Whew.

I tell ya Flowers......

My libido kicked back in to high gear, for which I am mighty grateful......

But.

I am so fucking insatiable it is downright PAINFUL.

Ike

My family is safe. We're all still pretty traumatized, but ok.

My house survived. My workplace.... *groan* Not so much.

Trying to move on....

I'm having some residual health issues. The actual miscarriage took over a week because of all the estrogen and progesterone I was on. That stuff had to work itself out of my system before my body could finish the process. My blood work showed a bacterial infection, so my doc put me on some strong antibiotics, which I rather promptly had a bad allergic reaction to. That was fun. I still have this mystery infection, and frankly, feel like crap. I'm on new antibiotics now. I'm off the pain meds finally. Doc has me taking aspirin for reasons you can probably guess, and I have to take one round of birth control pills starting Sunday because my hormone levels are all wonky.

We have a plan in place for trying again. I haven't decided whether or not I will blog about it. I know I am not going to talk about it in the real world. I still have some thinking to do. I don't regret talking about everything here. It was therapeutic, and I thank you all for that. I'm just thinking I may be a bit more stealth about things this time.

I am over the "anger" phase. Someone patted me on the shoulder this morning, and I did not feel the urge to rip his arm out of it's socket. I guess that is progress, right? :)

Now I am just kind of tired and numb. I'll be ok though, I promise.

Screaming in a vacuum

I had my assistant and the Cougar tell people around me (several hundred co-workers), politely but firmly, to leave me alone. Don't hug me, don't touch me, don't ask me about my miscarriage, just leave me alone, give me some space, and let me get over this. Some people of been respectful of my request. Most have not.

"I just can't help myself, I have to hug you. There (hug, pat pat), isn't that better?".

As a matter of fact, no, it is not better.

Few people are respecting my wishes or my boundaries, and I feel like I am about to explode.

empty

I think you were a girl.

I never said it out loud before, but I think you were a girl.

That is how I imagine you, a strawberry blonde with ponytails, waiting for us, somewhere else.

I wish I knew what went wrong. I pray it wasn't anything I did.

I'm sorry my tiny baby pea. Your Daddy and I loved you so much.