Oh god, i'll be leaving for Cambodia in a couple of many hours time. I'm kind of excited, but nervous at the same time. Dammit. I confirm lose my mass with all the construction work. And NO GYM FOR 2 WEEKS!!!

I think i'm really nervous or something, i've shit like 3 times today already. It's either the floor is cold, i'm nervous or i'm just trying to empty my rectum before i go to Cambodia. Haha. Well, based on some second hand information, i'm actually quite afraid of shitting there. I guess i'll hold my shit for 2 weeks or something. Haha.


I'm gone. Enjoy life without me while you can. Haha. Prepare to receive a flabby version of me when i'm back.

HAPPY TOTAL DEFENCE DAY ALL!! MAY YOUR LIFE FEEL SAFE AND SECURE BECAUSE OF THIS DAY!!!


Damn, i had the best valentine's day ever last night. Okay, don't get all your wrong ideas now. Well, it's not because i finally got myself a date or i just turned older, it's because i spend seriously quality time with my friends. Picked Von up after we work then settled down at the steps facing Esplanade. Took out our drinks and started talking the whole night. I really love such times. It's not about how much activities we do through the period of time, we just talked. Nothing but talk. We got to understand each other even more and it we super relax. Just sitting around thinking of nothing and speaking our minds out. Haiz. I wish this day would come again.


Well, in a few days time i'll be gone from the country for a relatively long time. I hope you all enjoy life without me while you can. Haha.


For some strange reason, i feel like doing sewing. Haha.

Oh god, it's my birthday today. Thank god nobody messaged me any wishes, yet. I hate all the attention when it comes to birthdays. And the ringing of birthday wishes makes me want to change my text message cause i hear it too much. Haha.


When to Sakura for dinner with my family. Lucky there weren't any cake. I don't want the attention in the crowed. Haha. Well, the food wasn't too bad. But the variety wasn't up to expectation. But what the hack. I just kept eating. I ate till my tummy was bulging. Haha.


Well, i won't say nineteen is a very special age to me in. To me, the number is just a measurement of time. It's no more "I can't wait to be (insert age here)!!". Well, i'm pretty satisfied with access to movies, alcohol and drugs. But all these comes with more responsibilities in life. Well, people age. No point worrying about what you have lost and be excited about what's coming your way!! Haha. Where did i get that from? I guess i've turned wise. Haha. Well, to me aging is just a sign that more responsibilities are coming my way.

On the other hand, it means i've been single for 19 years straight. Haha. Try breaking that record.


Haiz. I'm going to be pretty busy tomorrow. So much stuff to prepare for the Cambodia trip. I gotta do up some small note for the first aid and all. Haiz. Well, no pain no gain.


Anyway, my body is hurt like it never did before. I love MH now. Haha. Some really good advice there.

Gymed the MH way. Damn effective. Save so much time and the outcome is great too. Dammit, why didn't they put up that article long time ago. I gymed for 1 hour, unlike the past 2 hours. The 1 hour result was a lot better than the 2 hours gym session. Dammit. Haha. I'm so happy.

Oh god, please give me some magical powers that will make me more satisfied with my own life. Strangely, i've started wondering if i'm really satisfied with the way i'm living right now. Well, solutions are not for me. I have nothing but decisions to make to make this life how i want it to be.


Slept really late last night. I was watch some short films on YouTube by Vancouver Film School. I was just trying to learn some stuff i pick out some interest ideas. My sleep wasn't very fine too. I had a really shallow sleep. My legs was uncomfortable and i could not really focus on resting. There were lots of things running in my mind while i was asleep. My mind was just too active.


Met up with Von and Jasmin in the afternoon for a wonderful picnic at the Botanical Garden. Had a great time over there. Well, i just wanted a normal outing but they made it an advance celebration for my birthday. Thanks everyone for putting effort into making the food and taking the time off for today. And thanks to the people who made the banana with hidden cabbage and strawberry jam. Though the rain was a little turn off, the activities and time spent with everyone was great. Thanks once again.


Now i'm super tired. I almost decided to take a little nap awhile ago. But i decided not too. I have work to do. And i thought of a great idea while waiting for the bus. I think i'll invest some time into learning Photoshop and start making my advertisements to keep for portfolio. Sadly, i've always been thinking twice about all this conceptualising ideas and stuff. I never like to exchange ideas in public. What if the person sitting beside you in the train like you idea and use it? Your precious ideas with no longer be original. And what if i lost my sketch book where i put all my stuff in? All the original ideas will be stolen. Well, i'll try first. And if another steal my ideas, i'll solemnise them.

Meeting in the morning again. Talk, talk, talk. Discuss, discuss, discuss. Well, some changes here and there. But that's not going to stop me. Accept for Photoshop. Gotta do stuff and one of my most unfamiliar programs. Haha.


After the meeting, headed down to Pasir Ris with Zigg for his class BBQ. Had lots of fun there. Seriously. Though i was in a pretty unfamiliar environment, i felt pretty comfortable. The sky was beautiful, the air was fresh. The moon was gorges, the food was great. Most importantly, the company was wonderful. I seriously had lots of fun chilling out with everyone. The little soccer game was great too. It was the first time i did sports in so many years. All the running was lethal. I ran so much my chest hurt horribly. When i tried to sprint, i felt my leg muscles giving way. Well, my legs are pretty weak after all. Overall, i had a good workout and enjoyable time talking with everyone. Thank you all so much.


I can't wait for tomorrow's picnic. Finally something different. There's going to be food, people and fun!! I was thinking of bringing a ball along to play around, but my ankles are a little hurting from the soccer. Haha. Well, i'll play by the ear.

Wasted a day at school. Spent about 15 minutes clearing the artwork and we can head home already. Dammit. So much for $10. I spent $5 travelling today. The scrubbing of scotch tape stains are serious hard work. I did not had any muscle aches from yesterday till a started scrubbing. Haha. Damn retarded. Headed down to AMK Hub for a walk after that and headed back for home.


I realised that my "Operation Gift Exchange in Teo Family" had failed badly. I guess it stopped at me. So being a nice brother, i'll get myself a birthday gift on behalf of my siblings. Well, i was thinking of what to get myself this birthday. After much thinking, i decided to get myself a set of weights. Dumbbells to be exact. Those with adjustable weights and the max weight for each side will be 15kg. Then i'll get a little mat to prevent the weights from damaging the parquet floor. In total, i'm expecting to spend at least $140 on this whole birthday present thing. $120 on the weights, $10 on the mat and $10 transport fee home. I'm not going to take bus with 30+kg on hand. Haha. When i get the weights, i can go to the gym less often and i can practise stuff from Men's Health. Haha.


I'm extremely irritated about 1 thing now, MY LAPTOP IS ATTRACTING ANTS!!! Bloody hell, i'm so pissed lor. I've taken care of my laptop very well, no food over it. But still, all these ants are climbing on my laptop as if it's a new playground. Climb on my laptop already, then come and climb on me. It's so irritation. After killing the ants, it emits a horrible smell that stays on your hand. It's damn annoying. I HATE IT!!!


I don't like being the only guy at home. I feel a heavy sense of responsibility weighing on my shoulders. And when it comes to dinner, it sucks even more. Even one tries to rush their meal so they do not need to do all the washing. Then i finish last, i do all the washing. When i'm not the last to finish, my mama would ask me to finish all the leftovers. I did not eat a lot during dinner today. Nothing much there were of interest. So my prayer food. Dammit. Well, i finished my food quickly and left the table. I feel really sorry for my mother. I see her so sad over there and she had to do the dishes after all the housework she had done. I should have helped her. I should not be a useless bump like my sister. The term "useless bump" is a understatement. Haiz. I wish i could say more.

LaoYuSheng at my grandparent's place today. It was damn fun. There were 20+ people around the small table and everyone was throwing food around. This is one time you get to play with your food. Haha. Eventually everyone got their hands dirty cause my cousins and i were throwing food onto other people's hands. Haha. I really like eating YuSheng. Sadly, i only get to eat it once a year.


Went to gym today. Focus on shoulder and back. Strangely, my shoulders seemed smaller. Well, i gotta put more effort into them then. Haha. Well, i'm about to expose something that will make girls around the world hate me. I lost more than 1kg in a week. Haha. Hate me you crazy people. Haha. I did not want that to happen. Now i must work hard for my mass again.


I'm planning to go gym after going to school tomorrow. Can train my chest and arms. Gotta be physically prepared for Cambodia. Haha.


Well, i've been sleeping a lot lately. But i feel that i'm still not sleeping enough. I need to recharge even more than what i've done. Haha.

You know what, i'm only jealous of 2 things in this life. One, people who can sleep like their in their deathbed and two, people who can talk to their parents very comfortably. The second one isn't the point. Well, i did something i've never done before. Got out from bed in the morning, eat my breakfast and went back to sleep. Haha. I know many of you would be thinking "That's no big deal" now, but it's one hell of a big deal to me. I've never lived life like this before. I slept till almost 3 before waking up to eat my lunch and prepare for work. Haha. How is wish i could enjoy such a life, but my life isn't all about sleeping. I have greater things to achieve. Haha.


Well, it's the last day of my exhaustion. I could never feel better when i was leaving work, but i did not. It was a pretty sentimental moment for me. You know how much i hate goodbyes. And you know how bad i can become when i'm emotional. Well, it's my last day at work before i leave for Cambodia. Everyone was giving me all the well wishes and stuff, i felt seriously touched. I grew a sense of belonging then. I guess it was too dark to see, but i was holding on to my tears. I had to be strong. Sheda gave me the greatest impact. She spoke like a mother worried about her child's safety. For a moment, i thought i was receiving parental love. I know i sound stupid discussing such stuff, but i was really shaken. Dammit. Well, i can't wait to back back and have more fun with everyone at BJ.


Why do i not understand myself at times? Haiz. Guess that's part of discovering oneself.

I realised i've been pretty unhappy lately. I don't know why.

Current Location: RP's Library, Training Room


Damn. I'm in here all alone and i have nothing to do. I'm waiting for a stupid bottle of iodine before i'm able to leave the place. Crap man. I've done almost everything already. Finished my crappy drawing, shit in the 3rd cubical at the ground floor library toilet, what have you. The only thing i can't do now is sleep cause i might not be able to wake up on time or the cleaning auntie kidnap me. Whichever it is, the result is undesirable.


After i get the bottle of iodine in about 30 minutes later, i'll find myself at work again. How boring. I can't take such a life anymore. It's so stressful. I need to learn all my first aid back, i need to work, i need to go to school, i don't have time for myself and i need to rest. "Resting" is currently not possible. The environment and state of mind does not favour a good rest. And i'm sick of making the MRT seats into my bed. I've been sleeping in them non-stop for the past few days. Not very comfortable, but it results in a relatively good sleep. I hope i don't snore and drool while sleeping in public. Haha.


Oh GuanYinMa, please send a cow down to help me plough my field and eat my shit. I need a decent rest. Guess i'm going to skip gym tomorrow. Saturday morning is going to be the only time i get to rest before another round of work. Well, i won't be in BJ for the next 3 weeks. "Rest" for 1 week and gone to Cambodia for 2 weeks.


tired tired tired
tired tired tired
tired tired tired

SCHOOL.WORK.HOME.REPEAT


Oh god, i'm going to die like this. This has got to stop. Sleep when i'm travelling, work when i'm awake. That's not nice. I'm feeling really stressed now. No time for mself, no time to do the necessary. I wish i can just escape all this, but it can't. Well, let's just wait till the rain clouds pass.

Sometimes, you just need a stronger dose of pain to forget the smaller pain. Try this. When you have a bad scratch on your body (the kind where there is blood involved) and you need to bathe, won't the water bring you extreme pain? Well, try rubbing some body soap into the wound and wash it off. Still feel the pain? Haha. I know it's sounds pretty sadistic, but it works. I did something like that to fix my arm. The injection wound was aching and sore. To stop it, move the arm a lot. THe discomfort was way more than the usual and you forget the initial little discomfort. Haha.


Damn damn tired. After being done with school, i headed home for a nap before work. It was necessary. Even after waking up for work, i was dizzy and reluctant to get up. Haha.


Larry is drugged.

The plaster is down, but the sore arm is not. Dammit. So troublesome. I had a tough night because of the arm. I accidentally lean onto by sore arm in the train too. Haha. The sore arm happened to be another weak spot for all the cunning people who had spent the day threatening me.


Visiting after school. Amazingly, i was earlier then everyone else. Well, i guess i'm just earlier than everyone else's tour guide. Haha. Lost freaking $2 man. I was so depressed i lied down on the couch and fell asleep. Haha. Seriously, i can't understand why i always fall asleep at the same space on the couch everytime i go over to Kim's place. Haha. It's just so comfy i guess.


Dammit, i a little addicted to yodelling. Haha. I know it's sounds kind of stupid and retarded, but that's what i'm attracted to; stupid and retarded stuff. Haha.

I received the jabs today. No bad. I received only 2 jabs on my left arm cause i had one of the vaccination before. Well, having 2 shots on one arm is no joke. It aches. Till now. When i raise my arm too high, the ache will all come back. Haha.


After all the thinking about my unanswered question, i've finally came up with an answer that does not answer my question but answers the question. Well, creativity can't be taught but the way to creativity can be practised. I guess i should be so stubborn to stick to my own definition all the time. I need to open my mind a little to get a bigger picture. The moment i decided to accept other possibilities, i got an answer to the question. And a little more thinking led me to realise that the answer could be used for the creative workshop in Cambodia. Kill a bird and crippled another with one stone. Haha.


Gotta wake up early tomorrow morning. I guess all the jabs had made my flu go off. Haha. How nice.

Crap man. My gaming addiction is getting me into hot soup. Falling sick is one thing, but getting well would be the challenge. All this late nights because of games is going to bring me closer to my grave. Well, i'll pick up reading once again. Maybe a chapter or two. Haha.


I accidentally flood my schedule this week. I don't know what i was thinking. No rest till sunday again. How smart of me. I deserve a slap from everyone.


I want to make use of this holiday to the fullest, but i really don't know how. Can anyone teach me how to learn to be creative? If you were to share a creative idea with me, then it's no longer creative. So how is it possible to impart creativity to a person? I really wonder how. Haha.


My head is aching again. This is not so nice. I nede to get well by tomorrow. Need to get vaccinated tomorrow. Damn, i can't remember how it feels like to get a jab. I guess i'll refresh my memory tomorrow. Haha.

I broke my vow. I promised not to gamble, but i had to earn my own taxi fare back. Haha.


I did a good deed too. On the way home from Khatib, the taxi driver forgot to turn on the fare meter. When i arrived at home, i gave him the change to cover up the time the meter was not on.


I feel kind of high. Haha.