A fun weekend

I had one of those weekends that's really going to make it hard to leave New Zealand in April.

Friday - Swimming at Parnell Baths with Sonna and Ruthie; got these beautiful flowers from the owners and property manager of our apartment because of the break-in (irony: drunk Asian guy shattered the only vase we had to put flowers in. ironic reminder.); saw Invictus. It just barely came out here. Definitely a must see!

Saturday - Farmers market; Carnival on the Viaduct; and soaking up the sun at a touch rugby tournament with the Grace family. Did I mention perfect summer weather?!?!

Sunday - The members sang the NZ national anthem in church. It was beautiful and touching and I know NZ will be in my heart forever; Brunch with the Robinsons; a nap with Jon; dinner with the Grace family and fireworks at the Viaduct for Anniversary weekend here in Auckland, followed by funny Mac pictures and midnight ice cream. Fun!

Pardon the shine off my face! Grilling indoors with our tiny little oven does wonders for the complexion.

The Grand Finale.

well, this post just fell into my lap...

Trust me, there's nothing like having a completely inebriated Asian man break into your home at 1:00 am, shatter the glass vase while tripping over and around the kitchen table, and fall unconscious in between the couch and coffee table. Then briefly waking up long enough to pull himself onto the couch, undo his belt and pants and start to undress himself. NZ police take 15-20 minutes to arrive, which feels like an eternity here. Our poor neighbors are two young sisters. He tried to get in there first. Then he spewed all over the hallway, took his shoes and socks off, knocked his glasses off somehow before finding his way into our apartment. Before the cops can take him away, he sits up and starts swaying and moaning. Hurry, the green bucket under the sink! At least we catch it. Just in time for him to pass out again and plop his face in it. Choice. Finally the cops take him out. It's actually quite funny as he tries to stand and walk with his pants falling down.

Thank you, little drunk Asian man, for teaching us an important lesson to ALWAYS check the doors before going to bed. Oh, and maybe next time we shouldn't leave our laptop, ipod, camera, purse, passports, wallet full of cash, and any and all other valuables out in the open like that. :)

Understandably, it took a little time for us to settle down and get to bed. I snapped a few pictures of the clean up and laughed with Jon at how awesome it would have been to have a picture of him passed out on the couch, if only I hadn't been so repulsed and disgusted.

The first scene of the crime. Somehow he managed to pull the table out away from the wall, which caused the vase to shatter. I think he got tangled up in the chairs.

His ultimate resting place. We're lucky that glass top didn't fall off and shatter.

The stomach contents he first got into the bucket, then tipped out when his head flopped in and spilled it.

He's a saint. I retched just watching him clean this up.

"Honey, what are you doing?" "The dishes." "At 2 am?" "We're going to have to do them anyway. Might as well be now." Can't sleep?

The hallway where he first emptied the contents of his stomach. Just outside our door.

ps. Yes, we're safe. Our apartment board members were awesome and so great. They will have a crew here this morning to clean his stinky bare ass marks off our sofa and the spew off of the floor. Jon was my great protector and stood as a sentinel in the hallway to make sure he didn't come near me or our bedroom. Eventually I went out to the kitchen to hold the door open and watch a saintly woman clean up the entire brown and red stringy contents of his stomach from the carpet and walls. My stomach hurts from retching a few times as I watched that and then later saw him lean over the green bucket and subsequently fall into it. Thankfully nothing was stolen and I know the Lord really does watch out for us and kept us safe while teaching us a lesson. At least he broke the glass and made some noise or else we would have been waking up with a severely hung over man and one big mess in our living room. Who knows what could have been stolen then. Oh well, chalk it up to an experience to remember. Cool story, huh?

Reflections

I tried something new today. Yoga. It's pretty cool. I actually really enjoyed it. It will be a great way for me to work on flexibility and strengthening my core. I had visions in my head of being able to do it on our amazing balcony overlooking the city, but just as the instructor said to find somewhere you can be at peace the blazing sirens went tearing down the street. Okay. Shut the doors. Right now I'm doing Yoga for dummies and already like what it's done for my back pain. Yep. After one 'practice' I can tell this is gonna be great!

If I end up like this....Heaven help me!

After yoga and skyping with my mom, I hunkered down on my usual spot and looked back on my old blog posts. Annnnd, I'm awesome. What can I say? Reading it brought smiles and outright laughs at some of the things I'd posted. Kinda like shuffling through your old year book 10 years later, reading what the cutest boy in the school wrote to you, and remembering your silly crush on him and you think to yourself "Really? Hmmm. Really? Did I really think that!?!?!"

It was fun to re-read what has happened over the past 3 years of blogging. I'm grateful that I have these things written down somewhere. One day I'll get them into books so I have a more permanent journal.

ps. I'd like to apologize for the over-use of all the mushy "honey" and "baby" and "sweetie" nicknames I threw out there for Jon. I now realize it was a little much. I sincerely hope it didn't cause any of you to puke. :)

homesick

This is Jon's sister Becky. {And that girl with the platinum bob? Me. (sigh. I miss being a blonde.)}

We always have fun together. She's awesome and beyond talented. I could list all of her accolades and accomplishments here, but it would take.all.day. Really, she's done it all - singing, acting, dancing, traveling the world. She's just one of those super creative people. She has been living on cruise ships on and off for the past 10 years as a featured performer. Right now she's in the Caribbean and I'm sure she's missing home as much as we are. She created this awesome movie about Utah and I think it's good enough to sell to the office of tourism, or something like that. Makes me a little bit homesick now.

Yay for Utah! Pass it along.

the Slippery Slope

This post has been in my head for at least 5 days now. It's called the slippery slope because I realized, oh about 5 days ago, that that's exactly what I was on. The slippery slope of hope. Well, I reached the end of the hope slope last night and got an unpleasant slap of reality, which burst my bubble and allowed the tears of disappointment and anger to flow. And because I'm way too analytical, I've broken it all down. Here's the problem:

I didn't come to New Zealand as a fix-it to our infertility problems. I came here to run away from them all. Really, I had hoped they wouldn't follow us here. I was content to leave them in Utah. But there are loving people back home who, bless their well-intentioned hearts, still hope for us and I let them plant little hope seeds in my heart. These people are much stronger than me and put on the happy 'everything will be okay' face for me when I can't. Well, I don't want their hope. (That's not true. Yes, I'm bitter. But mostly I realize that it's my choice to react that way so I'm disappointed in my reaction.) Their hope hurts on an extra 'we have expectations' level.

So, it never crossed my mind that New Zealand could be an elixir until I started clinging to that hope. "Hey, maybe all you need is a new start there to get pregnant." "Hey, maybe there will be something in the water there." "Hey, maybe that 30 day cruise you're taking will be the magic ticket." or "Hey, maybe the island life is the solution." So I dared to hope.

And here's the second and REAL part of the problem: I got carried away in my hope. I started reading into signs way too much. My bloated, uncomfortable stomach? Surely I'm pregnant. My extremely swollen and tender breasts? That's another sign, right? Oh, and this book I just read said that this is another symptom. Got it. And this podcast said this and this article said that. And man, I swear I just feel different. I MUST be pregnant. Yep. I recognized I was on that slippery slope where I had convinced myself I was pregnant, as I had done so many times before. But deep down, in the back of my head and I guess in my heart, I just knew it couldn't be. But I heard my personal cheerleaders telling me that New Zealand would fix it, so I clung to that hope. I even told Jon about it, which sometimes is even worse cause I like to protect others if I can by just keeping things inside (but I'm discovering it's much easier to go through it together).

So my monthly reality check came and I cried. And swore. I cursed those people who dared hope. I cursed myself for clinging too fiercely to that hope. I tasted the bitter disappointment of my tears and wondered why I allowed myself to hope so deeply. Hadn't I learned?!?! After 6 years of the same old thing, why haven't I learned?!? And does the hope ever go away, or is it just a cycle? Cause I really thought I had put it behind me and was over it, content in my life and happy without children for the moment. How did this all happen again?!?!

As Jon and I processed it together and shared some of our most tender and vulnerable thoughts and feelings, I came to the realization that I just can't give up hope yet. Not when I've been promised it. I'm just not there yet. But I have learned that this doesn't need to lead me into a state of deep depression again. I can face it and process it better. I can rebound quicker and continue to focus on the gratitude I feel for where we are in life and what we have been blessed with. I can be grateful for our wonderful family and friends who continue to hope for us when it's so hard to do it ourselves. It's not easy, but I guess it's easier.

I really thought that mimicking this statue in would bring us

blessing from the Tahitian fertility Gods. No??

Goings on

Lately a quote from Ocean's 11 has been running through my head.

"Don't use seven words when four will do."

In my quest to become a better blogger, I know I need to shorten things. And keep it on the light side. Sometimes this is hard. Especially when I feel like there is a lot to say. Today isn't one of those days. I don't really have much to say. I'm struggling to even find anything to write about. So I'll let the pictures do the talking.

We had a wonderful Thai dinner with Sloan, Sonna, and Ruthie. Ruthie thought the cord from the wok was a phone. Naturally. Then we snuck into the Heineken Open just down the street and watched some awesome tennis.

We had a sleepover with the Grace kids. They were so fun and behaved so well for Auntie Aly and Uncle Jon (dad gave them strict orders to call us that. So nice to be considered family.) They even slept in for us! Woohoo! We went swimming at our pool, then met up with Sonna and Ruthie for a picnic at the beach and played at the pirate park. I gave the kids the option of making sandwiches to take to the beach, or just getting Fish & Chips there. Hot salty greasiness always wins. However, 2 of the 3 neglected to tell me they don't actually eat fish. So I fed them a lunch of fries and rice krispy treats. Go team. Later we followed it up with marshmallows, ice cream, popcorn, and a trip to the arcade. Best. Adult. Supervision. Ever.

I couldn't tell if they were actually asleep in the back of my car when I dropped them off, or just in a sugar coma....either way, it's the joy of being an Aunt - you can always send them back! :)

Cute kids. But I was so exhausted! I don't know how moms do it every day! After a near melt-down while cooking dinner because my knives weren't sharp enough, this thought crossed my mind "well, if this is who you become when you have kids, maybe it's best you don't have any right now." A good lesson for me to learn in advance I guess. I'm amazed at how many positive and happy moms are out there! Cheers to you!

freebies

Y'all know I'm a sucker for a good giveaway. Saw this on a friend's blog. I'm a HUGE fan of actions when editing my photos, so this is one I'm really hoping to win! :) If you're interested, check it out here.

http://www.thematernallens.blogspot.com/

Here's a photo I'd love to use them on. Cute little Parker (Parkie as we call him).

Funnies

We've been laughing at these guys ever since we got here. Well, before that really. But it's fun to hear them on the radio here. These are some of our favorites. Happy Friday back home! :)

This one is one of our favorites. We've adopted a new line from it. "My wife and I weren't able to have children, so we just imagine them." Don't think we haven't thought about it.

Jon's favorite line from this is "we're vincible." :)

Happiness

After a restless night, I woke up ornery and swearing at our city life. "All I want is a peaceful nights sleep!" I grumbled while heading into the bathroom. I was so ornery that I didn't even want to take my usual seat on our purple couch to write this post. But the tie between me and my MacBook is like a fish and the sea. It just calls out to rest on my lap every morning. So I checked my email first. And wouldn't you know? My baby brother sent me the perfect email to lift my spirits. Thanks Spence!

I first heard of Positive Psychology, and it's creator Dr. Seligman, last year at a School Counselor conference. I really like what it's all about. I think the world could use more of it. With my recent battle with depression, I have been trying more and more each day to just accept life and be happy. And I gotta tell ya, it feels great! :) I think there is a lot to be said about finding HOPE (and no, not the Obama-kind-of-HOPE that fades after time. Real, honest HOPE.) Ever been on depressionisreal.org? It's awesome. Check it out!

This is the REAL hope and happiness I wish for you all: (My favorite part is about self-hate and comparison. Pay. Attention.)

Happiness is neither a mood nor an emotion. Mood is a biochemical condition, and emotions are just transitory feelings. Happiness is a way of life an overriding outlook composed of qualities such as optimism, courage, love, and fulfillment. It is nothing less then cherishing every day.

In terms of happiness America is going downhill, and has been for more than 30 years, even as our affluence has blossomed. The biological circuitry of fear is the greatest enemy of happiness.

Millions of Americans have become so used to not being happy that they barely even notice it. For them it's like living next to a railroad track after a while, you don't even hear the trains.

The 12 qualities of happiness are as follows love, optimism, courage, a sense of freedom, proactivity, security, health, spirituality, altruism, (unselfish) perspective, humor, and purpose.

Being miserable is easy; being happy is a little work.

The SIX happiness tools are appreciation, choice, personal power, leading with your strengths, serving, loving God first and foremost.

The FIVE happiness traps: trying to buy happiness, trying to find happiness through pleasure, (pleasure I have found is uniquely effective at masking fear. Like the feeling of love, it preoccupies the brain in a positive way, prohibiting it from focusing upon fear. However, love can be sustained, while pleasure is notoriously transitory. Its called adaptation level theory and it says that once we become accustomed to any pleasure, it no longer has the power to make us happy). Wishing you were in the past, trying to be happy by focusing on all our weaknesses, trying to force happiness.

Courage, they say, is not the lack of fear, but the ability to take action in spite of it. In the ultimate analysis, human beings have only two essential, primal feelings fear and love. Fear impels us to survive, and love enables us to thrive. Love is the way of the disciple.

For the most part hate is fear. We only hate those things we are most afraid of. When someone hurts us terribly, we often hate him for it. But we hate him mostly because we're afraid he will hurt us again. Either literally or in our minds, we replay the scene of hurt again and again.

The most destructive hate of all is self-hate, and there's an epidemic of it in our self-critical society. Self-hate is fear of not being loved. We also commit the sin of comparison. In the final analysis, you can't really feel someone else loving you. That love is their experience, not yours. You can only feel it when you love them. That feeling is yours. It’s the best feeling in the world, and it's the one feeling that can always defeat your fear and make you happy. God is love. The closer we come to Him by our choices the greater our capacity to love others. Even love those that might be a little more difficult.

Choice and only choice is what makes each person unique. Choice is proactivity and choice is power. It charts the course of our lives. Positive us happy.

Everyone has possibilities….. Everyone. Choosing among them is the feast of our human existence. We voted on the principle that adds zest and vigor to our lives in the life before this. When used improperly the poor choices drag us into a dirty place and its continued improper use can and will destroy us.

Dr. Seligman was shocked the world of psychology by focusing on what makes people mentally healthy instead of what makes them mentally ill. His first groundbreaking earthshaking work dealt with choice.

He believed that having options and making choices is the very foundation of human psychological health.

However when we feel as if we've exhausted all our possibilities and are left with no viable choices, then our suffering really starts. This condition, he demonstrated is the worst single poison to the human psyche.... NO hope. It creates depression, anxiety, and apathy. It destroys the body, mind and spirit. It kills us even while we still walk the earth.

Choice can be reinstated at any given moment. It is up to us. Increasing our intimacy with the Savior is the best first step. Then once we fight to get on the path we must continue holding onto the rod.

Dr. Seligman also said, “Unfortunately the institution of clinical psychology patterned itself after modern medicine and now focuses excessively on psychological pathologies, instead of concentrating on the "sanities" such as courage and optimism. Stark evidence of this at recent count there had been 54,040 professional articles written on depression and 415 on happiness.”

However much you’re hurting now is equal to the love that's left in you there is always HOPE. The scriptures offer this option to us. The stories, the doctrine, mixed with the spirit invites us to love God not out of fear. We all stumble. There is always a way back.

God does answer prayers. Listen to His voice. Attend your meetings. Spend time in the temple. Laugh more. He will lead us home.

Here are some specific ideas on how to get more out of life every single day and enjoy the precious moments.

Health:

1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy.
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games.
7. Read more books than you did in 2009.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
9. Sleep for 7 hours..
10. Take a 10-30 minute walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake.
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20.. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything..
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come..
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

40. You are a child of God. Honor that heritage by your choices.

About New Zealand

A few generalizations about things I've observed while in New Zealand:

• Their sirens are seriously the loudest thing I have ever heard! (really, this was not going to be at the top of my list as I thought about it last night, but after being kept awake by them all night, it's all I can think about this morning.)
• The locals speak so softly! Half of the time at church I can never hear the prayer. And I'm only a few rows away! Once I was pretty much in front of her!
• Americans are loud. And sometimes obnoxious.
• They don't really do fruit salads here as a side dish for dinner. It's usually a dessert. The few times we've hosted or been to a dinner party with locals, I get strange looks for putting a fruit salad on the dinner table.
• There isn't a very strong selection of breakfast cereals. I think we've found 2 that we like and will probably stick with until we leave.
• There isn't a whole section in the grocery store aisle for salad dressings like there is back home. No ranch. No italian. Not much really, but a few vinaigrettes.
• While I'm on the subject of food, there is no yellow cheese here. It's all white. Some of it really stinks. Jon is in heaven!
• Auckland is a very pedestrian-friendly city. So easy to get around and every intersection on the main street completely stops traffic every 2 minutes to allow peds to cross diagonally. Very nice.
• Driving on the left side isn't that difficult. But they have some strange rules about right of way, especially when turning left which you'd think would give you the right of way. It doesn't.
• Jon and I are now grunters. The kiwis find it perfectly acceptable to answer someone with a small "mmm" (which is made in the back of your throat with your tongue pressed to the roof of your mouth, while you give a slight chin jab into the air) or is it more of an 'uhn' sound? Either way, it's a complete sentence in itself.
• Nothing is edited here. Nothing! You know Chef Ramsey and all his profanities that get bleeped in America? Well, they don't here! And I've seen my fair share of male genitalia while flipping through the channels. I no longer wonder why our friends were so strict with their kids and their TV viewing!
• My friends tell me there are less particles in the ozone above Australia and New Zealand, so the sun is more fierce. I don't know if I believe it, but sometimes it does seem sooo much hotter!
• They call it "Drink Driving" instead of Drunk Driving. No idea why, but you'll see billboards and hear commercials about drink driving all the time!

We still love it though! Their candy and ice cream is incredible! Every day I watch as the ocean changes from a dark blue to teal to turquoise as the clouds pass. And each night I watch as the sky changes from blue to gray to pinks and purples and oranges as the sunsets. It really is a heaven on earth!

The skyline of Auckland from across the harbor. We live just to the left of the tall SkyTower.

A day in the life

We live a charmed life. I know it. I admit it. I mean, we get to travel the world, have the freedom to just up and go whenever and wherever we want, and for the next few months get to live in paradise. Don't hate. It's just our life path. Don't think we wouldn't trade it all in a heartbeat to have the joy of children in our lives. To hear their laughter daily, cradle them in our arms to rock them to sleep each night, and pass on our traditions and love for life. (Well, maybe I wouldn't trade it all cause I have learned some really important things, but man that life sure sounds nice!)

That said, this is my life now and I love it. I thought I'd welcome you all in a give you just an example of what I've been up to for the past 2 months here in Auckland. This is our delicious bed. Each morning Jon sneaks out around 6:30 or 7:00 to go work, leaving me to dream for just a few hours more. {And I do dream. And I remember them all. It's a Storey thing. My sisters and I even have our own dream blog where we post our dreams from the night and get to laugh/cry/share in each others subliminal craziness. Fun. Times.}

I usually wake up around 8:00, when my body tells me the risk for seizure is over and I can properly function. (Didn't know I was epileptic, did you? Happened my first year at Dixie. Triggered by stress and a lack of sleep. Supposed to be on medication, but would much rather listen to my body for what it needs rather than rely on the meds. So I sleep for 8-9 hours a night. Mmmm. Definitely enjoying that while I can.) But at 8 am I wake up mid-dream and usually insist on falling back asleep so I can let my mind finish it's awesome storytelling.

Once 9:00 am hits, I'm up. After making the bed and taking care of business, I go see this man in his 'office' where we exchange pleasantries and make sure the other slept well. It's all very cute. Sometimes I tease him about his crazy hair and bug him about his work. I manage to throw some clothes on - most likely the clothes I donned the previous night as Jon and I cuddled up on the couch for some movie time. Then I find myself in this spot. I think my butt is creating permanent marks here.

I sign onto Skype first in case any of my awesome family members want to chat it up with me. (Because being out of touch with family and friends has been the hardest part of this move for me!) I spend the next 3-4 hours here checking email, updating the blog, editing pictures, and doing 'research' on different projects swimming around in my mind. I take mini-breaks whenever Jon comes in to get a drink or eat.

I get sick of looking at a computer screen (okay, really I start feeling guilty about wasting time. shhh.) around lunch time so I'll get up and make us lunch, then 1 of 2 things could happen. I could be feeling really ambitious and decide to go work out with Jon or join him for his daily run, or I could totally ignore the voice inside that says I should be doing that and instead head down to Queen Street for a little retail therapy. Hey, at least I'm walking everywhere!

Jon and I will eventually rendezvous back at our little apartment in the Precinct Building and then head out to explore this great city. Sometimes if we're lucky we get together with our great friends here and stuff like this happens:

Katie and Sonna. So thug.

mmm. real pizza.

Sonna's little monkey, Ruthie. Our substitute niece.

LOVES climbing on us. And not scared of Jon in the least bit.

Probably because she is a mini-Zohan with foot-fighting tactics.

Since most things shut down here around 6 pm, we're usually back home for dinner and then we'll pop in one of the movies I pleaded with Jon to bring back from the states with him. So far we've burned through the Arrested Development series, watched Napoleon Dynamite, Talladega Nights, Count of Monte Cristo, Oceans 13, and all 3 of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. It's been heaven!

So like I said, it's a charmed life. But this is only an example of one day. Occasionally I clean (like yesterday when I organized my entire closet and gave away a bunch of shoes and clothes) and most nights I cook (which I've been having a lot of fun with) and we enjoy a meal out on our balcony over looking the harbour.

That's our life. And I won't make apologies for it. Jon has worked INCREDIBLY hard to be where he is today. I am so proud of all of his hard work and determination. And we've both gone through hell and back to be at a point where we can accept the infertility and reality of being biologically childless. We are happy in our lives, happy in our marriage, and happy in the knowledge we have of the Gospel and our Heavenly Father's eternal plan for us. We're enjoying this time we have, realizing that it won't last forever.

And now I'm up against my time limit and needing to get lunch ready. Where we'll discuss what each of us would like to do. Maybe the library. Maybe the beach. I might even run today...

what to do, what to do?

I've been debating for some time about whether to start a new blog or not. You see, I have thousands and thousands of pictures of our life here in New Zealand. It's absolutely incredible and we have been snapping away like crazy American tourists. Also, since posting about my depression I have been contacted by quite a few people about it. I'm enjoying the freedom of being able to talk about it more. I thought about making a separate blog for that as well - maybe even a forum where others can leave feedback and help contribute. And I have also entertained the thought of making a travel blog for all our pictures, but deep down I'm just not ready to tackle that yet.

However, when I thought about you, the readers, I thought "who has time to check out 3 or 4 separate blogs for one person?" Well, I do. But that's because I live in a paradisiacal bubble right now with little responsibility. :) (yes! "paradisiacal" has been floating around in my head since I woke up with the song from that Article of Faith in my head last week. Choice time to use it!) Then I thought about the blog I have now. It's so blah. You see, secretly I want to be a better blogger. I want to be creative and funny and witty so that every day people are drawn to my blog and become enthralled with the crazy simplicity that is my world. I want to be that cool. And I think I can be.

So here is your warning. This blog is getting a make-over. Get ready to see a near-daily posting with silly stories or downright honesty about my life and what makes me tick. I'll run the gammut from depression to local kiwi culture. And get ready for pictures. Lots and lots of pictures. I'll half-way apologize now because the posts will be so much longer with them, but I find it the best way to document the adventure. And any tips or tricks any of you creative writers have out there for me, let's hear them!

Here's a picture to start. You had no idea we live in Gotham, did you? Well, it's cool when it rains all day and is foggy and misty at night. It makes it extra fun when Jon puts on his super tight neoprene outfit and tries to jump off our 27th floor balcony. Don't worry. He's only succeeded once.

New Year. New You (or me)

So it's 2010. REALLY?!?! I cannot believe how fast time flies, but I find myself saying that at the end of every year. 2009 was a good year, particularly the last quarter.

Looking back, I could so easily say "I'm so glad 2009 is over! I went through a bit of personal hell and don't care to look back on it ever again." But then I think about all of the great things that 2009 brought into my life. Was it hard? Uhhh, yeah. Did I feel like giving up? A few time, yes. But do I really wish it would have never happened? Absolutely not. I learned so much about me and about Jon and our relationship - things I probably couldn't have learned any other way. So while I sometimes think I could say that 2009 was horrible, it wasn't really. I can't in all honesty look back and deny the wonderful things we have been able to do and the knowledge I've gained from the personal battles that I have won.

As I've blog-stalked others out there, I've thought about doing a year-in-review thing and/or challenging myself to come up with a new word or slogan for this year, but realistically I'm just not there yet. It would be forced and not true to where I am right now in life, which I'm trying to be better at. So in the end I decided to post a brief summary of the highlights of the past year and the things I'm looking forward to the most this year.

2009 Highlights:

• New Years Celebration in Vegas with Becky and Shane
• 7s Rugby tournament in San Diego over Valentine's Day
• Deciding to move to New Zealand in March
• NYC with the Burtons in April
• Graduating with my Masters and another rugby trip to NoCal with Jon in May
• 6 years of marriage with Jon and Lake Powell with the Perrys in June
• Celebrating our anniversary in Seattle/Vancouver in July
• New Hampshire and Boston with the Gardners in August
• Leaving for our cruise in September
• Starting our new life in New Zealand in October
• Feeling like I'm finally on top of my depression and letting go and just enjoying life
• Spending more quality time with Jon each day and focusing on our marriage

Cape Reinga - As far North as you can go in NZ. Where we spent New Years.

Looking forward to:

• 4 more months in New Zealand with our amazing friends
• Interning with LDS Family Services here in NZ, and hopefully working for them in UT
• Dubai, Rome, Venice, Croatia, Greece, and Turkey - most of them on a cruise ship!
• Being home with family - lots of new babies to kiss and cuddle
• Jon's success with PLS and American Medical Logistics - HUGE things coming his way, I can feel it!
• Creating for me and my style - photography, design, art, etc.
• More frequent, fun, and creative blog posts
• A happier, healthier, more normal and stable me.

Still so many places to go...

What are YOU looking forward to?