A peaceful and fulfilling Mother's day

Time flies huh? This year will be the 3rd Mother's Day as a mother, and now I'm a mother of 2.

We don't really celebrate Mother's Day in the family, at least on the actual day. Normally we will do it in advance of one day or a week. It's to go for a family dinner. Most of the time, we prefer to stay at home, cos DH and I hate crowds.

So what would I like to do on that day? Let's see... frankly I hate Sunday. Why? Coz the next day is Monday and I have to get back to work. Most people have Monday blues, bu I have Sunday blues.

So normally I don't overwork myself on Sunday, but yet I hate the idea of just lazing around at home, watching the lousy tv programs, while most of the time, the kids would be crying and whining (Natalie has been behaving like lately).

So this Sunday, perhaps DH and I can go for a movie or something in the morning, since we haven't been to the cinemas since Max's arrival.

Then maybe bake some muffins for Natalie. She loves my muffins....hehehehe...

After that clear the family hall, as we are in the process of moving some of those stuff to Dad's new renovated home. Meanwhile I hope the kids will behave good while I do the chores.

And a nice feeling good evening before bedtime.

In short I just would like to have a peaceful yet fulfilling Mother's Day. It's that simple.

*Just remember, we may have to skip the movie part, as my ILs are going somewhere in the morning or revise the sequence of the events...

1. Mumsgather shares - What I REALLY want to do on Mother’s Day.
2. Vien likes - Not to lift a finger on Mother’s Day.
3. Dolphine wants a peaceful and fulfilling Mother's day

The journey of a first time mommy: My Happiness

After delivery, our hormone usually change drastically. As a result, I had post-partum depression.

For the first few months after the delivery, my condition was alright. It was more like minor baby blues sessions with an overworked body and mind for the first two months or so.

It was after my mother's sudden passing, my crying sessions became more obvious and sometimes for no obvious reasons, accompanied by all the persisting achings, on my neck, lower back, knees, shoulders, and forever a gassy stomach. I was treated with pain killer(such as Morbic and this other pain killer), muscle relaxant, gastric medicine and a few others. Even a 3 months physiotherapy which recommended by my orthopaedic specialist. But nothing worked.

My mother's passing dampened my emotion. At that time I was easily so agitated and always angry over some little things. Plus all the negative thoughts. Life became a stranger to me.

However it was for Natalie that I managed hang on there until the day I decided to seek medical advice.

Everyday I reached home and saw her face, I would feel better, regardless how bad my day is. She was all there reasons, my hope and happiness. She gave me my strength to carry on.

My little advice to all new mothers is just take things one step at a time, don't be so hard on yourself. If you can, arrange someone you can trust to help taking care of the baby, at least one or two hours, coz you need rest.

The best breastpump

Even though my milk isn't enough for Max after almost two months. But I have to say I enjoy breastfeeding Max.

My first breastfeeding experience with Natalie wasn't quite successful. And this time, I actually stayed back in the hospital to learn up the breastfeeding technique and tried to give Max a better head start for breastfeeding.

However the first day we came, things didn't turn out well. I was in pain as Max still couldn't latch on properly the right breast and could hardly latch on to the left breast. And immediately the next day I had take him back to see the paediatrician as he wasn't taking in enough and I thought he had bloody pee. Also he had this swollen nipples. And his jaundice seemed to have gotten worse.

Due to the soreness and the bruise, I was so afraid to put him on my breasts. And I started him on bottle and formula. For while he was confused and I was afraid that he wouldn't breastfeed anymore.

Worrying about that, we went back to see the hospital lactation assistants a few times. With their help, I managed to continue breastfeeding Max till today and he can latch on well. Though it's not an exclusive breastfeeding experience, but I'm still proud of myself as I managed to hang on till today. I hope to breastfeed as long as possible.

I can see that he enjoys it too. Sometimes he smiles contentedly in the midst of breastfeeding, or after that. It's wonderful experience and surely he's the best breastpump. ;)

A sleepless night...

I simply cannot sleep tonight, not because I want to stay up, because I 'm upset...

I'm feeling sad because Natalie chose the maid over me.

Last night, she was making fuss and I offered to carry her, but she went to the maid. I was really disappointed. I waited for her come to me, but she was happily clinging to the maid. How can one not be upset?

Hubby kept telling me that she is still young...

But kids aren't stupid. Felt like I'm losing her for that moment. So I came upstair to breastfeed max. After about half an hour, I went downstair again, she was still clinging to the maid.

I told MIL not to let the maid carry Natalie that often, and I got this: "Natalie was making fuss mah..."

Natalie made fuss and must be carried around the house by the maid just because I'm not free and MIL is not willing to carry?

It was heartbreaking for a mother already feeling guilty for not having to spend enough time to her daughter. And now the daughter ran clinging on some stranger instead of the mother. And the MIL did nothing to stop that but encourage.

What am I to say? *Sigh*

Back to work soon...

In about 2 weeks plus, I will have to go back to work.

After a long break like this, since 23 Oct, I simply don't feel like going back to work. Not because I'm lazy. Instead I would like to spend more time with the two kids, especially Natalie. I haven't been spending enough time with her since the day Max was born.

I know she misses me, and I could feel that she is upset that I neglected her, and she ignores me sometimes, just to let me know that she's upset. However at times she wakes and cries for me at night, since these days she's sleeping at my in-laws'. Really feel sorry for her. And I miss her too.

Of course now that she's and my MIL again is so scared that she would pass the flu virus to baby Max. She ask me to stay upstair with Max.

I'm really upset that why all thse flu things have to happen now.

Well, think of the bright side, hopefully the flu will go off completely soon so when I go back to work, I'll be healthy and fit, as I still need to take care of Max till late night and get up early the next morning.

Actually I'm thinking to extend prehaps a week or two. If possible few months unpaid, which is unlikely.

Well, I certainly can't quit, or DH has to carry the burden on his own. Seven mouths to feed on one income.

Really pray hard that something will work out. Just one opportunity...

Cry to sleep

Nowadays I let Max cry to sleep after the last feed of the day, at about 12 to 2am in the morning. I'll burp him, check his diaper, apply some minyak angin Yu Yi to warm his tummy and cuddle him close to me for some time. And if none of those work, I will leave him on his cot, off the lights and let him cry. Sounds a little cruel.

But I have to train him. I can overly pamper him.

I guess he is learning it too, as he'll normally cry for a while. If I don't response, he'll quiet down for a while and cry again. Then quiet down...

And finally he'll stop after about 10 to 15 minutes, look around, and fall asleep on his own.

I feel sorry for him though. But he needs to learn.

And all I need is patience...

My daily routine...

12am - 2am
Trying to calm Max and get him to bed. If lucky he sleeps at 1-ish... He's a fussy baby at night. Sometimes, he fall asleep while feeding. The moment we put him on the bed, he gets up and cry for more. Sometimes, he just want to be held...

Sometimes I let him cries himself to sleep, since I can't find his reason.

2am - 5-ish
Sleeping hours... though sometimes we get lucky and Max gets up at about 6-ish for feeding... it depends.

5-ish - 7.30am
Feeding. Burping. Epressing Breatsmilk. You may wondering why I didn't breastfeed him at this hour, he always falls asleep... And it's faster to bottlefeed him and express the breastmilk. And I still have time to eat my breakfast or at least a cup of light oatmeal. Otherwise, I won't be able to sleep till at 8am or so.

7.30am - 11am, as late as 12pm
The moment I close my eyes, I simply couldn't open them as early as 11am. Of course in between, I drift in and out sleep when I hear Max's cry, who these days would be sent downstair ,after 8am, for MIL to take care.

12pm - 2pm
Feed myself. Surf a little while having my lunch. Breastfeed Max, if he awakes, or expressing the milk out. It normally takes about 2 hours, if I breastfeed him then top up with formula before I can bath Max.

The bathing takes about 30-45 minutes for the last two days. I need to clean his poos first.

For the last 2 days I have to massage him first with olive oil. Then let it soak for 15 minutes. Then rinse it off before bathing him in Eubo bath. Lastly clean his mouth.

Then wash and boil the bottles and breastpump again, sometimes I do myself, and sometimes the maid. If I do it I stand at the stove and wait for the things to boil for longer time. I'm very paraoid, espeacially the breastpump, I try to wash and boil after every use, except midnight.

2pm - 5pm
Sometimes I sneaked out to get my haircut, do facial, and body slimming. They are very time-consuming.

If I don't go out, I breastfeed Max myself, then express the balance milk out, then breastfeed him again for about 2 hours. After the breastfeeding, I have to top another 2 ounces of formula or EMB.

5pm - 8pm
If I'm outside, rush home to breastfeed him or express the milk. them wash and boil the breast pump parts.

If I'm at home, I would take a short nap. But haven't been able to do that, as sometimes, I would have itchy hands, trying to clean a few things in the room, or go online.

Then quickly take a shower.

Dinner time.

This afternoon, I slept through the afternoon after the flu medicine... feeling a little better, and my throat is not as sore as last night.

8pm - 1am
Feeding and expressing milk hours. I have to watch something to keep myself awake. I tend to fall asleep too at this hour whenever I breastfeed Max.

As usual, Max would fall asleep during breastfeed or bottlefeed(if DH feed him). We try to burp him before putting him on the bed. But the moment he leaves our arms, his eyes would open and become fussy. Either no enough milk or for cuddle.

So "Ee...at, Ee...at..." DH and I would feed, burp, calm, feed, burp, calm... It would 1am again, before we know it.

Max would be drink, sleep , cry, drink, sleep, cry... before he finally sleeps.

Sometimes, get lucky can surf a bit like tonight.

There goes a day... and same things everyday.

Max, the crying baby.

Gosh Max is certainly a crier. He cries when is wet. He cries when he's hungry. He cries when he want to poo. He cries when he's colic. He cries and cries and cries, even after feeding. Gosh!

My plan always get ruined just when I thought he should resting and quiet, and I can do something like takinga nap. He will start crying. When I do everything I can to settle him, he still cries, certainly for comforting. So I comfort and he sleeps.

But when I thought he settles, thought closing my eyes, he starts crying again.

Now I'm wondering should I give him a pacifier. Frankly I HATE the idea, because it can confuse Max in breastfeeding, though he seems to have learned how to latch on better than before. And I hate to use it, coz my MIL loves to use it. And see what she has done to Natalie. She can't sleep in the afternoon without it, and my MIL still using that darn pram to rock her to sleep in the afternoon besides the pacifier. And I really hate that.

When Natalie was born, she kept pastering me to use it, as Natalie disturbed her sleeping when it's her turn to look after her. Now I don't know how to make Natalie get out of that habit when she is going to be 20 months old soon.

O.k back to Max. He seems to like sucking for comfort, I can't offer my breast for that, coz it will be a big problem to moment I'm going to back to work. But I really want to help Max to learn self-soothing without using a pacifier or sucking. How? I'm really clueless cow. Any idea, mommies?

Manage to find this site for tip on handling crying baby. But I'm not sure if they help or do I have the patience.*Sigh*

Finally he can latch on...

Ever since we came home from hospital, I could only breastfeed Max with one side, the right side, and not the other. Normally I just express the milk out from "the other side". I tried the football position, it didn't work. And it was bruised because Max couldn't latch on properly while we were still in the hospital.

But I just tried again after almost a week, and he managed to latch on properly. Really glad that.

Now I'm no longer one-breast Jack. And I can blog while feeding. Thank God. :)

Busy bee's back

Been home for ...*counting* almost five days but always busy.

Thursday - pae visit for Max, due to his jaundice.

Friday - gynae visit for myself.

Saturday - pae visit for Max again, jaundice again, better. And I visited the hospital lactation consultant.

The confinement is quite inexperienced in taking care baby, she choked Max. The way she feeds and burps Max very inexperienced. I think we new mothers, can do a better job. She doesn't check Max's diaper and Max doesn't like her bathing him. Every time she bathe him, he screams. Poor boy!

At times, I noticed she's very reluctant to get up to feed the baby at night. But with me in the room too, she had no choice. Imagine if I'm not in the room...

And she's quite forgetful in certain things, like she always forgets to close the stairway gate. One night Natalie climbed up after she on her own. Oh my God! Even after I reminded her so many times, she still take it very lightly. And she made some mistake which made the maid , kena marah(scolded) by my mom-in-law.

Her cooking isn't too bad though. The only thing I'm glad. But overall I'm not really happy with her. But I can do much as she might do something bad to Max, and in my food. *cold sweat*

Really difficult to find a good one these days whom one can trust, especially with your baby, be it through friends or so-called professional centre.

They normally room in with the baby, and mother sleeps in a different room.

But I insisted rooming in together. One of the problems, she snores(Goodness...*slap forehead*). 3 more weeks to go. Maybe just that I'm fuzzy... sigh. But I've seen one really good one who used to work for my neighbour but she has retired(金盘洗手), and refused to work as a confinement lady anymore. She rather works normal hour job. Sad.

Ah... enough of complaining, just trying to surf a little while having breakfast. Need to clean up a little and catch some beauty sleeps before Max's next feed.

Max is now half breastfed and bottle-fed. But he is doing better than Natalie. He can latch on better, still rooms for improvemant, than Natalie, and he loves breastfeeding.

Will post some pictures and videos once I have the time to... Now need to get my daily routine settle in first.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...*the bee is flying off again*

Baby Max's back home!

Just discharged from hospital today. Home sweet home.

But need to settle down first before I can post up the pictures of baby Max.

He arrived on 111107 morning via natural birth. Details later.