S.O.S.

I have a happy life. Honestly, it's everything I ever wanted and ever dreamed of.

But.....

Why do I feel so......lonely?

It's so STUPID! I've got beautiful babies crawling in opposite directions, making me laugh hysterically all day long. I've got two snuggly cats, two very sweet dogs and a very good man that I'm married to. Why do I feel so ALONE?

Maybe I am just missing my job and seeing the Coug every day....? Plus, remember my former trainer/gf The Wee General? Well, TWG and her hub are divorced now, so she's never around anymore (she has a married Scandinavian bf - a story for another day).

I know part of my feeling all discombobulated is I never have time to write naughty stories or email friends anymore.

The bottom line is, I am a very social creature stuck inside a baby bubble.

Here's where I really confuse myself.

I love the baby bubble.

I just can't quite figure out how to get some balance in my life.

I feel like I am losing some of myself, and when that feeling pops in to my mind, I feel so GUILTY! I would die for my babies, but I want to be the social, creative, sexual maniac I used to be TOO.

Is it wrong to want it all? And if you answer that with a "no", how the heck do you get it?

It's not a litter.... :)

See that little black jellybean looking thing on the lower left, surrounded by a white oval thing? That's my baby! Yes, baby as in singular. All you people trying to curse me with triplet girls failed! LOL

Guess what?

Now the big question is......how many of them are in there?

:)

Do my nipples WHAT?!?!?!?!

Husband: I have a question for you.

Blondage: *braces herself*

Husband: Do your.....nipples itch?

Blondage: *coughs and sputters* WHAT?!?!??!?!??!??!

Husband: Do your nipples itch? Or maybe....tingle?

Blondage: Dare I ask why you want to know?

Husband: It's a common side effect after IUI.

Blondage: Uhhhmmmm....no. Just having the pain stuff so far. Where the heck did you get THAT from?

Husband: The message boards. I did a search and found all these IUI message boards. I've been learning a lot.

Blondage: Uhmmmm.... Ooooookay.

Husband: They kind of annoy me though.

Blondage: The message boards? Why?

Husband: Because almost every single girl on there calls their husband a Dick Head.

Blondage: WHAT?!?!?!?

Husband: Well, they say DH, but.....

Blondage: You mean D.H. as in "DEAR HUSBAND"?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!

Husband: *jaw drops* Oh.

Blondage: You are such a dork.

...15-20 minutes pass, and I see hub closing the lap tap....

Blondage: Had enough of all that estrogen?

Husband: Well, yeah. It just isn't as fun knowing the girls are being MUSHY instead of calling their other halves Dick Heads.

Blondage: *laughs.....and laughs.......*

Aftermath

Post IUI (artificial insemination) procedure, I keep doing this......thing.

I quiet down.

I close my eyes.

I take slow deep breaths...

...and do what I can only think to call a "systems check".

Do I feel any different? Is anything strange? Do I have any pregnancy symptoms?

It's hard to say for sure at this point.

My doctor told me to expect to feel bloated regardless of whether the procedure worked or not.

I definitely have a tummy ache, and I do feel kinda bloated.

My boobs are pretty frikking sore, but they were sore the morning of the procedure too. Apparentely that happens when you ovulate.

I'm exhausted, but I have worked a ton of hours, so that is no surprise.

Everything is kind of explainable at this point.

Hmmmmm.

I don't "feel" pregnant. Part of me is already trying to soothe myself over the procedure not working.

But....

Then my nipples start hurting worse, and my tummy feels all weird, and I think to myself, "Well....maybe there is a tiny chance after all"....

This is going to be a loooooong couple of weeks.

Woooo!

I've been on quite a roller coaster this week, my pretty pretty Flowers.

Sunday morning, I had a doctor appointment that shocked me.

I found out I had two, perhaps three, follicles "maturing".

Tuesday morning, I had a doctor appointment that shocked me even more.

I found out I had four follicles maturing.

This morning, I had a doctor appointment that damn near had me passing out.

I found out I have nine. NINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nine nine NINE!!!!!!!!!!! Did you hear that???!?!! N-I-N-E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NINE FOLLICLES! Ohhhhhhh sweet baby Jesus. NINE!!!!!!!!!

I took my "trigger shot" today. I am DONE with this round of needles, thank god. Saturday morning is our big "Procedure". We'll know in August if it works.

You guys know I call my husband "Sweetpea", right? And that most of my friends call him "Sweetpea" (or "The Pea") too....? Well guess what they are calling my follicles....?

BABY PEAS!

*giggling*

That's so cute it makes me ache.

Hmmmmm.....or perhaps that ache is just my Baby Peas dancing around, getting ready to hatch!

Thanks for all of your well wishes, thoughts and prayers.

Wish us luck! Heeeeere we go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!