part 3

part one here, part two here.

(side notes: I was looking through my facebook and I remember a few more things. I had been sick with a cold for the entire previous week and was still fighting it a little. At Korin's last appointment on 22nd, she was dilated to a 3, 100% effaced and a 10 on a scale of one to ten for being favorable to deliver. At that last appointment, we went to Dairy Queen and took a few pictures of her behind the building. I had a feeling this was the last time we would see her pregnant. :)  Korin was due on April 5th. My brother Jace and Katie's wedding was scheduled for April 1st. Dustyn was the photographer. I remember it being a very stressful few weeks wondering if we should find a new photographer. Katie had been living in our house since January. She moved out on March 24th, around noon. She had got up early and cleaned my kitchen and tidied up my house a bit. So nice, since we left for the hospital at 3:45 or so)


We were ready. We were packed. We may or may not have already had everything in the car, just waiting for that one phone call.

154 miles. 2 hours and 41 minutes.

"Well, Korin is in labor and they have admitted her to the hospital. She should have the baby today," she said.

As calmly as I could, "We are on our way!"

I could feel my heart. It was pounding out of my chest.

I called Dustyn and tried to talk without shaking. "Are you ready to go meet our baby?"

"WHAT? She's in labor? I am heading home now!"

Longest 15 minute commute ever.

We jumped in the car, fueled up and we were on our way. I think it was within 20 minutes of the phone call.

We were hurrying as fast as we could go without speeding. It was rush hour on the freeways. So much for that 2 hour and 41 minute drive. Once we got into the city, I am positive we hit every red light. I wanted to stop and get her flowers, I was too scared. I didn't want to miss it. I don't think I have ever been in more of a hurry to get somewhere. Ever.

We arrived at the hospital. I think it was around 6:50 p.m. or so. We found our way to the labor and delivery floor. We weren't sure what to do. We told the nurse the room number. We didn't have enough information or something, so I called Korin's mom and told her we were there. She came out and met us at the door. She took us back to see Korin.

I couldn't believe we were there. Waiting.

Korin was exceptionally brave and strong as we greeted her. She had been in labor since just before noon (i think). She had already had a long day. We sat with her for a little while. We talked about the name she had chosen for Gage's middle name. Edward. We watched as every few minutes she would cringe at every contraction. They were getting worse and we wanted to give her space. We headed to the waiting room. My parents, grandma and Dustyn's mom had arrived at the hospital. We had called them as we were heading out of town.

We sat in the waiting room for a few hours. As we were waiting, a lot of Korin's family came to visit her. We were able to meet her dad, her grandmother and a handful of aunts and other family members. Korin's grandma sat with us for at least an hour and told us all about her family, where they grew up and all about Gage's family lineage. I was sad because I knew I would not remember a thing. I was too nervous, excited and just tense. I told her that I would love if she would write some it down. I hope someday she does. I am glad we got to learn so much about Korin's family, even if I don't remember a single thing.

She also told us about Gage's middle name. It was a family name that had been passed down for generations. (Again, I WISH I could remember all of these conversations) I think it went back for at least four generations? Maybe more. I was so happy that Gage had a middle name from Korin that was a family name.

Every hour or so, Korin's mom would come out and let us know of her progress. She was progressing slowly. At 11:00 p.m. she came out and told us that Korin was at a 9 and that she would probably have the baby in the next hour. This is when my stomach started churning. I definitely had butterflies and I could have puked if I would have let myself.

It was around 11:55 p.m. when Korin's mom came out and told us that they were ready for us. Korin had a tough labor and her epidural hadn't been doing much good. She was wore out. She was tired. My heart ached for her. I couldn't believe that someone could go through so much to make my dreams come true. I don't think there could be a better example of Christ-like love and charity. She was suffering for me. For my family. It made me feel a little selfish. But that is the amazing thing about adoption. We were helping her as much as she was helping us. We were going to provide, care for and love her baby forever. He is surrounded by so many people that love him. There is so much love involved in adoption. I could try to tell you how much, but unless you have been involved in an adoption, it's hard to imagine the love that you can have for someone who carried your child and placed him in your arms. Before Korin, I could try imagine how much we would love our birthmother, but I was not prepared with the intensity of that love. Every time I think about Korin, my heart feels as though it will burst. I feel that same love for Gage. I know Korin feels the same way about us. And most definitely for Gage. Adoption is not easy, but it is because of that, that there are so many intense feelings of joy and love.

(I know that even if you have your own biological children, you feel the same love. But, since Gage is adopted, I associate this feeling with adoption. :)  )

We walked in the room. Labor and delivery is probably one of the most intense things I have ever experienced. When I had Hannah, sure I had experienced a little of it, but watching it was a new experience. Within minutes, the doctor had arrived. On March 25, 2010 at 12:05 a.m. Gage Edward was born. Miracles. The experience was amazing. As Gage was arriving, Korin looked at me with so many emotions in her eyes. I still don't know what she was thinking as she looked up at me, but my heart overflowed. I began sobbing. I will never forget the way she looked up at me. It is the one moment that I can not forget. The one that I play in my head daily.

Gage arrived strong and healthy. He weighed in at 6 lbs and 13 oz. He was 20 inches long and had lots of dark hair. He was beautiful. The most beautiful baby I had ever seen. I was still sobbing. They took him over and cleaned him up. There I sat with my hand on Korin's arm. I didn't want to leave her, but I wanted to go see Gage. I wanted to see what he looked like. Every detail. I finally asked if I could go see him. She of course said, YES!! Again, another day/moment I want to relive.

After they were done, they wrapped him up and handed him to Korin. It was a beautiful moment. She immediately wanted me to hold him. I was torn. I wanted her to enjoy her moment with him, but I wanted to hold him. She handed him to me. I could not hold back my emotions. At. All. There I sat holding a baby that a beautiful young girl placed in my arms. Not even 25 minutes old.

Tears. Lots of tears.

I passed him to Dustyn. Dustyn too was in awe. He struggled to control his emotions.

Then Korin's mom held him.

Korin said it was okay for us to invite our parents in. They quickly took a peek and headed on their way.

We wanted to give Korin more time. We went into the lobby. We found some paper and pens and wrote letters to Korin. I don't remember a thing I wrote. I'm sure it was a jumbled mess that made no sense. How do you tell someone, your hero, thank you or how amazing you think they are? I may have shed a lot more tears.

We were getting ready to leave the hospital when Korin and her mom came out of her room. We were just going to go say goodbye. They were going to go outside to get some fresh air. We gave her a hug, our letters and said goodbye.

Korin told us we could go see Gage in the nursery before we left.

I think it was about 1:30 a.m. We shyly walked in. Korin had them give me the other wrist band so I would be allowed to have access to him in the nursery. We walked in and watched him for a minute. One of nurses checked the nursing room and found it empty. She invited us to take Gage in there and have some time alone with him. We sat there for fifteen or twenty minutes, in tears. Our (soon to be) family of three.