for staying home

I always wanted to be a stay at home mom. I never had lofty career goals or plans. I still don't. Staying home looks different than it used to, now that my kids are getting older, but this quote from Linda K. Burton still rings true:

"Mothers decide to stay home not just because they are tired of juggling family and career; not just because they want to 'be there' for the first word and the first step; not just because they have found that a rich home life requires persistent personal investment.

"They want to be home because in some quiet moment caring for their children, they have suddenly experienced the vastness, the intricacies, the delicate nature of this work. While performing some entirely routine act of nurturing, they have unexpectedly stumbled on a moment of insight so luminous as to reveal with imposing clarity that the greatest opportunity for success they might ever have is nestled right there in their arms.

"And in the midst of a thousand previous assumptions about life and love, in an instant that no one else can measure or see, they decided that this uncertain business of trying to guide childish innocent into adult wisdom is an art worth of extraordinary exertion and time."

I am thankful that I am able to be home for my family. It is what suits us best, and I am grateful that we have the means and resources to make it possible.

for enough

I don't really like cooking dinner. It is one household chore that I'd gladly skip if I could. But tonight our young women's group went to Feed My Starving Children to pack meals for impoverished people in the Philippines and it was a good reminder of how blessed I am that I am able to feed my children every day. I don't know why I was born into this place and time, where I have enough while so many others in the world do not. But it's good to remember and hopefully in the remembering I will be more generous with my own resources. And maybe I won't mind cooking dinner so much anymore. I am feeling grateful to have enough and some to spare tonight.

the family computer

For years our computer has been in a spare bedroom that serves as an office/sewing room on our main floor. But lately I've been feeling like it needed to be more visible, so I moved it to the kitchen. There is no ideal place to put it in there. We have to stand in front of it now or pull a chair up to the cabinets and bump our knees, but I don't care. I think moving it to the kitchen will keep my family safer. We have some strict computer rules already (like, unless you are doing homework, you have to have a buddy, no computer when the parents aren't home, etc.), but I like having it out in the open, too.

Summer is a good time to take a break from the computer, anyway. My kids keep asking to use it and I keep saying no. And they complain for a minute and then they find something else (better) to do. Ha!

mother's day

I think this was the first time in five years of taking our Mother's Day picture that Mike was home to take it for us. Usually we use a self timer. I think that explains the real smiles on my kids' faces. I am sure Mike said something really funny to make us laugh.

I shared this quote on my instagram, and I know I've shared it on my blog before, but that doesn't mean I can't do it again:

"Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough of greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity."

-Margaret D. Nadauld

Mother's Day was weeks ago I know, but I am grateful to share my thoughts about it here, late as they may be. I love Mother's Day because it focuses on the goodness of women everywhere, whether they have borne children or not. Sister Julie B. Beck said, "Righteous women have changed the course of history and will continue to do so, and their influence will spread and grow exponentially." I believe that women run this world, and without our efforts, everything would crumble, or in the very least, everyone would run out of toilet paper. (Did you read that funny article making the rounds on Facebook?)

I love that Mother's Day gives me the opportunity to check myself, to see how I am doing, to ask myself if I am becoming the kind of woman that Sister Naduald described. Inevitably, the Spirit whispers to me that I am doing ok, but that maybe I could do a little better in this area or that. I am thankful for those promptings because my children deserve my best.

And I love that it makes me reflect on my own mother. She teaches me how to be a woman of God through her actions everyday.

I hope your Mother's Day was a happy one, full of contentment and love and hopefully not too much mess and at least a little bit of chocolate.

doctrine vs application

I teach the 14-16 year old girls in my congregation (Mabel included). Just the other day, I sat down to plan our Sunday lessons for the summer and we will be learning about some potentially difficult things-- things like the importance of keeping the law of chastity, temple marriage, and preparing for motherhood. While the world is screaming to these girls that these things are not important, it is my job to tell them otherwise. Sometimes that feels difficult.

I was really glad when my sister steered me toward an article on RubyGirl.org that talked about doctrine versus application. The gist is, if we want our children to learn truth - eternal truth, we must teach them doctrine, not application. For example, if we want our children to keep the law of chastity (a principle), we need to teach them that their body is a temple because it houses their spirit (the doctrine). They need to know the "why" behind the principle, not just how to apply it in their life (in this example, an application could be wearing modest clothing or not watching suggestive media).

The author, Rochelle Tallmadge, says this about doctrine: "Doctrine is truth. But not just any truth. Eternal Truth. Doctrine is things as they WERE, things as they ARE, and things as they really will BE. It doesn't change. Some things are true on this earth, but they aren't TRUTH. ... Doctrine doesn't tell you what to do. It just IS."

About principles, she says, "A principle is the category that falls under doctrine. Many principles peel off of the same doctrine. There aren't that many doctrines, actually. But there are more principles. Like, Keep the Sabbath Day Holy, Pray, Word of Wisdom, Law of Chastity. Those tell us what to do, generally. Those can change. For instance, the Word of Wisdom looked very different for the children of Israel than it does for you and me. Even the Law of Chastity might look different, given the time."

And then, applications. Rochelle says, "After principles come applications. These are the specific ways you live the gospel and practice principles. You may wear a dress that covers your knee, whereas I might have a skirt that stops just above it. You may watch tv on Sunday night, but your best friend does not. Applications are very, very personal. It's up to us to follow the Spirit and make our own choices. And we get in trouble in the church when we try to teach the applications instead of doctrines. That's how the Pharisees and the Sadducees missed the fact that The Messiah was standing right in front of them. They were focused on the applications (and misapplications) of the Law of Moses, not the whole purpose of it: Jesus Christ."

Oh, it's so good. The article is not very long, and I encourage you to read it for yourself. And then talk about it with your children. :) I am grateful for this little refresher course on how to teach children and youth. I want my children to stay true to the doctrine of Jesus Christ more than anything, so I better make sure that they know it, and not just the application of it.

because it's almost Mother's Day

Every Mother's Day for the past four years, I have taken a photo with my children on our living room step. This is the first time I've seen them all together, and oh, I love them! It is one of my favorite traditions. Look how teeny Elliot was in that first one!

Mother's Day can be tricky. I have found that what works best for me is to do everything that I normally do, while trying really hard to have gratitude in my heart for the opportunity. I have been blessed with some really wonderful kids to mother, and that is reason to celebrate! And if I get flowers or chocolate or a card on top of that, then it should be a really great day.

But here's the thing. Lately, I have been feeling under appreciated. I don't want to go into Mother's Day feeling that way. I don't ever want to feel that way. It doesn't lead to any sort of happiness, but sometimes that feeling is hard to shake. But when Sister Eubank read this quote from Eliza R. Snow in her Women's Conference address, I got the shaking I was looking for:

Sister Snow said, "We want to be ladies in very deed, not according to the term of the word as the world judges, but fit companions of the Gods and Holy Ones. In an organized capacity we can assist each other in not only doing good but in refining ourselves. ... Women should be women and not babies that need petting and correction all the time. I know we like to be appreciated but if we do not get all the appreciation which we think is our due, what matters? We know the Lord has laid high responsibility upon us, and there is not a wish or desire that the Lord has implanted in our hearts in righteousness but will be realized, and the greatest good we can do to ourselves and each other is to refine and cultivate ourselves in everything that is good and ennobling to qualify us for those responsibilities."

Oh man, she just laid it all out there, didn't she? Sister Snow was a wise and strong lady, and I admire her greatly. And so I am going to do what she says and stop seeking appreciation. I have a work to do and it is really important, so I best get on with it and stop feeling sorry for myself.

And also, grow my hair back out. I need to do that, too. :)

more like Mary

 

These are the busiest days of my motherhood, and I don't think things are going to slow down. As my children get older and are more involved in school and sports and music and church and everything else that is beneficial and good, I think this will become the norm. I have never been a "busy" person, and so this new reality has been a difficult adjustment for me. But I had a revelation at the temple this morning and I'd like to share it here.

I have always been uncomfortable with the story of Mary and Martha. Remember, when Jesus Christ came to their house, Martha got busy. There was legitimate work that needed to be done to prepare for and accommodate His visit, and she was going to see that it was completed. Mary, on the other hand, ignored the work and sat at the Savior's feet. I have always been a Martha, and so when the Savior gently rebuked her for complaining that Mary wasn't helping, I couldn't help but take a small bit of offense. But I am beginning to see that sometimes (all the times), I need to be a Mary.

So when there is housework to be done and children to shuttle and food to prepare and so much sewing to do, I can't lose sight of the most important work--the spiritual and holy work--for myself and my family. On our busiest days, I need to set aside those less important things to make sure I am making time for personal and family scripture study, for meaningful personal and family prayer, and for things like Family Home Evening, family councils, and church callings.

I was feeling particularly burdened by my load this morning and thought about skipping my weekly temple time to get some work done. But I remembered the commitment I had made to my Heavenly Father to get to the temple as often as I can, and I remembered how great I feel when I visit the temple, so I went. And in the midst of my worry and weariness, the Spirit taught me (as it does every time I let it).

Here's to being more like Mary, for setting aside more time for holiness and for worrying a little less about the less important things.

to the women

This Saturday will be the semi-annual Women's Conference of our church, where leaders (mostly women) speak specifically to girls and women. I look forward to it every six months. To get ready, I figured that I had better review what was said last time. As I reread the talks that were given last September, Bonnie L. Oscarson's talk, Rise Up in Strength, Sisters in Zion, really caught my attention.

Sister Oscarson talked about the challenges women face these days. To counteract the influence of the world around us, she said, "We need women who have a bedrock understanding of the doctrine of Christ and who will use that understanding to teach and help raise a sin-resistant generation. We need women who can detect deception in all of its forms. We need women who know how to access the power that God makes available to covenant keepers and who express their beliefs with confidence and charity. We need women who have the courage and vision of our Mother Eve."

She continued, "It will take concerted effort to be converted and to keep our covenants. To do so, we need to be girls and women who study the essential doctrines of the gospel and have an unshakable testimony of their truthfulness."

She suggested three areas that she believes are foundational to strong testimonies: "First, we need to acknowledge the centrality of God our Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, to our faith and salvation. . . Second, we need to understand the need for the restoration of the doctrine, organization, and keys of authority in these latter days. . . And third, we need to study and understand temple ordinances and covenants."

These truths have buoyed me time and time again. Through prayer, scripture study, and consistent temple attendance, I have gained a testimony of them. But that doesn't mean I can stop there. Like Sister Oscarson said, it requires a "concerted effort", which means constant and focused.

Finally, Sister Oscarson shared some very applicable and common sense advice when it comes to teaching our children. She said, "I worry that we live in such an atmosphere of avoiding offense that we sometimes altogether avoid teaching correct principles. We fail to teach our young women that preparing to be a mother is of utmost importance because we don't want to offend those who aren't married or those who can't have children or to be seen as stifling future choices. On the other hand, we may also fail to emphasize the importance of education because we don't want to send the message that it is more important than marriage. We avoid declaring that our Heavenly Father defines marriage as being between a man and woman because we don't want to offend those who experience same-sex attraction. And we may find it uncomfortable to discuss gender issues or healthy sexuality.

"Certainly, sisters, we need to use sensitivity, but let us also use our common sense and our understanding of the plan of salvation to be bold and straightforward when it comes to teaching our children and youth the essential gospel principles they must understand to navigate the wold in which they live. If we don't teach our children and youth true doctrine--and teach it clearly--the world will teach them Satan's lies."

What a good push to try harder and be better! It was just what I needed to hear at the start of this new week.

Anyone can watch the Women's Conference, by the way. It will be broadcast live at lds.org on Saturday, March 25 at 6:00pm Mountain Daylight Time, but will be available to view anytime after that.

for teens

Friday night's meeting was broadcast from a chapel in Queen Creek, about 35 minutes from me. But Saturday night's meeting, which was for teenagers and their youth leaders, was live right here in Mesa! Since I was recently asked to serve in the Young Women's organization in my ward, I got to attend Saturday night, too.

Just like Friday night's meeting, Saturday night was very casual and candid, but this one was geared toward teenagers. Here are my notes:

Elder Ballard started the meeting by sharing one word that would change the teens' lives: desire. If they desire to know the mysteries of God, or if they desire to follow Jesus Christ, then like Nephi and like Joseph Smith, they can have their own "sacred grove" experience, which will help them remain true to the teachings of the gospel.

On the proper use of media: Elder Rasband urged the youth to be connected to the church's media sites. He cautioned them to police themselves. The adversary has entered into our personal space through our devices. If we dedicate time to the word of God each day, we will be able to better withstand the offerings of the adversary.

On preparing for a mission: Elder Ballard said that if desire is focused in the right place, it will be easy to stay morally clean and serve a mission. He said that they should do all that they can to prepare, but leave some time for fun, too. Learn to be a hard worker, make prayer more meaningful. For girls (who are not expected to serve missions) listen to the Spirit when deciding whether or not to go. Focus instead on living the way Heavenly Father wants you to live. Don't be nervous to share the gospel, just stand tall. Anxiety can become a problem when we are too anchored in the internet. Learn to talk to people face to face. When you have a question, seek the answer from the Lord before seeking it elsewhere.

On being happy: Elder Robbins said that the more we become like Jesus Christ, the happier we will be. Because He was always serving others, he was always happy, and so can we be. Pray for happiness and for the opportunity to use our talents to serve others. Smile more. It is a choice.

On opposition and peer pressure: Elder Costa said "It is better to prevent than to fix." Choose good friends. If you are with friends and they make bad choices, leave. Don't stay to be a good example. Just leave.

On dating and marriage: Elder Ballard reminded that kids that one date with someone does not make you a couple! Keep yourself pure and clean. Don't let the world dictate how we live. Stay close to your parents. Have fun. Don't do anything to mar the beauty of your spirit. And never, never ask someone on a date through a text message. :)

The overall feeling that I got from both of these meetings was that the answers are always simple. Live the gospel. Be happy. Serve others. If our desire is in the right place, we will already be doing the right things. Don't worry too much, everything will will be ok in the end.

for parents

Sometimes the responsibility of parenting these children feels really heavy and I wonder if I am teaching them everything they need to know. Well, on Friday night, Mike and I attended a special meeting just for parents, held here in the Phoenix Metropolitan area. Elder Ballard and Elder Rasband were in attendance, as well as other general authorities from our church. It was a casual, candid setting and I really enjoyed learning from these men. I promised to share my notes here. I hope you find them as helpful as I did.

On overcoming spiritual apathy: Elder Ballard suggested making prayer, scripture study, family home evening, and family councils a priority. Never allow our love for Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ to be secondary to other things. Don't give ourselves or our children time to become apathetic. Be anxiously engaged in the gospel together.

On social media: Elder Rasband said that we need to strategize. We need to be prayerful and come up with a plan to protect our children from the negative effects of social media. We need to create an environment where our children can come to us with questions. As we answer their questions, we should try to use the Savior's words. We need to set boundaries together on internet/social media use as a family council.

Elder Robbins talked about how unfortunately our children sometimes seek their self worth in the internet. They compare themselves to the perfection they see portrayed there and can feel diminished. He says youth are looking for their identity on the internet, so point them toward family history work. This will help them find their true identity. The more time they spend on the internet, the lower their self worth will be. As parents, we need to help them to not be idle, and to retire early and arise early. Revelation comes best in the early morning hours. Also, Heavenly Father often publicly praised His Son. How often do we do that? We need to catch our children doing good and praise them for it. If we observe them, we can give them a true reflection of who they really are. Make a conscious effort to notice the good. We are their best mirror and can help them recognize their worth. Also, use For the Strength of Youth to plan family home evening lessons.

On pornography: Elder Costa made four good points. 1- Assume they have been exposed to it already. 2- Hold frequent father interviews. Guided by the spirit, ask questions to determine if it is a pattern or just a single incident. 3- Turn on our devices only once our intention is clear. Once you have accomplished your purpose, turn them off again. Don't idly scroll. 4- Have hope. Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, anything can be overcome, including pornography.

On preparing for missions: Elder Ballard had some great advice. He said preparation should start early. Make sure our children know our expectations. Know your child's friends. Help them get a job and earn some money so that they know how to work. Help them be responsible for their own things. Teach them to pick up after themselves. Help them to read the Book of Mormon on their own and gain a testimony of it. Sit with your children and have them bear their testimony of Jesus Christ to you. If they can't, or aren't sure of His role in their life, help them to learn about Him. Read Preach My Gospel together. Teach them the value of one soul. Help them to understand what Christ did in Gethsemane for each of us.

I don't remember who said this, but we need to respect our child's agency. We teach them the doctrine, but we have to leave them at the crossroads of decision, trusting that the Holy Ghost will guide them and that they will listen.

happy weekend

How in the world is it Friday already?! This is one of those weeks where the days really flew by, which makes the weekend even more exciting, doesn't it? We are all ready for a break.

Tonight Mike and I get to go to a large, regional meeting at church for parents of teenagers. And then tomorrow night I get to bring my class of 14-16 year old girls to another meeting just for the teens. I will take copious notes and share them next week. I am really looking forward to hearing the wisdom from some leaders in our church on the issues parents of teens face these days. I think it's going to be good.

I talked about this on instagram the other day, but I'll share it here, too. Elliot's reading has really improved since we started taking turns reading the scriptures out loud during dinner. I used to read the scriptures to the kids in the morning while they ate their breakfast, and that worked fine. But this school year our schedules have changed and dinner time reading is a better fit for our family. We keep a set of inexpensive scriptures on a cake stand in the middle of our table at all times, so they are easily accessible and easily replaceable, since we pass them around while we are eating and greasy fingers are inevitable. It is a nice break from the evening rush.

I'm in a major dinner rut. We've been eating too many potatoes and eggs at our house lately. What is your go-to dinner recipe? I'd love to try something new.

I hope the sun is shining wherever you are this weekend!

recommitted

I've heard this quote from Marion G. Romney lots of times, but our stake president reminded me of it yesterday during our ward conference and I wanted to share it here: "I feel certain that if, in our homes, parents will read from the Book of Mormon prayerfully and regularly, both by themselves and with their children, the spirit of that great book will come to permeate our homes and all who dwell therein. The spirit of reverence will increase; mutual respect and consideration for each other will grow. The spirit of contention will depart. Parents will counsel their children in greater love and wisdom. Children will be more responsive and submissive to the counsel of their parents. Righteousness will increase. Faith, hope, and charity --the pure love of Christ-- will abound in our homes and lives, bringing in their wake peace, joy, and happiness."

There are so many really wonderful promises in that little paragraph. We try to read the Book of Mormon together as a family during dinner, but hearing this quote again yesterday made me want to make sure we don't miss a night. I want the blessings that Elder Romney promised for my family, and I know that we can have them if we are faithful and diligent in our reading.

Something else that I loved that Elder Romney said in his talk: "If we would avoid adopting the evils of the world, we must pursue a course which will daily feed our minds with and call them back to the things of the Spirit. I know of no better way to do this than by daily reading the Book of Mormon."

I have read the Book of Mormon lots of times in my life, but I have really grown to love it the past few years (not coincidentally because I've made studying it, not just reading it, a higher priority in my life). I find answers to my questions on how to parent my children, how to love my neighbor, and how to follow Jesus Christ in its pages. I find strength to stay true to my religion, and most of all, I find peace.

I'd love to share a copy of it with you, if you'd like. Email me at barefootstephanie@gmail.com and I'll pop one in the mail to you!

a small piece of good advice

I have lots of experience parenting small children, but when it comes to my older kids, I am in uncharted waters. Most of the time I wonder if I am doing it right. I found this little bit of wisdom from President Monson helpful, and wanted to pass it on.

He said, "Give your child a compliment and a hug; say, 'I love you' more; always express your thanks. Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved."

I think my kids are the best, really and truly. But do I tell them that I feel that way? Do I ever say thank you for being kind and obedient and helpful? Probably not often enough. We have a tendency towards sarcasm at our house, and I think we need to make a greater effort to be sincere in our compliments and affection, even when it doesn't come naturally. It's a good goal for a new week.


Lots of other, good snippets of advice from President Monson about fostering love at home here.

our only safety

My Sunday School lesson yesterday was titled, "How do the commandments help me learn to be more like Heavenly Father?" I wish I had shared this quote from Elder Eyring with my class:

"The Master knows what it is to have the cares of life press upon us. And He knows that both the trials we face and our human powers to deal with them ebb and flow. And so He offers us the covenants to 'always remember him' and the warning to 'pray always' so that we will place our reliance on Him, our only safety. It is not hard to know what to do. As the forces around us increase in intensity, whatever spiritual strength was once sufficient will not be enough. Both the need for spiritual strength and the opportunity to acquire it will increase at rates which we underestimate at our peril."

I believe that Heavenly Father gave us commandments and covenants to keep us safe, and as Elder Eyring said, we need them now more than ever.

In a talk by Elder Christofferson referenced in my lesson, he says:

"Sadly, much of modern Christianity does not acknowledge that God makes any real demands on those who believe in Him, seeing Him rather as a butler 'who meets their needs when summoned' or a therapist whose role is to help people 'feel good about themselves.' It is a religious outlook that 'makes no pretense at changing lives.' 'By contrast,' as one author declares, 'the God portrayed in both the Hebrew and Christian scriptures asks, not just for commitment, but for our very lives. The God of the Bible traffics in life and death, not niceness, and calls for sacrificial love, not benign whatever-ism.'"

At any rate, yesterday left me with a greater desire to turn my heart to God, to keep His commandments, and to commit myself more fully to Him. After all, He knows what is best for me. He, who created this earth and this life, knows what I need to help me return to Him.

Yesterday was a happy day at our house. Mabel gave a really well-written talk in Sacrament meeting and Oliver was ordained a deacon. I really love the people these kids are becoming and I am grateful for their happy, helpful influences in our home.

happy weekend

Elliot woke up yesterday with a fever and a yucky feeling in his stomach. Any plans I had for the day went out the window and we hunkered down with the iPad and a big bowl instead. He is feeling perkier now and is back to school today, but yesterday made me realize how grateful I am to be in a position to change my plans at a moment's notice and stay home if I need to. It reminded me that being a stay at home mom, even when my kids are at school all day, is what I want to be doing. I am thankful for the reminder.

Stella has her first volleyball game tomorrow. No one on her team has ever played before, and they've only had one practice, so the game should be fun. Right? And lucky Mabel gets to take the PSAT! So, this weekend will be a good one. Ha! Mike has been so busy with school, that I am hoping for a night out so that I can remember what he looks like.

After totally slipping on my no-sugar plan for the past two weeks, I am back on track and it feels great. I don't know why it is so easy to slip into old habits. No, I don't need a few chocolate chips after every meal. I just need a big glass of water, darnit. My friend asked me this week if I really feel that much better when I am not eating sugar, and the answer is yes. Even after just one day of getting back on it, I felt better. Have you tried it? What did you think?

The mornings have felt ever so slightly cool around here for the past few days, so I am hopeful that fall will come, after all. This is usually the time of year when I start to lose the will to live (Not really, of course, but I just want to wear jeans! Is that too much to ask?!), so the cooler mornings feel really good.

I hope you are breaking out your sweaters and booties, wherever you are.

Have a happy weekend!

identity

I love this print hanging in my girls' room. It says "He who created and knows the stars knows you and your name" from President Uchtdorff, and it goes along quite nicely with this week's Conference Report.


Have you ever been sitting in a church meeting and a speaker said exactly what you needed to hear? That happened to me at Stake Conference this weekend, although I didn't recognize it at the time. But as I have been thinking about the things I learned, one speaker's message stands out in my memory and feels like an answer to prayer.

Now that my kids are in school all day, I have struggled to find a purpose. Maybe I am being dramatic and just thinking about it too much, but I have honestly felt a little bit adrift. The message I heard during Stake Conference was to remember that above all else--before my calling as a mother and a wife, even--I am a daughter of God, and that He knows me, He knows my concerns and worries, that He loves me, and He wants to help me.

After our meetings and a really good Sunday nap, I remembered this talk from our last General Conference. As I reread it yesterday afternoon, the message I heard in Stake Conference was strengthened in my heart.

I'd like to share some of my favorite parts below:

Elder Hallstrom said, "Here on earth, we identify ourselves in many different ways, including our place of birth, our nationality, and our language. Some even identify themselves by their occupation or their hobby. These earthly identities are not wrong unless they supersede or interfere with our eternal identity--that of being a son or a daughter of God."

So if I am having a hard time identifying myself as a mother from the hours of 8am to 3pm, it is because I have placed that identity above my eternal identity of daughter of God. And in this lies my confusion or loneliness.

Elder Hallstrom continues, "In real life we face hardships. There is pain--physical, emotional, and spiritual. There are heartbreaks when circumstances are very different from what we have anticipated. There is injustice when we do not seem to deserve our situation. There are disappointments when someone we trusted failed us. There are health and financial setbacks that can be disorienting. There may be times of question when a matter of doctrine or history is beyond our current understanding.

"When difficult things occur in our lives, what is our immediate response? Is it confusion or doubt or spiritual withdrawal? Is it a blow to our faith? Do we blame God or others for our circumstances? Or is our first response to remember who we are--that we are children of a loving God? Is that coupled with an absolute trust that He allows some earthly suffering because He knows it will bless us, like a refiner's fire, to become like Him, and to gain our eternal inheritance?"

I would never liken my current situation to actual, real suffering, but this message is powerful to me nonetheless. Any confusion or uncertainty I feel in this new stage of my life can be washed away in the knowledge that I am a child of God. If I can keep that identity first and foremost in my mind, then I will find the focus that was lacking in my days.

One final message from Elder Hallstrom: "We live in a world that can cause us to forget who we really are. The more distractions that surround us, the easier it is to treat casually, then ignore, and then forget our connection with God. . . no matter where we live and no matter what our circumstances are, it is essential that our preeminent identity is as a child of God. Knowing that will allow our faith to flourish, will motivate our continual repentance, and will provide the strength to 'be steadfast and immovable' throughout our mortal journey."


Read, watch, or listen to the entire talk here.

happy weekend

I need more of this in my life. Our afternoons are quickly filling up with things like piano and choir and homework. I try to limit our activities, but we somehow end up feeling too busy anyway. Thank goodness it's Friday. Lots of downtime is just what our family needs right now.

In fact, Elliot is home sick from school today, and I am kind of glad he gets to take it easy. First grade is really wearing him out!

As I have been trying to figure out this new stage of my life, this little video was good reminder to focus on what matters most, and maybe to slow down a little, too. The difficulty of this transition has taken me by surprise. I thought I'd feel fancy free, but I mostly feel a little lost. After 14 years of caring for small children all day, having them gone at school has thrown me for a loop. I am trying to find the balance between using all of this time wisely while still feeling like I have a purpose. Last week involved lots of house cleaning. This week I spent a lot of time making dinner. But I don't want to spend all of my time doing either one of those things. I think I am slowly finding a routine, and that feels good.

Anyway, are you having good tv withdrawals now that the Olympics are over? Don't worry, Poldark Season Two starts soon. Hooray!

It's my birthday tomorrow, and even though Mike will be at school and church meetings all day, I am going to make it a good one. I have grand plans for elaborate chores the children can do for me to celebrate. Things like cutting up the branches I trimmed out of the orange trees this week and baking me a cheesecake. :)

Have a happy weekend!

hello again

About a year ago, I gave up my smart phone. I was having a hard time keeping it out of my hand, so I took a break from it. During that break, I did some soul searching. Did I actually need a smart phone? No. Could I really live without it? Yes! But the thing is, giving up my smart phone didn't really solve my problem. I was still looking at instagram too much, but now it was on our little iPad instead. What to do? Get rid of instagram?! Heavens! I was moments away from taking just such a drastic step when I got a chatbook in the mail. Shoot. Chatbooks are our favorite. I never ever print photos, let alone put them in a photo book, so chatbooks are the best. They take photos from your instagram and automatically send you a little book every month. My kids love them. They are the only non-digital record of our life and I wasn't ready to give that up.

And then something happened. Like the flipping of a switch, my attitude about instagram changed and I am so grateful. Instead of thinking of it as something to fill the time when I had a spare moment, I started to think of it as a place to document our family life. Period. It's always mostly been about that for me, but with a good amount of time wasting added in. Now I can post a photo, but I don't have to see how many likes it gets. I can scroll through my feed to see what my close friends and family are up to, but I don't need to follow everyone in the world (like people I knew a million years ago or people I've never even met!). I can go a day or two without looking at it, and I certainly don't have to check it right before I fall asleep every night. If I can think of it just as a place to post photos for our family record, I think I'll be ok.

But I can feel my old habits creeping back in, ever so slowly. Here's the good news: because of the long break I took from my smart phone, it is easier to recognize when I need to take a step back and put the phone down and walk away.

Some rules I made for myself: Instagram isn't on my home screen. I have to search for it. And the search function and the news tab inside of the app are off limits. The sound doesn't work on my ancient iPhone, so the new instagram stories are pretty much pointless. And that's ok with me!

The new school year always feels like a fresh start. Even though I'm alone for most of the day now (!) and no one can see if I'm wasting time on my phone or not, I know that I can be better. There is a difference in my day when I spend too much time on my phone. It makes me feel frazzled and anxious. This is a good chance to get back to some good habits.

But I have to tell you, texting is SO much easier on a smart phone. And maps! I missed those maps!

kindness

We don't put a lot of emphasis on a school year theme at our house, but I like to choose one, anyway. It's nice to have it plastered on the door to the garage so we see it a million times a day. I hope that even though we don't talk a lot about it, the messages we have chosen each year are making an impact on our children.

This year's theme is "kindness begins with me." I chose this as my own personal New Year's resolution (I wrote a post about it here), and now I want to extend it to the rest of my family. My children are bright. I don't worry about their academic success, but I do worry about their quality of their characters. More than smart children, I want kind children. And so, this year, every time we step into the kitchen, we will see the words "kindness begins with me" staring back at us.

Stella is going to teach our family home evening lesson about the parable of the Good Samaritan tonight. I think it will be a good introduction to our theme.

I will share this quote from our previous prophet, Gordon B. Hinckley: "There is no end to the good we can do, to the influence we can have with others. Let us not dwell on the critical or the negative. Let us pray for strength; let us pray for capacity and desire to assist others. Let us radiate the light of the gospel at all times and in all places, that the Spirit of the Redeemer may radiate from us."

It's easy to get caught up in our own stuff--our own fears, our own responsibilities, our own desires, etc. I want my children to look beyond their small selves and see people around them who might need help, or a smile, or a kind word. I know that when I make a greater effort to do this myself, I am happier. Those fears and heavy responsibilities fade. My desires become less important. I am more content and more at peace. I want this for my children, too.


Quote from President Hinckley's talk here.

Who would you most like to have dinner with?

I know this is just a commercial, but I thought the message was powerful and sweet. It made me really grateful for the opportunity to sit with my kids around the dinner table almost every night, and a little more willing to cook that blasted dinner, too.