Ehehehehehehehehe...


I think i'm turning insane..

There's so much to do yet so little time.


Project Brief to be done & submitted by Monday.

Learn the basics of Photoshop and InDesign by Tuesday.

Tuesday start internship.

FYP.



This holiday is only 5 days long. I'm left with 3 days that have yet to come.

My ulcer is taking my jaw along with it. Dammit, the pain from the ulcer is causing my jaw to ache. Haiz.


I wished i had more guts this life time..

Haiz. How dreadful can life get? My holiday had finally come to an end. It was less than 36 hours. And now it's almost gone. I was so happy to realise that i had slept 10 hours. It's been really really long since i got such sleep. And now, my holiday is ending the moment i go to bed.


Life is so wonderful. It's ever changing. I don't know what to expect next. I don't know what to expect from myself. I think i had changed. From one who submits 2 out of 11 A. Maths homework in a term to one who is borrowing books from library to learn new skills. I guess i just need a little motivation at times. A good kick in the ass should get me moving. I always wanted to live a lazy and carefree lifestyle. No problems, no troubles, no solution, no worries. But i guess it's impossible to achieve such things without effort. How ironic that was, needing to work to enjoy a lazy and carefree lifestyle. Then again, you will never know what is happiness without sorrow. You won't know what is relax without work. It kind of a balance thing.


Sometimes, i feel amazed about how much i had changed. Knowing myself, i see the differences in myself when i face different events in life. Every step i take, i see a new me. One that had evolved for the better or for the worst. This time round, i had become a workaholic. And i'm hoping to lose this part of me the next time i observe a change. I don't want to be a workaholic. I want to spend more time with my friends and loved ones, whoever they are. I want to be more open to people. Daring to share what's deep down in me exactly. I want to know who i really am. Till i'm a different Sam when i meet different groups of people. I feel so fake to a certain extent. I want to be me.


As i step closer into adulthood, i feel more insecure. To a certain extent, my life still revolves around learning. But somethings in life can't be taught through textbooks. "Life" itself, is a book i'm writing every second of my life. "Love", an abstract emotion that i have yet to find an explanation to. Anything that co-relates with "Love", i seem to know so much, yet so little. When people needs advice, i'm more than willing to share. But when it comes to me, i find it hard to heed the advices i give people. If i can't do it, who am i to be telling others what to do? I have no experience, so why am i advising others? Haiz. Well, everyday is a day to learn. Today, i learn that i don't know. Tomorrow, i learn the things i don't know and realise that there is more that i don't know.


Why am i trying to be an "ideal" person when i myself had not set a definition for it? What is "ideal"? Why am i reading books and magazine trying to be an "ideal" person? How to be a man woman wants. How to be socially accepted in society. All that i have read haven't answered the reasons of why i even started reading such content. Haiz.


Whatever it is, i'm not being emo. I'm just thinking, wondering and feeling curious. I just feel.. lonely now. And a little lost.


Time to end my holiday.

Here's a little something to help eliminate all the emo suggestions on the blog.


I'm a happy boy. For awhile, or quite some "while"s. UT is over, semester had ended and i got an internship. How cool is that? Man, i'm so excited, i'm borrowing books from the library to understand design more. After all, i did not learn much of design. It's mainly persuasion and sequential and motion design i had learnt. Well, never too late to upgrade myself.


When thursday comes, work would problem come pouring in again.


Well, goodnight world.

While bathing, i was thinking of something random. And i realised that i'm no different from a homing missile. Don't start laughing yet. I have my reason.

I realised that whenever i set my eyes on something, i'll go all out to get it. I become a monster charging my way through things just to get what i want. Just like a homing missile, when it's locked onto its target, it does nothing but reach it's target. And just like a homing missile, i go for nothing but my target and miss out on other opportunities around me.

Sometimes, i wonder if my mindless behavior is acceptable. I don't know and i really with to find out. I move on so quickly, i drop every bit of opportunity around me. It had been happening since secondary school. Haiz.. I feel so blinded by myself. I wish i could change.


I know i sound super uncreative saying this, but sometimes, i do wish somethings can be learned from textbooks.

4 down, 1 to go.


Work, work. That's how my weekend is planned. As much as i want to, i find it hard not being a workaholic. There's so much to do. If i have nothing to do, i'd feel weird. Haha. I guess the only solution to be away from work is to be with friends. Haha. Well, last one to complete, 3 day plan. It'll be done before tuesday. But i need to plan a winning strategy. Haha.


If a person who run is called a runner and a person who swim is called a swimmer, then i am a loser. Haiz. I always lose my things. Almost everything i touch is lost. I wonder how many pen and pencils i've lost this lifetime. And all those water bottles. Everything i touch gets lost. That's why i'm single. I'm afraid i lose my girlfriend after i hold her hand. Haha.


I'm damn tired. And it's only 2357 now. I feel weird sleeping so early. I used to sleep at about 2am to 3am for a couple of weeks and now i'm so used to it. Whatever it is, i'm gonna waste some time sleeping and recover from the accumulated fatigue.


A side not to everyone who thinks i'm stressed up and depress, I'M NEITHER STRESSED NOR DEPRESS!!! "stressed" was the past. "depress", maybe not this lifetime. EAT MY SHIT!!!

2 down, 2 to go. And one presentation that might earn my group $3000.


My storyboard draft is done. I'm not going to change my idea anymore.


I feel so helpless. It's no time to give advices. All i can do is lend a ear and talk to keep the mind away.

I feel like eating rice, but there is none left. I feel like eating, but there is none left. I think i need to buy all the power snack home next time. But what's the point of it? I don't think i'll be having much late nights soon.


I'm considering on going for internship. 2 choices, persuasion or animation. My passion for persuasion is still strong, but there is so much i fear. The requirements are scaring me. Need to know Photoshop and Illustrator. My knowledge on them are minimal. Haiz. How to do like that? How to be a creative director if i can't even cross the first step? But i just want to be the person thinking of ideas. I want a big office with a sofa instead of those office chairs. I'll lie in there and think my days away.


I feel much at ease after the UT. One of the heavier weights is off my shoulder now. Feel so much better. And i still hate my procrastination. Since time was what i had, i took my time to think and improve the quality of my handwriting. When i realised i had 30 minutes left for the last question, i panicked a little cause there was so much left to write. So i had to give up on the neater handwriting and go for speed. Haha. So fun, so exciting, but so tiring.


I'm supposed to be sleeping now.

I'm so drained. I wish i weren't born. Ain't my best mood now. Super grumpy, craving for sleep yet find alternatives to fight the fatigue. Maybe a cold shower?


So many thoughts in mind. I just can't seem to sort everything out. So messed up, so screwed up. How paradoxical can i get? As much as i want something, i don't want it as badly. I want to talk, but on the other hand, i can't talk. I don't want to talk, i don't know how to talk. I don't know who to talk to, i don't know what to talk, i don't know how to start. I don't want to know!!


When shit comes, they come like diarrhea. You have no control when they would stop coming.


Jammed packed schedules. Work, entertainment, rest are all in there at once. Thanks Ima for redefining the meaning of "me" time. Sadly, i don't think i'll be able to get some of that "me" time any time soon. Haiz. Blame myself for getting my dad's workaholic genes. As much as i wish not to be like that, i'm finding it hard to get out of it. I want to distance myself from somethings and get closer to another, but it seems to me the work appears to be a super magnet that pulls be back whenever i tried to leave.


Haiz. Just when i thought it's all over, more came. When will it be my turn to breathe? What breathe? There was never such a thing for me. Or rather, i've lost it when the first FYP started.


No point bragging about how horrible my life. Only i can do something about it. FUCKED UP UT!!! I'M GOING TO BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF IT AND GET MY GRADE. I can't afford to cripple myself just because of a few failures.

Sometimes, i find myself pretty amazing. How am i still standing after all the drawbacks in life? You know what? I don't care how. As long as i can run, i'll sprint all the way to the top. Even if i can't run, i'll drag myself with my bare hands to the top.

Want me to blog about you right? Here goes..


You almost killed me again in the gym today.
THE END

I dreamt of..







.. I wish I need not wake up.

The end is now.

One day to enjoy before the next beginning.

I smell the end.

No point explaining any further.

Heard the news of the death of 2 RP students. It's quite heartbreaking to know that my friends were the friends of these people. Life isn't really fair, or rather it was never fair. We can't help but allow such uncontrollable events take charge of our lives.

Well, although we can't control the events that occur in our lives, we are still not as helpless. What we can control is the way we live our lives. Live for the moment, live for the future. Let everyday be a memorable day that we'll never regret. Stay happy always.

For some strange reason, i feel kind of afraid of losing my friends. It's damn scary. One moment, your friend is right beside you laughing away together, the next moment your friend is lying lifelessly in the coffin right beside you. I don't wish for such things to happen. I treasure every single person. They are there in my life for a reason. People who help me achieve, people who hears me out, people who gives me trouble to help me appreciate leisure, people who are there to give me a good laugh and not forgetting, people who are there for me to laugh at. We crossed path for a reason, and the reason is to learn.

Well, whatever it is, if anyone of my friends were to die, it's gonna be me. It'll save me the trouble of going through the emotional trauma.

Supersize starts now.

It's all over.. Almost.

2 more task remains till the end.