL: Well, then, get on with it. What are you feeling insecure about, Nosey?

NOSEY: Me? I'm not insecure. *whispers* Uh - is that what Miss Mae told ya?

GLADYS: *clears throat* We'll tell you what she did say. She said for us to give you this note...*passes slip of paper*

NOSEY: For real? Hm. Let's see...*reads aloud* To answer this month's question as to if your writing has ever taken you by surprise - I must answer, yes. Before I became published I attended an online course for aspiring authors. One lesson was to write a little something using the five senses. I wrote a scene, and others on the course stated it hyped their curiosity and they wanted to read more. Imagine my surprise! Because I had no 'more', but...that inspired me to produce, and a couple of months later, lo and behold, my first book "See No Evil, My Pretty Lady" became a reality.

MABEL: Gosh, that's interesting. Don't ya think so, Gladys?

GLADYS: *stares at Nosey* I dunno. I'm kinda thinking this reporter is getting real interesting. Mmm. He's even cute - in an uncute sort of way.

NOSEY: *gasps* No! No, back off, gal - I, um - I'm spoken for. Spoken real loud for.

GLADYS: *stumbles to feet* Oh, c'mon. A guy like you? You're just the host of this crazy Feeling Nosey? blog. *snorts with laughter* Aw, everybody knows that blog hosts are lonely and--

NOSEY: *snaps fingers* Blog host, eh? Hey, have I got a fella in mind for you! Yeah, his name is Alex and he's got a blog. *nods head like crazy* Uh huh. Uh huh. Alex has this blog, Insecure Writers, see. Just click the little link and - zap! You're right there with him! 

GLADYS LOOKS AT MABEL: Whadda ya think?

MABEL: *shrugs* Why not? I think that's all this Nosey's got to say, anyway.

NOSEY: It sure is, Mabel, except for what I gotta say to Alex - *yells* - Alex, they're all yours!!

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Extra! Extra! An I.B. Nosey Newsletter Cometh!

Set your time and calendars to Monday, June 10, 2019, cybernut fans! Behold, a new I.B. Nosey newsletter cometh your way! With a guest star interviewee, heh heh. Of course, guest stars enjoy speaking into my microphone - it's just so - uh, great! Yeah, great!

You want to be able to read this interview, Nosey nutty fans. And how do you do that? Why, you sign up for the newsletter! And it'll get delivered right to your door - or to your computer - or to your phone - how do I know what you're using?! Anyway, thanks to the internet and satellites and whatever else is floating around up there, it gets delivered. Yeah.

So, see the cleverly placed Sign Up Form? Right over here! Sign up now, and the Nose will get back at ya to make your day especially fantastic and I.B. Nosey-ish.

Pat Hatt Shares A Catty Interview with I.B. Nosey!

NOSEY: Greetings, cybernuts! This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter and today I’m coming to you from…er, um…*stares at dark and creepy looking building before him* Whoa. This isn’t my Nosey kind of interviewing place, so I think I’ll just—

Pat Hatt lives here????

DOOR, SQUEAKING AND SQUEALING, OPENS: I’m Pat Hatt’s cat. What’s ya think of that?

Pat Hatt's cat - friendly looking feline.....

NOSEY: Ack! *jumps* Say what?

CAT: I.B. Nosey, huh? Yeah, ya looks the dud. *strolls away*

NOSEY: Now wait just one minute—

PAT HATT: *calls* Is that you, Nosey? What’s you doing standing there gulping like a big-mouthed bass? Get on in here.

NOSEY: Well…*peeks around edge of door* Where’d that rhyming cat go?

PAT HATT: He went to where a rhyming cat always goes. *beckons towards scratching post* C’mon. Let’s get this interview moving, man.

NOSEY: *tiptoes inside and then comes to screeching stop* Holy reading room! What is all this?

PAT HATT: *grins and gestures around room, indicating wall niches filled with dark and creepy looking figures* My library, of course.

NOSEY: Libraries don’t have statues in ‘em!

PAT HATT: Mine does. These represent the characters written inside the pages of my 118 published books.

NOSEY: *slaps hand to side of cheek* Dude, I can’t interview you about 118 books!

PAT HATT: Don’t worry. Pat Hatt’s cat will decide.

NOSEY: It’ll— huh?

PAT HATT: *points* Watch. He knows which one he wants to choose.

Cat clicks on computer screen. One large wall -as wide as a football field, no less- displays visuals of Pat Hatt’s 118 books. Er, well…Maybe not quite as wide as a football field. On second thought, maybe not as wide as a basketball court. On third thought ‒ maybe as wide as a TV screen?

CAT: ‘A Not So Perfect World’. If only Nosey could.

NOSEY: If only I could what?

CAT: *grins wickedly, shows mouthful of sharp teeth*

NOSEY: Yeah… *tugs at shirt collar* Heh heh.

PAT HATT: All right. The cat has chosen. *picks up remote and clicks toward visual book* See the blurb there, Nosey? Wanna read it to your adoring audience?

NOSEY: Er… *keeps suspicious eye on cat* I’m kinda busy right now.

PAT HATT: Okay, then I’ll do the honor. ‘A Not So Perfect World’: After Chutar, and finally figuring out where and when they were, Jack and Emily hoped their troubles were over. But little did they know Chutar was just the beginning. With Mason by their side, the three continue to struggle to find their way back home.

With everything from dragons and Critlen to booby traps and armies standing in their way, the three remain determined to make it. Until they come up against what they thought to be impossible, gods of myth.

Now with hope dwindling thanks to a few choice gods, a prophecy involving aliens, and an over involved Prophet, the newly dubbed Death Defying Three will have to do just that, if they ever hope to make it home.

NOSEY: *frowns and shakes head* That is one confusing blurb, fella.

Cat nibbles on one claw and twitches tail.

PAT HATT: *murmurs* Shouldn’t tell the cat that the blurb is confusing, Nosey. Remember, he chose this book.

NOSEY: Oh, yeah. Yeah, right. Er, so okay. *takes deep breath* First question ‒ What, um, who/what is Chutar?

PAT HATT: *chuckles* Glad you asked. Chutar is the next best tasting gum. It has infinite chew and tastes like tar.

NOSEY: But—

PAT HATT: Buy a ten pack and you get a free feather.

NOSEY: But—

PAT HATT: Did I mention it has infinite chew? Swallowing isn’t advised. It hasn’t been tested that far down. Or it could be—

NOSEY: All right, all right! *rolls eyes* Dunno if I really want to ask about Mason.

PAT HATT: Aw, c’mon. Sure you do. He’s a Gopter.

NOSEY: *mouth drops open* A what? A gopher?

PAT HATT: *laughs* Gopter, Nosey, Gopter. One that they picked up along the way. Gopter would be, oh ‒ Doctor in our Time Fraction. He likes to go by Doc, though. They pretty much destroyed his time fraction, even leaving the bomb there that eventually blew it up, so they took pity on him and let him come.

NOSEY: Is that right?

PAT HATT: Hey, I’m the author and… *waves toward cat* he’s the editor. Gonna argue with him?

CAT: *spits out old nail and, ah ‒ whadda ya know, a newly sparkly one shines in its place*

NOSEY: Heh heh. *takes wary step back* No way, fella. So… *edges toward doorway* how come those kiddies gotta get home? Where is their home anyway?

PAT HATT: Kiddies? Do twenty-something year olds count as kiddies? *ponders for a moment* Well. In any case, they have to get home because places with dragons, dinosaurs, critlen, the germy middle ages, and such just won’t allow them to relax and enjoy themselves.

NOSEY: Oh, sure. Everybody knows that. But where is home, dude? Home? You know, h - o - m, home?

PAT HATT: H, o, …? Oh, wait. Yes. I see. Home for them is Earth’s time fraction.

NOSEY: Time fraction? *taps impatient foot* Like, a half cup of milk and half cup of‒?

PAT HATT: Not exactly. *hesitates* Want me to explain what a time fraction is?

NOSEY: No. No. I know what a time fraction is. ‘Course I do. Who do ya think you’re talking to? I’m a professional, you know. I know how to do my job. *backs into wall, starts, and screams. Falls to floor.*

PAT HATT: *clicks tongue* Ooh, careful. Did you see any ‘dark and creepy looking’ life forms down there?

NOSEY: Hey. *leaps to feet and brushes down blazer* I ask the questions. Get it?

PAT HATT: *smirks* Hm mm.

NOSEY: Good. So…ahem. Those, uh, Critlen you mentioned. They related to this weird cat?

PAT HATT: *glances around* What weird cat?

NOSEY: *sneers* Fun-nee.

PAT HATT: Anyhoo, about the Critlen – They’re the failed creation of Drazin, aka Hades, and the name was given to them by Jack and it kinda stuck.

NOSEY: You don’t say.

PAT HATT: As a matter of fact, I do say. See, Jack thought them the demented love child of a Critter and a Gremlin—

NOSEY: Uh huh.

PAT HATT: Uh huh is right, ‘cause he went to the dark side and crammed the names together like those crazy TV show shippers. Ah well. I guess we all have our off moments.

NOSEY: *stares*

PAT HATT: *gives innocent blink* Anything else you’d like to know?

NOSEY: I dunno. *places hand on hip and looks around* Just a kinda crazy place you have here, fella. What are those in that corner? *waves at statues* Some of the impossible ‘gods of myth’ you mentioned?

PAT HATT: *purses lips* Let’s just say they’re Zeus, Drazin, Hera, and a bunch of others who are quite fine staying on Olympus’ Time Fraction.

NOSEY: *mutters* Now wonder why I didn’t know that?

PAT HATT: But, honestly, Nosey, not those three. Drazin and Hera just want to take over Earth’s time fraction, Zeus wants to go—

NOSEY: Time fraction. Time fraction! *slaps forehead* Sheesh, is nothing else going on except for these guys splitting up time, like… *shrugs* every fifteen minutes or so?

PAT HATT: *gives mock cough* That’s not exactly how a time fraction works.

NOSEY: *checks watch* That’s how my time works, pal. So…how about that prophecy you said involves aliens? *snarls at cat* Bet he’s an alien.

Cat snarls back, and narrows eyes.

PAT HATT: It depends on one’s definition of an alien, you know. *winks at cat* After all, what’s alien to one may not be alien to another. Does a human think a human is an alien? Could the dragons be aliens? Could the prophecy be baloney? Could Prophet Rahe not be able to see past her rather large figure? *raises arms and shouts to unseen audience* Answer me, Nosey cybernuts! Could Zeus be Sants Claus? Or maybe there are no aliens at all. Or maybe everyone is an alien. Did you think of that?

NOSEY: *peers around* Who you talking to, dude?

PAT HATT: *finishes with…* Aren’t aliens confusing? No wonder they blow off steam and tip cows over.

NOSEY: Boy… *gives nervous laugh* I got me a live wire today.

PAT HATT: *walks over to stand next to statue* Nosey, one thing you’ve not asked.

NOSEY: Stop right there. I’ve asked everything I wanna know, man. *sidles to stage right ‒which, if you don’t know, reading cybernuts‒ leads to door marked ‘Out’ *

PAT HATT: Oh, one more, Nosey! You’re the official unofficial Pukelitzer award winning journalist, aren’t you?

I.B. Nosey is the one and only winner of this highly coveted award

NOSEY: Uhhh…

PAT HATT: And you’re a professional and know how to do your job, right?

NOSEY: Uhhh…

PAT HATT: So what you need to ask is about the Death Defying Three.

NOSEY: Uhhh…

PAT HATT: *snaps fingers* How’s about I tell you anyway?

NOSEY: Nothing doing. Nobody tells me—

PAT HATT: As I was saying ‒ The people of Prophet Rahe’s time fraction were so enamored by Jack, Emily, and Mason’s tales when told them by Prophet Rahe—

NOSEY: But—

PAT HATT: …who still may or may not be a prophet, that they gave them that moniker. They even made a song up about them. One that made the trio cringe.

NOSEY: But—

PAT HATT: They have to survive Drazin getting in the way, Hera trying to have her way with Jack, collars that control all, dragons, sea monsters, a giant flying saucer thingy, Zeus’s cryptic messages (as he doesn’t like to give spoilers)—

NOSEY: But—

PAT HATT: …and fix the time fraction machine so they can hop to the next one and get home. Oh, and there may be another explosion or three that they have to avoid.

NOSEY: *gasps* There’s an explosion right now! *points* That spacey space alien you’re standing beside ‒ it’s moving!

That spacey space alien Gopter is moving all right - at the speed of Gopter flight (see, even a Gopter can rhyme when he has the time)

PAT HATT: *glances up* Curious. Something must be really bothering him to come to life like this.

WEIRD SPACEY ALIEN/GOPTER: *growls* Don’t like the looks of a tweedy-weedy blazer. Disrupts the time fraction.

PAT HATT’S CAT SPITS AND SNARLS: De - stroy. Oh, boy.

NOSEY: Hey, nobody touches these one-of-a-kind threads. Back, back… *waves atomic microphone* Zap, zap, and begone!

GOPTER STEPS FORWARD: You heard the cat.

NOSEY: You spacey aliens got no fashion sense. My blazer is perfect. Perfect, I tell ya!

GOPTER: *warns* You’re in our time fraction now, nosy reporter.

NOSEY: *looks at Pat* What’s that mean?

PAT HATT: It means…*grins*…tweedy-weedy blazers don’t belong in ‘A Not So Perfect World’. 

RHYMING CAT: Nosey should've moseyed but heavy pocketful of posies make him not so cozy. Meowwww. *gives spacey alien, and a not so perfect, purrrrrrrr* 

NOSEY: B-b-but...Aw, forget it! *breaks through 'exit' door, feet doing their stuff as he streaks down sidewalk. Cat and Gopter follow in hot pursuit*

PAT HATT: *calls* Nosey, run faster! I sharpened the cat's claws this morning and...

NOSEY:  Scat, cat! *voice fades in distance* I'm not a scratching post! Aiiiii!

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Available at Amazon

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Pat Hatt is a writer who more often than he likes poses as an accountant,
car salesmen, mailman, or one of 21 other jobs he’s had to pay the bills.
With over 100 published written works, he continues to strive to create in
any genre that strikes him. He enjoys learning more about the craft of
writing and learning in general. He is owned by two cats, one of which has
his own rhyming blog, and he resides in Nova Scotia. When not writing,
working, or being used as a scratching post, he can be found at the gym,
playing volleyball, or enjoying a good movie, show, or book.

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Visit Pat Hatt's Cat's Blog

Visit Pat Hatt Without The Cat

A 'Did You Know?' Moment with I.B. Nosey!

Did you know....

I'm not a complete idiot.

Some pieces are missing!

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This has been a 'Did You Know' moment with I.B. Nosey, brought to you

by I.B. Nosey and those Mischaps from Gum Drop Island.

A Totally Useless I.B. Nosey Moment, CyberSpace Date 8.1111 1/2

"Well, well, well. What have we here?"

Answer:

1) Nosey walking by a well.

2) Nosey walking by 2nd well.

3) Nosey walking by 3rd well.

4) Some random unidentifiable object.

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This has been a totally useless I.B. Nosey moment.

Brought to you by our sponsor at Gum Drop Island...

Join us again soon for another totally useless moment.

Disclaimer: This has been an I.B. Nosey production, brought to you by the mischaps of Gum Drop Island. Not responsible for you feeling stupid, silly, clueless, or blond. However, we're glad you're Feeling Nosey.  

Lynn Lovegreen Has a Golden Interview with I.B. Nosey

NOSEY: Greetings, cybernuts! This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter! Today I’m coming to you from…*frowns* Um…from… *gallops in ever widening circles like a loco moose who’s lost his way because…* What’s da matter with this atomic-iSmart-uNot-microphone? It’s supposed to lead me in all directions, and glow like a red-hot firecracker so that my Nosey nose will… Aack! *slams face-first into woman who suddenly appears*

WOMAN WHO SUDDENLY APPEARS: Hello, Nosey. You’re only… *checks watch* a month, twenty-five days, sixty-three hours, and a squad zillion seconds late for our interview.

NOSEY: I am? *wriggles brows* Heh heh, counting the time to see me, eh?

WOMAN: Ugh. *mutters* Guess I fell into that one.

NOSEY: Whoa! *backs away* What’s that doo-hickey you got there, girlie?

WOMAN: You mean my dog sleigh? I needed a way of transport to get here, Nosey.

NOSEY: That’s a dog? *points at snarling creature* His teeth are so, so…fang-like.

WOMAN: He’s a wolverine.

NOSEY: But I thought you said you had a dog sleigh!

WOMAN: *shrugs* Dog. Wolf. Coyote. Wolverine. Whatever. Anyhoo, Nosey, our interview, remember?

NOSEY: Uhhh… *keeps safe distance from large fangs of ‘wolf/wolverine/coyote/whatever/dog’* Yeah. Sure. And…um…you are…?

LL: Lynn Lovegreen. *sighs* You don’t recognize me? I bet you can’t remember my book either, can you?

NOSEY: Er… *scratches head*  Got something to do with a dessert…

LL: Dessert? *snorts* That one’s of your half-baked ideas again.

NOSEY:  Baked. Yeah! *snaps fingers* Baked Alaska, right? Heh heh. I never forget a book title.

LL: Alaska, yes. *gestures at rugged, outdoor environment* Lookit the snow. What can possibly be baked here?

NOSEY: B-but… *fumbles in pockets* I’ll show ya. Sure I will ‘cause I’m a professional reporter, ya know.

LL:   Since when?

NOSEY: Since I— huh?

LL: *clicks tongue* My book title, Nosey. What is it?

NOSEY: Gimme a minute, will ya. *pulls lint from pockets, pulls more lint, most lint, extra lint, supersize lint, tweedy-weedy lint, polka dot lint, dirty lint, clean lint, recent lint, last week’s lint…*

LL: Stop! Enough with the lint, already! *rubs eyes* You’re making a dust devil.

NOSEY: But look what I found. *produces book* Ah ha! And the title goes like, ‘Alaska or Bust’, right?

LL: No.

NOSEY: ‘Bust or Alaska’?

LL: No.

NOSEY: ‘Alaska Bust’?

LL: No.

NOSEY: ‘Bust Alaska’?

LL: Oh, good grief. *slaps correct copy of book in Nosey’s hand* You’re not in Hollywood, you know, so take off those funky dark sunglasses and read the title.

NOSEY: *looks once, looks twice* This can’t be right, lady. It says ‘Gold Nuggets’. That’s a funny name for baked Alaska.

LL: *sighs* Nosey, sometimes I wonder how you make your way home.

NOSEY: I just follow my nose, heh heh.

LL: Yeah, well. *clears throat* Forward and onward. Want to let your admiring public know what ‘Gold Nuggets’ is about?

NOSEY: I was just gonna do that. It’s my job, ya know.

LL: *smiles demurely* Go right ahead.

NOSEY: *eyes narrow* Hey, what gives with that smile? I smell something fishy.

LL: I think that’s your aftershave.

NOSEY: Yeah, I – huh?

LL: *slaps hand to forehead* The blurb of my book, Nosey. Read the blurb!

NOSEY: Sheesh, pushy female. What’s the matter? Didn’t you get to finish your Baked Alaska?

LL: Ohh! *snatches book back and reads*: ‘In the shadow of Denali, she has a home, and he finds adventure. Charlotte Cooper wants to stay near her parents’ home in Alaska. But her dreams of being a writer call her away to college or work, and she has to choose her own path in life. Henry Reeves is a wealthy New Yorker seeking a summer adventure when he travels to Kantishna near the proposed Mt. Kinley National Park. He discovers two passions, one for Charlotte, and the other for keeping Alaska wildlife from being wiped out like the buffalo.’

NOSEY: *whistles* Wow, Denali must be a big guy if he can cast a shadow big enough for Charlotte to have a home!

LL: *coughs* Denali is a mountain, and yes, it’s big. As a matter-of-fact, it’s one of the few things bigger than your nose. Hard to believe, huh?

NOSEY: *snarls* Whadda ya mean by that?

LL: Well, I dunno. *glances at Nosey’s shoes* Maybe your feet are bigger than your nose too?

NOSEY: Hey!

LL: *grins* See the way my dog is sniffing ’em? What’s ya got hidden in them shoes, Nosey?

NOSEY: Nothing. Nothing, I tell ya. *leaps back from eager-eyed wolf/wolverine/coyote/dog/whatever* Get away, pooch!

LL: He’s just friendly, Nosey. Ahem. What else can I tell you about my book?

NOSEY: Uhhh… *keeps wary eye on…um, er, uh..dog?* I was gonna say something about Charlotte’s dreams.

LL: O.k. Like what?

NOSEY: Like, can a ‘dream’ call her away? I mean, dreams can make phone calls?

LL: Why, sure. Didn’t your dream to be a world-famous reporter call you to travel to exotic places like Gum Drop Island, and the Hi-Octane Caffeine Coffee Shop?

NOSEY: *blinks* You’ve been to the HOC Shop?

LL: Hasn’t everyone? *licks lips* Mm. I love those Choffee™ drinks, especially the ‘Nosey’s Favorite’ one. Would you happen to have a cup with you?

NOSEY: Who? Me? *slaps protective hand towards bulging ankle socks* Why’d ya ask that?

LL: Why not?

NOSEY: Listen, I’m the only one who’s nosy here, but if you gotta know, it’s ‘cause the Choffee™’s all mine!

*Wolf/wolverine/dog/coyote/whatever growls and edges closer*

NOSEY: Yikes! *Nosey leaps behind Ms. Lovegreen and peers over her shoulder* Um, er, say Ms. Lovegreen…

LL: Yes? *purrs question*

NOSEY: I’ve gotta… *tugs at tie*… make this interview short, ‘cause I’m, like, needed at the balloon factory, you know?

LL: *nods* I see. They need you to replace the hot air canisters, huh?

NOSEY: *mouth drops open* Say what?

LL: Don’t worry, Nosey. *waves hand at wolf/wolverine/dog/coyote/whatever* Savage will be happy to escort you.

NOSEY: His name is Savage? *pales*

LL: Cute, huh? Okay, I’ll…*checks watch again*… give ya a couple of more minutes. What else do you wanna know about ‘Gold Nuggets’?

NOSEY: Er… *gives nervous chuckle* I was nosy about something you said.

LL: So, spill it.

NOSEY: Yeah. It’s that Henry Reeves guy. You said he has ‘two passions’, but that can’t be right.

LL: No? How come?

NOSEY: ‘Cause some of his passions are Gum Drop Island candy, Gum Drop Island Choffee™ drink and loving my interviews. That’s… *glances at fingers*…um, that adds to…er….

LL: *purses lips* Three. Yes. Hm. However, remember, Nosey, that they don’t have Gum Drop Island goodies up in Alaska. Can you schedule a shipment to us?

NOSEY: Me? Hey, in case you’ve forgotten, I’m a Pukelitzer award winning reporter. That means I don’t do mundane things like ordinary mundane paperwork that ordinary mundane folks do.

LL: ‘Ordinary mundane paperwork folks’? *plants hands on hips* Are you referring to writers?

NOSEY: Uhhh….

LL: And another thing. *shakes finger in Nosey’s nose* About those Nosey interviews, you’re not famous enough—yet?—for Henry to have heard of you. Not everybody knows about the Pukelitzer.

NOSEY:  *stares* Whatsa matter with you Alaskey…um, Alastic…er, Alaskianians? Don’t ya have internet up here?

LL: Don’t get personal.

NOSEY: I’ll get personal all right. I’ll ask Henry myself.

LL: You will, will you?

NOSEY: You bet your igloo lovin’ iceberg feet, I will. Yeah, and while I’m at it, I’ll just ask how he got to be so wealthy. My public’ll wanna know that. Uh huh.

LL: Oh, don’t bother Henry when I can answer that. He inherited his wealth, of course. His family hangs out with Teddy Roosevelt’s.

NOSEY: Who?

LL: Folks who enjoy the wildlife up here, just like Henry does.

NOSEY: *looks around* I don’t see no wildlife, except for… *gulps* That Savage wolf/wolverine/coyote/whatever/dog.

LL: Mm. He’s not the only one here, you know.

NOSEY: *starts* You looking at me? You mean I’m wildlife?

LL: Er, there’s wild life like you, and there’s wildlife. This kind of wildlife that Henry enjoys usually comes with fur or wings. *nods* Yes. Come to think of it, poor Henry does gets spooked by a grizzly bear and charged by a mama moose, but he still enjoys Alaska.

NOSEY: Well, if you ask me… Aack! *leaps away as that wolf/wolverine/coyote/whatever/dog/wildlife ‘thing’ lunges* What’s the matter with ‘im?

LL: He’s probably wanting a snack. We waited so long for you that he missed breakfast. *clicks tongue in sympathy* So, since it’s your fault that his stomach is empty, you have anything to feed him?

NOSEY: Me? *backs away and shakes head vigorously* No. No. Nothin’.

LL: Really? *narrows eys* ‘Cause he’s smelling something on you, Nosey, and it's not that stinky aftershave.

NOSEY: B-b-but…

LL: I know what’ll soothe this savage beast. *smiles at wolf/wolverine/whatever/coyote/wildlife/dog* Hey, fella. Don’t ya think this official unofficial reporter’s nose kinda looks like a big, delicious bone?

NOSEY: Ms Lovegreen, what’re ya— *screams and spins away as a growling and snarling Savage pounces* Ow! Ooh, ouch! Get away from my ankles, you half-baked, aftershave-breath werewolf!

*Savage tears at Nosey’s socks, and whaddaya know. A ton of Gum Drop Island goodies spill to the ground. With the ravenous ‘wolf/wolverine/coyote/whatever/wildlife/dog’ nipping at his heels, a shrieking Nosey speeds across the Alaskan wilderness, over the trees, up the trees, around the trees, through streams and screams, past valleys and dales and… Well, you get the picture*

LL: Say! There’s one of ‘Nosey’s Favorite’ Choffee™ drinks. I’ll just take an itty peek inside and see exactly why it’s his favorite. *picks a cup from the pile and rips off top* I don’t believe it! *calls to wailing, disappearing Nosey* Hey, you Pukeliter award winning thief! This is filled with Alaskan gold nuggets!

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