Snippets from my daily life, you may not believe them, but they are true - sadly enough. I am inspired by my coworkers to keep records of the crazy things that happen. Peppered within these records are other daily notes. Enjoy.
Guy 1: Dude, I really think I love her. Guy 2: Really? wow. Guy 1: Yeah, I think I'm gonna ask her out. Guy 2: I don't think her mom will let you.
+ posted by Daisy Girl @ 7:01:00 PM
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Gov. Kathleen Blanco (discussing the flood levels in the city of New Orleans): It's a very fluid situation.
+ posted by Daisy Girl @ 3:32:00 PM
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Melva called again today. Luckily for me, I was not the one who answered the phone. The first associate who spoke with her was quite frustrated with her request - "pants and long sleeve shirts". She tried telling Melva that our entire department is pants and love sleeve shirts because it is now fall in retail land! Melva wouldn't listen, she insisted that this associate should just pick out some outfits for her. The associate came to me for advice (at this point I did not know it was melva) I tried giving her advice on what to tell the customer, but the customer wouldn't accept it. This is when I started to suspect that it was Melva. Finally, the associate transferred the call to the operator, instructing Melva to ask for the personal shopper.
A few minutes later we got another call, from a very upset Melva, claiming she had been hung up on. A second associate answered this time, and tried yet again to help Melva. Associate 2: Ma'am, you will have to be more specific, unless you have a particular brand, or distinct description of the item you want, we cannot just pick out random pant and shirt combinations for you. You need to contact a personal shopper for that task. Melva: I want a medium size pant and medium, long-sleeve shirt! Associate 2: Ma'am that is not enough information for me. That still describes a good portion of our department. You will either need to come out here yourself or have a personal shopper help you, I cannot simply do your shopping for you. Melva: The pants need to have elastic, and be mediums, and I need long-sleeve shirts to go with them! Associate 2: Ok, that helps, but unless you have a color and particular type of shirt you want, besides long sleeve, I'm going to have to have you contact the personal shopper. I really don't know what to pick out for you. Melva: I just need some pants and a long sleeve shirt - mediums. Associate 2: I'm going to put you on hold for a minute. *puts Melva on hold* THIS WOMAN IS SOOOO STUPID! SHE WON'T LISTEN! Me: just transfer her to the personal shopper.
A few minutes go by, and then the personal shopper comes down to see us. Personal shopper: Melva is at it again. She wants a sweatsuit. Us: She told us a long sleeve shirt and pants! Personal shopper: She thought you'd know that meant a sweatsuit.
I happened to go by the customer service counter a few minutes later and saw a friend working there who enjoys my Melva stories. Me: Hey, have you transferred a few calls down to my area lately? Him: Yeah, I just had about 2 or 3, why? Me: That was Melva! Him: I wondered!! She sounded very angry. *does very good angry Melva impersonation* 'I want the slacks department!'
+ posted by Daisy Girl @ 11:26:00 PM
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customer: where is the swimsuit section? me: We have a couple of clearance racks left in with the winter coats. customer: we saw those! Don't you have others somewhere else? my associate (after the customers left): Oh yeah, we just sprinkle the swimsuits around, a few here, a few there, we thought it would be more fun for you to find them!
+ posted by Daisy Girl @ 11:23:00 PM
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I had a customer from Star Trek today. She asked me where she could find a shopping cart, and I informed her that they were kept by every entrance. She replied "I have yet to see an entrance to this store!" I naturally concluded that she must have been beamed into the store.
+ posted by Daisy Girl @ 2:14:00 PM
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Today I had a very annoying customer. I found myself thinking about how she was bad enough to remind me of Melva, (but she was obviously not Melva's age) her voice even sounded a bit like Melva's voice. When she handed me her credit card I saw her name - Barbara Sherman.
+ posted by Daisy Girl @ 9:12:00 PM
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In continuation of last week's song list, I have added a couple more here that have driven me nuts this week:
"take a deep breath of that air, there's plenty to spare, so it must be so (so it must be so) that you gotta know (that you gotta know) that it must be so! who told you you were anything less, less than a vegetable dish, out in yard" Couldn't find a name or artist on this one, (possibly because it is simply too annoying for anyone to care?)
Doctor, Laywer, Indian Chief - Betty HuttonThere's a doctor livin' in your town, There's a lawyer and an Indian, too, And neither doctor, lawyer nor Injun chief, Could love you any more than I do // There's a barrel of fish in the ocean, There's a lot of little birds in the blue, And 'Neither fish nor fowl" says the wise old owl, Could love you any more than I do // No! No! No! it couldn't be true, That anyone else could love you like I do, I'm gonna send a hot *communeek*, To warn the boys down at Cripple Creek, That every dimple on your dimpled cheek is mine, so to speak // Tell the doc to stick to his practice, Tell the lawyer to settle his case, Send the Injun chief and his tommy-hawk, Back to little Rain-In-the-Face //'cause you, Know! Know! Know! it couldn't be true, That anyone else could love you like I do, (No! No! No! it couldn't be true), (That anyone else could love you like I do), And, confidentially, I confess, I sent a note to the local press, That I'll be changin' my home address for you, follow through First off, this is a girl singing this song, and I really hope that her boyfriend isn't being courted by male doctors, lawyers, and indian chiefs, (and I'm not even touching the part about the "barrel of fish" or "little birds!") and secondly she's informing this person that she is sending a letter to the "local press" that her address is changing to be the same as this person's. Can anyone say pyscho-stalker?
+ posted by Daisy Girl @ 7:48:00 PM
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Customer: I really love this sweater, but you don't have my size, and this one is a little big one me, not a lot, but just enough... Associate: Well, you could wash it and shrink it! Just hand wash it in really really cold water and then line dry it - that's how you get something to really shrink a lot.
+ posted by Daisy Girl @ 7:07:00 PM
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Stomping your feet, dropping merchandise loudly, and slamming random things MAY get my attention, but as long as you are behaving in such a childish manner, and I am 30 feet away, doing something that is actually productive, I will ignore you until you can find a more mature and effective way of obtaining my assistance. Until then, you can whine "hellllllllllll-looooOOOOOOOOooooo?!" and stomp until you are blue in the face and flatfooted.
Customer: I'd like my hair to be an inverted 'V' in the back, but everytime I tell people that, they cut my hair shorter in the back. I just want the front to be longer!
+ posted by Daisy Girl @ 9:34:00 PM
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she wanted really light blue jeans. She says all of her magazines have faded blue jeans and wanted to know why we didn't have them. I wanted to tell her that it is because all of her magazines are left over from 1982.
+ posted by Daisy Girl @ 5:03:00 PM
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My store has a lot of random music. Each department is set to a different muzak station, but I think mine is the weirdest. The juniors department may play a lot of Brittany Spears, boy bands, "Who Let the Dogs Out" and Mambo #5, but even that is preferred to the randomness of my department's music. Here are some examples of what is played daily in my section.
-Who's zoomin' who - Aretha Franklin. Nice hook there. -Pink Cadillac - Bruce Springsteen. "My love is bigger than a Honda, it's bigger than a Subaru" wow, if a guy used a line on me like that, I really don't know what I'd say. -I Drove All Night - Celine Dion. "I drove all night to make love to you, is that alright?" Can't even explain my thoughts on this one. Really?!? Are you honestly asking that question? -Muskrat Love - America. "Muskrat Susie, Muskrat Sam Do the jitterbug Out in the muskrat land" You really need to hear the muskrat chirping noises in this in order to truly experience it. I didn't believe my coworker until she made me stop and listen to it one day. - My Heart Belongs to Daddy - Geri Halliwell. "Oh, I want to warn you laddy, though I know you're perfectly swell, but my heart belongs to daddy 'cause my daddy, he treats me so well" I'm telling you, these songs are messed up. -All I want is you - Carly Simon."All I want is you, and the sexy hurricane"
There are so many others, but this is a start of my list of the songs that I wish to never hear again, but will inevitably have to listen to at least once tomorrow. These people need to go to Disturbed Songwriters Anonymous.
+ posted by Daisy Girl @ 8:17:00 PM
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As with all major stores, the employees of the store I work at are required to open credit cards, or at least try to force as many customers into opening them as possible. (We have one manager who will do anything to open them. I have personally seen her beg people, tell them that she's trying to win a trip to Vegas and she's just one away from beating the top employee, and also tell them she will be fired if she doesn't get one before she's off that day). So with every transaction I ask the customer "Do you have a store card? Would you like to open one and save 10% on your purchase today?" This gets varied reactions, from people who despise credit cards and will rant about their evils, to people who politely listen and decline, and every once in a while someone will want to save that 10%, even if their purchase is only $23.84, like one customer I had today. I had one very interesting reaction today though, upon asking a customer if she had a store card she replied that she did in fact have one, but that she had a very bad experience with it. I expected to find out that she was double charged for something, or that the finance charges were more than she thought they should be (which really they are!) but no, this lady had a credit on her card (mind you, that means she had money in her favor on the card) and the store had the audacity to send her a check for that money! Yes folks, after several months of that credit being on her card they sent her money to her, and it really made her angry. So angry that she will never use our store card again. Wow.
+ posted by Daisy Girl @ 7:01:00 PM
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After Melva and I battled out the "SW zippered ones" she decided that she'd just take whatever loungewear we had on sale. I picked out two nice sets, one in pink in a large and one in blue in a medium. Unfortunately she wanted the top to be a large and the pants to be a medium, creating quite a problem, as we did not have those combinations in matching colors. (we also had a slight altercation when she wanted me to tell her what size she was if she was 122 lbs. - I don't know, is that mostly in the top, bottom, or evenly distributed?)
She then decided to go back to the first brand that we were looking at, and started asking if the pants would be too long for her if she is 5 foot 6 - and if the suit was something that I would wear. (you're 80, I'm 22... It doesn't matter if I would wear it! And it doesn't come in my size, nor do I often wear bright purple sweats! But I just answered yes to get the conversation wrapped up, hopefully).
The table upon which the sweats were folded was just barely within my reach from the telephone, and yet she kept asking me questions like I could reach them... I finally tried to lean over while on the phone to grab one of the pieces and the phone slipped out of my hand and slammed into the floor. (a Freudian slip you might say, as I felt rather better after slamming the phone on the floor).
(see Melva sidebar to the right for more Melva stories)
+ posted by Daisy Girl @ 6:43:00 PM
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Girls like guys who are hopeless romantics, and this certainly caught the attention of some women. A farmer has planted a field to spell out "S-W-F Got 2 (heart) Farm-N".
+ posted by Daisy Girl @ 7:16:00 PM
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A customer brought up some merchandise to purchase, but when I got to one of the purses that she wanted there was no tag. I was working in an area that I was unfamiliar with, and I rarely go into the purse section to shop (it's too dangerous for a female with a store discount to wander into the purses!) So I ask her "where did you find this purse? It doesn't have a tag, so I need to get another one." Her answer: The purse department.
+ posted by Daisy Girl @ 10:29:00 AM
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So while working in another department tonight I came past a sign that somewhat confused me. It says "leather scuba coats". Since when do people wear leather to scuba?
+ posted by Daisy Girl @ 10:36:00 PM
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(To the girls of Coats, Dresses, and Plus Sizes because it happened in your department)
A slender man walks up to the cash register with a bag of returns. In the bag are 5 social dresses, in plus sizes, that he says his mother and sister had purchased for a recent baby shower, but then the dresses were not worn. The dresses were all matching purple, and very very very very very fancy, so evidently they all planned to look alike, fancy, and very, very purple. I start the return and find out that he does not have a receipt - he will have to accept whatever price they ring up at, but even on clearance these dresses are $100 a piece. At this point I'm a little skeptical of the return and call the manager of dresses. While waiting for her to arrive the man makes simple chit chat with me. He asks if we are hiring, and I say that we are. He asks if I think they'd hire him, he's been in prison and wants to know if that would be a problem.
So let's recap - you have a suspicious return, of merchandise that is obviously not yours, with a rather strange story, and now you're telling me that you've been in prison. There's a smart move.
+ posted by Daisy Girl @ 10:24:00 PM
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The phone rings. I answer and hear a familiar voice. I am 90% sure it's one of my friends pretending to be Melva - actually, I'm just 90% hopeful that it's a friend pretending to be Melva. Because in reality it IS Melva. Melva: Do you have the SW brand? Me: (pause as I realize that sadly I am dealing with the real Melva) yes. Melva: In your two piece sets, do you have any zip ones? Me: There are no two piece sets in SW and zip whats?! Melva: ZIP ones. You know, ones that zip, with a zipper. Me: WHAT do you want to zip? Is it a shirt, or pants? Melva: I want a two piece zip one. Me: We don't have two piece sets. Melva: Well what do you have?
(For Christina - a coworker gone off to college, who I miss already)
Over this past weekend our stock of final clearance items sold down by about a third (that's really a large chunk, and it's never happened before). The final clearance items are from last January and up to April, but customers still think that they should be able to find entire outfits on the $14.99 and $9.99 racks.
This leads to a continual question of "do you have the shirt/skirt/pant that goes with this item?" My answer: "Perhaps, but what size are you looking for?" Their answer: (whatever size we don't have any more of, though we probably have three in the next size smaller) My answer: "I'm sorry, it appears that we do not have that size anymore" Them: "But I want it! I have the pant/skirt/top that goes with it!" My answer: "I'm sorry, but we don't have the item you are looking for." Them: "What am I supposed to do?"
This is the point at which I get very frusterated with the customer. The item was in the store since January and you expect us to still have your size and for only $9.99 or $14.99 when it was originally $89-$120? And here is the answer I long to give them: "I'm sorry, but your complaining is to me, like Joey says in Friends a "moo point" - it's like a cow's opinion. So why don't you graze on down to the next store and bother them a while?
+ posted by Daisy Girl @ 9:24:00 AM
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Kid: Yeah, mom's having twins - it keeps getting worse.
Me: Want to go on that ride? It'll make you hork!
Me: (after especially nausiating ride) You could hork on a fork and then it would be hork on a stick.
Crazy tilt a whirl lady: You guys all have to distribute the weight and lean on the turns. Us: Boys on the end?, or girls on the ends? Crazy tilt a whirl lady: Whoever you want to lean into.
Six year old girl: I just don't want to look fat.
Nine year old boy in line for rollercoaster: I'm getting too old for this ride.
Woman on rollercoaster: How many beers have you had? Man running the rollercoaster: None, but I can tell you how many I'm gonna have when I'm done! *presses start button for coaster*
Customer: I purchased a sweater set back in May for $150, if I bring that in today can I get a price adjustment to today to the clearance price of $14.99?
+ posted by Daisy Girl @ 12:28:00 AM
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Here's a biblical pun that I found myself in the midst of today.
Customer of asian decent: You hold for me? (holds up clothing) Me: Yes, I can hold it at the counter here. What is your first name? Customer: My name is Le Jin. Me: For we are many?
I had a customer today who I could not understand, and who could not understand me. Try as we might, there was a language barrier, (he sounded sort of Russian) and I could not seem to breach it. I was fairly sure of what he was saying, but when I tried to answer what I thought he was asking he kept arguing with me about it. He finally gave up on me. Later I saw another associate attempting to help him - the Korean associate who can't understand most English speaking customers. I wonder how that worked out.
+ posted by Daisy Girl @ 3:09:00 PM
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Here is a quiz that I think should be given to all customers before they can enter any retail establishment. It would cut down on a lot of my stories, but at least I wouldn't be so frusterated with customers... Check out Retail Record and the wonderful quiz that this manager has come up with for customers.
+ posted by Daisy Girl @ 10:43:00 PM
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I innocently greeted a customer this evening and her frightening response came in a very breathy whisper: "Hhhhhhhhhi! (inhale Hhhhhhhhhow (inhale) Hhhhhhare (inhale) Hhhhhhh-you? (inhale) Hhhh-I (inhale) Hhhhh-am (inhale) look-Hhhh-ing (inhale) for Hhhhh-a (inhale) Hhhhh-woman (inhale) Hhhhhh-in (inhale) fl-Hhh-owered (inhale) p-Hhhhh-ants (inhale). Hhhhhhave (inhale) Hhhhhh-you (inhale) s-Hhhh-een (inhale) Hhhhhhher? (inhale)
At first I convinced myself that she must be sick or something and can't speak loudly. But I later heard her shout across a department at someone. I don't know what was wrong with this woman, but I seem to get all the scary ones.
I believe I just met the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland.
+ posted by Daisy Girl @ 10:33:00 PM
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Caller: I'm looking for a black jacket in brand B. It has a black ribbon that ties around the middle. Size 12, if you have it. Style number FGRANZGC.
I look for the jacket, and have a difficult time finding it. The only black jacket there is has no ribbon and the wrong style number. I see another jacket and decide to check its style number for the fun of it, yep this one has the right number - it has a black background with HUGE embroidered sunflowers on it in cream. THAT would have been a handy detail to know.
+ posted by Daisy Girl @ 11:53:00 PM
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