Not a very productive day today although the weather outside was sunny and fifty degrees. I was using this afternoon as a catch up day for studio work. A few projects, a much needed cleanup and tidying and a few moments to collect my thoughts. I did busy work too. Counted pieces for the shop into little baggies and labeled them. Read the good parts of the Sunday paper. Strung some Christmas necklaces for my display window. Did a bit of Facebook, Pinterest and drew. I am finishing up two more sketches in my living room drawing journal. I did paint crows. Concrete locally cast crows that need to be a deep, solid and rich black. Tomorrow onto the varnishing.

So now I am older. The days have become precious in their passing and I am reflective. I think of my family and friends, now long gone from my life and miss them. I miss what was, the child I was, the adults they were, the family we were. I have gathered memories and hold them close within to the deepest parts of my soul. They can not be shared with people now. They are long dark and gone and I remain aching for the company I never thought I would miss. Birthdays are a time for pause. A time for waking in the small hours of the morning, and letting the heart wind like ribbons through the doors and windows of the soul, reaching for what was and what could be again - all new.

So Jacob is growing out of the house and at 18 years old, he is so ready to leave the nest. I am not ready for him to leave at all. I still picture him at 9, helping us at bead shows, talking about his cat and the cat novels he was reading, playing amongst a huge pile of legos and still wanting bed time stories. The whole world is right when they say that time flies and before you know it, decades have gone by.

This is one of the choices he had in choosing his senior picture for the yearbook of which he is editor. I love this picture. This boy-man looking out into the world, determined, strong, confident. I love the muscles in his arm and the strength in his jaw. My God, but he is a handsome boy!

This is the other photo choice. He likes this one. The smile, he says. This picture reminds him that he is happy, popular and self assured. He feels it is him; that the picture says it is him in the thick of his life. I like it too but I see a senior yearbook picture, old stuck in the mud mom me, as more of a head shot.

WHERE DOES TIME GO AS IT PASSES BY? IS THERE A COLLECTION OF HOURS IN A CLOSET, waiting to be discovered and used? Is time different for the young? Do they see it as a forever moment?

I want to shelter my son and guide him. I want him to have wings and leave the home nest with gratitude and wisdom. With lessons learned enough to share with others. I want so much for him. I want him to be brave and smart and strong and know that we, his parents, love him and only want the best for him. I want him to return over and over again into our arms and home. I want for him a future of endless possibilities. Of health. Of clear blue skies. Of non GMO foods. Everything. I want everything for him.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. Thinking about politics and elections, children growing up and leaving home, aging and achy bones; just to mention a few things. I seem to spend many hours of the day in thought. Big thoughts, little thoughts, reminders, plans and inspiration seem to come at me from every corner. I feel like a receptor and transmitter all at once. Maybe because it is near Halloween or maybe just because it is fall and I am spending more time indoors, I am thinking about my family and how much I remember of my youth and how much I miss some of them and how if I ever return home nothing and no one will be the same. Thoughts as numerous as the raindrops outside my studio door. Capturing these moments is a bit like containing a sigh or a whisper, they are here for one brief moment and then gone; making room for the next thought and on it goes until the day is done.

This is what I have been doing in the evening then.....

Fall is here at long last. We have been lashed by winds and soaked with rains. Every little thing from the plants on the ground, to the tall majestic cedars, to the air we breathe feels refreshed and new. I find myself in the evenings now drawing or knitting while watching favored television shows. I plan on doing this for the next many months on end. This is really just a check in and I will return with more paintings soon.

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Today is my youngest son's 18th birthday and I have a few words to offer him. I do not want to bore or compound him with life's lessons, lessons I have learned, lost and won again but lessons that he can maybe, just remember in his young adult brain.
1. Be good - It is as simple as that. Just be good. You know the laws. Follow and obey them. Stay out of trouble because I can not think of a more boring and useless way to spend your life than behind bars.Stand up to injustice. Support causes you believe in. Love your fellow man and woman. Do good. Be helpful. Support charity. Look for the reason behind someone's behavior. Love your family and help them out whenever called upon. Feel good about yourself and know that you are a divine creature created by a power much bigger than yourself and put here in this time and place to do good, be good, love good, live good.( p.s. Love your mother earth too, she is the only one we all have. )

 wanted to post this on my blog but in the month since I last posted, everything has changed ( thank you Google ) and I can not even open my blog let alone post. So here is what I am thinking early on this Sunday morning, September 14th with the neighbor's rooster beginning his day long crowing now:

2. Be kind - Kind to your friends. Kind to your family, small children, big children, pets, animals, your fellow citizens. Small acts of kindness, a kind word, a greeting a helping hand - go a long way. Being kind will make you feel good and that goodness is something you should crave.

3, Be truthful - You are only as good as your word. caught in a tangle of deceit and lies and your integrity and your very soul is gone. You have one life, one word, one truth. Know it. Speak it. Live it.

4. Be free - All of the above conspires to give you a good life. One free to be who you are, one free to become who you want to be. Life is about choices, Take this path or that path and know that you will be free if you just follow your heart.

And finally, a special word here - don't be in a hurry to grow up. Remember the wonder of your childhood when everything was new and astounding and keep that wonder so very close to your heart. Never lose it. Delight in a good sunrise, a beautiful flower, a fine meal, a friendship. Life is a wondrous and brief thing, don't miss a moment of it. I love you. Now, go make the world a better place simply because you are living, loving, sharing and caring.

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Ah yes, I think, she is lovely and thin. Would I be the same way? Lovely that is if I were thin? Once, a lifetime ago I was and seeing this aging process is both a revelation and a sadness. I am my mother's hands, my mother's chin, my mother's body. When did this happen? Would I be better if I were not gray? Should I add hair color? The rebel in me says no, to enjoy what is, what I have become and waste not one moment more thinking of what could be, what was. I am this now. I am older. Life and I have moved at the speed of light. We are still moving, rounding Saturn and heading into deep space darkness looking for the proverbial sunlight of youth.