Social issues (No, this is not a political post...)

Chickie will be NINE in four days.

Nine!

That's one year short of double digits. I'm not sure how that's possible, since I certainly haven't gotten nine years older since she was born. 

(My gray hairs just called me a liar. Oops.)

Chickie went back to public school this year, after two years of homeschooling, and honestly it was hard for her to make friends at first. But everything changed (literally overnight, which was super weird and super cool) right before Thanksgiving. She started hanging out with two kids in her class, a girl and a boy. I've been at the school a couple of times lately, for lunch and for the winter party, and my mama heart has felt very happy seeing her happily hang out with these kids who clearly like her.

But kids aren't the only ones with "social issues." I've got my own insecurities. I remember feeling lonely as a kid, feeling like I didn't belong. I gradually gained confidence, and I have some great friends now. But I still sometimes feel socially insecure, and I easily project that onto my kids.

My heart has broken, watching Chickie struggle to make friends. She is learning to be more confident and to reach out to other kids, but it's a process--a process I have more trouble being patient with than she does! More than that, Chickie is not me. I've realized that she doesn't feel a need to have a friend in every situation. She may naturally be far more introverted than I am.

When Chickie told me she only wants to invite three kids to her birthday party, I was sad. If I only had three friends to invite to a birthday party, I'd feel like I'd somehow failed socially.

But that's not how Chickie sees it. She could make a longer list if she wanted to. But instead she wants to focus on the three friends she is closest to. She told me her room won't get as messy with only three friends at the house! She's okay with it--more than okay with it. Happy with it. I should be too.

One of our old pastors said that we're all like Legos...but we're all different sizes. If you're a big Lego, you have lots of pegs that need to connect with lots of other pieces--you naturally need many friends. If you're a small Lego, you only have a few pegs, and you only need and want a few friends. Chickie, at this point in her life, is a small Lego.

I don't want my own "social issues" to get in the way of who she is. I'll celebrate her birthday with her, and I'll try to make that party very special for Chickie and her three friends. I'm glad she feels good about her small group of friends. Time for me to relax and feel good about it too!

Why I cried today...

My best friend (and this baby's mom) Ann did her first half marathon today! I met her at the finish line, and then she showed me what she'd worn on her back for the race.




(Thanks to Ann for providing the close-up shot of the sign.)

So, yeah, I cried. And then later I kept looking at it and thinking about it and getting tears in my eyes again. It totally made my day!

Ann's blog post about the race is WONDERFUL. She explains why she did it for me, and how she considered those 13.1 miles to be her version of "labor and delivery." You've got to read it, here.

GREAT JOB, Ann!! I'm so proud of you!

A story of friendship

A little over two years ago, I headed to church one evening for a women's Bible study. I don't remember what topics we were discussing that night, but something prompted me to open up to the women around me.

"I have a hard time being vulnerable enough to make the types of close friendships that I really want," I admitted, crying. "I want to start being vulnerable."

Opening oneself up to friendship can be hard. There's a lot of risk involved! I had a lot of friends, but I didn't have a best friend, and I wanted one. Yes, my husband is my best friend, but I'm talking about the type of friendship that a woman can offer! I wanted someone I'd automatically turn to when I needed a girlfriend to talk to--and I didn't have that in my life.

Afterward, a couple of the women came and talked to me. We said we wanted to be closer. One of those women was Ann.

Ann and I had been friends for a couple of years already. In fact, I'd felt that she was offering me deeper friendship. But I wasn't sure--we were so different! You've read about the ways that we treat books differently. It wasn't just that, though. Ann is German, and she tells it like it is. One day I told her, "You wear your heart on your sleeve!" and then had to explain the expression to her. She agreed that it fits her perfectly! You know where you stand with Ann, good or bad! I, on the other hand, can be overly concerned with how my actions affect others--so much that I try to avoid conflicts, even necessary ones.

But that night, something opened up in me, and something opened up in Ann too. Since then, we've built a friendship that has blessed my life more than I ever expected. I learn from Ann's honesty. I think she learns from my sensitivity too! We discuss parenting, and faith, and so many other things...and while we don't always agree, we sharpen each other like iron.

Recently Ann returned from a trip to the East coast. She'd visited New York City, and came back with an "I (heart) NY" shirt for me. "I figured you hadn't gotten one of these when you were in New York a couple of years ago," she told me with a laugh.

Well, I had gotten one, but I didn't want to make her feel bad, so I just laughed too, and thanked her.

Later, I realized, Ann would have just 'fessed up and told me the truth...and she'd want me to tell her too! So I sent her an email confessing that, thanks to her, I now have two "I (heart) NY" shirts. She thought the whole thing was funny, and so did I. More importantly, it was such a relief knowing that I could be honest with her, even with something so silly.

That's the type of friendship that I needed--an honest friendship with someone who stretches me in good ways. Having gone without it for so long, I have enormous appreciation for it now.

Recently we made it official and started using the "best friends" term. It's been an important way for us to to tell each other how special our friendship is. Does it mean neither of us will ever have another friend who's just as close? Of course not! I think one of the great things about our relationship is that we're each learning more about how to be a good friend. I hope that what we're discovering will help us develop other beautiful relationships as time passes, even as we continue to grow our own friendship.

And it all started with vulnerability. It started with me being willing to admit a weakness that was robbing me of what I needed. It started with Ann being willing to respond, offering her friendship--and accepting mine.

It was a risk. But most worthwhile things are. And I'm glad it's a risk we both took.

I love you, Ann! Thank you for being such a wonderfully devoted best friend!

Edited to add: Turns out Ann had a post saved in her Drafts folder that went right along with this one. She posted it today. It made me cry...in a good way! Here is her post: Click here.

New friends

Know what I love about kindergarten? It's giving Chickie and Zoodle opportunities to make new friends.

Chickie has 19 other kids in her class, and I love to hear her talk about them. Thursday and Friday we walked to school with one of her friends (and her mom), and Saturday we went to their house for a playdate.

Two little girls dressed as princesses doing a magic show for us? The illusions may not be impressive, but the pure adorableness makes up for it.

Zoodle has made a new friend too. We've been going to school about 25 minutes before it lets out. We get a nice spot near the front of the car pick-up line, and Zoodle gets to play on the playground with his new friend C while we wait for the bell to ring.

Even I've made new friends--the moms of my kids' new buddies! I don't remember much about 1982 (the year I started kindergarten), but I'm thoroughly enjoying my daughter's experience!