The thing they all have in common is the beauty myth. The first and third videos are teenage girls talking about their lives and the second is a really interesting ad. Enjoy, I did.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Saturday, October 14, 2006
More Fun Blogging
I kick SO much ass. I was fooling around with some quizzes and I got these results:
Most Comprehensive X-Men Personality Quiz 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com
HA! HahahahhahahahHHHAAAAhahahaHa!
Which X-Men character are you most like? |
 You are Rogue!You are sexy and strong willed, and able to take on just about anyone. You long for a serious relationship, but whenever you begin to get close to someone things always seem to take turns for the worse. But you have dealt with this lack of closeness with an almost constant flirtacious behavior. Take this quiz!  Quizilla | Join | Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code |
| You scored as Wolverine. Wolverine is a loner, and a skilled fighter. He's got the hots for Jean Grey but a better fit for him would be Storm. He doesn't like to follow orders which pisses Cyclops off. He has terrible memories from the experimentation done on him at Weapon X. Even though he doesn't show it, he loves the X-Men. Powers: Fast healing and adamantium skeleton and claws. |
Most Comprehensive X-Men Personality Quiz 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com
HA! HahahahhahahahHHHAAAAhahahaHa!
Friday, October 13, 2006
Friday Fun Blogging
My little boy Logan is soooooooo cute. This was his first time outside.
If you run a mac, and love old radio shows (i.e. theatre/radio series) Then you MUST get this widget. I have been listening to it for hours. I love this thing so much. All these undiscovered (by me) radio serials with lovely period music in between shows. Ohhh...gotta go, Glenn Miller!
If you run a mac, and love old radio shows (i.e. theatre/radio series) Then you MUST get this widget. I have been listening to it for hours. I love this thing so much. All these undiscovered (by me) radio serials with lovely period music in between shows. Ohhh...gotta go, Glenn Miller!
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Because I'm lazy...Girls Gone Wild
(and mainly because I don't want to create a login name, etc) I am responding here to the plea for help in the comments of my last post.
There seems to be a discussion going on here discussing Levy's Female Chauvinist Pigs.
I'll respond to some of the comments that struck my eye as I go along.
I get sick of "feminists" trying to say that there's essentially one way to be a woman. If we're going to say that women are free to be, do, say, think whatever they want, then that also includes being a "girl gone wild" as well as a Senator or CEO.
See, I have never said that. I know very few feminists that say that. I know rad fems who are spinsters and ones who are stay at home moms. I am so sick of hearing about how feminists tell women what they should do with their life. We don't even tell people to stop watching porn: we tell them that porn is harmful to women, give them evidence and examples, and hope upon hope that they will stop. (Every thinking person should be able to see that easily once awoken to the problems inherent in porn.)
This isn't true. There's a whole movement afoot among feminists who are distressed that educated women are leaving their careers in favor of staying home with their children. It's been said that these educated career women are doing a disservice to the femininst movement and are disrespecting those who came before.
Ok, who's saying this? I'm one of those "crazy" radicals, and I think that staying at home with kids is a noble cause. I want women (and men) to be compensated for staying home. They do as much work as anyone else and deserve to be paid. I'm not alone in this belief. (Especially among radical feminists.)
The last thing I expected this thread to be about was things like Girls Gone Wild. I view that as a sign of how hedonistic our society has become.
What did come into my head when I saw your title is women who have a low view of men. Women who treat their men like children. Women who expect certain treatment from their men but don't reciprocate. Women who want their freedom and choices but don't allow men theirs. There are a lot of them out there.
You're right, we want to be treated with respect and we're the horrible oppressors. Just look at how much freedom we have in this society!
Freedom to walk alone at night, freedom to have friends and acquaintences over without fear, freedom to be safe in our own home, freedom to earn pay equal to our skills, freedom to make laws that benefit our sex, freedom to choose, freedom to wear whatever we want and not be seen as pornography, freedom to be treated as an equal human being, freedom to go out alone and not be "asking for it", freedom from harrassment, freedom to be oblivious to our surroundings, freedom to walk away from a family without repercussions/actually being held accountable for repercussions......(you get the point.)
Oh wait! That's the freedom that MEN have that women don't! Shit! So, who's oppressing who here?
One of the examples give was that "...We are not pursuing the confident, self-determined, powerful, free ideal the women’s liberation movement would have dreamed for its daughters. Instead, our icons are porn stars and strippers and prostitutes. Paris Hilton and Jenna Jameson flaunt their successes in the pornography industry, and in doing so seem to earn our adulation."
Well perhaps when they stop selling the sleazy clothes and those whorish looking dolls for girls we won't have anymore Paris Hiltons!!
Actually it has more to do then just selling clothes. It's about what young women are taught by the media and their peers. They (as I was) are taught that women's worth is in how much sex appeal they have to men. The women and girls who appear in things like Girls Gone Wild have been taught this. Even women who don't flash a camera for male attention and approval are taught this. The fact is that now women are not valued for their ability to do anything. they are valued for their looks, and things like Girls Gone Wild understands and exploits this. The girls are compensated for becoming pornography by being given a hat or t-shirt that tells the men who weren't there they they are hip, with it, and most of all that they have bought in to the patriarchal ideal that women are pornography.
The effects of which not only affect these women, but the college age men (and younger) who believe that deep down every girl or woman who eschews the idea of being walking pornography really wants it.
And that's the heart of the matter.
The idea that men's exploitation, abuse, and oppression of women turns any of us, even the ones fighting against it, into their idea of who we are and what our real wants are. Say no? Well that guy thinks that you're just playing hard to get and really mean yes. What do we call this? Why is it any different then the ideas that push things like Girls Gone Wild on us? Because really that's what it boils down to. Men's beliefs in who we are and how we should act, which is always incredibly self serving.
What we are seeing is women exercising their sexual freedom.
I disagree with this. I think women are being exploited sexually more now than ever before, and it has nothing to do with sexual freedom but everything to do with the media portray of women's sexual freedoms. (somehow I don't think that makes sense as I've written it, but it makes sense in my head ). I'm saddened by how some women are being exploited and demeaned by the "still-male-dominated" corporate and media machine.
The women's lib movement was all about gaining the right of women to choose. Whatever path a woman takes in her life is OK - as long as she is legitimately making a free choice to do so. Anything short of that is a failure of the movement. As someone said "Stay at home mom or executive, saint or slut" - there are choices, but I still do not believe that women have suffient support systems out there - including support from other women who have made other choices - for us to be considered truly "liberated". Frankly, I think there is still a battle or two to be fought before we really win the women's rights war.
HALLELUJAH!! See I'm not alone. If women had true sexual freedom they would be able to express it in their own ways: not the ways that men have proscribed as women's sexuality. But alas, we aren't free. We have to operate within the patriarchal definition of sexuality, which (suprise, suprise) discounts women as beings with sexual agency, but as masturabatory material for men.
(Remeber, especially if you're coming from that forum that I'm talking about men as a group and that individual men can and do buck the patriarchal system.)
There seems to be a discussion going on here discussing Levy's Female Chauvinist Pigs.
I'll respond to some of the comments that struck my eye as I go along.
I get sick of "feminists" trying to say that there's essentially one way to be a woman. If we're going to say that women are free to be, do, say, think whatever they want, then that also includes being a "girl gone wild" as well as a Senator or CEO.
See, I have never said that. I know very few feminists that say that. I know rad fems who are spinsters and ones who are stay at home moms. I am so sick of hearing about how feminists tell women what they should do with their life. We don't even tell people to stop watching porn: we tell them that porn is harmful to women, give them evidence and examples, and hope upon hope that they will stop. (Every thinking person should be able to see that easily once awoken to the problems inherent in porn.)
This isn't true. There's a whole movement afoot among feminists who are distressed that educated women are leaving their careers in favor of staying home with their children. It's been said that these educated career women are doing a disservice to the femininst movement and are disrespecting those who came before.
Ok, who's saying this? I'm one of those "crazy" radicals, and I think that staying at home with kids is a noble cause. I want women (and men) to be compensated for staying home. They do as much work as anyone else and deserve to be paid. I'm not alone in this belief. (Especially among radical feminists.)
The last thing I expected this thread to be about was things like Girls Gone Wild. I view that as a sign of how hedonistic our society has become.
What did come into my head when I saw your title is women who have a low view of men. Women who treat their men like children. Women who expect certain treatment from their men but don't reciprocate. Women who want their freedom and choices but don't allow men theirs. There are a lot of them out there.
You're right, we want to be treated with respect and we're the horrible oppressors. Just look at how much freedom we have in this society!
Freedom to walk alone at night, freedom to have friends and acquaintences over without fear, freedom to be safe in our own home, freedom to earn pay equal to our skills, freedom to make laws that benefit our sex, freedom to choose, freedom to wear whatever we want and not be seen as pornography, freedom to be treated as an equal human being, freedom to go out alone and not be "asking for it", freedom from harrassment, freedom to be oblivious to our surroundings, freedom to walk away from a family without repercussions/actually being held accountable for repercussions......(you get the point.)
Oh wait! That's the freedom that MEN have that women don't! Shit! So, who's oppressing who here?
One of the examples give was that "...We are not pursuing the confident, self-determined, powerful, free ideal the women’s liberation movement would have dreamed for its daughters. Instead, our icons are porn stars and strippers and prostitutes. Paris Hilton and Jenna Jameson flaunt their successes in the pornography industry, and in doing so seem to earn our adulation."
Well perhaps when they stop selling the sleazy clothes and those whorish looking dolls for girls we won't have anymore Paris Hiltons!!
Actually it has more to do then just selling clothes. It's about what young women are taught by the media and their peers. They (as I was) are taught that women's worth is in how much sex appeal they have to men. The women and girls who appear in things like Girls Gone Wild have been taught this. Even women who don't flash a camera for male attention and approval are taught this. The fact is that now women are not valued for their ability to do anything. they are valued for their looks, and things like Girls Gone Wild understands and exploits this. The girls are compensated for becoming pornography by being given a hat or t-shirt that tells the men who weren't there they they are hip, with it, and most of all that they have bought in to the patriarchal ideal that women are pornography.
The effects of which not only affect these women, but the college age men (and younger) who believe that deep down every girl or woman who eschews the idea of being walking pornography really wants it.
And that's the heart of the matter.
The idea that men's exploitation, abuse, and oppression of women turns any of us, even the ones fighting against it, into their idea of who we are and what our real wants are. Say no? Well that guy thinks that you're just playing hard to get and really mean yes. What do we call this? Why is it any different then the ideas that push things like Girls Gone Wild on us? Because really that's what it boils down to. Men's beliefs in who we are and how we should act, which is always incredibly self serving.
What we are seeing is women exercising their sexual freedom.
I disagree with this. I think women are being exploited sexually more now than ever before, and it has nothing to do with sexual freedom but everything to do with the media portray of women's sexual freedoms. (somehow I don't think that makes sense as I've written it, but it makes sense in my head ). I'm saddened by how some women are being exploited and demeaned by the "still-male-dominated" corporate and media machine.
The women's lib movement was all about gaining the right of women to choose. Whatever path a woman takes in her life is OK - as long as she is legitimately making a free choice to do so. Anything short of that is a failure of the movement. As someone said "Stay at home mom or executive, saint or slut" - there are choices, but I still do not believe that women have suffient support systems out there - including support from other women who have made other choices - for us to be considered truly "liberated". Frankly, I think there is still a battle or two to be fought before we really win the women's rights war.
HALLELUJAH!! See I'm not alone. If women had true sexual freedom they would be able to express it in their own ways: not the ways that men have proscribed as women's sexuality. But alas, we aren't free. We have to operate within the patriarchal definition of sexuality, which (suprise, suprise) discounts women as beings with sexual agency, but as masturabatory material for men.
(Remeber, especially if you're coming from that forum that I'm talking about men as a group and that individual men can and do buck the patriarchal system.)
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
And here we get to the point
“If I get my dick in you, you lose.” -thelmyc in the comments at Twisty's.
Really I don't know what to say, except, for most men this is true. I don't understand it and I'll never understand it, but I still need to ask why? How can you think that? How can you live life like that? What is wrong with you?
We'll never know, but I hope feminism stops this thinking dead in it's tracks and makes it an unfortunate "comma"* in the history of the world.
(Bush said that in the history books Iraq will be nothing but a comma. It's a funny.)
Really I don't know what to say, except, for most men this is true. I don't understand it and I'll never understand it, but I still need to ask why? How can you think that? How can you live life like that? What is wrong with you?
We'll never know, but I hope feminism stops this thinking dead in it's tracks and makes it an unfortunate "comma"* in the history of the world.
(Bush said that in the history books Iraq will be nothing but a comma. It's a funny.)
Monday, October 09, 2006
From the "But I didn't know it was a crime" files
BC Teacher arrested in child porn scandal.
Video here where he admits that he downloaded the child porn images and that he "didn't know it was a crime." Because obviously only the western world is so sex-phobic that we are the only nations without child pornography laws. But no, unlike our horrible country, Turkey's first offence for child pornography carries a 5 to 10 year jail sentence. Rot in jail, asshole. That's about all I have to say.
Except, he's an elementary school teacher. He's around children all the time. Must be why he choose his profession, but can you really weed out the scum like him when we underpay and overwork our teachers. Not saying that better pay would solve the situation, but I'm not looking to become a teacher because of the low pay, and I'd rather just do pure math. Not that I don't think teaching wouldn't be great and rewarding, but it ain't gonna pay off my student loans. But there is a profile for pedophiles. If we decided to take seriously misogyny and porn addiction in our culture I think that we should be able to solve the problem of having school teachers who aren't downloading child pornography. We can start by getting rid of regular pornography. But what do I know, I'm just a hairy legged prude.
Video here where he admits that he downloaded the child porn images and that he "didn't know it was a crime." Because obviously only the western world is so sex-phobic that we are the only nations without child pornography laws. But no, unlike our horrible country, Turkey's first offence for child pornography carries a 5 to 10 year jail sentence. Rot in jail, asshole. That's about all I have to say.
Except, he's an elementary school teacher. He's around children all the time. Must be why he choose his profession, but can you really weed out the scum like him when we underpay and overwork our teachers. Not saying that better pay would solve the situation, but I'm not looking to become a teacher because of the low pay, and I'd rather just do pure math. Not that I don't think teaching wouldn't be great and rewarding, but it ain't gonna pay off my student loans. But there is a profile for pedophiles. If we decided to take seriously misogyny and porn addiction in our culture I think that we should be able to solve the problem of having school teachers who aren't downloading child pornography. We can start by getting rid of regular pornography. But what do I know, I'm just a hairy legged prude.
No, really, I'm a feminist*
As you all should know by now (I rarely blog about these things as I feel the people who read my blog read all the blogs on my sidebar and know this all ready) Amp from Alas, has sold his domain to some guy who has used it to post reviews of porn: seen here (could be triggering). Alas, I have stayed away from Alas (no pun intended) for a long ass time now, because my idea of a pro-feminist man is not someone who allows anti-feminists to beat up feminists on his blog. I think that Heart does a great job discussing it at her post.
I hate to say it, because in cases like this I'd prefer to be wrong, but I told you so.
edited to add: Witchy-Woo's take on the whole debacle.
Well known, male, ‘pro-feminist’ blogger and cartoonist of long standing with large and (mostly) loyal readership finds his site is beoming too costly to run and he’s in a bit of a financial pickle. What do you think he does? What would you do? Find a cheaper host? Go to your readership for suggestions and support, maybe. Or solicit advertising from feminist-friendly organisations, perhaps. There are a number of viable options to choose from - some more palatable than others.
and Sparkle*Matrix's take
Crocodile tears Mr Amp, you couldn’t give a flying fuck about how “Alas” readers may feel that you have “sold out” That’s a bog standard request for reassurance that events were out of your control. You want affirmations that you were not to blame for events.
and a follow up at Women's Space
*sarcasm, please.
I hate to say it, because in cases like this I'd prefer to be wrong, but I told you so.
edited to add: Witchy-Woo's take on the whole debacle.
Well known, male, ‘pro-feminist’ blogger and cartoonist of long standing with large and (mostly) loyal readership finds his site is beoming too costly to run and he’s in a bit of a financial pickle. What do you think he does? What would you do? Find a cheaper host? Go to your readership for suggestions and support, maybe. Or solicit advertising from feminist-friendly organisations, perhaps. There are a number of viable options to choose from - some more palatable than others.
and Sparkle*Matrix's take
Crocodile tears Mr Amp, you couldn’t give a flying fuck about how “Alas” readers may feel that you have “sold out” That’s a bog standard request for reassurance that events were out of your control. You want affirmations that you were not to blame for events.
and a follow up at Women's Space
*sarcasm, please.
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Happy weekend!
I hope you all are having a good one. I am refinishing some furniture I just got off craigslist, and just got Season's 1 and 2 of Veronica Mars, so it's a Veronica Marsathon at my house! With kitties and gourmet food! Woot! Happy weekend!
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
A Thought on Women and Sports
A few days ago I read Twisty's post on girl's sports and the ensuing comments which went on to argue back and forth about how men are stronger biologically, blah blah blah. I cannot emphasize how strongly I disagree. Look at Boxing champ Lucia Rijker:
Tell me that it's a matter of biological strength and not of training. Also there seems to be a side conversation about how women are shorter then men because of genetics. My own anecdotal evidence: all the women in my family are 5'5" or shorter. Dad's side; mom's side: everyone. My dad happens to be around 6 ft. I'm a little over 5'8". Now that is in no way linked to my mother's x chromosone or my father's. Ridiculousness abounds. Yeah, it's genetic. But I tower over all my relatives (the blood ones anyway). Various observations that women are always going to be short because their female relatives are has some relevance, yes, but anyone can draw the short straw in the height genetics game. When I said I tower over my relatives I also tower over all the (blood related) men in my family as well.
Muscle mass does build easier in men, but that doesn't mean that they are default stronger. Your average man was taught to try sports; to be atheletic. Your average woman, and it's definitely been my experience, is taught not to be stronger then the boys (or smarter, but that's another issue). There's still oodles of sexism in (oh for example let's take) the boxing industry. Watch Shadow Boxers and listen to the questions that the reporters ask the boxers: "What does your husband think?" "Why do you want to hit people?" Do they ask these questions of male boxers? Of course not. Even women that win Golden Gloves championships are seen as abnormal, unfeminine. And these are athletes that dedicate much of their time and lives to their sport.
Why am I using boxing? Could it be that the first boxing gym I joined the trainer was a lecherous hump who wouldn't stop making disgusting remarks to me? (Because I'm only boxing to sleep with old, disgusting boxing trainers! Right!) Could it be that I'm one of about 3 women who box in the gym I'm currently at? Could it be that as I feel stronger in my body, i.e. as I get more definition in my arms, am able to run farther and farther each week, and can't wait until the next time I spar people feel the need to either think I'm a) joking about being a boxer, or b) ask me why I do it. Sometimes they just stare at me with their mouths wide open, or giggle, or say something along the lines of "oh my god! Why?"
Tell me that it's a matter of biological strength and not of training. Also there seems to be a side conversation about how women are shorter then men because of genetics. My own anecdotal evidence: all the women in my family are 5'5" or shorter. Dad's side; mom's side: everyone. My dad happens to be around 6 ft. I'm a little over 5'8". Now that is in no way linked to my mother's x chromosone or my father's. Ridiculousness abounds. Yeah, it's genetic. But I tower over all my relatives (the blood ones anyway). Various observations that women are always going to be short because their female relatives are has some relevance, yes, but anyone can draw the short straw in the height genetics game. When I said I tower over my relatives I also tower over all the (blood related) men in my family as well.
Muscle mass does build easier in men, but that doesn't mean that they are default stronger. Your average man was taught to try sports; to be atheletic. Your average woman, and it's definitely been my experience, is taught not to be stronger then the boys (or smarter, but that's another issue). There's still oodles of sexism in (oh for example let's take) the boxing industry. Watch Shadow Boxers and listen to the questions that the reporters ask the boxers: "What does your husband think?" "Why do you want to hit people?" Do they ask these questions of male boxers? Of course not. Even women that win Golden Gloves championships are seen as abnormal, unfeminine. And these are athletes that dedicate much of their time and lives to their sport.
Why am I using boxing? Could it be that the first boxing gym I joined the trainer was a lecherous hump who wouldn't stop making disgusting remarks to me? (Because I'm only boxing to sleep with old, disgusting boxing trainers! Right!) Could it be that I'm one of about 3 women who box in the gym I'm currently at? Could it be that as I feel stronger in my body, i.e. as I get more definition in my arms, am able to run farther and farther each week, and can't wait until the next time I spar people feel the need to either think I'm a) joking about being a boxer, or b) ask me why I do it. Sometimes they just stare at me with their mouths wide open, or giggle, or say something along the lines of "oh my god! Why?"
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
I should not own a TV
So this is gonna be quick because I have to go to class, but there's a commercial that makes me scream everytime I see it, much to the dismay of my neighbours. Ok, actually 2, but there's a Philadelphia cream chesse commercial that just drives me bonkers. It's supposedly sent in heaven, they have this whole set with this woman angel. The one that I keep seeing starts out with her coming out of a meeting and meeting another woman angel for lunch. So far no problem, but then this tall, model looking model, the new angel in accounting walks by, and the 1st woman says "Have you seen how perky her wings are? They can't be real." Then the two women eating start giggling. So even in a heaven type situation we are still judging each other and making ourselves feel better by putting down other, perhaps younger, women who fit the whole ideal of feminine beauty. ARGH!
I guess it pisses me off so much for the obvbious reasons, but I would hope that if it's supposed to be heaven we would be free from the constant need to be obsessed with the patriarchal beauty standard. Now I know I shouldn't expect more from a commercial, but it drives me insane that this is pitched to us and not only perfectly normal, but ok in a supposed ideal situation. I mean why not walk up to her and say hi instead of judging her because her 'wings' happen to be 'perky'. Obviously I ask to much from commercials that prtray heaven then I should. I don't believe in heaven, but if it does exist (I am agnostic) I refuse to believe that we will behave in a catty way towards one another, but then again that's my heaven, not a patriarchal version of one that has us continuing to compete with one another based on body standards. I hate TV.
I guess it pisses me off so much for the obvbious reasons, but I would hope that if it's supposed to be heaven we would be free from the constant need to be obsessed with the patriarchal beauty standard. Now I know I shouldn't expect more from a commercial, but it drives me insane that this is pitched to us and not only perfectly normal, but ok in a supposed ideal situation. I mean why not walk up to her and say hi instead of judging her because her 'wings' happen to be 'perky'. Obviously I ask to much from commercials that prtray heaven then I should. I don't believe in heaven, but if it does exist (I am agnostic) I refuse to believe that we will behave in a catty way towards one another, but then again that's my heaven, not a patriarchal version of one that has us continuing to compete with one another based on body standards. I hate TV.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Ah school (in which the author is NOT anxiety blogging, but instead talking about patriarchy)
School's almost here which means my neighbourhood has been filled with loud drunken assholes all week. Woo. It was so quiet and peaceful. *sigh*
But what actually pisses me off more then having people screaming outside my window is that I will be subjected to another year of the school paper which has such fine pieces of journalism as a lovely piece about "spring skin" in which the author tells the women on campus that please, for the love of god, don't wear skimpy clothes. All the poor boys who can't help but turn you into pornography when you do, and they are completely defenseless. Their grades suffer and they just can't do anything except stare at your shoulder and drool from seeing skin. For them we should institute a school wide policy in which all women have to wear parkas no matter what the temperature. All skin showing is strictly prohibited (by women only, that is). Oh wait, this reminds me of something....
Really, why aren't more guys offended by this? Because according to the author, everytime you see the teensiest bit of skin (say maybe an ankle) the verbal part of your brain shuts off and you go into caveman mode. And why the hell is this in a campus paper? I generally don't read it because it is so well known as a piece of crap by anyone with half a brain, but everytime I pick it up it has sexist crap like that spread all over it. Oh joy. Here we go.
But what actually pisses me off more then having people screaming outside my window is that I will be subjected to another year of the school paper which has such fine pieces of journalism as a lovely piece about "spring skin" in which the author tells the women on campus that please, for the love of god, don't wear skimpy clothes. All the poor boys who can't help but turn you into pornography when you do, and they are completely defenseless. Their grades suffer and they just can't do anything except stare at your shoulder and drool from seeing skin. For them we should institute a school wide policy in which all women have to wear parkas no matter what the temperature. All skin showing is strictly prohibited (by women only, that is). Oh wait, this reminds me of something....
Really, why aren't more guys offended by this? Because according to the author, everytime you see the teensiest bit of skin (say maybe an ankle) the verbal part of your brain shuts off and you go into caveman mode. And why the hell is this in a campus paper? I generally don't read it because it is so well known as a piece of crap by anyone with half a brain, but everytime I pick it up it has sexist crap like that spread all over it. Oh joy. Here we go.
Has any one seen my heart? (Anxiety run amok)
I can't deal with this town. I can't deal with seeing Jason everywhere. It's the (most probable) cause of this recent anxiety swing. I also think I'm around some kind of anniversary, because I can sleep well during the day, but can't at night. I've never had this problem before so I can't help but wonder if it's something I've uncovered or my body has remembered since I have begun healing most of the obvious triggers and problems, which leads me back to where I started this post: Jason.
I can't deal with it, but I fear calling him to ask if he wants to talk (or stop by since he moved in a block away from me...fuck) when I'm sober because that might mean revealing my feelings and having to let him know (soberly) how much it hurts, how my stomach clenches and I want to cry (and yell at him) everytime I see him, which unfortunately is almost daily now. Not on purpose, mind you. We see each other, I ignore him, and he searches my face trying to make eye contact and get my attention, but all I can do is stare at some spot in the distance and pretend I don't see him 2 feet away from me, standing right in front of me. The idea of spending the summer in Savannah keeps me going most of the time, but that's a long ass time away and I fear I may just crack before that time comes.
School's starting in 2 days, and I can't figure out if I'm upset or ambivalent about it. One it'll give me things to take my mind off the fact that I have not felt heartache this horrible EVER. (This may be partially because I was never healed enough to open up in the way I did with J ever before in my life. Yay healing.) But then there's two: it'll pile stress on me and the forced socialisation and leaving of my comfortable, warm nook. It's so hard for me to make myself do assignments, but hopefully the math will continue to be enjoyable...I'm worried about the physics, because right now I don't fucking care about anything except taking my mind off how I'm feeling right now. Fuckity fuck fuck.
I can't deal with it, but I fear calling him to ask if he wants to talk (or stop by since he moved in a block away from me...fuck) when I'm sober because that might mean revealing my feelings and having to let him know (soberly) how much it hurts, how my stomach clenches and I want to cry (and yell at him) everytime I see him, which unfortunately is almost daily now. Not on purpose, mind you. We see each other, I ignore him, and he searches my face trying to make eye contact and get my attention, but all I can do is stare at some spot in the distance and pretend I don't see him 2 feet away from me, standing right in front of me. The idea of spending the summer in Savannah keeps me going most of the time, but that's a long ass time away and I fear I may just crack before that time comes.
School's starting in 2 days, and I can't figure out if I'm upset or ambivalent about it. One it'll give me things to take my mind off the fact that I have not felt heartache this horrible EVER. (This may be partially because I was never healed enough to open up in the way I did with J ever before in my life. Yay healing.) But then there's two: it'll pile stress on me and the forced socialisation and leaving of my comfortable, warm nook. It's so hard for me to make myself do assignments, but hopefully the math will continue to be enjoyable...I'm worried about the physics, because right now I don't fucking care about anything except taking my mind off how I'm feeling right now. Fuckity fuck fuck.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Ummm....
Tri-Lamb Material 65 % Nerd, 26% Geek, 56% Dork |
For The Record: A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia. A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one. A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions. You scored better than half in Nerd and Dork, earning you the coveted title of: Tri-Lamb Material. The classic, "80's" nerd, you are what most people think of when they think "nerd," largely due to 80's movies like Revenge of the Nerds and TV shows like Head of the Class. You're exceptionally bright and smart, and partly because of that have never quite fit in with your peers or social groups. Perhaps you've realized, or will someday, that it is possible to retain all of the things that you like about being brilliant and still make peace with the social cliques around you. Or maybe you won't--it's really not necessary. As the brothers of Lambda Lambda Lambda discovered, you're fine just the way you are and can take pride in that. I mean, who wants to be like Ogre, right!? Congratulations! |
I took it again:
Pure Nerd 65 % Nerd, 26% Geek, 39% Dork |
For The Record: A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia. A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one. A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions. You scored better than half in Nerd, earning you the title of: Pure Nerd. The times, they are a-changing. It used to be that being exceptionally smart led to being unpopular, which would ultimately lead to picking up all of the traits and tendences associated with the "dork." No-longer. Being smart isn't as socially crippling as it once was, and even more so as you get older: eventually being a Pure Nerd will likely be replaced with the following label: Purely Successful. Congratulations! |
| Link: The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test |
I never saw the movie, and don't exactly enjoy their definition of dork. It's not my definition. And I think my definition of not fitting in is a lot different then theirs. You know, with the whole clown thing. I may be socially akward, but other people usually call that "quirky."
Friday, September 22, 2006
Fuckity fuck fuck (anxiety blogging)
God damn it. I can't sleep. I feel like I've been on the verge of an anxiety attack all week. It just keeps building and building. I can't deal with this shit. If I take an anti-anxiety med now I'll sleep through tommorrow and I can't do that. The cats need food and I have an appointment with my (kick ass rad fem) therapist. Fuck. Even mastrubating's not fun, but ever since my last sexual assault I haven't been able to orgasm (except with Thomas who lives far away and who I'm secretly (though I guess not anymore) in love with. No wonder that doesn't put me to sleep. Shit I don't even have a bath tub in which to soak and let everything drop away. No. Is it because I've been seeing Jason a lot more (ex possible unicorn now dubbed *asshole*)? I mean what? Is it that I've been on disability for 2 years and I'm waiting to hear back if they think I need to go see another government shrink and tell him all about my problems (last time it was a guy, seeing as this isn't a large city I'm assuming there's only one and at least he didn't press me to talk about my sexual assaults; not that I could mind you, I was sobbing uncontrollably at the time. FUCK. I don't know what caused this, and I don't know what'll stop it, but I'm damn sick of having PTSD. I hate everyone and I just want to sleep, but I can't even do that. Fuck. I fail at simple things like sleeping.
Oh and they upped my Zoloft to 150 mg a day. WOO WOO.
fuck. But I'm still a superhero.
Oh and they upped my Zoloft to 150 mg a day. WOO WOO.
fuck. But I'm still a superhero.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Oops on the title
Dammit. Anyone got any leads on finding affordable housing for about 20 days in December in Savannah?
Gah...my computer is being finicky about it's internet connection and wouldn't show me couchsurfing.com
Gah...my computer is being finicky about it's internet connection and wouldn't show me couchsurfing.com
New computer!
It's all shiny and I haven't been able to rip myself away from it since I got it. But now I have to go and get my teeth drilled. *sigh*
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Just popping in for a second...
I never knew that when I posted my Parsley and Vitamin C recipie for inducing a period that I would still be getting visits, that it would be the number one search that brought people here, and that I would be getting feedback from the women who have used the method.
Everytime one of you says 'thank you for posting this' I am reaffirmed in my efforts as a feminist. And everytime you say that you will pass the information on I am excited to know that this information will be spread far and wide. The people who tell me blogs are stupid do not know how much power you all have, and how much a single post can yield. All I can say is wow. I'm still in shock. That's why there have been no more "Fun with Sitemeter Posts" by the time I check sitemeter all the bullshit searches for porn, etc have been wiped away by women searching for ways to induce miscarriages. It's been the top visisted page since it was posted. I hope it's helpful, it was for me.
Also, I ordered a new computer, so you should all see me back online more regularly. Rantings and all. I miss you.
Everytime one of you says 'thank you for posting this' I am reaffirmed in my efforts as a feminist. And everytime you say that you will pass the information on I am excited to know that this information will be spread far and wide. The people who tell me blogs are stupid do not know how much power you all have, and how much a single post can yield. All I can say is wow. I'm still in shock. That's why there have been no more "Fun with Sitemeter Posts" by the time I check sitemeter all the bullshit searches for porn, etc have been wiped away by women searching for ways to induce miscarriages. It's been the top visisted page since it was posted. I hope it's helpful, it was for me.
Also, I ordered a new computer, so you should all see me back online more regularly. Rantings and all. I miss you.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Meme meme meme (real post below)
I’ve been tagged by Laurelin!
1. One book that changed your life? My first Andrea Dworkin book, "Letters from a War Zone." I was so happy to have found a book that expressed all my concerns and thoughts perfectly.
2. One book you have read more than once? This may be cheating, but the "Regarding the..." series by Katie and M. Sarah Klise. They're amazing kids books that I read when I feel down. There's (regarding the): fountain, sink, tree, and bathroom and I love those books so much.
3. One book you would want on a desert island? The unabridiged Oxford English Dictionary. Why? Because I can only have one, and this one would last a looooong ass time, and I always think about reading the entire thing from start to finish and never have enough time.
4. One book that made you laugh? "A Walk in the Woods" by Bill Bryson. Also the section on misused words in Strunk and WHite's "Elements of Style" cracks my ass up everytime.
5. One book that made you cry? "A Woman on the Edge of Time" by Marge Piercy. I understand why she had to do what she did, but it made me so sad. (It's also one of my favourite books that I've read over and over. I have two copies: one for me and one loner copy.)
6. One book you wish had been written? My book, of course.
7. One book you wish had never had been written? Geez...where do I start? How about all those horrible Howard Stern books that my ex-roommate had lying around all over. I hope that guy gets castrated by a mob of women that he's abused.
8. One book you are currently reading? "JPod" by Douglas COupland. It's Microserfs updated. I love Douglas COupland books. Guess that's why I live near Vancouver.
9. One book you have been meaning to read? Goodness gracious. I have a library of books I bought and want to read. "Pornography and Silence" by Susan Griffin.
10. Now tag five people! I tag anyone who’s reading this and hasn't been tagged since it took me so long to get around to it.
1. One book that changed your life? My first Andrea Dworkin book, "Letters from a War Zone." I was so happy to have found a book that expressed all my concerns and thoughts perfectly.
2. One book you have read more than once? This may be cheating, but the "Regarding the..." series by Katie and M. Sarah Klise. They're amazing kids books that I read when I feel down. There's (regarding the): fountain, sink, tree, and bathroom and I love those books so much.
3. One book you would want on a desert island? The unabridiged Oxford English Dictionary. Why? Because I can only have one, and this one would last a looooong ass time, and I always think about reading the entire thing from start to finish and never have enough time.
4. One book that made you laugh? "A Walk in the Woods" by Bill Bryson. Also the section on misused words in Strunk and WHite's "Elements of Style" cracks my ass up everytime.
5. One book that made you cry? "A Woman on the Edge of Time" by Marge Piercy. I understand why she had to do what she did, but it made me so sad. (It's also one of my favourite books that I've read over and over. I have two copies: one for me and one loner copy.)
6. One book you wish had been written? My book, of course.
7. One book you wish had never had been written? Geez...where do I start? How about all those horrible Howard Stern books that my ex-roommate had lying around all over. I hope that guy gets castrated by a mob of women that he's abused.
8. One book you are currently reading? "JPod" by Douglas COupland. It's Microserfs updated. I love Douglas COupland books. Guess that's why I live near Vancouver.
9. One book you have been meaning to read? Goodness gracious. I have a library of books I bought and want to read. "Pornography and Silence" by Susan Griffin.
10. Now tag five people! I tag anyone who’s reading this and hasn't been tagged since it took me so long to get around to it.
I met Ms. Jared!!! (Tales of the Bay Area)
And she's FAB-U-LOUS!!! SO is the wonderfully cute Ms. Mabel. YAY!!!
Posts to come: Industrial Workers of the World General Assembly (i.e. weekend of boring meetings) update including the ratified Gender Action Plan AND the new committee that I co-chair to write a Gender Violence policy that will become part of the by-laws of the constitution. Also will include: how many stupid white guys does it take to make me want to scream and break things? And the whole bullshit about following 'Robert's Rules' for the IWW meetings which have many rank and file members who don't have robert's rules memorised (myself included). DETAILS TO COME. Stay Tuned.
Posts to come: Industrial Workers of the World General Assembly (i.e. weekend of boring meetings) update including the ratified Gender Action Plan AND the new committee that I co-chair to write a Gender Violence policy that will become part of the by-laws of the constitution. Also will include: how many stupid white guys does it take to make me want to scream and break things? And the whole bullshit about following 'Robert's Rules' for the IWW meetings which have many rank and file members who don't have robert's rules memorised (myself included). DETAILS TO COME. Stay Tuned.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Good god damn
Why can't people be up front about shit that others do that bugs them so that the people doing the action can a) stop and b) apologise, not stay silent until a time when you have to hear about something you did a year ago that really freaked them out, but they never managed to tell you (even over a large distance in conversations held after the event took place).
Sorry if that didn't make sense. Just needed to vent, and since none (ok, one) of you will know who/what situation sparked this I felt like this was a good place to vent one of the things that really pisses me off. Like my friend who would never tell me that she didn't like hugging even though she always hugged me when we would see each other and never was awkward about it. (This came up on a night out when we were both rather tipsy and she was complaining about *another* friend who hugged her all the time. We'd (or at least people you should be friends with) would stop it if you would just tell us. *sheesh*)
Bah...I'm gonna go home and play with my cats. I can't believe I'll be away for a week and a half, and in someone else's house that will be party central this weekend, AND be full of guys I don't know. Awesome. I hope I get in touch with Soledad in the Bay Area so I have someplace safe and quiet to stay at. I don't sleep well around guys I'm not very close with, but really, can you blame me?
(Also can you blame me preferring to hang out with my cats, at least while I'm on the passive-agressive, everyone-thinks-I'm-an-asshole-for-being-blunt-and-truthful west coast.) Suddenly I don't want to go anywhere at all. Damn non-refundable plane tickets.
Sorry if that didn't make sense. Just needed to vent, and since none (ok, one) of you will know who/what situation sparked this I felt like this was a good place to vent one of the things that really pisses me off. Like my friend who would never tell me that she didn't like hugging even though she always hugged me when we would see each other and never was awkward about it. (This came up on a night out when we were both rather tipsy and she was complaining about *another* friend who hugged her all the time. We'd (or at least people you should be friends with) would stop it if you would just tell us. *sheesh*)
Bah...I'm gonna go home and play with my cats. I can't believe I'll be away for a week and a half, and in someone else's house that will be party central this weekend, AND be full of guys I don't know. Awesome. I hope I get in touch with Soledad in the Bay Area so I have someplace safe and quiet to stay at. I don't sleep well around guys I'm not very close with, but really, can you blame me?
(Also can you blame me preferring to hang out with my cats, at least while I'm on the passive-agressive, everyone-thinks-I'm-an-asshole-for-being-blunt-and-truthful west coast.) Suddenly I don't want to go anywhere at all. Damn non-refundable plane tickets.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
