On the Divinity of Green Goddess

Let us now praise the Green Goddess.

After searching my way through several supermarkets across two states, I finally located a bottle of Green Goddess salad dressing in Iowa. I always thought Nebraska was the place where the 70's went to die, but couldn't quite, yet it was the land of swine and roses that came to the rescue. Sure, I could make my own, but who wants to stand and snip chives and mash anchovies? I was only able to locate one brand, made by Kraft. It is considerably less green than I remember the stuff.

Green Goddess salad dressing was quite popular in the 60's and 70's and then slipped away when the fad for unnaturally fluorescent food waned. The vibrant red sauce on a prawn/shrimp cocktail, the strange almost phosphorescent glow of lemon Jell-O, Green River soda pop-it was all so gloriously fake. Who wouldn't want to dump Green Goddess all over their salad? Communists. That's who. That's why Russian Dressing was re-named, Western Dressing in the Midwest. You knew where someone stood by whether they ordered Western or Russian dressing.*

Should you be unable to get to Iowa for a bottle of your own, it might seem reasonable to go looking for a recipe on the internet. Don't do that. A quick Google search revealed all manner of heresies against the Goddess the worst involving the addition of mashed avocado. Green Goddess dressing should have tarragon (or tarragon vinegar if you can't find fresh herbs) parsley, chives, black pepper, sour cream, and salad cream or mayo. It also requires anchovies. Green food colouring is not optional. Sure, you can omit it, but then it is tarragon/chive dressing, not Green Goddess. The Goddess demands appropriate worship.

1 cup mayonnaise
1/2 cup sour cream
3 tablespoons tarragon vinegar
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1/3 cup finely chopped parsley
3 tablespoons grated onion
1 tablespoon chopped chives
1 clove garlic, crushed
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon black pepper
Green food colouring
Blend together. Chill several hours before using.

No avocado! And for fuck's sake, no basil either, this isn't a pesto. 

This is the proper presentation of a green goddess salad. Yes, it has to be iceberg, and yes it must be in a wedge. Don't be an asshole and use rocket or deer's tongue or whatever lettuce is popular on food blogs this week. And no, it isn't my photo-I would have used more dressing, and gone for veggie bacon bits.



OK, now that the salad is sorted...

 We had to hike our way down a dirt road into the wilds of Council Bluffs on our quest for the Goddess.

 Huh? What's this bench doing in the middle of a field? Oh well, I guess they won't mind if we rest a bit. Gosh, Iowa sure is a friendly place!

Hey, that's not a field, that's the photo-op at the Union Pacific Railroad Museum! Well, you didn't expect me to go all the way across the bridge to Iowa and not stop for a few turns at the train simulator, did you? And yes, we stopped at the thrift store in the Dairy Queen because...it is a thrift store in a Dairy Queen.

Outfit Particulars:
Ann Taylor sailor trousers-Goodwill (I somehow managed to avoid showing the button sides in dozens of photos. Trust me, they're there and look as stupid as they sound).
Shoes-K Mart
Linen blouse-K Mart
Cardigan-Goodwill
Necklace-K Mart
Earrings-Yard sale
Bangles-all over
Handbag-Can't remember
Fragrance-1000 Jean Patou

 A rare case of the trousers looking better from behind (not MY behind, it never looks good). The fit is OK, but I find myself wishing the legs were wider. Good for a day of mucking about in poor weather, I guess. Plus, I had to trudge through all those muddy fields to reach the goddess.

We also stopped at the K Mart for the back-to-school tax-holiday sale. Danny scored two new pair of "gym shoes" (that's "sneakers" or "trainers" to people that didn't grow up in mid-century Chicago) on a buy one, get one for a dollar sale.

* There's a long history of re-naming foods to reflect the status of other countries with the U.S.  from "Victory/Liberty Cabbage" to "Salisbury Steak", to "Freedom Fries."  

I hope the weekend is finding you in fine spirits. I plan on spending the weekend in fine spirits-mostly gin. 

And some tonic. 

Coconut/Pineapple/Honey Ice cream

There's a recipe for a gallon of a similar ice cream in my old Farm Journal canning cookbook from the 60's-it sounded wonderful, save for the raw, whole eggs.

I made a few changes (reduced the quantity, cooked a custard base, toasted the coconut) and the results were delicious. This is the sort of ice cream I cannot make too often as I doubt I'd be able to practise good self control around it. I don't really know how I'll sleep tonight knowing I have a pint in the freezer. Like Sirens, they are, those pints of homemade ice cream calling to me from the freezer. Small batches are good-less damage in a worst case scenario.

You Will Need:

1/2 cup honey
2 tablespoons granulated sugar
3 large egg yolks
1 cup heavy cream
1 cup whole milk
1/4 teaspoon allspice
1 teaspoon coconut extract
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup crushed pineapple, well drained (it wouldn't hurt to squeeze it dry)
1/2 cup toasted coconut

In a heat-proof bowl, whisk the yolks and granulated sugar together until light. In a saucepan, heat the cream, milk, and allspice until steaming. Carefully whisk the milk into the egg mixture in a thin stream taking care not to cook the eggs. If you suck at this sort of thing (don't worry, that isn't some sort of character flaw) go ahead and temper the egg mixture properly. I do use a strainer at the end to catch any bits of cooked egg, but do whatever works best for you. Return the mixture to the pan and cook until it reaches 170 degrees f. or coats the back of a wooden spoon (if you run a finger through it and it leaves a clean line, the custard is done).

Strain into a heatproof bowl. Whisk in the honey, extracts, and if desired, a pinch of salt (I do this, but I don't know that it really makes any difference-habit I suppose). Pour into a metal pan (glass is OK too) and place in freezer 30 minutes. With a fork, scrape around the perimeter, and mix well. return to freezer. Continue doing this until ice cream is mostly firm. If you should forget it, and it freezes solid, no harm done-simply scrape it into a bowl and give it a quick blitz with a hand mixer. When the ice cream is mostly firm, but still workable, stir in the fruit and coconut (I suppose coconut is a fruit then?). Transfer to a freezer container and chill several hours until firm.

Quisp and Other Cereal (Serial) Flashers

I doubt very much that Mr. ETB will even open the box to try any, but when I saw Quisp had been reintroduced onto the market, nostalgia got the better of me, and I bought it. He's so difficult to buy presents for, but who wouldn't want a box of sugary cereal with a nose-less, propeller-headed space alien on the front? Right.

We went back to the farm store today to watch baby chicks and ducks again. They had turkeys in as well, but I've lived in the country long enough to know that turkeys are mean sons of bitches. Oh yes they are. Belligerent, aggressive, destructive-there's a wild flock that live on the S-curve out of town and woe to the unsuspecting motorist taking that blind curve at anything over 30 MPH. Turkeys ain't nothing nice. Consider yourselves warned. Ducks on the other hand are lovely, and their eggs are wonderful. If you don't have enough cash on hand to by one you can always put it on their bill. You can groan at that, I won't be insulted.

Something began rooting out my garlic bulbs, so I'm not expecting much of a crop this year. I must have planted fifty, and so far I've found about fifteen partially sprouted cloves dug up around the garden. Hopefully some will make it. I'll toss on some more dirt, and hope for the best.

Have you ever heard of an Abe Lincoln tomato? Neither have I, but we're growing them this year. I've been a bit more selective with the tomatoes these past few years as I always end up with more than I want, and you can only preserve so much chutney. Danny gets his own patch of garden this year, and has taken great care selecting varieties of seed that do well in our climate, and considering cross pollination. In an ideal situation, I could hand off all the difficult work to Danny, who will consider it all great fun, and I can sit in the shade reading all summer. I don't really believe this will happen, but I find it preferable to the reality that I'll likely end up tending both gardens.

On the way home this afternoon, we stopped at the park. A grandfather was there with his two granddaughters, maybe two and four at the oldest. The older girl was fascinated by Danny, and kept following him around. Danny, trying to be polite (as she was younger) kept stepping out of the way to let her go down the slide first, or climb past him, but she returned, running right back to stare at him, too shy to talk. Poor kiddo was exasperated by all of this, declaring that, "Small children shouldn't be permitted on playgrounds as they don't know how to play properly." I could nearly believe in reincarnation listening to that outburst, as I observed my son morphing into my Gran. I'm still somewhere between pleased and horrified.

This was also the week my son came up with his first slightly off colour joke. He read in the newspaper about a "serial flasher" in Lincoln. The apartment complex was called (not making this up) The View. Anyway, Danny was amused by the fact that the flasher was providing himself better lighting with his mobile phone, and remarked, "He must have wanted to make sure she could see his Grape Nuts! Get it? "Serial flasher."

Oh, how he laughed at that one for hours. Hours, and hours, and hours. And hours.

Happy Weekend.

Vegetarian Shisk Kabobs

I was in a retro mood as my family bought me a large box of Twinkies for my birthday. Well, you know, they're going bankrupt and I mentioned that I hadn't had a Twinkie in something like forty years...next thing i know I'm unwrapping an beautifully decorated box of snack cakes. Know what? They weren't as bad as expected. The cake seems less squishy than I recall, and while it was so sweet it actually did that thing to my head where it goes all woo woo from sugar, it wasn't inedible. Logically, it follows that after consuming a Twinkie, I had to make shisk kabob.

I think my mother made this sort of thing quite a bit-with a marinade of Italian dressing. I didn't want that, so I went with the idea of a vegetarian pepper steak on skewers. I know, but stay with me for a minute as it worked better than I ever could have imagined.

The tofu will never fool you into thinking it is round steak, but it did have all the flavourings of a good steak-onion, garlic, imitation beef stock. By marinating the tofu and baking it in that mix I was able to get a decent flavour and texture that while not meat, and not meat substitute, does at least reflect the overall effect of a pepper steak. Sort of. I mean, there are limits to everything.

Danny took charge of assembling the kabobs and did a terrific job (nothing fell off in the broiler). He's quite pleased with the results and I have a feeling many more skewered meals are in our future.

For the Tofu:

1 package extra firm tofu
3 tablespoons corn oil
1/4 cup imitation beef stock
1 tablespoon dried minced onion
1/2 tablespoon dried minced garlic
Ground black pepper
Smoked salt to taste
1 tablespoon cider vinegar

Slice tofu into fourths. Lay slices on a towel, cover with a second towel and weight with a heavy bottle (or tine, etc.) After ten minutes, change to new towels and repeat. Meanwhile, preheat the oven to 400 degrees F. Combine other ingredients and whisk well. Place tofu slices in a baking pan (an 8x8 ought to do it) and pour over the marinade. Flip the slices once and place in the oven.

Bake 30 minutes. Turn, bake 30 minutes longer. Then prop on sides-do 5 minutes each side. Remove to a plate and cool. Then, chill until needed. Can be made well ahead.

For the vegetables:

2 large green bell peppers, cut into good sized squares
1-2 large tomatoes (or cherry tomatoes if you have them) cut into wedges, obvious seeds removed
1 large red onion, cut into eighths
8 ounces mushrooms, stems removed (don't pitch them, you can use them for something else)

Vegetable marinade:

1/4 cup orange juice (I used blood oranges because I had it)
2 tablespoons corn oil
1 1/2 tablespoons soy sauce
1 tablespoon ground ginger (powdered)
1 tablespoon cane syrup (Steens, Golden syrup, honey is also OK)
1 teaspoon dried garlic
Black pepper

Mix well, pour over vegetables. I did this in a plastic bag and left it in the fridge all day.

Assemble the kabobs:

I soaked my wooden skewers for two hours to be safe. I'm told 30 minutes is enough, but these were thick, and I'm paranoid. Do as you see fit.

Cut your slabs of cold tofu into cubes.

Drain the vegetables, reserving the marinade. Place on skewers (I got about ten, but it will vary with how you load them) alternating with tofu.

Place a rack on a large roasting pan if you do not own a broiling pan (I don't). As you make the kabobs, place them on. When all are assembled, brush them generously and place them under a hot broiler for five minutes. I played it safe and kept them far from the element, but if you have a gas range with the broiler on the bottom, you may not have a choice. Turn the pan to ensure it gets equal broiling. After five minutes, flip the kabobs and baste with more marinade. Broil another five minutes. Have a look, if they are dry, add more marinade, if they look done, pull them out. This will require a bit of attention on your part.

If you have any marinade left, heat it to serve with the kabobs over rice.

Apple Cake

I seem to be on some sort of Jewish cookery kick of late. The recipe for this cake comes from, Jewish Cooking Secrets From Here and Far. This was a recent purchase from a library sale, and this is the first recipe I have tried from the book. Now, everyone I grew up with ate this sort of apple cake, so I hardly think it qualifies as, secret but it makes a lovely cake nonetheless.

You Will Need:

5 tablespoons sugar
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
5-6 apples, peeled, cored, and sliced
3 cups plain flour
3 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup vegetable oil
2 cups granulated sugar
1/4 cup orange juice
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
4 eggs

Preheat oven to 325 degrees F. Grease a large tube pan. Sprinkle the sugar and cinnamon over the sliced apples and set aside as you make the cake. Sift dry ingredients together-set aside. Cream oil and sugar. Add juice, vanilla, and eggs. Beat in flour, baking powder and salt. Mix well. Pour half the batter in pan. Top with half the apples. Repeat ending with apples on top. Bake 2 hours, covering top with foil after first hour to prevent over-browning. Bake until cake tests done. Cool, upright in pan overnight.

Cauliflower Cheese, and Cheeky Little Bastards

This morning, as the first field mouse of Autumn went scurrying across the kitchen floor, Danny screamed, "You cheeky little bastard!"

I tried not laughing, really I did. It was like he was channeling my Gran. He's six. I don't really think that's appropriate for a six year old, funny or not. It was rather funny. Then, I made cauliflower cheese, so apparently I have Grandmother on the brain today as well. I can't think of a more old fashioned dish, but it was a cold evening, and what could be better? Not much, but let's not try to deceive ourselves, this isn't health food. I did use 2% milk to compensate for the four tablespoons of butter and 2 cups of cheese. I don't think that helped. Fortunately, it isn't the sort of thing you can devour a large helping of, so there's that built-in restraint. Maybe I can put some in the mouse traps for bait tonight. Cheeky little bastards, indeed.

Use any combination of cheese you like.

You Will Need:

1 head cauliflower, cut into florettes and lightly steamed
1/2 cup grated Red Leicester cheese
1/2 cup cheddar
1/2 cup Swiss
1/2 cup Double Gloucester
1 cup fresh white breadcrumbs
Paprika for sprinkling
2 cups milk
4 tablespoons butter
4 tablespoons flour
Salt/pepper
1/2 teaspoon dry mustard powder (more or less to taste)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

Steam cauliflower and set aside to dry. Combine cheeses in a bowl, then remove 1/4 to another bowl, mix with breadcrumbs, and set aside.

In a saucepan, melt butter over medium heat. Stir in flour with a wooden spoon, stir until foamy. With a wire whisk, slowly whisk in the milk. Add salt/pepper/mustard. Whisk over medium heat until it comes to a boil and thickens. Remove from heat, stir in all but the reserved cheese, and stir until smooth (do a handful at a time). Place cauliflower in a buttered casserole. Pour sauce over. Top with cheese and breadcrumbs. Sprinkle with paprika. Bake about 30-40 minutes or until bubbly.