What To Do When The Voices Tell You To Quit

Last night I stayed up too late.

But I was wired.

After spending the day with my 4 year old and taking care of a list that didn’t include any of the fun things I wanted to do (welcome to grown-up world, Angie), it was hard to go to bed. 

A Christmas tree lit before me. A quiet house. A racing mind. It all added up to OPPORTUNITY.

So I took the opportunity to journal and work through a few things that were on my heart.  

Here are the results...

First of all, blogging has clearly taken a backseat the last couple months. There are a number of reasons for this, and at the top of them is an exceptionally long and arduous harvest season. Harvest was brutal. I can’t even start to tell you about it without all the exhaustion and frustration sweeping over me like a tidal wave, so let’s skip those details.

Another reason I haven’t been blogging as much is because my writing time has been devoted to speaking preparation. I’ve been privileged to speak at several events the last few months and so I’ve really focused my time on those.

But let’s be honest. If I was intentional about it, I could be blogging more. It’s not like I’ve run out of things to say. In fact, that’s the furthest thing from the truth. And maybe part of my hesitancy.

I’ve found myself second guessing myself about a lot of my topics lately.

“Oh, you’ve talked about that before.” 

“Whatever. No one needs you to say that.” 

“Just, stop. That is so useless. Why do you even have a blog?”

Pretty pathetic, I know. 

I am NOT digging for reassurance here. I know better.

But I think I AM wrestling with some insecurities because I have some big ideas about where I want the blog and my speaking career to go in 2015. I’ve thunk up some goals and a plan and I’m taking steps to make changes.

And it’s kinda scary.

Ok, it’s really intimidating.

What if I don’t follow through?
What if my content isn’t relevant?
What if this great idea gets wasted on my cluelessness and goes no where?

I can’t bear the thought of any of it.
I can’t bear it. 

Which is why I have to ignore the questions and doubts and just get on my horse and ride it.

It’s not like I’m the only one out there who is taking a risk.
It’s not like I’m the only one second guessing big ideas.

I don’t really believe that my content is irrelevant. Do I?

No.
No, I don’t believe that.

All the evidence points to making this happen. All the evidence says the time is now. All the day dreaming and the prayers and the late night talks and journal entries have brought me to now: when the work begins and the vision is transformed into real life. My life.

Can I really go about my day without trying this? 

Could I get a “real” job and abandon this journey? 

Could I ignore the pull on my heart to speak and write?
To yearn?

Zero chance.
Nope.

There is no doubt I have to move forward on this. It might not pay the bills, but it will reap the satisfying rewards of community and obedience.

Even if it doesn’t work. 

Even if it’s not ultra successful.
Even if my confidence wavers and my efforts aren’t pristine.

It’s waiting right there in front of me.

All I have to do, is GO.

“Now the Lord said to Abram, “Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you. And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you and make you a great nation, and I will bless you and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing.”
Genesis 12:1,2

I know I’m no Abraham. But the point here is that God says “GO and I will take care of the rest.” He doesn’t say GO but only if you are ready. Or GO but only if you feel like it. He says GO.

GO and I will lead you and prepare a place
and show you and guide you
and speak for you and move you
and teach you.

All you have to do is GO.

This applies to being a parent or a spouse or going to work today. 

It applies to reaching out to a friend in need or a stranger in desperation. 

It applies to his commandment to love Him and love our neighbor.

Set the self-doubt aside.

And GO.

Looking forward to sharing my big changes with you soon! Stay tuned!

10 Steps When You Feel Like A Loser

#1. Think of someone else who is more of a loser.

Just kidding!!!!
Don't do that. Stop doing that!

Ok, seriously...

#1. Scrounge around and find something cool about your life. Think of a win. You’ve got ‘em. List through a couple.

My kids have personality.
I have awesome friends.
I occasionally say useful things.
I love my husband.
I'm glad I don't think I'm perfect.

#2. Pray thankfulness for those things. Even if it's begrudgingly. Just do it. 

#3. Confess in prayer that you feel like a loser. For some reason that always helps me a little. 

#4. Acknowledge that in reality, God has a reason for you. A special way you can honor Him with the job He has given YOU. 

mom, dad, spouse, daughter, employee, friend, whatever...

Today there is a job for you to do. (It doesn't require a 5-year-plan.)

#5. Ponder that truth. God wants you AND you have purpose! 2 for 1! 

#6. [If instead of happy fuzzy feelings, that truth brings bitterness and anger, talk to God about that pronto. He yearns for us to honestly bear our souls to Him instead of pretending. He already knows when we are angry. But he would rather hear it from us.]

#7. Back to the job you've been given today. Pray God will give you the strength to do that job. That He will provide you with the words or energy or attitude or all of the above. It might be making dinner or getting out of bed or caring for a dying parent. 

Lord, Help me do this. 

#8. Praying God will strengthen you, and TRUSTING that He really will, are two different things. But don't worry about it. He's got this whether you "believe" He can or not. Pray for His power to work in you, through this situation, right in front of you, right now. He can do it.

#9. Keep praying. Pray for your heart to lean on Him. 

Pray thanks HE is ALL things FOR us. Holding us up. Getting us through the biggest challenges and the littlest tough moments. 

#10. Say Amen. 

Hold your head up high. Walk in the confidence of Christ. He's got this. 

[BONUS!] #11. Tell Satan to bug off. You are a child of God and he can't have you!

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

Philippians 4:4-7

Pin this post so you can come back to it when you are having a crummy day!

What to you do when you're feeling like a loser? I confess prayer isn't always my first thing, but I'm working on it! 

Why Satan Works Like the Devil to Ruin Your Day

Picture day started off great. The girls were kindof excited, cause that’s what happens to girls on picture day, and they got up without too much hassle, got dressed and headed down for breakfast. I was still trying to nail-down what exactly I was going to do with Clare’s hair. We both had some ideas that had been discussed the night before. It involved braids and the Pinterest How-To didn’t look too bad, so I really DID think I could do it.

What the heck. I forgot my creativity goes no further than paper. Hair is NOT part of the package and I’ve known that forever. Why do I put myself in these situations?!
An hour later the girls had missed the bus, they were LATE for school, and I had been in tears most of the time, AND Clare’s hair looked nothing like we planned. In fact, after she got out of the van at school we took almost all of it out and I sent her into school with one braid and the rest of her hair looking like it usually does. I was SO mad. I was spitting fire and all kinds of other things I shouldn’t have been saying in front of my kids. All of it was about me being an idiot. So not only was Clare heading to class without a cute hairstyle, she was carrying all my baggage about how incompetent I am.

Not cool.

The day pretty much went downhill from there. See, I had just returned the day before from an awesome weekend in Minneapolis. And as inspiring and energizing as that had been, the first day back from a long weekend doesn’t go smoothly. I was playing catch-up and didn’t have a good plan and man I was crabby after the picture-day-fiasco.

I can’t even remember what additional incident I complained about to a good friend that afternoon when she wisely pointed out (as she often does), “Dude, It’s the Devil.”


Oh wow she was so right. The weekend had been SO amazing, Satan was working his tail off to get in my way and bring me down.

Some of you know mid-September brought the opportunity for me to do a workshop with one of my talented brothers, working with Team World Vision runners. Brother is stationed in Minneapolis as Twin Cities Area Team World Vision Events Director (except since then, he has been promoted to Team World Vision Manager of Operations! Woohoo!!). I headed up there for a weekend and we worked with a group of runners to help them tell their story. Brother and I have discovered on our journeys, this truth: life and its truths are not a series of bullet points, but are narratives with the power to make change. He saw the opportunity to share this with his runners and help them harness the power of their own stories, to help bring access to clean water to communities on the other side of the world.

Every single one of us has a story that we've lived, that's taking us to the next place. Knowing your story will help you better understand yourself, and I dare say, your Savior.

That weekend I had the rare opportunity to “chillax” (as 7-year-old Clare says) with my brother and sister and sweet nephew and niece. I was privileged to worship with a dear friend and Sister-in-Christ. I learned so much about myself as a presenter and even more about my own story. I met people who are sacrificing their own comfort for the sake of those suffering in another world - people they don’t know and will probably never meet. There was so much Truth to my weekend I could barely process it all.

Enter: Satan.

Oh, man, he was bound and determined to do everything he could to subtly get under my skin and make it so I put all of that fabulousness away. All that stuff about the Holy Spirit leading my words, and about sacrifice, and about people believing in each other as change-makers.


And he probably did do some damage. After all, a week later, harvest would begin. I would be swamped with duties of work and family, and writing would have to get in the back-seat, except tractors don’t even have a back-seat. I would find myself thinking that that my current usefulness ended when I walked off that plane. Put your ministry stuff away. You don’t have time for that right now and you don’t have anything to offer anyway.

He’s such a jerk.

The truth is, I am at peace with God and He has given me the work of helping others find peace with Him too. 

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ,
he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!
All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ
and gave us the ministry of reconciliation;
that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ,
not counting men’s sins against them.
And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.
We are therefore God’s ambassadors,
as though God were making his appeal through us.
2 Corinthians 5:18,19

The truth is, our stories comfort. 

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,
who comforts us in all our troubles,
so that we can comfort those in any trouble
with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
For just as the sufferings of Christ
flow over into our lives,
so also through Christ
our comfort overflows.
2 Corinthians 1:3-5

The truth is, the Spirit works through us. 

But thanks be to God,
who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ
and through us spreads everywhere
the fragrance of the knowledge of him.
2 Corinthians 2:14

The truth is, the devil is my enemy. He is tricky and a liar and loves to gain the upper-hand, even if just for a minute. His goal is for me to feel incompetent all of the time. His goal is for me to lean on myself instead of the story and person of Christ’s saving grace. 
Constant. Saving. Grace.

This time of year is always tough. But my story continues to develop anyway. No matter what spots I find myself in: not trusting, not following-through, not giving thanks... God’s strength is constant and faithful and not dependent on me AT ALL. And when I wake up the next morning and start over with his grace and mercy, my story will reflect that and be a comfort to someone else who needs to see how great His mercy is.


So take that, Satan.

Why You Love/Hate Being A Grown-Up

Being a grown-up means complaining about washing the dishes, but washing them anyway.
It means you walk past the laundry basket 13 times, but eventually you fold them.
It means sometimes you can't understand your spouse, but you don't make snide comments about them on Facebook.
It means you get your feelings hurt, and you get over it.
It means you wish you didn't have bills to pay, but you pay them anyway. 
It means life doesn't always look the way you want it to, but you get out of bed just the same.
Being a grown-up means when you realize you have a problem, you find help.

Being a grown-up means you can pursue what you love.
It means making decisions that matter.
It means choosing hard changes, and celebrating when it was totally worth it.
It means loving when you don't want to, laughing through the tears, and facing reality.
It means some days we have cereal for lunch, and ice cream for dinner. (But only every once in a while.)
It means we recognize our screw-ups, and forgive ourselves.
It means we keep trying, knowing every day is a new start.
Being a grown-up means deciding to love who you are, and seek out who you want to be.

Be a grown-up.

The House My Husband Built

It's long overdue that I post a picture of the house!

There were a few pieces of siding missing for a while and I couldn't bring myself to post a picture of it with those missing parts. There is still landscaping to do and the porch to finish, but these are all details that do not get in the way of our daily lives.  As everyone who owns a house knows, there is always something that needs done.  This house is no exception and will provide us with projects for years to come.  But we are loving it and everyday when I wake up I am amazed that it is ours!

For the record, builder-husband did have help from his family and friends.  But he spent many a long day and night hammering away, planning, measuring, and finishing - often alone, sometimes with a helper... The weight of the project on his shoulders.  His attention to quality and detail is all over this thing and a testament to his talent and perseverance!

#grateful
#homebuilding
#familybuilding
#husbandbragging

Feel Like You're Sacrificing for Your Kids?

I’m glad to be of use.  I am.  The Bible says, “work for man AS IF you’re working for God.”  That’s good advice.  It is. 

But some days that barely cuts it.  

I work as a farmhand for my dad.  It’s a good job, in that it’s exactly the flexibility I need and he pays a fair wage.  It keeps me active and gets me out of the house.  The list of “pros” is long enough. 

But today, part of my job is scraping dried manure off the (gas, clutch, and brake) pedals of the loader tractor.  (Sigh)  Nothing like removing dried manure to keep one humble.  

Can’t I just go write some books?

Don’t try to talk me into loving this job.  I know it’s good.  Somedays I’d just like someone to know: I have other things to offer.  I’m a writer and a thinker and I have good ideas!  I just can’t chase all of that this minute. 

Feel like you’re sacrificing a lot for your kids?  I hear ya. 

I’m not complaining with the intention of changing things.  I’m just pointing out that a lot of us do things during our time as parents, that is a pretty clear sacrifice for something else we’d rather be doing.  I’m not here to nominate anyone for sainthood, either.  We are in this together.  

I just think it’s worth noting: We sacrifice for our children.  

We choose a job that has good hours and benefits, but isn’t really our dream career.  We move to a neighborhood that puts us in a good school district, but a smaller house than we’d prefer.  We put the career on hold, or buy a minivan instead of the slick hybrid, or finish the basement so they have a place to put all their stuff.  Or maybe we find a second job to pay for the private school - or just the bills.  Or head back to work sooner than we wanted because otherwise we can’t afford the health insurance the family needs. 

These are “first-world problems,” as they say.  We are privileged to do these things, to make these choices.  A lot of these things only occasionally annoy us.  In fact, you might even find out you love the awesomeness of your minivan.  

But I just would like to take a moment to say that on the more frustrating days, when you are grumpy about some of the choices you feel like you “have” to make: You are not alone.  If you feel like you are sacrificing for your family, you probably are.  

Way to go! Because that’s your job as a parent.

What have you sacrificed for your kiddos?

He Gets It

Let’s be honest.  When we are happy and things are going good, we know God gets it.  

But when things are tough, when we feel abandoned and alone and desperate... tired, drained, or frustrated.. we can feel really disconnected from our Savior.  

photo credit: Pavel P. via photopin cc

Hebrews 12:3 jumped out at me the other day and drew me in.  

Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. 

(ESV)

“Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men…” (NIV)

Had opposition from the world lately?  Yep.  Jesus gets it. 

He was doubted publicly over and over again.  He had lots of followers, yes; but then there was an elite public who loved to hate him.  They taunted him, challenged him, and plotted against him.  Feel like the world is against you?  Jesus knows how it feels. 

He prayed for people in need.  He listened to their problems and their heavy hearts weighed on him.  He carried their burdens. Jesus knows how heavy burdens are. He understands how sad you are for your friends and family and how their valley is bringing you down. Feel free to complain to Him about it.  He gets it. 

His friends said one thing and did another.  They didn’t listen.  They didn’t understand.  They tried, like most sinners, but they failed.  Like all sinners.  
Feel like you’ve been abandoned by those who loved you?  Forsaken by those you love?  

Jesus knows. 

Remember your Jesus who endured torture.  Who had to experience indescribable pain and suffering.  He was sent to be tried for crimes he didn’t commit and condemned for lies he didn’t tell.  

He was misunderstood, gossiped about, and experienced overwhelming frustration.  

Can you relate?

Jesus knows how you feel. 

He pleaded with God to make things different.  He prayed for answers.  He got down on his knees and cried. 

Jesus knows. 

Take comfort in knowing today, that Jesus gets it.  He is that familiar friend who has been there.  
He is the one who lovingly takes you in his arms and says, “I know how hard it is.  Please don’t give up…”  
And you can stand there and cry with him and not say anything. 

Because Jesus knows.

I Do Not Love My Struggles!

photo credit: kevin dooley via photopin cc

I can honestly say, I do not love my struggles. 

In fact, when I’m struggling, “love” is not the word that comes to mind at all.  Frustrated, irritated, about-to-lose-it.. these are words that more accurately express how I feel.  

I struggle when my family is coming at me from all sides….!!!!  (Just thinking about this makes my blood pressure go up.)

I struggle when I don’t know what to say to my husband. 

I struggle as I flail-about trying to understand how to manage our money and failing over and over. 

I struggle when anxiety overtakes my day and I fight to stay focused on one thing long enough to complete it.

These are regular, boring, everyday problems that lots of people “struggle” with.  These are the little things, I suppose.  They aren’t even the heavy, nasty stuff like cancer diagnosis, or lost babies, or falling-apart marriages.  This list is really aggravating but it doesn’t even include the traumatic, abusive childhood someone desperately wants to put behind them or the addiction that follows the addict.  

I do not love struggles. 

I hate them. 

When Hearts at Home said that this month’s blog hop would be about Love Your Struggles, the first thing I thought of was that I don’t. 

Despite this, right away I saw where HAH was coming from with this painful suggestion.  I’m not going to speak for you.  I can’t say how awful and useless your struggle might be.  But I will speak for myself.  And it turns out, that there are a couple of things I have gained at the end of a fight.  

I found out I can survive way more than I realized.  I lived through that struggle and even though at the time my heart was being torn in two, I’m amazed to say that healing happened.  Something sewed it back together and I don’t really understand nor can I explain it.  But it happened.  And now I know what healing looks like.

A few more things make sense now.  The way people act.  The baggage they carry.  The perspective I just couldn’t wrap my brain around.  Some of those circumstances are accessible to me now.  And that knowledge makes it easier to love others, who were harder to love before. 

Now I know what prayer does.  Never before had I felt wrapped up in the prayers of others, like that.  I had never leaned so heavily, when I simply could not pray for myself.  It wasn’t until that struggle that I experienced a love and power that moved me to do what I had to do.  And I knew prayer was the mechanism for what seemed impossible at the time. 

If I hadn’t struggled that way, I wouldn’t know my God so intimately.  It’s like with a good friend.  When you have been in the trenches together - dealt with something heavy and significant and threatening - you come out with a powerful connection.  When we are backed into a corner with no one to seek out but our God - we find out more about Him than we do sitting in our cozy chair wearing fuzzy slippers.  God was there with me.  He didn’t give up on me.  He didn’t abandon me.  He filled me up with His strength and His wisdom so I could say what needed to be said, and do what needed to be done. 

Jacob is halfway through his life when he meets God and wrestles with him.  Jacob wrestles with God and won’t give up, trying so hard to hold his own. (Genesis 32)  In the end, God blesses Jacob.  Jacob is rewarded for his struggle.  Does he limp out of the fight?  Yes.  He is injured and his gait is the proof of this.  Did he win?  Depends on your definition.  Does he better understand himself and his God?  No doubt.  

I hate my struggles.  But I love the person who comes out the other side.  I can’t help but cherish the wounds and the scars that prove my existence and my survival.  I can’t stand that there has to be a fight; but I treasure the new perspective, the mountains God has moved within me, and the opportunity to comfort others who might struggle as I have. 

I’m not asking you to love your struggles in this moment.  But I will pray that at some point you can find some use in the wisdom you’re gaining in the midst of the fight.  For now, if you are struggling, persevere with the knowledge that you are not alone.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.  Isaiah 41:10

Have you found something useful after the dust settles on chaos? Sharing your struggle can be useful to those still in the midst of the battle.

What The 10th Year Of Parenting Has Taught Me

Note: If your kids do what you want them to do the first (or even second) time you tell them, you don't need to read this.

Dear Frustrated Moms of Youngins’, 

I recently learned something that might give you some hope.  

It took a long time for me to figure this out.  Lots of frustration and hands up in the air and wondering why I bother.  But now…... now a few things are falling into place.  And I want to share. 

Here’s what the 10th year of parenting has taught me: 

If I stick to something long enough, my family catches on. 

Long enough like 10 years?  Yep.  Sometimes there will be goals for your family that don’t take so long to achieve.  And maybe all of this was looking better after 8 years but I was too stressed-out to notice.  Whatever.  

In the beginning of our family, I remember having visions of what life should look like for us.  Not the fancy-house-on-the-hill kind of dream.  Things like -

• Evenings where we don’t watch television.
• Reading together as a family.
• Eating dinner together every night at the table.
• Kids getting ready for bed without a fight.
• Kids putting their laundry away by themselves. 

I dreamed of them and I wanted them NOW and I couldn’t understand why these things were not more accessible.  These all seem like reasonable things, right?  In fact, they are healthy and normal and logical. 

So then why do young children (and husbands, depending on the goal) respond by rioting?  Why does there have to be whining and complaining and dramatically dropping to the floor as if they have been Tasered?  I’m not asking that much.  I don’t think my demands are extreme.  

Originally my list of expectations was much longer than this.  I let a few of them slide when no one was cooperating.  But the things that I really really wanted… the dreams I couldn't let go of… I kept working towards.  Not everyday.  Not consistently.  Not perfectly, AT ALL.  

But the ones that were most important to me

have withstood my exhaustion and their fights,

and now some of these things are actually happening.  

Like right here in front of me.  

It’s kindof exciting. 

• Telling a child to get their pajamas on and not having to explain “Why.”
• Finding children reading in the living room (mostly) voluntarily.  No TV, and no complaints.  
• Handing a daughter a basket of folded clothes and - get this - she takes it, walks upstairs, and puts them away. 

Do these things happen every time without complaint?  Nope.  But more often than in the past.  They know I’m not going to quit asking.  They know these are things that I will insist on.  They have finally decided that arguing doesn't pay.  

Me and My 10-year-old

And Praise the Lord.  Now that I know this, it’s so much easier to have hope for the other things I’m trying to teach them.  Respecting their siblings.  Doing homework right after school.  Standing up for the kids who get picked on.  Choosing friends who have the same values we do.

It’s important that you understand I have not done this flawlessly.  I am consistently NOT as consistent as I need to be.  But perseverance makes a difference.  

It’s also important you take this with a grain of salt.  There are things that I want my kids to understand, that they may never “get.”  Regardless of how much I want it.  No matter how many times I say it. 
I’m not suggesting I've cracked a code or I have an approach that guarantees success.  

But I am suggesting that there is hope for us.  Moms, try to be optimistic!  Stay determined.  Be reasonable with your family, but don’t despair.  I've seen the other side.  Your perseverance will pay off!!

Sincerely,

Angie

Mom of kiddos 10, 6, and 3.

Anybody else learn any big parenting lessons lately? What are they?  Share in the comments and we can all get better at this.

12 Messes that Made My Christmas "Perfect"

12. The weekend of Thanksgiving I was swamped.  But my girls (9 and 6) were ready to decorate.  So I let them.  It kept them busy for an afternoon.  Turned out they did a great job.  I love the way they put the greenery on the banister.  Plus my eldest came up with a cool place to put our stockings above the fireplace even though we don’t have a mantel yet.  I let go of the control and the results were great.  Praise the Lord.

11.  Snow. Lots of snow.  Well, up until like the day before Christmas.  While it lasted, it forced us to take our time when we left the house.  Made my kids smile.  Very festive.  These are good things. 

10.  When I finally got the tree up, it stood there for a week with ⅓ of the lights not working.  Finally got the tree lit and brought the ornaments up from the basement.  Eddie dumped most of them on the floor before I could get around to hanging them.  That day when the girls got home from school I told them to put the ornaments on the tree.  Results = room got picked up and tree got decorated.  Double score. 

9.  My siblings and I couldn’t make a decision about gifts this year.  Exchange?  Homemade gifts?  Nothing?  While this felt a bit stressful at first, it resulted in some [hilarious] phone conversations that wouldn’t have happened otherwise.  It allowed each of us to peer into one another’s lives and connect in a way we hadn’t in a while.  Thankful. 

8.  Somehow managed to neglect putting our nativity up.  Finally remembered like 4 days before Christmas.  This year the 3 year-old is being trusted to not destroy it, so for the first time in his life I put in down low.  This meant he could help set it up.  To my delight, he took great care with the pieces, crowding them all around baby Jesus, as they gaze upon him in wonder. 

7.  Watching Charlie Brown’s Christmas with my 3 year old almost daily.  I pulled it out at the beginning of the month and he took to it right away.  Since then he has watched it.  And then watched it again.  And again.  Good things about this:

a. Get to hear Linus orate Luke 2 in the middle of my day.
b. Eddie thinks the whole movie is hilarious, so I get a lot of 3 year-old laughter.  Always great.
c. He’s been saying “Oh Brother” just like Charlie Brown does about Sally, but about his own family.   

It cracks me up. 
d. The other day we were snuggling while watching it and I realized: these opportunities are here on a 

limited-time basis. 

6. I still had Christmas shopping to do 2 days before Christmas.  But if I didn’t, then I would miss out on the annual Finish-It-Up Shopping Trip with my Mom.  We usually spend most of a day and night scrambling to get done either the 22nd or the 23rd.  Typically there are a lot of laughs and we get some good deals.  This year was no different.  Loved it. 

5.  Never got around to putting together a Christmas card.  That was a bummer, but it’s not like I had an AMAZING picture ready to go.  We tried to do pictures of our family and/or our kids on at least 4 separate occasions.  Nothing really spoke to me.  Upshot: Probably saved a solid $50 and I’m not scrambling to use every “spare” minute to finish addressing envelopes. Plus I have some hilarious pictures of my kids. 

4.  For the first time in 4 Christmases, our family was healthy.  #4 on this list is not ironic at all.  It’s just straight up - I’m so glad no one in my immediate family vomited this year. 

3. I put about $150 worth of gifts on a credit card.  The great thing about this is that ALL THE OTHER GIFTS WERE PURCHASED WITH CASH.  This is a huge deal and, while I didn’t make it 100%, it was still groundbreaking for us.  This is the first year we really followed thru on the thing we’ve been talking about doing for the last 10 years.  I highly recommend it.  

2.  T’was the night after Christmas and my kids were up till 10.  Could be worse, but I know we will pay for it tomorrow.  The thing is, we got home, and even though my kids were exhausted, they started playing really nicely together with some of their new toys.  ALL 3 OF MY CHILDREN.  Talk about a Christmas miracle.  Husband and I looked at each other like, uh, do we break this up or just wait for the meltdowns to begin?  We opted for an escape into the bedroom with our computers, pajamas, and some uninterrupted conversation.  It was crazy!  Eventually the 3 year old came in rubbing his eyes, and I headed upstairs to get him tucked in.  The girls came up shortly after - WITHOUT ARGUING - and everyone was asleep within 20 minutes.  Tomorrow morning we may have a crabby crew, but it might be worth it for the peace on earth that existed in our house for 40 minutes tonight.  Perfect way to end our day.

1.  It’s been a really tough year.  But when relationships survive the havoc life wreaks (and pretty much all of my relationships have been sustained, by the Grace of God), those relationships come out stronger.  Those people emerge closer and more thankful for what they have sitting right in front of them.  Not for what might be waiting around the corner.  Not for what they wish for this New Year’s Eve.  They thank God for what they have and hug it tighter and love it more.  Thank you, Jesus.

Handing God My List

"But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God." John 3:21

photo credit: Kuzeytac @Vacation via photopin cc

This summer has not been good.  Hate to be a downer, but it has just been really rough.  Too much drama, too many disappointments.  Someday maybe I’ll tell you all about it.  For now just trust me.  I’m about ready to crawl in bed and not come out till October. 

After another crushing realization last night, I woke up this morning and wandered around my house for a while  somewhat lost.  Thankfully a really great post the other day was still floating around in my head, which suggests 3 smart ways to start off your day: Open your Bible, turn on some Christian music, and provide a Jesus moment for your kids.  Ok, read that when you are done with this. ;)  

So I opened my Bible and I’ve been reading John and I’m on chapter 3.  The last verse gave me some needed hope. 

"But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God." John 3:21

What God can do and what I can do are two very different things.  

Then I stumbled upon a post online about forgiveness.  And I started journaling.  

Lord, I am disappointed and mad...

I know that I am called to love in the face of this disappointment.  I am so weak right now.  

I started listing out the things I need to do right now that I don’t know if I can do.  That I just don’t feel like I can handle.  

I need to be prepared for this weekend.  It’s all up to you.  Help me. 

I need to support my friends.  It’s all up to you.  Help me. 

I need to be a good mom.  Help my daughter with her projects.  Take care of my children.  It’s all up to you.  Help me. 

And the craziest thing happened.  Each time I laid my list before God, I felt a little better.  I could feel strength coming back, the spirit lifting me up.  

I know God wants us to let Him handle all our STUFF, but that’s different than actually handing it over to him.  Item by item, I am handing it over to God.  Because I have little left in me right now.  And that’s a good thing.  Because God will do a much better job than I would have. 

"But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God." John 3:21

Have you stumbled into God's strength when yours was all gone? Who can testify to the good things that have been done through God?

Ode to My Grandfather..and Work-Ethic

Grandpa was a hard worker and from what I can tell so was his dad.  Immigrants from south-west Germany, when my Great-Grandfather and his brother arrived here they found the thing they already knew – farming.  For 2 generations (and more, I’m sure), one’s work ethic was one’s survival.  And so it has been with my father – the third generation.  

Anyone could say the same for their family – that a strong work ethic has led to survival or growth… maybe even a rise from poverty to some sort of economic stability.  As I sit near the window watching the snow come down thick, blown about by the wind, it feels like it’s worth noting that the men who have brought me to this moment have had to fight the elements daily.. have had to push hard against the wind.. have had to withstand the heat of a dry summer sun.  

It seems my dad understood “work” early on and embraced it.  He isn’t addicted to work as some are, but he appreciates a job well done.  My grandfather had little to offer to my dad as far as land or inheritance.  He sold the dairy cows when his boys all left home.  But a successful farmer at church recognized potential in my dad, and asked him to join his farming operation.  

Farming has changed a lot since my Grandpa started.  In 1940 when he was about 20, there were 30 million farmers in America– a little over 6 million farms.  Farmers made up 18% of the labor force in this country.  It took 10-14 hours of labor to produce 100 bushels of corn.  When Dad was entering the workforce in the early 70’s, the population of farmers was down to 9 million.  30 years of laborers heading to the city and increasing production costs made it so farming accounted for only 4.6% of the labor force.  The efficiency of production had increased exponentially, but fewer families could afford the financial risks involved.  

Somehow my parents weathered those storms.  Dad has a reputation for taking care of his property and raising healthy cattle.  They now own some of their own farmland and equipment.  Dad still farms with the family that he’s been with for 30 years.  It has been a good partnership and the only way that he would have been able to do this thing he loves.

2 years ago he started thinking about changes that would be coming up and talked about needing to hire some help – especially with the busy season.  As I looked at our needs and my desire to still be as available as possible to my young children, I told him I wanted to apply for the job.  He seemed pleasantly surprised and we started talking about the details of how this might work.  

There’s nothing like manual labor to allow an in-depth study on work-ethic.  As we toil through the wind or race against the racing day, I reflect on the various meanings of perseverance, commitment, and strength.  I see the usefulness of instilling these virtues in my children.  And I am inspired to challenge them.. and myself, more often. 

Today there are around 960,000 full time farmers in the United States and about the same number of part time farmers. It's such an expensive venture it's hard to make a living off of it. A very small number of those farms produce a large percentage of the agricultural produce in this country. It used to be there were many, many small farms. Now a small number of farmers own the bulk of the land. In a lot of ways it's a very different job then it was when my grandfather helped his dad.  

To say that farming has changed dramatically this last century, seems like a ludicrous understatement.  But it has.  What hasn’t changed is the drive and fortitude that my father inherited from his father.  If I could glean just a drop of that from working with my dad, I will be better off for it.

photo credit: elviskennedy via photopin cc
statistics gathered from http://www.agclassroom.org/gan/timeline/1940.htm