Hashtag breakfree or hashtag tell me... Haha...

Richie sent the above image to our group chat. My reply was along the lines of, "Wow! How appropriate! Lol!"

Over the holiday, I spoke with a friend who underwent a relationship issue not too long ago. Things have already been fixed between the couple but my friend is having a hard time understand how such a thing happened.

To my friend, I felt the thought that came to my mind was, “How could it happen to me? I’m a good person.”

I told my friend, “You just have to get past it. There is probably no reason nor good explanation why it happened to you.”

Few weeks later, I find myself telling myself the same thing.

“I just have to get past it. There is probably nor reason nor good explanation why it happened to me.”

This is about HB Boy. For some reason, he just vanished into thin air. The last exchange we had was 40 minutes after the clock struck 12 on 1 January.

I sent him a message the following day. No reply. I sent a message on the evening of that day. No reply. I sent a message a day later. Still no reply. Last night, I sent a message to his other number. The day is almost over and still, there is no reply. I’m not sure what to think of it. The messages were not received by the phones (based on the icons next to the message - a single gray arrow). His other phone says that he was last online yesterday at 8PM.

Have I tried calling? Nope, I haven’t. I think that’s already being too much of a clingy.

The other thing that I told Richie was, “Unless he got into some accident or he is afflicted with some terminal illness, I think he would have found a way to still get in touch with me. This probably just proves that the interest has waned.”

HB Boy previously disappeared for two days, but he said he was down with the flu. It was really bad that he couldn’t get out of his bed. Okay, that was understandable. This time around, it’s a bit challenging to understand the situation. It makes me feel like I’m in a really bad homo version of Gone Girl. Haha!

To be honest, I’m wondering what happened. There must have been a reason behind the sudden disappearance. This is not the first time I’ve experienced something like this. It’s probably better to just say, “That’s it. Move on,” but there’s a tiny part of me that still wonders, “What happened? Where did things go wrong?”

The good thing about all of this is that I have not yet invested a lot of emotions in it. In a certain way, I was able to notice some early signs that something was changing. That was enough to have me put my guard up.

Sayang though. HB Boy is a good guy. He’s smart. He’s funny. He’s probably just not courageous enough to admit certain things (e.g. that we want different things, for now; or that he’s had a change of heart).

Oh well...

I could go down the road of overanalyses, but I'm choosing not to do the whole "How could this happen to me?" routine. I just believe that I'm a good guy and I deserve to be treated better. I also just tell myself that things like this happen. Just have to charge it to experience, I guess. Who knows? He might resurface one of these days... a good explanation.

For now, it’s either Ariana Grande’s Break Free or Side A’s Tell Me. Hahahaha!

Our own version of Looking...

If schadenfreude is the happiness in the misfortune of others, what is a word for happiness in the good fortune of others?

Things could have gone better in the relationship department this year.

First, there was the parting of ways with PG Boy. We still remain as friends, and that's something to be thankful for. Next, there was NB Boy. Good guy, great guy. It seemed something was missing. Next, there was HB Boy. Good guy, great guy. It seemed something is missing. The past few days have been a gray area. Surprisingly, I've been handling things well. I'm just waiting to see how things will pan out.

When I found out that a friend back in Manila recently met someone and that things are going great between them, I really felt extremely happy for my friend.

I enjoyed listening to my friend how the person he just met brings the so-called butterflies in the stomach. I was genuinely happy listening to how the first date went. I get excited when my friend suddenly message me to say, "Omg! Look at this message!"

Weirdly, there is also this happiness inside for my own self. Hmm, maybe it's because I'm happy that even though things aren't working well in my own relationship department, it is a lot better for my other friends. I have a list of few people in my "Lord, please lead this friend to his/her partner" prayer list. Hehe! Hence, I'm really glad that this friends crossed paths with the person he's currently dating.

During one of our convos, my friend kept telling me, "It's too early to say anything. Let's just how this goes." I replied, "Yeah, just enjoy!" I added, "It's funny how people say 'just enjoy' but it's not that easy. One tends to think." My friend couldn't agree more. Haha!

I dunno if being "28" has anything to do with it, but we both agreed, "Hey, if it works out, that's great. If it doesn't work out, thank you for reminding me that I am still capable of feeling this way."

That I guess is the attitude I'm trying to adopt with HB Boy. Instead of going down the "Where did I go wrong" road, I'm leaning towards the "Thanks for the kilig!"

All the best to you, my friend!

8th on 8th...

8 months, officially. 10 months, unofficially.

Time does fly fast, eh?!

To some, 8 months seems like a short time. Others find it quite long already.

To me, it's just right.

When I came to Singapore over a year ago, the last thing on my mind was to get into a relationship.

I came here to work so that I can really start saving for old age, so that I can (hopefully) help a little bit more with my family.

While I was determined to meet people and expand the circle of friends while I'm here, the thought of having a partner was something that I never thought of seriously.

Back then, I thought that it would be nice, yeah. It would be great to have that someone again. But that was it, I never really thought more about it. I was too busy dancing to the music at that favorite haunt of mine, as well as MkSurf8's and Chris'. Haha!

Who knew that the weekly activity I used to do (and intend to do again) would pave the way for meeting Pg Boy.

And now, here we are. Eight months later official, ten months unofficial.

There have been a few minor bumps, which have led me to take a second look at my own views and beliefs about certain things.

But so far, I must say that it's been generally a smooth sailing journey.

Happy 8th!

The way they used to love (?)...

"For years, they did their weekend routine – until 2009 when Anita suffered a stroke. For a while, Anita stopped talking. But one day, she called her husband and talked for one minute just to tell him: “Robert, you are the only man I ever loved in my life.” And then she never talked again." -- from the Philippine Star news article on Anita Magsaysay-Ho

In "The Best and Exotic Marigold Hotel," a wonderful film I recently watched, there was a similar scenario. Graham, the character played by British actor Tom Wilkinson, is that of a retired judge who travels back to India with the hope of repairing a past. When he was much younger, Graham had an affair with an Indian boy. The relationship was put to an end when the guy's parents found out. Graham was sent to another country with the thought that he may have destroyed the life of his lover. Decades have passed, and he makes the journey to find out for himself what has become of his love. He learns the good truth, and in the next few days, Graham moves on (sorry for the spoiler).

What is common among these two stories is that the people involved come from another generation. Sure, one is real life and one is from the movies, but the idealist in me believes that Graham's story is one that has actually happened.

It makes me wonder if people still love in a manner like this today.

Oftentimes, today's generation is accussed of falling in love "differently" from the previous generation. Some blame it on technology. Some blame it on media. There are some who say that because it appears to be "much easier" to find a relationship (or whatever you call it) these days, some choose to give up at the first test that comes the way of the couple.

But again, the idealist in me believes that people who love the way the previous generation "loved" (does this phrase make sense?) still do exist.

Or maybe I'm wrong? Maybe generation has nothing to do with it. Maybe it's really about the person. Some people prolly do spend their lives loving just one person. Some people prolly do spend their lives loving completely just one person.

And for the person who gets to be loved like that, I wonder what he or she feels knowing that. Does he/she feel lucky? Does he/she feel pressured? Does he/she feel guilty (in case, he/she can't love the same way)?

Uhm, I may have a slight idea. LOL!

Random thoughts on a Friday afternoon. Hehe!

30-year-old guys can still want butterflies in the stomach, right?

Okay, it's time for one of those post-birthday emo entries. Hehe!

I recently met someone, and he appeared to be somewhat partner material. Cute, funny, neat, seems to be sane, and I knew he liked me. Receiving several thoughtful text messages throughout the day was good proof for that, right? Even if he composed his text messages that drove the CorpComm guy in me really crazy - "Musta u? Kain na u. Mz u na." - , I appreciated the gesture and it felt good to know someone thought of me. It's been awhile since I've had that.

If I were to be logical about this whole thing, I would have already asked him that we date exclusively. He already met the basic requirement for partners. So really, what more could I ask for, right? Here's a nice guy who liked me and who wanted to be with me. Plus, there's the fact that I'm not getting any younger, right? If all I wanted was to have someone whom I can call a partner, there he was.

Instead, I choose to tell him that he's free to date others, that he shouldn't reject those who show interest in him. He insisted that it's just me who he wanted to see. Usually, I would be instantly happy when I hear that, given the fact that the possibility of a relationship doesn't come my way that often.

But there was something missing. I dunno. Not just enough oomph. It was like downing a couple of bottles of Strong Ice and not having that weird smile on my face which meant I'm buzzed. A thirty-year old guy can still look for butterflies in the stomach, right? Either the "kilig" factor wasn't there or being single for the past three years has made me forgotten certain emotions.

Or maybe I thought and felt the whole thing was going too fast. He wanted me to be a part of his life in an instant, while I wanted to take things one day at a time. I didn't see the need for the rush. I'm not leaving the country anytime soon and neither one of us is terminally ill (I hope).

To cut the story short, I think he just got tired of texting. And I got tired of texting him to slow down. He accused me that I didn't want to see him because I rarely text. I disproved him by saying that just because I didn't text as often automatically meant that I didn't want to see him.

Uhm, there was also a part of me that wasn't sure whether he really wanted a relationship. For one, whenever we were together, he'd go, "My ex this. My ex that." I didn't complain about it because he just came out of a bad relationship, and I was always ready to offer an ear to anyone who needed listening. Then, there's the fact that he rarely asked about "me" so he'd get to know me more. I had to inject a little about "me" when we'd talk.

But what really assured me that I did the right decision of not going for this were two text messages received when the SMS exchange became less frequent. One, he told me that he was planning to leave the country again. I asked him for details on this, but all I got was, "I still don't know."

Days after, another text came, saying "I'm getting married." When I got that message, I knew I did the right thing and I didn't even bother asking for details (e.g. Was he marrying a guy or a girl?) I just wished him the best of luck and I meant it. But seriously, what the f, man? You want to get into a relationship but obviously, you're not sure of what you want.

I dunno if turning 30 has something to do with this, but indecisiveness annoys me big time. Some things only need a yes or a no. Stop considering the "buts" and just have the balls to give me a straight answer.

When it comes to dating, I almost always let the other person have his way. Being the eldest son taught me to give up things for others. So usually, I’m pretty flexible and more than ready to adjust to the whims of others. But when I see that we’re wasting so much time and effort over certain things that apparently are so simple, that’s when I really step in and take on the role of feeling mas adult role. And you better be ready to argue your side. Hehe! (Yaiks, that makes me sound like a such grouch. Uhm, what I'm trying to say is I usually know when to argue my case and I know when to argue and let you win.)

Moving on, so I’m still single. And I really don’t know where to find a date. Haha! I rarely go to B, and my circle of "happy" friends is quite small. Some girl friends set me up with their friends but nothing’s come out of it yet. Uhm, I think some of them have this notion that all it takes to have a relationship is to make two homos meet each other. Hehe! Ah, I fell big time for someone early this year, but I knew I had to back off and this is another story. I’m interested in some people, but I’m still too torpe most of the time. Haha!

But would you agree that being single is still better than being in a relationship for the sake of being in one? I think it is, as long as one has single friends, too. Haha! And as long as one is mature enough to be an independent person ready to stand his ground and make decisions on his own.

When the temptation to try to look for a relationship comes just so I can change that blasted Facebook status, I just play track 12 of the tick tick Boom soundtrack. So by the time I hear the lines below, I’m brought back to believing in relationships need to happen for the right reason.

"Why do we stay with lovers who we know down deep just aren't right? Why would we rather put ourselves through hell than sleep alone at night?"