Not Health Food (Technically, I'm Not Sure It Even Qualifies As Food)

I enjoy brown rice cereal. I'm not coeliac, on a diet, or otherwise trying to increase the fibre in my diet-I just like it. With the weather being ungodly hot, I thought, "What the hell, let's make rice krispy treats with brown rice cereal!" I was really enthusiastic, so I added the exclamation point for emphasis. I didn't grow up with rice krispy treats , so I always feel like I'm being initiated into some sort of cult Americana when I make them.

Look, I know we've been solidly residing in Idiocracy for a while now, but using brown rice cereal in no way transforms a stick of butter, and a bag of marshmallows into a healthy sweet. I understand the desire, the longing, the impulse to try your damnedest to make it so-but rice krispy treats, brown rice or not, still contain a stick of butter, and a bag of marshmallows. I'm sorry, but you needed to hear that, and it might as well come from me.

I won't send you to the website-I love you guys too much for that, particularly the recipe where you can fashion them into balls, decorate them with licquorice, and hang them on a Christmas tree. Christmas trees don't need extra fibre-they're all fibre.

Are we clear now? Rice Krispy treats are delicious, you can even toss some mini-chocolate chips on top if you're feeling adventurous, but kids, please understand, they're sugar delivery systems. If you find yourself particularly poopy after consuming a few, I'm pretty sure it isn't because of all the fibre contained in the highly-processed brown rice cereal.

Brown Rice and Lima Bean Salad

This is another recipe inspired by what I had growing outside. I lightly steamed the Lima beans, and as with broad beans, removed the filmy skin covering the bean. That was a bit of work, but the salad turned out quite nice. I don't see any reason this could not be made with frozen Lima beans, save for cost (they are quite expensive where I live).

You Will Need:

2 cups cooked and cooled brown rice (I had short grain, so I used it)
1 heaping cup lightly cooked fresh or frozen Lima beans
1 tablespoon chopped preserved lemon peel (or the grated zest of 1 small lemon)
1 garlic clove, finely minced
1 heaping tablespoon dried onion flakes (they are less assertive than fresh and I did not want to overpower the beans)

Dressing:

1/2 cup olive oil
2 tablespoons cider vinegar
1 teaspoon honey
1/4 teaspoon mustard powder
Pinch sweet paprika
Salt/pepper
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme

Mix well and toss with ingredients above. Serve well chilled.

Lentil and Rice Salad with Raisins

It makes sense to cook this sort of thing in quantity as it often improves in flavour after a day or so. We have a busy weekend planned, but dinner's ready. I served the salad with some steamed green beans, however a lettuce salad would be nice as well.

You Will Need:

Cooked brown lentils-about 4 cups, more or less
The Rice:

1 cup brown rice
2 1/2 cups vegetable broth


The Vegetables:

2 cups chopped scallions
Handful of raisins
a handful of radishes, thinly sliced
1 cup chopped parsley
1 tablespoon chopped preserved lemon rind (or grate in some zest if you don't have it)

Dressing:

1/3 cup olive oil
2 tablespoons honey
1/2 teaspoon powdered mustard
Salt/Pepper to taste
2 tablespoons cider vinegar

Bring the vegetable broth to a boil, stir in rinsed rice and cover. reduce heat to a simmer and cook 50 minutes. Fluff, and let cool slightly. Toss with lentils. Gently toss in the vegetables, then add the dressing. Mix gently (you don't want to mash the lentils) and chill before serving.

Vegetarian Klops (Casserole)

This makes a gigantic casserole of food, which is great as it reheats well in the microwave. Perfect for the lunch box. I haven't tried freezing it, but I suspect if you skipped the topping and just added that before baking, it would do fine. There are many, many recipes that are called, "klops." Some have nuts, others omit rice. You can easily switch out and substitute the lentils, grains and vegetables. Casseroles tend to be rather flexible.


You Will Need:

1 cup dried brown lentils soaked overnight
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
1 teaspoon dried rosemary
1 bay leaf
1 cup brown rice
2 1/2 cups vegetable stock
2 onions, chopped
6 cloves garlic, chopped
3 large carrots, grated fine
Olive oil for frying
1 large courgette, diced
1/2 cup fresh parsley, chopped
3 tablespoons sweet paprika
Salt and pepper
2 large eggs
1/2 cup vegetable stock
1/2 cup grated cheddar cheese
1 cup soft breadcrumbs
3-4 pats of butter

To cook the lentils:

Place drained lentils in a small pot with the thyme, rosemary, and bay leaf. Bring to a boil, skim foam and reduce heat to simmer. Cover, leaving room to vent and cook until tender. Meanwhile, prepare the rice.

For the Rice:

Bring 2 1/2 cups vegetable stock to a boil. Add the rinsed rice and cover. Reduce heat to simmer and cook about 45 minutes, or until liquid is absorbed. Toss with cooked lentils and set aside.

In a large pan, fry the onions and garlic in a few tablespoons of oil. When soft, add the carrot, courgette, parsley, and spices. Cook only a few minutes to coat the vegetables. Remove to a large bowl, and toss with lentil/rice mixture. Mix in the eggs. Pour into a well-buttered casserole dish (at least a 2 quart). Gently (over a spoon) pour on the remaining vegetable broth, and bake in a 375 degree F. oven for 35 minutes. Toss together the breadcrumbs and cheese, then spread atop casserole. Dot with butter, and bake ten minutes longer, or until nicely browned. Serve hot, or cold with sour cream.

Mushrooms With Rice In Pastry

Not quite a kulebiaka, not quite pate, but still an impressive dinner on a cold February evening.

I combined a number of recipes to arrive at this. I stayed with my standard kulebiaka pastry recipe because I like it, and it is simple to prepare. Keep in mind, that whatever pastry you decide to use, it needs to be firm enough to withstand the weight of these fillings in a 400 degree F. oven for an hour. I wouldn't go with a cream cheese based pastry for this. Conversely, you don't want it to taste like a leaden pie crust. I like the texture using both butter and solid vegetable shortening gives. If you have lard available, it might work nicely, but having never tried it, I can't guarantee it.

For The Pastry:

4 cups Ap flour
1 tsp. salt
1/2 lb. unsalted butter cut into tiny pieces
2 tbsp. chilled solid vegetable shortening
12 tbsps. ice water (plus 2-3 more if needed)

Mix together flour and salt. Cut in butter and shortening until you have fine crumbs. Add the 12 tablespoons of ice water at once and quickly gather dough into a ball. If it is dry, add additional water a tablespoon at a time. Divide dough into 2 balls. Wrap in clingfilm and chill at least 1 hour.

For the filling:

1 cup brown rice soaked in water at room temperature for at least three hours.
1/4 cup olive oil
about 8 cups sliced shallots and scallions(plus or minus a cup won't matter)
1 cup chicken broth with a pinch of saffron dissolved in it
Black Pepper/Salt to taste
Nutmeg to taste
1 pound mushrooms, trimmed and chopped
1 cup cold, whole milk
2 tablespoons heavy cream
1 large egg
1 tablespoon AP flour
1 1/2 tablespoons chopped parsley
1 1/2 tablespoons of a combination chervil, tarragon
Mace to taste

Drain the rice, place in a pot with water to cover and boil until soft (about 30 minutes). Drain, spread in a shallow pan and cool. Chill until needed.

For the mushrooms:
Cook the mushrooms in the milk in a covered pan until most of the liquid has been absorbe (about 30 minutes). Drain excess liquid and set aside.

For the onions:

Heat olive oil in a large, heavy pan. Add scallions and shallots and cook a few minutes until softened. Add broth and cook until onions are quite tender. Drain. Puree onions in a blender and return to pan. In a bowl, beat together cream, egg and flour. Add to onion puree and cook over low heat until it thickens. Add mushrooms and parsley. Stir in spices and adjust seasonings as needed. Chill.

To Assemble and Bake:

Roll out half of dough into a rectangle. Place on a well-buttered baking dish. Leaving a couple inches around the edges, mound the rice in the centre and flatten carefully on top. Add the onion/mushroom mixture atop the rice. Roll out second piece of pastry and fit it carefully over the filling and bottom pastry. Crimp the bottom well, and cut a hole in the top to vent. Decorate with rolled-out scraps cut int shapes if desired. Brush entire pastry with a wash of 1 egg yolk and 1 tablespoon heavy cream. Set pastry in refridgerator for 20 minutes while oven preheats to 400 degrees F.

Bake pastry on centre rack for 1 hour. Serve immediately.

Rice Salad in Croustades

I had a couple cups of leftover brown rice to use up. Sure, I could have disguised it in burritos, but I also had stale bread. People, you know what stale bread means in this family. You don't? Oh sorry, it means break out the clarified butter because mama's making toast. Our croûtons. Or croustades. Whatever. Stale bread and clarified butter are two of the best-est things in the whole wide world. They are, trust me. I used stale squash rolls for these. You know, I re-purposed them. So hey, how about that Austrian/English side of the family...

...and for those brown rice haters, just fill them up with cheese chunks. Not as elegant, but eh, whatever.


The rice salad is beautiful. Really, it is-and it used-up odds and ends in the fridge. That half a mini-box of raisins my son forgot to finish last weekend when we were out? Yeah, I remembered them in my purse and tossed them into the salad. Stop looking at me like that-it isn't like I dug Tic-Tacks and Dentyne out of the bottom of my purse and stuck those in. Give me some credit, OK? Green pepper entering "use it or lose it" territory? In it goes.


Anyway, once I stuffed it into the cute little toast cups no one knew they were essentially eating food that would have otherwise been tossed-out. It wasn't gone off-just needed a bit of a face-lift. Like the cook.

For the Croustades:

Stale bread, sliced and stuffed into a muffin tin.
Clarified butter for brushing (melted-duh)
If you want to be super-fancy, some grated hard cheese in the bottom is a nice touch. Yes, you know you want the cheese you fancy-pants-croustade-baking-haus frau, you. Or me. Look, the cheese is optional, OK?

Bake them in a 400 degree F. Oven until toasted-about fifteen minutes. Cool on a rack. Fill as desired.

For The Rice Salad:

2 cups cooked brown rice
Glug of olive oil
1 onion, chopped
1 green pepper, chopped
2 stalks celery, chopped
1 carrots, finely chopped
2 cloves garlic, chopped
1 granny smith apple, peeled and chopped
1 teaspoon dried thyme
Handful raisins
Balsamic vinegar to taste
Sprinkling of sunflower seeds
Chopped parsley

Heat the oil and cook the onion, garlic, celery, and carrot until softened. Add spices, raisins and cooked rice. Add balsamic vinegar.Adjust salt and pepper. Toss in chopped parsley and sunflower seeds. Serve at room temperature, or slightly warmed.