i guess it helps a lot in maintaining my sanity.
when i go home to my husband and in-laws, i forget about the patients, the scoldings by m.o's and specialists, the great expectations, the plentiful rounds and my many inadequacies.
life at home offers that change of environment and relief.
i do like going to work. its just some times when i screw up and get depressed that i feel like running away and quitting. jealous jugak tengok my friends enjoying their job.
sometimes i just feel numb and blur.
a colleague of mine is taking an online course in finance from harvard while doing EOD calls.. he says it keeps him going through the tough times.
moral of the story: one needs another life apart from the medical world to remain balanced.
i cant wait for raya holidays. i get 3 days plus another 4 days after that. something to look forward to on bleak days hehe.
Monday, September 07, 2009
Saturday, September 05, 2009
no complaints
i think i've been whining and complaining too much without realising why i have to work so hard.
when i go to work and do my job well, i become the medium for a sick baby or child to become better with Allah's will. and that satisfaction is priceless.
i cant imagine myself other than a doctor so i have to be a great one.
Ya Allah, please give me the strength and ability to do my job well and remain focused on my goals in life. Amin.
when i go to work and do my job well, i become the medium for a sick baby or child to become better with Allah's will. and that satisfaction is priceless.
i cant imagine myself other than a doctor so i have to be a great one.
Ya Allah, please give me the strength and ability to do my job well and remain focused on my goals in life. Amin.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
h.o at 6 weeks of life.
it's been 6 weeks of work already including 2 tagging weeks. i've had 10 calls already for this month alone plus one more tomorrow on merdeka day.
i havent received my salary yet and am relying on hubby for my expenses.
i havent been following the news much.
i've become immune to the crying and screams of babies and kids and endeavor to complete my work as fast as i can. balut je or bedung je budak tu and cucuk them to get the required blood or to insert a branula. sounds kejam, i know.
i'm still quite slow and not as efficient as is expected of me.
i have learnt that there are some people who smile in front of u and later stab u in the back. so we stick with ppl we trust and be wary of those who are potential backstabbers. each level sticks with their own kind; housemen with housemen, m.o's with m.o's and specialists with specialists.
because of the EOD (every other day) oncalls, i am constantly tired and it affects my tarawikh and amalan sunat. balik to my inlaws pun jadi hi-hi bye bye je. salam bile sampai waktu malam and then salam again before i go to work.
if i get some sleep during my calls and patients come in the middle of the night, and i bangun mamai2, lambat sket clerk the cases.
i've had to break my fast 3 times at the hospital until now. rase macam tak meriah je. and solat sorang2 bile sempat. and asyek lupe nak bawa quran so tak dpt bace.
i so have to improve meself and not let this ramadhan slip away just like that.
last week, the hot issue was oncalls during raya so all of us muslim h.o's in the dept have to be oncall either on raya eve or 2nd day of raya. i chose the latter.
i am currently back home in skudai with all me sisters. glad for the weekend off and dreading to go back to klang and going to work tomorrow.
i am extremely glad that i am married. having hubby around helps a lot. i love him terribly. sian dia for getting a dr wife. lots of downsides rather than benefits.
k, thats all for now.
i havent received my salary yet and am relying on hubby for my expenses.
i havent been following the news much.
i've become immune to the crying and screams of babies and kids and endeavor to complete my work as fast as i can. balut je or bedung je budak tu and cucuk them to get the required blood or to insert a branula. sounds kejam, i know.
i'm still quite slow and not as efficient as is expected of me.
i have learnt that there are some people who smile in front of u and later stab u in the back. so we stick with ppl we trust and be wary of those who are potential backstabbers. each level sticks with their own kind; housemen with housemen, m.o's with m.o's and specialists with specialists.
because of the EOD (every other day) oncalls, i am constantly tired and it affects my tarawikh and amalan sunat. balik to my inlaws pun jadi hi-hi bye bye je. salam bile sampai waktu malam and then salam again before i go to work.
if i get some sleep during my calls and patients come in the middle of the night, and i bangun mamai2, lambat sket clerk the cases.
i've had to break my fast 3 times at the hospital until now. rase macam tak meriah je. and solat sorang2 bile sempat. and asyek lupe nak bawa quran so tak dpt bace.
i so have to improve meself and not let this ramadhan slip away just like that.
last week, the hot issue was oncalls during raya so all of us muslim h.o's in the dept have to be oncall either on raya eve or 2nd day of raya. i chose the latter.
i am currently back home in skudai with all me sisters. glad for the weekend off and dreading to go back to klang and going to work tomorrow.
i am extremely glad that i am married. having hubby around helps a lot. i love him terribly. sian dia for getting a dr wife. lots of downsides rather than benefits.
k, thats all for now.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
tagging
wow...
a lot has happened.
i've been working for 10 days now.
ppl call me dr awla now.
and my signature laku jugak la but not too much.
i have to handle cases and take blood on my own by hook or by crook.
im curently at the Special Care Neonate (SCN)warD looking after sick babies and poking them until i get sufficient blood samples to know their condition.
im still tagging which means that during this period i have to refer a lot to others and observe first how everything is done. another 4 days to go.
however since the work load is terrible, my friend and i have to do work like other doctors only with less responsibility. we start our calls after this.
k, that's all for now.
will update more after i finish tagging.
a lot has happened.
i've been working for 10 days now.
ppl call me dr awla now.
and my signature laku jugak la but not too much.
i have to handle cases and take blood on my own by hook or by crook.
im curently at the Special Care Neonate (SCN)warD looking after sick babies and poking them until i get sufficient blood samples to know their condition.
im still tagging which means that during this period i have to refer a lot to others and observe first how everything is done. another 4 days to go.
however since the work load is terrible, my friend and i have to do work like other doctors only with less responsibility. we start our calls after this.
k, that's all for now.
will update more after i finish tagging.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
off to btn...
tomoro im going to BTN at kuale lipis for 5 days then terus sambung kursus induksi kat midtown hotel, kuala terengganu for 11 days.
huhu away from my hubby for 17 days.
after nearly 6 weeks of leisure, it gets busy after this.
k, hopefully i'll get to update more after this.. altho it seems unlikely hehe
huhu away from my hubby for 17 days.
after nearly 6 weeks of leisure, it gets busy after this.
k, hopefully i'll get to update more after this.. altho it seems unlikely hehe
Monday, June 15, 2009
Sunday, May 31, 2009
just married.
i am married! hehe
nantilah i'll upload pics.
i'm grateful that all the presents that i received are very useful ones for my new home iA. will put up list later.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
wow! another 2 days.
a lot of people have been asking me whether i'm nervous or not and telling me that they rase berdebar2.
of course i am nervous. i'm terrified to bits. i will have to care about someone else other than myself. i will have to discuss my every decision and action with him. i'll have to live somewhere i've never even been to. if i do something wrong, i cant go running to my family. its a life-changing event.
at first, i didnt feel anything as there was much to do. now its just two days away, and there's still loads to do. alhamdulillah kakyung's coming home tonight. cant wait to see nawaz. more heads for opinions and more hands to do the work.
everyday lots of people come to the house to help out. good thing mak has 2 usrah groups. so twice a week, the makciks help package the goody bags. yesterday, some makciks came to help gubah bunga. after looking through and clearing up some boxes and also the store, mak found some unused plastics flowers. mak cik maziah and makcik ah is a whiz at menggubah flowers. she used an old, worn out basket of ours to put some assorted flowers and it looks absolutely beautiful. i dont have talent in that area at all so i leave it to those who love to do it. mak pun got into the menggubah craze and spent a lot of time on it so we have lots of plastic flowers at home.
because of the extraordinary amount of cleaning that needed to be done, mak had to outsource and panggil org datang kemas rumah. so nibah and i prepared lunch. i made kari ikan and sambal ikan bilis and tempe.
in the afternoon, we made apple crumble. hehe, sempat gak buat. the oven memang panas sebelah so we had to turn it manually. the custard was a bit lumpy but sedap nonetheless. it wasnt that hard to do.
there's still lots of desserts that kakchik and i have been dreaming of doing but asyek malas nak buat. we've already bought the ingredients. nantilah.
our house just had an extreme makeover. it is very different from before. ayah spent a fortune on it. plus the wedding expenses, its burning a hole in mak and ayah's bank books and pockets. i wish i had money to give them to help out but i've used up all of my scholarship money and depleted some of my tabung haji savings. i so have to work and make up for the expenses bit by bit.
with regards to the bilik pengantin, 2 makcik's came to give their opinion on how the things in the room should be arranged. so the existing cupboard has to go out and we have to take a smaller one from the other room in exchange. the last time we had to rearrange cupboards was exactly last year. now we had to do it again. penat sangat keluarkan everything and moving the cupboards then rearranging things back into them.
mak asked me where are my friends. why arent they around to lend a helping hand. i cant expect my kuantan friends to help out because everyone's far away and have their own lives to settle. and i cant expect my batch of schoolmates to help out because they're all working now and have their own activities to do. so i have to rely on kakchik's friends to come over and do whatever is necessary.
i pray that everything will go well nanti.
a lot of people have been asking me whether i'm nervous or not and telling me that they rase berdebar2.
of course i am nervous. i'm terrified to bits. i will have to care about someone else other than myself. i will have to discuss my every decision and action with him. i'll have to live somewhere i've never even been to. if i do something wrong, i cant go running to my family. its a life-changing event.
at first, i didnt feel anything as there was much to do. now its just two days away, and there's still loads to do. alhamdulillah kakyung's coming home tonight. cant wait to see nawaz. more heads for opinions and more hands to do the work.
everyday lots of people come to the house to help out. good thing mak has 2 usrah groups. so twice a week, the makciks help package the goody bags. yesterday, some makciks came to help gubah bunga. after looking through and clearing up some boxes and also the store, mak found some unused plastics flowers. mak cik maziah and makcik ah is a whiz at menggubah flowers. she used an old, worn out basket of ours to put some assorted flowers and it looks absolutely beautiful. i dont have talent in that area at all so i leave it to those who love to do it. mak pun got into the menggubah craze and spent a lot of time on it so we have lots of plastic flowers at home.
because of the extraordinary amount of cleaning that needed to be done, mak had to outsource and panggil org datang kemas rumah. so nibah and i prepared lunch. i made kari ikan and sambal ikan bilis and tempe.
in the afternoon, we made apple crumble. hehe, sempat gak buat. the oven memang panas sebelah so we had to turn it manually. the custard was a bit lumpy but sedap nonetheless. it wasnt that hard to do.
there's still lots of desserts that kakchik and i have been dreaming of doing but asyek malas nak buat. we've already bought the ingredients. nantilah.
our house just had an extreme makeover. it is very different from before. ayah spent a fortune on it. plus the wedding expenses, its burning a hole in mak and ayah's bank books and pockets. i wish i had money to give them to help out but i've used up all of my scholarship money and depleted some of my tabung haji savings. i so have to work and make up for the expenses bit by bit.
with regards to the bilik pengantin, 2 makcik's came to give their opinion on how the things in the room should be arranged. so the existing cupboard has to go out and we have to take a smaller one from the other room in exchange. the last time we had to rearrange cupboards was exactly last year. now we had to do it again. penat sangat keluarkan everything and moving the cupboards then rearranging things back into them.
mak asked me where are my friends. why arent they around to lend a helping hand. i cant expect my kuantan friends to help out because everyone's far away and have their own lives to settle. and i cant expect my batch of schoolmates to help out because they're all working now and have their own activities to do. so i have to rely on kakchik's friends to come over and do whatever is necessary.
i pray that everything will go well nanti.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
my days
since nibah is enjoying herself in pahang and the only ones left at home are me and kakchik, we have to follow mak everywhere.
2 days ago, the hantarans were ready. since the only sister with creative blood is still in KL, we have to outsource and rely on expert people who enjoys spending two hours trying to match the color tones of the flowers and ribbons to be used. the 2 makciks gave very specific instructions of what to add, how to arrange them and how to make them look natural rather than kaku. wow! and they worried that the whole thing was too simple. i dared imagine how it would look if they went all out in the decorations. they are safely kept at makchik fati's house away from peeping eyes. everyone was leka berbual and we went back late.
ayah came home yesterday and we went to pasar malam taman u, prayed at masjid taman u where ayah met the imam who will be the tok kadi and then we went to giant to buy some more stuff.
this morning, we followed ayah to his chiropractic treatment and then went to larkin to look for tudungs and had brunch. then ayah went home by taxi as he wanted to play golf so we mak, kakchik and me went to mydin then angsana. at kamdar, kakchik and i played about with the stuff there while mak looked for her table cloth which she didnt find.
i think the hat matches my tudung
kakchik looking suave in the cowboy hat (see mak in the background busy looking for table cloths)
mak's using sticky notes now to keep track of to-do things
the hantarans are ready yay! very2 cantek they are.
the attempted shepperd's pie that has no pie crust, only potatoes, stuffing and a cheese topping.
2 days ago, the hantarans were ready. since the only sister with creative blood is still in KL, we have to outsource and rely on expert people who enjoys spending two hours trying to match the color tones of the flowers and ribbons to be used. the 2 makciks gave very specific instructions of what to add, how to arrange them and how to make them look natural rather than kaku. wow! and they worried that the whole thing was too simple. i dared imagine how it would look if they went all out in the decorations. they are safely kept at makchik fati's house away from peeping eyes. everyone was leka berbual and we went back late.
ayah came home yesterday and we went to pasar malam taman u, prayed at masjid taman u where ayah met the imam who will be the tok kadi and then we went to giant to buy some more stuff.
this morning, we followed ayah to his chiropractic treatment and then went to larkin to look for tudungs and had brunch. then ayah went home by taxi as he wanted to play golf so we mak, kakchik and me went to mydin then angsana. at kamdar, kakchik and i played about with the stuff there while mak looked for her table cloth which she didnt find.
i think the hat matches my tudung
kakchik looking suave in the cowboy hat (see mak in the background busy looking for table cloths)
mak's using sticky notes now to keep track of to-do things
the hantarans are ready yay! very2 cantek they are.
the attempted shepperd's pie that has no pie crust, only potatoes, stuffing and a cheese topping.
Monday, May 18, 2009
cleaning
it's not that i haven't got time to update, its just that i go all blank when i want to.
since i came home, nearly everyday keluar rumah. ikut mak g sukan tadika. pegi pusat islam selesaikan borang2 (yay, didnt have to be interviewed coz the clerk knew mak). pegi jusco or giant every other day. pergi pasar malam. hantar kad to jiran2. gi pasar with kakchik beli ayam, ikan and sayur2. pegi kedai jahit makcik noi kat senai. pegi sukan wanita jim. kuar dinner with family.
i try to do everything with my sisters while i can. lepas ni susah dah.
at home, there's so much to clean and sort out i.e the overflowing clothes, the disordered books, the clutter in the house. and we keep buying more stuff.
i need to clean out some space for my 4 boxes of notes that i didnt have time to go thru in kuantan.
i remember one lady featured in Oprah who had a compulsion for buying. her house was extremely cluttered to the point of being inhabitable for the family. Oprah sent a "clutter expert" and he managed to get out all the stuff and arranged them in a yard, boleh buat yard sale. about 10 feet of stuff. makcik tu bile tgk her piles of stuff terkejut and menangis to see herself in that state. then the oprah team repaired and refurnished her house and since then she changed over a new leaf and kept her house as clean and tidy as possible. moral of the story is: too much clutter can clutter the mind too.
since i came home, nearly everyday keluar rumah. ikut mak g sukan tadika. pegi pusat islam selesaikan borang2 (yay, didnt have to be interviewed coz the clerk knew mak). pegi jusco or giant every other day. pergi pasar malam. hantar kad to jiran2. gi pasar with kakchik beli ayam, ikan and sayur2. pegi kedai jahit makcik noi kat senai. pegi sukan wanita jim. kuar dinner with family.
i try to do everything with my sisters while i can. lepas ni susah dah.
at home, there's so much to clean and sort out i.e the overflowing clothes, the disordered books, the clutter in the house. and we keep buying more stuff.
i need to clean out some space for my 4 boxes of notes that i didnt have time to go thru in kuantan.
i remember one lady featured in Oprah who had a compulsion for buying. her house was extremely cluttered to the point of being inhabitable for the family. Oprah sent a "clutter expert" and he managed to get out all the stuff and arranged them in a yard, boleh buat yard sale. about 10 feet of stuff. makcik tu bile tgk her piles of stuff terkejut and menangis to see herself in that state. then the oprah team repaired and refurnished her house and since then she changed over a new leaf and kept her house as clean and tidy as possible. moral of the story is: too much clutter can clutter the mind too.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Saturday, May 02, 2009
dr awla
it was the longest 2 minutes of my life, waiting for them to announce the results of the students whom have passed. we were all gathered at around 12.45pm, thursday. my name was among the last to be called.i was holding my breath and sucking in my stomach. it was such a relief when my name was finally mentioned. ALHAMDULILLAH. our exams was not without casualties. 2 of the brothers have to re-sit for the exams in 6 months time. they're good students. maybe Allah wants to give them this challenge to make them stronger and more strong-willed to face life's challenges ahead.
lepas tu i happily gave out my wedding cards to my friends. nanti i'll scan the card and post it here. syahadah and sibah were busy giving out their cards too. orang lain punye tak siap lagi.
petang tu there was a program for the graduating students (my batch and a few sciences students). terharunya dr melor went to greta lengths to organise the program so that we'd remain in the tarbiyah system. i cant really imagine myself outside of it. i'd be lost. there was amaanats form ustz fadzil konsis, dr latif and dr munawwar hatta. best sangat. it put things back in persepctive.
then when the program ended, our juniors in the usrah system came and performed nasheed for us, prepared a slideshow presentation of the activities done together and gave us all personalized gifts. i menangis2 terharu. huhu. asyek terharu je sejak akhir2 nih.
i look forward to the days ahead.
lepas tu i happily gave out my wedding cards to my friends. nanti i'll scan the card and post it here. syahadah and sibah were busy giving out their cards too. orang lain punye tak siap lagi.
petang tu there was a program for the graduating students (my batch and a few sciences students). terharunya dr melor went to greta lengths to organise the program so that we'd remain in the tarbiyah system. i cant really imagine myself outside of it. i'd be lost. there was amaanats form ustz fadzil konsis, dr latif and dr munawwar hatta. best sangat. it put things back in persepctive.
then when the program ended, our juniors in the usrah system came and performed nasheed for us, prepared a slideshow presentation of the activities done together and gave us all personalized gifts. i menangis2 terharu. huhu. asyek terharu je sejak akhir2 nih.
i look forward to the days ahead.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
finally final
the final, ultimate most dreaded day has come and will be over in a few hours.
my exams started at 3pm. and ended at 5pm.
long case i got a medical case. the patient, a 60 year old gentleman had DM, HPT, IHD post CABG and asthma. and it all started with a history of urinary tract stones and acute urinary retention. nganga jap td nak cari chief complaint. mule2 i thot it was surgical until i was halfway thru the history. my examiners were dato'sapari (medical- he was the chief examiner since it's his field), external examiner paeds, prof kyaw (surgery) and dr murad (ong). i present je pape. i dont think i impressed anyone. but i think i was passable because i could answer simple questions. prof kyaw asked me about the stones. dr murad couldnt asked me anything since the patient's reproductive tract was external.
then for the short cases, mr jun asked me to examine an indirect inguinal hernia, the ong external examiner asked me to examine an ovarian mass while the paeds ext examiner asked me to confirm whether the little girl had heart failure or not. baik giler derang.
best thing is, no one has to be re-examined on thursday. alhamdulillah. coolness.
we're one step away.
gembirenye. dapatlah daku kawen dgn bahagianye tanpa memikirkan masalah pelajaran.
i can leave kuantan. ish, terase sedih plak. er, on 2nd thots, more happy then sedih. i wanna move on.
my exams started at 3pm. and ended at 5pm.
long case i got a medical case. the patient, a 60 year old gentleman had DM, HPT, IHD post CABG and asthma. and it all started with a history of urinary tract stones and acute urinary retention. nganga jap td nak cari chief complaint. mule2 i thot it was surgical until i was halfway thru the history. my examiners were dato'sapari (medical- he was the chief examiner since it's his field), external examiner paeds, prof kyaw (surgery) and dr murad (ong). i present je pape. i dont think i impressed anyone. but i think i was passable because i could answer simple questions. prof kyaw asked me about the stones. dr murad couldnt asked me anything since the patient's reproductive tract was external.
then for the short cases, mr jun asked me to examine an indirect inguinal hernia, the ong external examiner asked me to examine an ovarian mass while the paeds ext examiner asked me to confirm whether the little girl had heart failure or not. baik giler derang.
best thing is, no one has to be re-examined on thursday. alhamdulillah. coolness.
we're one step away.
gembirenye. dapatlah daku kawen dgn bahagianye tanpa memikirkan masalah pelajaran.
i can leave kuantan. ish, terase sedih plak. er, on 2nd thots, more happy then sedih. i wanna move on.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
flight of ideas yang tak berape flight sangat
it's day one post PMP and OSCE exams. macam biasa, some were answerable and some weren't. PMP keluar IM- acute hepatitis with meningitis and SOB, PAEDS- acute rheumatic fever, SURG- diverticular disease, O&G- PPROM with chorioamnitis and down syndrome baby. OSCE paling hebat lah i menghentam idea2 bernas haha. Tru-cut biopsy needle i went and said needle for lumbar puncture haha.
the night before yesterday i didn't really feel nervous but it manifested through initial insomnia and early morning awakening.
everyone was busy sending exam wishes and apologies via SMS. a friend said rase macam raya plak dpt byk sgt SMS hehe. gembira jugak dapat those messages.
one day down. 2 more to go.
monday is MCQ day and my clinicals will be on tuesday. i'm the 5th and last group for the first day, huhu. mesti examiners sume dah penat yg amat. mesti hebat2 my examiners nanti. i must perform hebat jugak.
i got my set of cards already. cant wait to distribute them post-exams hehe. must get people's addresses after this.
the night before yesterday i didn't really feel nervous but it manifested through initial insomnia and early morning awakening.
everyone was busy sending exam wishes and apologies via SMS. a friend said rase macam raya plak dpt byk sgt SMS hehe. gembira jugak dapat those messages.
one day down. 2 more to go.
monday is MCQ day and my clinicals will be on tuesday. i'm the 5th and last group for the first day, huhu. mesti examiners sume dah penat yg amat. mesti hebat2 my examiners nanti. i must perform hebat jugak.
i got my set of cards already. cant wait to distribute them post-exams hehe. must get people's addresses after this.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
another 5 days
another 5 days for the final showdown.
the 5 years of hard work at medschool comes down to how well we perform during the 2 hours of clinical exams on the 28th to 30th april.
our continuous assessment throughout the clinical years help a lot for the theory exams on 24th and 27th. we just need a few more marks to pass iA.
pray for us!
the 5 years of hard work at medschool comes down to how well we perform during the 2 hours of clinical exams on the 28th to 30th april.
our continuous assessment throughout the clinical years help a lot for the theory exams on 24th and 27th. we just need a few more marks to pass iA.
pray for us!
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
post psychi
i just had my psychiatric long case this morning. i got a clinic case alhamdulillah. many of my friends got ward cases. those would either be schizo or bipolar.
my case was a 26 year old malay lady with major depressive disorder postpartum onset. i presented the case to my fave lecturer, dr nora. i actually forgot to do the MSE but tried to talk my way thru. i think i git the main features.
memang whatever we say or answer will be used against us so make sure you are certain of everything that you mention. if you dont know the subject very well, then make sure that you can talk well. we actually determine what questions the examiner asks us.
yesterday's PMPs were also on depression.
after the exams this morning, i went to the psychi kopitiam where they train the stable patients to work as waiters and count money. it improves their confidence to find work later. when i went there, i wanted to eat nasi lemak but i couldnt even finish my meal and ate slowly, looking around at my surrounding, my mind not really thinking of anything in particular. the staff there saw my behaviour and diagnosed me as being anxious and depressed, haha. they told me not to worry.
i have one day to recuperate then its serous study ahead until 24th of april!
hmm habes dah psychi or sakai. everything's sentimental now. can't wait to finish my PRO exams.
my case was a 26 year old malay lady with major depressive disorder postpartum onset. i presented the case to my fave lecturer, dr nora. i actually forgot to do the MSE but tried to talk my way thru. i think i git the main features.
memang whatever we say or answer will be used against us so make sure you are certain of everything that you mention. if you dont know the subject very well, then make sure that you can talk well. we actually determine what questions the examiner asks us.
yesterday's PMPs were also on depression.
after the exams this morning, i went to the psychi kopitiam where they train the stable patients to work as waiters and count money. it improves their confidence to find work later. when i went there, i wanted to eat nasi lemak but i couldnt even finish my meal and ate slowly, looking around at my surrounding, my mind not really thinking of anything in particular. the staff there saw my behaviour and diagnosed me as being anxious and depressed, haha. they told me not to worry.
i have one day to recuperate then its serous study ahead until 24th of april!
hmm habes dah psychi or sakai. everything's sentimental now. can't wait to finish my PRO exams.
Friday, April 03, 2009
baby hanan
salam people, meet the cute baby "hanan binti ahmad nizam".
yep, safura and nizam's 3-day old neonate.
picture taken while azza and i curi2 masuk into the special care neonate (SCN) which is actually offlimits to med students hehe. we were not caught alhamdulillah.
mommy and baby are at home now alhamdulillah. baby hanan had to undergo phototherapy as she had physiological jaundice at day 2 of life.
p.s. i'm at the library. just studied two psychi topics. didn't plan on studying at the library but was forced to because the hostel lights are currently out due to some repairs done by TNB.
Thursday, April 02, 2009
psych exams
next monday and tuesday will be my last end posting exams.
i hope i can do well in psychiatry inshaAllah.
please pray for me and my batch.
jazakumullahukhairan kathira.
i hope i can do well in psychiatry inshaAllah.
please pray for me and my batch.
jazakumullahukhairan kathira.
ventilating
you don't have to read this entry.
i just want to ventilate so that i can regain my concentration and restore my peace of mind.
just now, we had a class on medical law by Dr Akram, IIUM's legal advisor. it was a very interesting lecture on the importance of doctors knowing the legal aspect of their practice so that they can treat patients effectively (and cover their backs too while their at it). the psychiatric nurse-cum-lawyer was very energetic and explained eloquently on the matter that everyone was wide awake through most of the lecture.
what i am furious about is what happened in between the lecture, during the 10 minute break.
the batch leader, who most kindly checked all of our forms which were to be submitted to the MMC and MMH, had found several forms which were incomplete. so he went in front an exclaimed his frustration with my batchmates who had been inconsiderate by submitting the deficient forms so he had to return them.
in order to return the lacking forms, he he went on to mention the names of the my friends who had been so thoughtless as to have done that. everyone had their fingers crossed and worried whether his or her name would be called and whether they were among the thoughtless people who had not completed the tedious form requirements.
when the first name was called, i saw from her body language (the way she walked to the front and resposnded) that she was defensive. who wouldn't be? the first thought that came to my mind was, what did she do wrong? i felt empathic and knew that if that had happened to me, i would feel the same way too. but at the same time, i also thought, may be he was so tired and stressed out with everyone's incompetence that he saw no other way to return the forms to the owners which would be less degrading or humiliating.
the next person called was one of my best friends. again, i was empathic but it was still not the same. after several other names, my name was called. huh? what did i do wrong? what was not complete? i asked my friend to check. i had submitted the form 2 days ago. the batch leader who is also in my posting could have returned it to me personally. i met him this morning. i started to fume with anger. the forms were left on the table in front and i couldnt get it until the end of the lecture.
the next 15 minutes of lecture, i couldnt concetrate because i was going through the possibilities of what i did wrong and all the less humiliating methods that he could have used to return the forms. surprisingly, all the names were girls. i guess the guys' forms which were not completed could be returned directly to them sparing their names from being called.
i know, you think i'm over reacting to this extremely small matter. so what if my name was called? so what if i had not completed the forms? why make such a big deal.
everyone wants to look good in front of others. mistakes or errors should not be publicly announced. it is okay to say something in general but when specific names are mentioned, then it makes someone look bad in front of others. although it was unintentional, it was demeaning nonetheless.
there are many hadiths stating how the prophet would go to great lengths to save the face and honour of his sahabah. when one sahabah farted, he got up to renew his wudhu' too.
i tried to concentrate on the lecture but i had to use so much extra energy to distract my thoughts from my anger that i became tired after a while. i nearly felt like crying. it doesn't help when you have a haze in your left eye, which is a temporary complication of the PRK causing light to be scattered. i had a left-sided headache from too much concentration.
i tried to convince myself that it was nothing. when the lecture ended and i looked through my form, several people asked me with concern, what was not complete? i made the mistake of actually giving one copy of the photostated forms instead of two.
it's just not the same thing when you're the name that is called.
ironically, the previous lecture did include defamation and how everyone has the right to a good name and honour. any act or word that may destroy or reduce this good name in any form, resulting in sane, responsible people or the society thinking bad of that person, can be sued under defamation. (i'm not a lawyer, forgive my deficiency in knowledge of legal terms).
moral of the story, be sensitive. if you protect people's honour as best as you can, inshaAllah, Allah will protect yours too.
i just want to ventilate so that i can regain my concentration and restore my peace of mind.
just now, we had a class on medical law by Dr Akram, IIUM's legal advisor. it was a very interesting lecture on the importance of doctors knowing the legal aspect of their practice so that they can treat patients effectively (and cover their backs too while their at it). the psychiatric nurse-cum-lawyer was very energetic and explained eloquently on the matter that everyone was wide awake through most of the lecture.
what i am furious about is what happened in between the lecture, during the 10 minute break.
the batch leader, who most kindly checked all of our forms which were to be submitted to the MMC and MMH, had found several forms which were incomplete. so he went in front an exclaimed his frustration with my batchmates who had been inconsiderate by submitting the deficient forms so he had to return them.
in order to return the lacking forms, he he went on to mention the names of the my friends who had been so thoughtless as to have done that. everyone had their fingers crossed and worried whether his or her name would be called and whether they were among the thoughtless people who had not completed the tedious form requirements.
when the first name was called, i saw from her body language (the way she walked to the front and resposnded) that she was defensive. who wouldn't be? the first thought that came to my mind was, what did she do wrong? i felt empathic and knew that if that had happened to me, i would feel the same way too. but at the same time, i also thought, may be he was so tired and stressed out with everyone's incompetence that he saw no other way to return the forms to the owners which would be less degrading or humiliating.
the next person called was one of my best friends. again, i was empathic but it was still not the same. after several other names, my name was called. huh? what did i do wrong? what was not complete? i asked my friend to check. i had submitted the form 2 days ago. the batch leader who is also in my posting could have returned it to me personally. i met him this morning. i started to fume with anger. the forms were left on the table in front and i couldnt get it until the end of the lecture.
the next 15 minutes of lecture, i couldnt concetrate because i was going through the possibilities of what i did wrong and all the less humiliating methods that he could have used to return the forms. surprisingly, all the names were girls. i guess the guys' forms which were not completed could be returned directly to them sparing their names from being called.
i know, you think i'm over reacting to this extremely small matter. so what if my name was called? so what if i had not completed the forms? why make such a big deal.
everyone wants to look good in front of others. mistakes or errors should not be publicly announced. it is okay to say something in general but when specific names are mentioned, then it makes someone look bad in front of others. although it was unintentional, it was demeaning nonetheless.
there are many hadiths stating how the prophet would go to great lengths to save the face and honour of his sahabah. when one sahabah farted, he got up to renew his wudhu' too.
i tried to concentrate on the lecture but i had to use so much extra energy to distract my thoughts from my anger that i became tired after a while. i nearly felt like crying. it doesn't help when you have a haze in your left eye, which is a temporary complication of the PRK causing light to be scattered. i had a left-sided headache from too much concentration.
i tried to convince myself that it was nothing. when the lecture ended and i looked through my form, several people asked me with concern, what was not complete? i made the mistake of actually giving one copy of the photostated forms instead of two.
it's just not the same thing when you're the name that is called.
ironically, the previous lecture did include defamation and how everyone has the right to a good name and honour. any act or word that may destroy or reduce this good name in any form, resulting in sane, responsible people or the society thinking bad of that person, can be sued under defamation. (i'm not a lawyer, forgive my deficiency in knowledge of legal terms).
moral of the story, be sensitive. if you protect people's honour as best as you can, inshaAllah, Allah will protect yours too.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
MDD
at the clinic today i clerked a middleaged chinese lady and diagnosed her to have major depressive disorder (mdd) with anxiety symptoms. i had to spend a long time reassuring her about her condition and convince her to take her medication. she's a teacher so she's educated and has read a lot so it was tough convincing her as she was afraid of the side effects of the medication. she had [sychomotor retardation and couldn't concentrate on what i was telling her.
many people suffer from MDD. i wanna help these people but i have to teguhkan my perasaan dulu or i'll be affected easily.
rase macam terdevelop counter transferance je.
in 2 days i've met 2 female teachers who developed MDD. both were rather of the perfectionist type and worried a lot. i can't make any generalisation but both had an underlying susceptibility to become depressed.
"Ya Allah, please keep my mind healthy and prevent me from getting depression. and please give me the ability and competency to help others in need."
many people suffer from MDD. i wanna help these people but i have to teguhkan my perasaan dulu or i'll be affected easily.
rase macam terdevelop counter transferance je.
in 2 days i've met 2 female teachers who developed MDD. both were rather of the perfectionist type and worried a lot. i can't make any generalisation but both had an underlying susceptibility to become depressed.
"Ya Allah, please keep my mind healthy and prevent me from getting depression. and please give me the ability and competency to help others in need."
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