Showing posts with label Lisa Scott-Lee. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lisa Scott-Lee. Show all posts

Sunday, 23 August 2009

Corks! Tie Me Billabong Down, 'Sport'! It's The Return of Dannii

Above: double-D do-gooder Dannii puts the British public's needs before her own religion by bravely quiting botox until studio lights go and ruin everything she wanted.

Apart from web-camming with a hot Spanish top it has been a quiet week for Diva Incarnate so apologies for the excruciatingly tense 4 day absense of new posts. I am going to squeeze the sleaze all out with one big flush: and pricking my g-spot this week are Therese, Lisa Scott-Lee's stoic resistance to rejection, Michelle 'Hagface' Heaton coming under fire yet again and Olympic forehead-mover Dannii Minogue returns to British television after an unbearable 8 month absence.

I have tried to keep tabs on Swedish dance chanteuse Therese ever since her brand of sticky PVC-chaffing basslines aggravated my musical complexion into a full-on visceral rash of morbid lust and thirst for sexual validation, but it has been tough. Feelin' Me's stuttering throb pounds remarkably sore like a BBD giving you much more than you can take whilst sober yet makes you beg for more simultaneously. Such innuendo is unecesarry when her questioning just wants answers.

Below: during the video for Feelin' Me, asking 'are you feeling me' might be a bit ambiguous were it not for the prudish use of bondage.
Her sultry collocation of needle-jabbing vocals, meaningless lyrics, and claustrophobic and scrappy rapidity forms a rejuvinating sensation of tingling elation similar to Sheena Easton's pugnacious delivery on U Got The Look. Her impulsive regime of smouldering compositions gives her the kind of magnetic charisma self-harmers Robyn and Agnes would kill for. Her notable vocal bullimia simply is not an issue when her sugar-crisp bee-stung voice rips into such fleshy material as her new single Neon Lights. This thrusting anthem has been ready for ages, a classic case of Sophie Ellis Bextor where the artist is relegated to second billing just to get the bloody thing released (the song is credited to Elektro Junkies featuring Therese).

However, it is the hooker-for-hire promotional clip that is the real faux pas. Her over-painted lips stick out like Britney's swollen vagina-flaps and her eye-shadow is very X-era Kylie or else like whisper-siren Annie's latest promotional shots (message to Annie: get over yourself, you ain't no senorita, girlfriend). The pulsating jam violently regurgitates the writhing ecstatic ejaculation of Feelin' Me's slithering formula of juxtoposing discomforting rhythms with cooingly emphatic vocals making sense of it all. Her unapolegetic conviction and creative cosmetics make her one of music's most reliable if sporadic achievers.


Above: with heavy make-up and protruding lips one might expect to see a baby calf delivered from, Therese says she is a new man.

It was a long Sunday afternoon at work selling moisturiser to poor people, and I was on my lunch break. How else can I explain avidly reading a rare and longed-for interview with one of pop's most sturdy cockroaches? I had seen the pictures, but not until today had I managed to read Lisa Scott-Lee's brand new and totally exclusive interview with Closer magazine (no news yet on Dannii reprising her column with them).

Below: marking her first trashy magazine cover in years, Scott-Lee shamelessly steals Posh's thunder by not being skinny and not being a guest judge on the most watched TV programme in the world.
She has a baby inside her, we all understand how it works, but she opens up in other ways about her party girl former sister in-law Michelle 'STD Junkie' Heaton: 'I had lots of run-ins with michelle' laughs Scott-Lee as she scoffed the last of Heaton's hair extensions still left in her bathroom, before chirpily telling readers she plans to lose her baby weight by doing no more than 20 sit-ups a day unless her busy schedule of keeping it together gets in the way, nevermind record any new material for her myspace friends.

In a world full of people, we can lose sight of the fact that Dannii Minogue wants to have a career. Not just any career, she wants to move her forehead like she were a hot overweight goth adolescant desperate for a Logie award all over again. The 2009 format for the X-Factor has been adapted in order to revolve completely around Dannii's voracious demands for a live audience to scream 'bitch' at her like they mean it this time, and the audition episodes are now a mixture of footage from each venue as opposed to a separate city per show as the series draws closer to 'boot camp' and the studio performances.


This is Dannii's wet dream: every 5 minutes she has a new hairstyle, different ensemble and even finds the will power to express her forehead whilst not slapping Cheryl's. As usual Dannii simply can't keep her mouth shut to the press, squeeling like a gay Will Young about how her botox days are in the past, but this was the case last year where a noticeably obese size 8 Danielle quickly trimmed up for the live shows in order to give 'Madame Tussauds tranny' Cheryl a run for her money.

But Dannii does it better, ageing slowly like a scoop of ice-cream melting horrifically under TV lights, she simply ups her game for the studio recordings. Already we have seen a daring Betty Boo style bob (mistakenly compared to Natalie Impruglia and Kim Ryder), lesbian power suits and a love serum set hair flick Cameron Diaz would dissaprove of, all the while doing just enough with her room-temperature brow to make it all seem real and organic. Mark my words, her botox masacre is just a live show chart-position jibe away from hardening her career troubles out of existence once again.

Strewth! - thanks for reading.

Wednesday, 19 August 2009

Where's The Love?

With face-slapping attitude, Lisa Scott-Lee shams her critics and slams her dancefloor agenda with 'no batteries required'. The prickly but bitchin' song Electric was a 2005 slam dunk smash hit, with Lisa appropriately dressed as the 'bad girl' at an 80s Puerto Rican prom in a video that looked like a low budget Pepsi commercial, and had more bounce than me jumping on a basketball player. A disappointing chart position of #13 in the UK dimmed a schorching 3 single dance-pop career blaze, for baffling reasons that involved Lisa thinking it was a good idea to go along with her manager's suggestion that she make herself appear as desperate as possible by announcing she would quit making music if her single swerved passed reaching the elusive top 10. Female dance artists have it hard (and not in a good way): many do not even have a myspace profile, a 'featuring' bill, or even get to star in the video if one is actually made. Labelling a solo female dance singer a 'flop' is a tad self-fulfilling when radio, TV and newspapers are notoriously hard to impress within this genre.



Simultaneously released along with Dannii Minogue's Perfection and Jenny Frost's Crash Landing, it was an exciting era where sadly none of them got their just deserts. Lisa's unsure determination was evident with her face furrowed like a cracked egg shell as the blistering track rattled on compelling her to 'buzz like a vibrator' whilst keeping a straight albeit-asymmetrical face. Disposable lyrics are part of what pop is loved for and here she boasts: 'I'll buzz like a vibrator, an energy creator, yeah, yeah, yeah' ... 'duracell got nothing on me' ... 'jack me up feeling the E' ... and 'feel me, I’m unprotected / see spots now we’re connected' (as if sharing an STD is the new sharing an ice-cream cone).

Above: Lisa's live P.A's are legendary at gay clubs where her loyal and crazy fans will claw at homosexuals and stop at nothing to try and touch their favourite Steps member.

Scott-Lee's stellar career in Steps does not invest me beyond the stunning Love's Got A Hold of My Heart and the sun-reflecting Last Thing On My Mind. Nevertheless, Lisa's solo singles showcased the kind of vocal grit, production gusto and glamorous edge that helped make 2003 a fantastic year for fans of alpha-female electronic dance-pop. Holly, Dannii, Rachel, Britney, Libery X, Jamelia, Sugababes - they were all at it.

Above: Lisa's courageous reality TV venture on MTV distracted attention away from the music, and despite her likeable enthusiasm she came across to many as laughably desperate. Her album Never Or Now was eventually released in South Africa with a horrible 'we don't think you're that beautiful' front cover.

Lately is her unfortunately-titled sole and last top 10 hit to date, a flashy number with a sweet chorus with designs on blending Kylie and Dannii and coming up with a titanium groove that is all her own. Its improbably fun and frothy b-side I'm Burning is just magnificently delicate but is Hi-NRG inspired. Her best was yet to come: Too Far Gone performed admirably, stabbing the charts at #11 in a tough sales week. Echoing Alcazar, it remains her finest single and could have been released by Dannii or even Infernal.

Above: Sex siren Lisa gets famously impatient, pictured here waiting to find out if she got the part of 'skank on a chair' to tide her over financially until her next magazine deal.

I personally saw Lisa perform at a really nasty gay dive called Bennets in Glasgow: basically I was very drunk and sensibly pushed my way right to the front not knowing where my friends were (this is when it all went wrong). I had to cling onto the railing by the stage for dear life as her hysterical fans tried all but knawing my hands off in order to prize my fingers off the banister. Luckily for me, when these nutters got the attention of a security guard, even whilst pissed out my face, I was still able to eyeball some sanity to the burly bouncer and got to stay put. Now onto Lisa: she basically stood as far back as possible within this tiny 'stage', from her fans leaning out to her like starving African children at a Madonna concert, and even her backing dancers looked at her with such incredulous embrassment which made the ordeal almost worth it. The next day I had bruises, but that might just be another story.

Below: creating 'buzz' for her #23 guest vocalist single Get It On with her collaborators Intenso Project too embarassed to be seen.
Special mention must go to her sultry secret weapon Back In Time (later covered by Angel City), a slinky distortion of painful regret and brittle self-preservation. It boasts her most lusty vocal to date, cracking under the pressure of things going wrong: 'such deep regrets can't pay my debts' and an ad-lib that twirls down the plughole make the singer a sympathetic and highly emotive performer far beyond what she will ever be given credit for.


Above: 'Oh to have a second chance to try ... I wanna go back and do it all again'.

Lisa might have a face like an egg shell, but her similarly dented and bashed beauty has never been more evident than on a recent photo-shoot 'doing a Demi' whilst 7 months pregnant - publicity whoring shows her back very much in form, and I for one cannot wait for her to come to her senses and get her priorities straight by finally releasing more sexually ecstatic dance fodder, singing about sex, dancing sexily in a club and more filthy anthems about having it off 'unprotected'. Lisa's 3 single legacy of trashy publicity stunts and dancefloor sass grooves on.

Here is what I wrote about Lisa back in 2007 on popjustice:

Everyone associates desperation with Scott-Lee, but I think she is mostly just very sensitive and not really equipped to properly deflect her critics. Electric is still a good song, but it came a couple of years too late, amongst a smug media portrayal (her CD:UK treatment was almost sickening) and a time-limit and budget all seemed to catch up with her on close-up. She was without her safely net. I think she sounded all the more compelling for it, but battling these ridiculous barriers, she did very well. At the time it was herself, Dannii and Jenny Frost releasing tracks with very narrow appeal. Of the lot, Electric was the most commendable. Not that that is saying much; Dannii was doing herself no favours mixing botox with Ibiza and Frost at least got the sentiment right with her song title. Lisa should avoid questions of giving up, or just answer "what do you think"; "fuck off, I was in Steps".


Enough! - thanks for reading.

Never Or Now download here.

Tuesday, 18 August 2009

News Dump: A Week in Pop!

Professional air breather Lisa Scott-Lee is back letting it all hang out for the readers of Closer magazine to gawk at. She is however-many 'too far gone' months preggars, but really, anything to draw attention away from those gazelle-flaring nostrils - so huge she could lose frozen turkey's or her dignity up them.

Speaking of foxy oxygen hoggers, hog-face Michelle Heaton was in attendence of a gay wedding last week and looked stunning. Moving on from her ex-husbands Heat magazine cover stating 'I married a slag' back at the start of the year, Michelle makes being trashy look accidentally classy. She arrived at the glitzy z-list event with her Eurovision star 'best friend' Katie Price, who Holy Moly reports upstaged the two queens getting hitched by taking a piss on the dancefloor. A mystery source leaked the story.

Diva Incarnate is sad to break wind of the news that Kerry Katona has been caught sniffing the shameful sherbet again. Caught on camera, it is pretty obvious either her beetroot-head husband Mark or obese 'social service emergency' Mother planted the device on purpose. Her advertising contract with the critically acclaimed supermarket chain Iceland has been frozen indefinately.