First Ten Minutes: AFTERSHOCK (2012)

Time for another round of First Ten Minutes. If you're unfamiliar with FTM,  it's basically just that.  We watch the first ten minutes of a film (because of the beauty of Netflix Instant Watch) and give an opinion on where the movie is headed and if we think it will be a worthwhile watch.  In other words, if nothing happens in the first ten, it will probably never get a legit review here on FWF.  So make something happen, filmmakers.  Impress me or lose me forever.

Okay.  I'm a big fan of disaster films.  Love 'em, can't get enough.  I don't just like films, I like books and television shows about disasters and extreme weather and watch The Weather Channel exhaustively.  So when I heard Eli Roth's name attached to a film called Aftershock, I was psyched.

So it was pure logic for me to test the waters of Aftershock.  Starting out with credits, we quickly learn Eli Roth is the star.  Naturally I already knew this, but there it is - top billing. More credits....ho-hum. Roth produced it.  Roth co-wrote it. Oy.  As more and more credits announce themselves on a black screen, at least we get some sort of noise - a siren?  Finally - Eli Roth appears on screen with drink in hand, in Chile, apparently. He's at a noisy club having a glass of (is that really) wine and taking in the sights. Cue the bad music and awful dancing, along with air kisses and cell phone snapshots, etc.  Your basic nightmare.  I'm already sighing, hoping things will turn around quickly.  After all, it's Eli Roth!  Where is the blood?

Sorta looking like The Hangover Part 4 to me...

Soon there has been too much partying and Eli is sprawled out against a wall, drunk as a skunk. Two seconds later he's passed out, which is where we finally get the title of the film across the screen. We're at the three minute mark....

Then we switch altogether....back in time?  Moving forward? Who knows. But now Eli and his two friends are taking a walk through the vast vineyards of Chile with a tour group. Eli is psyched to learn they grow all kinds of varietals including Merlot but his two bored pals are ready to stab him in the throat.  At five minutes we're deep in the winery where Eli has convinced the employee at the winery to take a pic of him and his friends (who are rolling their eyes in dismay). It's clear Eli is a total geek at this point. Khakis and a button-down, a giant camera, and a glass of Chardonnay. And I'm getting a little bored.  If I want to learn about wine I'll just pull out my copy of Sideways, thanks.

After a road trip in which the three men discuss the etiquette of dating (yawn), they end up at another dance club/party/rave, where more semi-naked women flaunt their stuff and even more horrific dancing ensues. Can we move this plot along, Eli? I don't even know your character's name yet!! And here we are at 7:35!  I guess, in retrospect, Roth's Hostel was an extremely slow and boring start (all except to horny young teenage boys), so I'll hang in there a few minutes more. 

Eye can't find the cooter....

So here we have Eli chilling on a couch with a cup of coffee (WTF?) and flirting with a beautiful Chilean broad who seems to be inebriated enough that he might get lucky...until his cell phone vibrates - and he actually takes the call.  (Gah!)  We find out it's his daughter and he's telling her he'll be home soon. 

We're at 9:30 and we meet three women (because we have to be boy-girl-boy-girl-boy-girl, ugh) who are shouting above the noise but we are given nothing else.  Could we have something that resembles a horror movie, please? I'm relatively patient when it comes to horror, but come on....

We end at the ten minute mark with Eli losing his chance with the hot drunk chick after he sees her being carried off by another dude as he makes his way back to her after his family phone call. 

Apparently there IS blood eventually.

Honestly, I'm bored.  I would probably hang in there for another five minutes or so just to see if something is indeed, going to happen.  I mean, correct me if I'm wrong - but the movie (because I just can't say film here) is called Aftershock, correct?  As in, earthquake?  So come on, Eli.  Throw me a bone. A bloody one if you don't mind.

So I guess I'll have to continue on for a few minutes more, but I swear - at the 15:00 mark, if it's still all geeks and girls, I'm outta here.  Has anyone else seen this movie and enjoyed it? Does it get better?  Do tell....

First Ten Minutes: OLDBOY (2013)

First Ten Minutes is a new feature here on the blog in which we pick a film and watch - you guessed it - the first ten minutes.   In nearly all the horror movies I watch I can tell within the first ten minutes whether it is going to be worth my time or not.  Generally most films start with the title sequence and/or critical credits, and sometimes even this is a valid indicator of the quality of the film - or at least the level of interest that I will acquire.  If it grabs my attention in that short of a time period, I'm probably going to finish it.

First off, the remake of OLDBOY.  I wasn't expecting a whole lot from this film, even though I am a Josh Brolin fan in most cases.  So I thought I'd take a chance and see what I get.  It's playing on Netflix Instant Watch, which makes this feature oh-so-much easier. I'm not really giving away too much by sharing the first ten, so let's break this thing down...

Right off we get a straight-forward title sequence that just spells out the title while attaching the star's name.  We move directly into the movie without further ado, which pleases me.  (Nothing grinds my gears more than a ten minute barrage of boring credits. Please stop, I'm already losing interest!)  As mentioned, Josh Brolin stars as the main character and we immediately find him leaving a bar with friends, making plans to get together again then promptly heading into the liquor store and following up with pissing in an alley.  You can already gauge that he's a real class act.  Furthering that example of impeccable breeding is a shot of him adding vodka to a plain-jane styrofoam cup to conceal an obvious drinking problem. He heads in to work (was he on a lunch break? is he just coming in?), late and being bombarded by the secretary with the irritated messages of people that probably count on him for one thing or another and are obviously being let down.  Getting the impression that he's more or less a loser.

Vodka. The breakfast of champions.

His boss enters his office and (after we discover our loser's name is Joe) explains in no uncertain terms that if he blows the important client meeting he has that night, he's fired.  Then he gets an ugly call from his unruly wife (ex-wife?) who growls at him about his daughter's 3rd birthday party that night, eventually screaming at him and calling him a fucking loser because he argues that he can't come because of work.  The call ends VERY badly with a shouting match of profanities and we cut to him getting ready for his big dinner meeting.  He's checking out his man-boobs and bulging tummy in the mirror as we hear the conversation between him and the client at dinner.  Cut to the dinner where he is making a fairly big ass of himself in a demonstrative and over-zealous pitch to a rapper about what they can do for him. We are also deliberately shown an Asian woman at the bar who gives him a wink.  We're meant to remember her face, so I tuck it away in my memory for later. Meanwhile, Joe and said client seal the deal and shake, and the rapper heads off to make a call, leaving his significant other at the table with Joe - who unhesitatingly hits on the beautiful lady.  She calls him on it, saying she'd rather fuck a corpse (good one!) and unfortunately his client overhears the insult and hits him, assuredly ending the deal.

At this point we're only 6.45 in and I'm fairly interested. That's not to say I like it better than the original because I doubt that could be possible.  But it's keeping my attention.

"I'll give you three reasons I'm an asshole..."

Joe is then seen out on the street, drinking right out of a bottle (of vodka?) and shouting about getting more alcohol.  I mean top-of-his-lungs shouting.  Soon he's lying on the pavement in the fetal position, puking all over himself and crying.  Wow.  This is almost like an adult after-school special about the dangers and embarrassments of alcoholism.  Joe manages to make it to Chinatown, staggering through the rainy streets talking to himself. He buys a crappy Chinese trinket for his daughter's birthday (father-of-the-year!) and wanders off into a dark alley and up to the doors of yet another bar (apparently owned by a "friend" who is in fact Michael Imperioli) but his pal won't let him in as the place is closed. He angrily saunters off until he sees the Asian woman standing under a yellow umbrella (with Chinese letters/symbols on it) and disappears under this umbrella.

At the 10:00 mark we see Michael Imperioli opening his bar door, ultimately changing his mind and looking for his friend.  Instead we see the Chinese toy Joe had purchased for his daughter on the ground at the door. 

Shades of things to come...

So. What we have learned is that Joe is a real asshole in pretty much every aspect of his life.  He chooses work over family and botched that up as well by being a dick.  He drinks 24/7 and likes to shout in the rain.

But it's also been a good ten minutes in my opinion, establishing the character, adding mystery and possible intrigue with the Asian woman (twice), and ending the first ten minutes in fine fashion by having Joe disappear.  I have to say, it made me want to continue to see what happens next. Obviously if you're like me and have already seen the original (which would be near-impossible to top) you know the story, but if not then it could still be a surprise to you.

The decision of whether or not this is a good film has yet to be determined, but for all intents and purposes, it's off to a decent start.  It's quite possible a full review will be forthcoming - which is the ultimate marker of whether or not a film is worth it to me. Stay tuned.