Closing in on 50

I'd like my Amazon review-count for Fireproof to hit 50. Only 5 to go. Any volunteers? I'll send a free ebook. https://t.co/elIUtPnwfi

— Gerard Brennan (@gerardbrennan) March 31, 2016

Shameless Advertising

I've reduced the price of the paperback versions of Undercover and Wee Rockets on Amazon. The prices will remain low until after Christmas.

Let me be clear, I'd prefer it if you bought my books from No Alibis in Belfast, but that just isn't physically possible for everybody. So this is for the readers who can't make it to my favourite bookshop.

If you want to put a physical copy of one of my books into a friend or relative's hand, using one of the following links is probably the easiest way to do it:

Paperbacks (Ireland &) UK

Paperbacks US

Paperbacks CA

Merry Christmas, folks.

UNDERCOVER: The Cover is Blown

I'm trying not to get too excited about the release of UNDERCOVER in September, but I'm curious about how it's going to be received. The folks at Blasted Heath believe it to be my most commercial novel to date. Part of me wonders if that's a good thing...

Did I mention that there's a pre-order page for it over on that wee Amazon site? Because there is. Click here. Or, if you use the US version of Amazon, click here. It's on all the other Amazons, I believe, but I've a blog post to get through here so I'll choose to believe that people can find the relevant pages pretty quickly with the help of a search engine. Ach, all right, here's a Canadian link, but no more!

Now, for those who can't be arsed clicking the links, here's the cover and the blurb:

When undercover detective Cormac Kelly infiltrates a ruthless gang bent on kidnapping and extortion, he is forced to break cover and shoot his way out of a hostage situation gone bad. Tearing through the dangerous streets of Belfast with a twelve-year-old boy and his seriously injured father in tow, Kelly desperately tries to evade the gang and reconnect the family with the boy’s mother, football agent Lydia Gallagher. But she is in London, unaware of their freedom and being forced by the gang to betray her top client. As Kelly breaks every rule in the book and crosses the line from legit police officer to rogue cop on the run, the role of dapper but deadly ex-spook Stephen Black means the difference between life and death…

Did you see that? Slipped right into salesman mode. This commercialism business is getting to me.

But still, I'm excited; no point trying to curtail that. And yes, I'm working on getting the paperback version out there. In doing so I've learned that typesetting sucks monkey butts, but lots of nice people out there are willing to help you out. In other words, don't blame me if it looks shite.

P.S. I'm going to Bouchercon this year! Check out the list of attendees. More on that in another post.

What's THE POINT of this Competition?

The winner of this contest has been chosen and contacted. Thanks to all who had a punt.

Right, you beautiful people. I'm feeling a little needy and neglected today so I'm going to invite you all to enter a wee competition that'll hopefully cure me of my self-pity.

I want more Amazon reviews, most preferably a 20th 5-star review for WEE ROCKETS on Amazon UK, but I'll gratefully accept anything you're willing to give me. So, review any of my books on Amazon UK or Amazon US (or both!) between now and Friday 15th March 2013 at 23:59 GMT, and I'll enter you into a draw for a signed copy of the paperback version of THE POINT.

You up for it?

I hope so. It'll be embarrassing if nobody enters.

Of course, I'm no stranger to embarrassment.

But I keep setting myself up for it.

Amazon Reviews

This is something I struggle with. I spend way too much time thinking about the idea of reviewing other writers on Amazon. Why? I'll fire some random thoughts into a list. Let's see how many we get.

1. The sockpuppet thing (OLD NEWS, I KNOW!) bugged me in many ways. That's all I'll say about that topic.

2. It's nice to be nice. When other writers review my work on Amazon, I remember their name and if I get time, I return the favour.

3. 'Favour' is a tricky word, isn't it? Most people don't expect quid pro quo, I'm sure. I don't. But 'favour' gives the impression that some reviews may be more generous than they should be.

4. I don't finish a book I don't like unless I'm being paid to review or talk about it.

5. Sometimes I read a book, say to myself, 'That was great! I should review that on Amazon!' (especially if it's an ebook or a small press title) and then I forget to do it.

6. Forgetting to do things can stress me out.

7. I don't write well when I'm stressed.

8. I like it when people like me.

9. I don't care when people don't like me (this may be bravado).

10. Sometimes I think that I'm wasting writing time by trying to come up with smart and snappy reviews on Amazon.

11. There's some weird digital black hole that often deletes reviews written by writers for other writers who don't make money from said other writers book sales but have the potential to and then everybody gets angry. (I might not have paid much attention to that last phenomenonenomnomnom.)

12. I don't like to work for free any more than anybody else.

13. Should Amazon reviews be considered work?

14. There are more thoughts rattling about in my head but I'm starting to get worried about my time and mental health here.

The list ends now.

I've been very lucky with reviews to date on blogs and on Amazon. I may even have been reviewed a few times in newspapers and the like. Some people seem to like my writing. Some people definitely don't. What I'm interested in knowing is: Am I being a bit ridiculous here? Should I just stop reviewing on Amazon altogether? Have I just wasted another chunk of time right there? Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comment section. Or don't. I know we're all busy.

Anybody reading this blog for the first time should know, my books are generally better written than this here post. If I'm lying, buy one of my books and read it and then post an angry review on Amazon. ABC, Always Be Closing! Tee hee.

gb

Chapbook Giveaway

Okay, I'm needy. Please validate me by reviewing my work. Your efforts will not go unrewarded. The first three people to review either THE POINT or WEE ROCKETS on Amazon (and notifies me about it by leaving a comment on this post) will receive a signed copy of my rare chapbook, POSSESSION, OBSESSION AND A DIESEL COMPRESSION ENGINE. It's a collection of six interlinked humorous-horror short stories, the first being the piece of flash fiction below that'll give you a taste of the style.

This offer is open to all countries. It's a light book (45 pages) so postage isn't an issue.

Blood Bath

He lay in his bath of blood and sang O Fortuna at the top of his voice. The blood had cooled and clotted, but he felt far too comfortable to be bothered with scraping off and getting dressed. This was the only time he had to himself, away from the office politics and embezzlement investigations. He wanted it to last for as long as possible. Besides, this one had taken more effort to fill than previous baths. His muscles still ached from the exertion.

The best bathing blood had to be extracted from frightened accountants. The easy part had always been scaring them; you just told them there was a problem with the bottom line or gave them a debit-heavy Balance Sheet. The tough part was catching them. Those chaps worried so much they built up an unhealthy supply of nervous energy. As soon as they got that adrenaline rush they moved like lightning. Skinny fellows they were too. Very hard to hold on to when they squirmed.

This particular bath had taken him a whole day to collect for. The effort of the chase, the strength expelled twisting the accountants from their ankles to their necks, holding them upside-down over the bath; it vexed.

The only motivation when under such a strain was the promise of that pop; the sweet sound of a head letting go when it reached the maximum point of elasticity. And the splash-back refreshed him so much he was always able to twist one more. Corny but true; the harder you worked at something the sweeter the reward.

He relaxed and thought about the time he tried to fill the bath with lawyer blood. Now there was a lazy species. It took barely three hours to gather enough of them to fill his bath to the brim. Such a slovenly bunch. Not one of them tried to run or even struggle in his grip. Half of them attempted to bargain their way out of it with a jumble of highbrow words. Hitherto and henceforth and whatnot. The others did nothing at all, the sudden change from hunter to hunted too much for their shark-like minds.

Although the easiest bath he’d ever prepared, he hated it. It took three accountant baths to get rid of the toxic smell. Lawyer blood emanated a horrid whiff. And it clotted at an alarming rate. It formed a thick skin on the surface that hung from his shoulders like a cloak when he climbed out of the bath. A wonderful effect visually, but damned impractical. He rarely experienced the heebie-jeebies, but those lawyers hit all the wrong buttons. He vowed never to have anything to do with that species again. It wasn’t worth the hassle.

He gazed upon the emaciated accountants strewn around the floor. He sometimes worried there would not be enough to keep him in bath blood forever. The thought made him uncomfortable and he knew it could not be ignored. Every batch got skinnier and balder than the last. Not a great sign. But he had to bathe. It was his great escape.

He would begin experiments with alternative sources. Perhaps scientists were a good place to start the experimentation. It had a certain poetic justice to it.

The sticky, clingy feel of congealed blood interrupted his thoughts. Cursing, he got to his hooves and stepped out of the bath. He picked up the nearest twisted body and wrapped it around his waist. He still felt good about discovering a use for the broken remains. If only he could utilise all the pairs of spectacles he had accumulated. It seemed such a waste of good honest craftsmanship to let them gather dust in his spare room.

With a sigh, he picked up his trident. In one last instant of escapism he upended it and held it like a guitar. He fingered a silent pentatonic blues scale; the one he liked to play at the crossroads. Thunder rumbled in the back of his throat. Time to get back to the office. The place just fell apart without him.

Three Great Novellas

CALIFORNIA by Ray Banks

In California Banks introduces us to Shuggie, an ex-con who may have finally figured out how to control his temper. He's on a mission to get from Calfornia, Falkirk, to California in the US. All he needs to do is collect the ill-gotten loot he'd stashed in his home town and get gone. Simple enough, so long as nobody gets in his way.

This is a short, straightforward read that is exceedingly well written. The insight into Shuggie's psyche is chilling in its stark authenticity. Banks is a heavyweight in the gritty Brit crime genre. Powerful.

SHOTGUN GRAVY by Chuck Wendig

Atlanta Burns, a teenager with attitude... and a shotgun. Shotgun Gravy is almost like Falling Down in high school. When a teenager with a reputation for brutal violence decides to go on a crusade against the bullies in her town it isn't long before she fnds herself and her ragtag mini-gang of friends in serious trouble. Noble as her intentions may be, she's bitten off way more than she can chew.

This novella is a shotgun blast of a read. Highly recommended. I'll be very interested to see what Atlanta Burns gets up to in her next adventure.

BARRACUDA by Raymond Embrack

This is a novella that oozes tongue-in-cheek wickedness. The hyper-reality that Embrack has created in Blonde City is tweaked to crystal meth levels. Peter Surf is a badass protagonist that the reader has utter faith in. Faith that he will strike down upon his enemies with great vengeance and furious anger. The plot is your basic revenge tale but the fun Embrack has with it livens what might have been a flat, worn-out story. The gangs of criminals the protagonist encounters could have been spewed from the mind of Tarantino if he were on a bad acid trip. Considering the pricetag, you can't afford not to buy this novella. Download and enjoy immediately.

You'll find links to these novellas on my Amazon profile page.

New Review Policy

Last year I began writing shorter reviews to (I had hoped) allow me to produce more of them for the blog. It turned out I averaged about one review a month which represented only a small fraction of my actual reading. And I'm not even sure that the reviews did any real good for the books. So this year, I'm changing my approach again.

One thing that I've found since I released THE POINT and WEE ROCKETS is that the reviews that seem to have the most traction are those on Amazon. Now, this could well be because I'm relying heavily on Kindle sales, but I'm pretty sure that many other writers attach a lot of value to them too. I took a little time to think about whether or not it was 'professional' to review other writers on Amazon and came to the conclusion that most people don't give a feck about that sort of thing. And so, from now on, when the fancy takes me, I'll be reviewing my latest reads on Amazon. But just so the blog still has a bookish element to it, I'll be gathering them up every once in a whole and posting them on CSNI.

My main concern in this endeavour is how seriously people will treat my reviews. I'm not a fan of the 5-star system but that's what I have to work with. Thing is, when I'm reading a book that isn't floating my boat I do this really wacky thing... I stop reading it. So the majority of my reviews are going to be in the 4 and 5 star range. I suppose you could argue that the challenge is getting me to finish reading your book. Then again, most people don't give a feck about this foible either.

So, constant visitors, the latest Amazon reviews:

The Cold, Cold Ground by Adrian McKinty

Adrian McKinty is one of my favourites. He's a forerunner in the latest generation of Northern Irish crime writers. And this is the book he was born to write. A police procedural featuring a catholic RUC officer set against the backdrop of the 1981 hunger strikes. Talk about ambitious... But McKinty is a master of the craft and he has applied all of his talent to The Cold, Cold Ground.

The writing is electrifying, the characters top notch and his ability to spin a great yarn is enviable. If you want to learn a little about that crazy chapter in Northern Irish history and read an excellent story as well, you need look no further.

Buy this book.

Stolen Souls by Stuart Neville

Stuart Neville brings us back to his dark version of Belfast in the latest Jack Lennon investigation. Set over Christmas, this novel delves into the murky depths of human trafficking in Northern Ireland and the gangs that control it. It's set at a relentless pace throughout with all the now distinctive hallmarks of a Neville crime novel. If you're a fan of the Belfast series there are plenty of little references to the previous books to delight and intrigue the constant reader. But they never distract from the main force of the story. I look forward to his next instalment.

Stolen Souls is 24 meets Die Hard in Belfast. Come on, tell me you don't want to read that and I'll tell you you're a liar.

All The Young Warriors by Anthony Neil Smith

This was officially my first Kindle read and I have to say, this book alone is pretty much worth the price of the Kindle reader. Just a pity the author couldn't get a percentage off that price-tag.

The story is set in Minnesota and Somalia, places of opposite extremes in temperature and culture. The narrative is split between a recently widowed, angry cop and a terrified American-born Somalian who has gone to his father's home country to join the 'ragtag army'. This is a big, ambitious story and it is handled with expertise by Smith. A tremendous novel with a distinct and confident voice. I actually slowed my reading down around the 80% mark to make it last a little longer. I'll be reading more from this guy.

All The Young Warriors is an emotional gut-punch. I'll be thinking about it for a long time to come.