Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:
You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success:
Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.


http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Insanity!! I'm trying so hard to keep myself in control. The caged demon within is extremely rebellious this time. I don't know how much longer can i contain the beast. All the stress is killing. The lack of sleep is taking a massive toll on me. I'm not performing to standard in class. My mind is too weak for my RJ. I fear another poor grade.

I'm 33 days away from my FYP submission. The stress is building. I wish i wasn't the leader at times. But i'm glad i am. I'm so tired everyday, i just don't feel a single bit motivated to work. But i have to.


I was so lost. So out of control yesterday. I'm holding on tight to myself. I don't want to lose my mind yet. I foresee myself in situations where i lost myself. It's fearful. I don't want it to happen. But the monster in me is forceful. I'm not going to loosen my grip of cage it is in.


Well, you all won't understand. It's just the mind of a potentially insane person.



These visions, they seem all so real...

Strange things had been happening in my life since yesterday.

When i got home, all the taps were pouring gray-ish water. Toilet bowl looked like crap with the gray water, i did not dare to shit in there. No lah, just kidding. But i'm seriously about the gray water. The water smell of rich minerals. Sometimes, there are sand particles found.

PUB took water samples from my home and did something to make the water less gray. I had no choice but to bathe and brush my teeth in such water. It's okay, NS training. Maybe i should have taken some water samples for the SAS students to do their next FYP. But it's okay, i guess i trust PUB more. Haha!!


Spent super late cause i was gaming. Roughly 2am. I don't know why i got so stuck to it yesterday night. Well, something happened in the game. A very important item went missing. So i e-mail the people behind the game hoping they could magically return me that item. But that's not the point.

After sleeping at such a time, i strangely woke up at 6am this morning. Feeling guilty from all the gaming the night before, i decided to do my FYP. 6am!! Amazing right? Haha. Sat there draw till about 8.30am. Guess what, i'm almost done with that scene!! Come to think of it, i'm only half way done. But that's a lot of work for 2.5 hours. I expected myself to complete the scene in 2 days at most. But now that i'm almost done, i'll just finish it up and i'll be free to sleep aroundas much as i want. Shiok sia.


Another strange thing is going to happen today. I'm going to jog with my fat cuzzie. Well, as much as i hate running, i want to pass my NAPFA(2nd attempt). Will be going for a good old run, but not more than 30mins for me or i'll start to lose my muscles. Gonna help fat cuzzie lose the fats and train him on the chip-up bar. After a sweaty afternoon, SWIMMING!!! Going to YCK swimming complex to condemn the swimming pool water with out sweat. Haha. Then get a proper bath before going back home for bro's farewell party. Haha.


Quite strange right? Yes hor. I even tried to fix a leaking tap with bluetac early this morning. But obviously, it did not work.

I feel so happy, in pain and happy.


First happy was because the test clips turned out super well!!! Congrats all for all the hard work and time. When you see, you will go high and happy too.


I feel pain because i over worked myself in the gym. In fact, i suspect i tore my muscles. Haha. Well, that's secretly a good thing cause now i may be weak like a infant and cry when you touch my chest, but when it recovers, BOOM!!! Big boobies baby!! Initially, i did the work out that will tear my muscles a little. But i got onto heavier weights with support from my cousin. That means i'm already one step out of my usual comfort zone. After that step out, BENCH PRESS!!! Started at 20kg on each side. At that moment, i was as weak as a grandma. Lucky for me i did the supported one. 10kg off the weights and my motion is guided, so i don't need to balance. As i did 20kg, i got a little bored and wanted to go further. I slowly increased till i hit 25kg on each side. Sexy. Finally got to where i used to be. In a single day. So exciting. And i've not worked my chest for 3 weeks. So you can imagine how weak i was. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I'm so happy. But i'm in great pain. The pain seems to be growing as the days pass. Damn scary, i might be having breast cancer. I'll just be positive and start drinking lots of soya bean milk for faster recover!!! WHHOOO!!!



I hate it when people put words in my mouth.

Hey, i'm sorry for spoiling your day when you read about my bad days. I noticed there are a lot of anger, displeasure, disappointments and stuff in my recent entries. So for a change, i'll write about something happy. Provided if i think of one.

Ha! Got one! Well, isn't amazing that my holidays are over and school had resumed?

Err.. Wait a minute, that's not something happy.


Anyway, i really find the way things work fascinating. Sometimes, things happen as if it was a blessing in disguise. Or rather, some things happen for a reason. Taking for example this holiday. I WAS supposed to make it a productive one for my FYP and 'chiong' on the production. But sadly, i was so tired the whole time and spent 89.9% of the time sleeping. I could hardly motivate myself to do any work during that time. It was horrible. I led my team into under-delivering my adviser's expectations. I'm so guilty. But some time back, i learn that the leader of the other group that's working on the same project had the same experience!! Is it amazing? Or just a coincidence? I guess, we had all wore ourselves out before the mid-point review. It was like school, FYP meetings, RJ, study for UT then do FYP till late. The cycle repeats every single day. How can anyone survive such tormenting torture? Well, i guess we did. But that's not the point. Well, that could explain the sudden sleep dose i received during the holidays. I saw it as a bad thing then. But now, i think it is a blessing. You might agree with me or think i'm plain stupid at this point. Well, i think if i weren't sleep 89.9% of the time then, i would be too tired to be ready for school this week. Though it sucks to know that i had done little for my FYP when i had the chance, i do work better under pressure. So schooling and doing FYP would be a great plus point. I guess.


Well, after spending 2 hours drawing 9 frames for my animation, i realised the drawing was horribly done. Damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn super damn fugly. My hand looked like flat deformed hands and i'm not satisfied. I took my sketchbook and pencil box to my grandma's place. After making another discover on Shaun's drawing of a hand, i tried a little of that and things turned out better. So i drew and drew and drew and drew and drew and drew and drew and drew. And all of sudden, i noticed a hand that was really nicely drawn. Though it's not the right angle and stuff, WOW!! Haha. I guess it's amazing how you amaze yourself with a little perseverance and self-discipline. But sadly, i have to redraw the hands. But it's okay, because i insist on it. I can let lousy art corrupt the minds of people out there. This is because i'm one of those would pay very close attention to visuals around. I observe and find ways to draw something i want. So i don't want young budding artist wannabe like me to learn the wrong stuff. And for my the sake of my FYP too.


Goodnight.

I hate being the nice one at home. Always letting people walk over me. Everyone expect me to be the perfect one. I'm no longer human in their eyes. I must be at my best 24/7. i can't slack. Not even just once. If i do, i get lectured for things i do not do wrongly. This is freaking unfair. I want to leave. I can't wait to leave. I had had enough of all these indirect bullying at home. If i leave, i'll never come back.


I wish i had lesser sense of respect compared to everyone else. I wish i could just stand up for myself and rebut to all the crap that is being thrown on me. This is so tormenting. I don't have an outlet for myself. Even if i speak my worries out, the situation is not improving. I don't want sympathy or empathy now, i want solutions. But i guess some solutions are more invisible than others. And i don't think anyone would understand what i'm going through. After all, i'm a machine in the eyes of the man. I shall continue living my life as Robocop and stop complaining. Till if find an appropriate outlet for myself, anything is possible. So continue pushing me. Push me till i'm off the edge if that makes you happier.


You people just don't see my imperfection at home. I want to be human too. Even machines break down. So what are you trying to push me as though i'm more than i machine. I too have personal goals and dreams and i'm working myself to help myself achieve them. I guess being alone is better. I don't want anymore external help or "motivation". I fear the possibilities of the external world.



I am human and i want to be nothing more than human..

I've been too lazy.

I feel so guilty.

I want to make up for my mistakes.

I don't dare to ask you all to trust me anymore.

I need to regain my trust.

I think it's time to wake up. I've rested enough. Time to restart the old engines and get my ass moving.


By the way, that starts tomorrow..

Why so tired huh? I don't remember doing anything bombastic or whatsoever. I just keep on feeling sleeping all day. Could it be that i've slept so much i have too much energy therefore i'm so tired all the time? Damn, i wish i knew the reasons.


I've been very unmotivated this holiday. I find it really hard to lift my hand just to do a little bit for my FYP. I know there is much left undone, but why am i behaving this way? This attitude towards FYP is a total opposite of what it used to be before the holiday began. I'm really tired of myself; i want a change!!

I tried to push myself today. Sat still for 45 minutes and completed the stuff that should be done by last saturday. See what i mean? I feel so irresponsible. Like a bastard. I tell my team mates to work hard, but what am i doing? Nothing!!! Haiz. I need to wake up man.


I failed my NAPFA man. I know many have high hopes on me because i frequent the gym, but even heroes have weaknesses too. For the size and strength i've been working hard for, i've neglected my flexibility and stamina. I have the stamina for my upper body, but my lower half is nothing. I can't stretch for nuts. Well, things are going to change. I decide what's best for myself and failing is not in the list!! Well, here's my little result.

Sit N Reach : 37cm (2)
Sit Up : 42 (4)
Broad Jump : 228cm (2)
Chin Up : 11 (5)
Shuttle Run : 10.2s (4)
2.4km Run : 14:34min (0)

So you know why i fail hor..


For some strange unknown reason, i feel kind of happy that my monster appetite is back. I feel like i'm whole again. Or something like that. I just love the idea of eating anything tasty and not having to worry i get too full for the next one.


I feel like i'm no longer the old Sam everyone used to know. I've opened up a lot to my FYP team. It like, they know me more than the surface. I believe people don't really know me in depth, but this bunch of peeps seems to have made me do stuff i don't really do. For some unknown reason, i feel comfortable yet in doubt of everything. I just feel that there is a certain percentage of me that leaves me incomplete. That has nothing to do with me being single for 19 years. Well, i guess everyday is a learning day. I learn more about people, i learn more about myself, i learn to open up, i learn to trust and i learn many more things in life.

I have the strength of a gorilla, speed of a cheetah and flexibility of a.. man.


Wish me plenty plenty of luck for my stupid NAPFA tomorrow. Must wake up so early to do nonsense.



I said i had not girlfriend for 19 years, but i did not say i have no boyfriend for 19 years!! Haha..

Drawing over a lightbox is really no joke. Especially when it's home-made. Lamp under dining table. The heat is killing me. The one we made at Sheryl's place wasn't that bad; the light source did not produce a lot of heat. Well, i have no choice. But i'm enjoying the process. Haha.

A lot had happen over the week. My holiday is lost even before it start.


One things for sure, no point blabbering about all the displeasure. We have all been through it. Some had more, some had less. But we all had a share of it. I guess for the late-comers, you have only met the tip of the iceberg. Well, i guess this is what makes life more interesting. Without sorrow, there won't be happiness. Without stress, there won't be relieve.


I finally got my hand on CS4!! But it was a tough road to this achievement. My IE had been upgraded and my facebook looks horrible. I'm still trying to get use to all the new stuff on my computer. At least i finally have my Flash back.


I can't wait to see the final outcome of my FYP. Everything seem so clear before my eyes now. It's just within reach, but it's still too far to hold. Well, i'll see it through.


I want to do some extra stuff for leisure. And maybe something for my portfolio. I have the ideas. Now i have the programs. All i need is the time and energy. Where am i to find such value that is uncontrollable by human? Screw that shit. I'll find the time whenever possible.


I'm kind of in love with drawing. It's just something so amazing. Lots of observation and my figures ain't so flat anymore. I really like the way i come up with stuff i did not expect. The first idea always fail. The challange is in making that failure something. Everytime i fail to express my thoughts, i use whatever i had done and screw it around till i get something new and random. I love the process. I want to draw more. I need to observe more. I need more practise. I want to develop a style so unique, only i draw in that way. I show that world i'm more than the Pek Chai they always thought i am. I'm going to become somebody significant in society.